Guns and Switches
3rd story in the Alexandra Series.
Summary: Alexandra has some life lessons to learn. Alex tries to persuade Adam of her reasons for needing a gun. Adam has a little persuasion method of his own in mind. But there is another life lesson for Alex, one that may prepare her for a special but difficult journey. Marty and Adam start courting. Warning: CP of a minor in some chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bonanza, or any of its characters. David Dortort and Fred Hamilton created them and played with them for 14 years. The series is owned by NBC.
Previously:
The Cartwrights are preparing for Alexandra's birthday. Alexandra is restricted to the yard and has extra chores as punishment after she set fire to her bedroom curtain and hid the evidence.
AN. Not your usual fun Alex scene. A sad tale ahead.
Chapter 8
Rather Switches Than Guns
Alexandra babbled away to Leo as she mucked out the stalls in the barn for the third time in a week. Thank goodness it was Saturday and she did not have any homework to do. That way she could take her sweet time for the rest of the morning. Hop Sing wouldn't need her till lunchtime. She had fed the chickens, collected the eggs, stacked the wood pile and the last job of the morning was the barn stalls.
Today all the horses got fresh hay for their beds. This meant taking out the soiled and smelly straw from each stall and dumping it onto the large manure pile around the back of the barn, where Hops Sing would eventually use it on his garden. Then Alexandra would sweep out any loose bits, and brush away the lower cobwebs, then add fresh hay from the store her Uncle Hoss was going to drop from the trap door of the loft.
"I've nearly finished Leo, you lucky son of a gun, ya gets clean hay tonight. It's jist like when Hop Sing does all the laundry, and we get ta sleep in clean crisp sheets. Fresh hay's jist like that fer you horses. Chubby and Sport are outside in the coral, next ta Dreamer but your small enough ta be in here, sides you are my friend. So is Sport and Chubby but, they's a lot bigger than you and I can't clean their stalls while they's in it."
Alex went over to Leo and moved him into the stall she had just mucked out and started pitch forking the soiled straw from his floor. "Dad's been real proud of me, I done all my chores all week without complainin, so I'm gonna have my party up at the lake. Next Saturday, you're gonna be brushed up real nice, and we all are gonna go up ta the lake for a picnic birthday party. Uncle Joe's gonna set up sack races. Uncle Hoss is gonna show us how ta play horseshoes. There will be lots of other stuff too. Dad finished fixin' up the tree house safe again after he done put a big ole hole in it, and all the kids are gonna be honorary members of the club fer a day, even Lydia Ann."
Leo snorted.
"Yeah I know, but Dad says I hafta invite her. And Miss Jones and then Lydia Ann's momma wanted ta come when she heard Miss Jones was commin. And Marty's commin, which means ole sticky nose, big bum, Mrs Wilburns is commin too cause, she always goes to official like functions when Marty's going and, Uncle Joe heard her saying so after she heard that Miss Jones and Dawn Marie was commin. Uncle Joe then asked Adam ifin he could bring Daisymae. Sounds like there's gonna be more grownups than kids, some official picnic and a gaggle of females there as well. But, still there's gonna be a lot of kids, so dad says it was probably a good idea that we have extra grownups so some of the dads are commin now too. Anyway's it's gonna be a real big picnic. I hope I get lots of presents."
Leo's head went up and down, excitedly. "Yeah ya right, I mean dad says that the presents aren't the main reason ya have a party an all, but ya gotta admit they's a damn good idea. Hope I get a new saddle for you maybe, and then it's like a present fer both of us. Uncle Hoss says ya getting a sore back with that old big saddle, but that ya probably getting a bit old now. But, ya not too old on my books, why you's is older than me, but not as old as dad or grandpa, ya's young jist like Uncle Joe."
Leo swung around and put his head in the feed bin at the end of the stall.
"Hey there, them's Sports leftovers, ya better not eat them, he has more oats than you, cause he works harder than you. Uncle Hoss reckons too many oats aren't good fer ya, it'll heat up in ya belly." Alex pulled the bin away. I'll give ya a biscuit of lucerne as soon as I finished ya stall, or better still, how's about I take ya fer a pick in the long grass in the meadow?"
Leo seemed satisfied with the promise and stayed put as Alex put Sports feed bin out of his reach. "Hop Sing's been cooking up a feast for my birthday. Been cooking all week, but he's gonna save the cake until Saturday morning. This afternoon we gonna make decorations. Hop Sing says ifin it's a nice night, we might be able to stay up there a bit after dark, but we gotta make lanterns, lots of them."
Alexandra loaded the last pitchfork of soiled hay onto the wheel barrow and headed out the door."I'll be back in a minute, jist dumpin' the last load." She called to Leo.
As she came out of the double doors she called to her father and Hoss who were working on the large gate post, across the drive, that lead to the open paddocks and meadows that surrounded the big house.
"Hey there dad, Uncle Hoss, I nearly done finished all the mucking out in here, I'll be ready fer the fresh hay."
Hoss and Adam looked up from their task. Adam had taken his shirt off in the morning sun as they dug pole holes for the new post for the wide gate and post and railing fence next to it. Adam held onto the post while Hoss used a long handled crow bar to chip away at some of the harder rocks that blocked the post clean stand. "Okay Pumpkin, I'll be there in a minute, we gotta set this post first."
"Sure Uncle Hoss," bellowed Alex as she disappeared around the side of the barn.
Hoss and Adam laughed as they continued to set the pole. Adam nailed a couple of thin Cross beams to hold it in place.
" I better get that fresh hay for her, she's likely to pull the whole lot down on her head," chuckled Hoss.
"Sure Hoss, this should be firm enough to attach bottom rails at least before we head in. We'll put the gate on tomorrow."
"Good, I might give that little gal a hand laying down the fresh hay then."
"And you would be teaching her the wrong thing. Alex has done well over this last week, she's stuck to the rules and her punishment, it's too early to let her off. She needs to learn Hoss, don't spoil her."
"It's hard Adam, the little bit of a thing is always so bright and cheery'.
"I know, you don't think it's hard for me to be so firm with Alex at times. Sometimes I could just laugh my head off and let all her shenanigans go, but they can be dangerous, Hoss."
"I know brother; I weren't trying ta underestimate you."
"I think you mean undermine me."
"Yup, huh, maybe both, It never seems ta amaze me how ya have become a great dad ta that little snippet of a thing in such a short time."
"Well I had you and Joe to practice on, it gave me plenty of experience."
"Joe maybe, but I jist always seen ya as my 'know it all big brother'," Hoss laughed.
"Ahh, get out here you big softy," Adam kicked his foot aimed at Hoss's backside as a mock kick in the pants, but came no where near the big man, who for his size was very quick on his feet.
Hoss loved being able to rib his big brother. It was fun because Adam's reactions were always predictable.
By the time Adam had the post in place and the bottom plinth of the fence rail nailed in, Hoss and Alexandra appeared from the barn, with Leo in tow, on a long lead.
"Hey dad, finished the barn, cin I take Leo for a pick up there on the hill?"
Adam turned around and looked up the hill some two hundred yards away. "Hmm you sure laid that new hay out fast, I think we better check that out, don't you, Uncle Hoss? I don't think even you could lay fresh straw beds that fast," smirked Adam.
"Well, I beg ta differ big Brother, I'm the fastest in this family."
"Hey dad, ya reckon I must take after Uncle Hoss?"
"So you are tellin me that you finished that job on your own, Alexandra," teased Adam.
"No dad, I ain't. I was asking ifin I could take Leo fer a pick up on that hill. You done changed the subject. Guess I get that part of me from you. Grandpa says I'm good at changing the subject. Says I get off the track, which can make ya all muddled up in the head ifin you're the listener, but it's worsa ifin ya the one getting off the track, cause ya can get lost, excepting of course ifin your Uncle Hoss, cause not only is he the fasted hay chucker around and stall layer he's one of the best trackers in all of Nevada. Ain't that so, Dad?"
"Yes that is so," laughed Adam.
"So is it alright then?"
"Is what all right, Alex?"
"See Dad, you done got all muddle headed. Can I take Leo fer a pick on the hill? I'll be real careful. You can see me from here, Dad. I won't be breaking my restrictions at all."
"Yes Alex, you can take Leo for a pick, stay on this side of the rise, and keep your shoes on, that grass is too long to be running around bare foot."
"Ya should put Erica with some of her friends out there they are sure ta get that grass low enough afore the summer."
"We might just do that. Okay off you go." Adam turned back to Hoss, "This should stand up okay, but I think you should pack some more sand and concrete into the post hole gaps."
"Sure Adam, we could set the second rail lower for now, then tomorrow it should be firm enough to finish the fence and gate."
"Hmm, I think tt will help if I add a fly line here with some wire and run it on a diagonal to the post on the other side so it will have better support and hold even firmer."
"Hey that sorta what they do with them bridges in Sam Francisco, Adam?"
"Yep, that's right," said Adam as he ran a piece of wire diagonally from the top of the new post to the bottom on the other to its left. Hoss shook the post a little before declaring it solid.
"Okay we'll finish that up in the morning when the concrete is set," said Adam, checking the vertical angle of the post.
"I'll get these tools away," said Hoss as he gathered the tools and headed for the tack room next to the barn.
Adam nodded as he grabbed his black shirt that had been hanging on the post with his gun and holster. He put his shirt back on and was in the process of doing it up when all of a sudden he heard a scream. He grabbed his gun from its holster and ran towards the hill.
Alexandra had taken off her shoes and sat them beside her. She was abiding by her father's directive of not to go running around in bare feet in the long grass, so she seated herself on the ground, legs crossed in front of her and gave Leo a long reign to pick at the grass 3 yards in front of her. Her ears suddenly pricked up when she heard a rattling sound; she jumped up and saw a snake, slithering its way between her and Leo. She screamed then yelled, "Rattler! Leo, look out!" The rattler almost stood up at her screams shaking its tail furiously. Alexandra screamed again and threw the reins at Leo so he could move away. Instead the rattle moved closer to her and prepared to strike. As Alex stepped back, Leo reared forward and started to stomp at the now striking reptile, who had only narrowly missed Leo's front legs.
For what seems like hours the two sparred, Leo rearing and stomping, trying to kill the threat to Alexandra, and the snake trying to bite the horse's front legs and girth. It twisted and turned in a bid to avoid the hard hooves of the animal."
By the time Adam arrived, Leo was far too close to the snake for him to take a clear shot, instead he grabbed Alexandra and pushed her backwards behind him. Leo came down one more, this time his front hoof striking the snake. As he reared up again ready to drop another blow Adam got a shot off, killing the snake, seconds before Leo bought his feet down on the now dead reptile, squashing it to a pulp.
Leo's adrenaline was high. As soon as he dropped his feet, still in a wild frenzy and at the sound of the gun shot, he took off towards the house. Hoss had dropped his tools when he heard Alex's scream. He came out of the tack room to see Adam half way up the hill, his gun drawn. At the sound of a shot, Leo came pelting down the hill toward the railing fence. Hoss stood waving his arms, "Whoa, whoa there boy."
Leo ignored the large man waving at him and scooted sideways preparing to jump the low rails. At twelve hands the pony was capable of making the jump, but he didn't see the wire.
" No! Boy, whoa there," Hoss bellowed and ran to stand in front of the fence to detour the horse.
Meanwhile Adam had turned to Alexandra, panic written all over his face, he tucked his gun into the waist of his pants as he ran to the child and scooped her up. He immediately started checking for bite marks. "Did it bite you; did it bite you, Alex? Show me, let me look," he started pulling up her trouser legs, checking the skin on her shins, then her arms.
"No, Dad the snake didn't bite me, let me go, did you see what Leo did; he nearly killed the snake, Dad. Wow dad you shot it real fast, let me go I need ta check Leo, too."
Adam let out a huge sigh of relief, then swung Alexandra around and landed a hard and powerful swat to her back side, "Shoes Alexandra, I told you to leave your shoes on," he landed another good one for measure, or perhaps more as a final release of his fear.
"Oww, Dad, you said I wasn't ta run around in bare feet, I was sittin…"
Adam was in no mood for Alexandra's pedantic antics. He picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and landed another slap to her rump, before retrieving her shoes.
From her father's shoulder, Alexandra could see down the hill. She saw Leo, take the jump over the low fence, proud for an instant at the horses grace as it glided in the air, her face dropped and she screamed again when she heard the animal shriek and fall, "LEO! Dad, Leo!"
Adam swung around quickly. He saw Hoss run to the fallen horse's side. Adam dropped the shoes and ran with Alexandra tucked under his arm.
By the time they had arrived Leo had got himself up, oblivious to any injuries, and was trying to prance around on one very injured leg, now gushing with blood. Adam dropped Alexandra on the ground and grabbed the lead that had wrapped itself around his front legs.
Hoss kept his large palm on the rump of the horse, "Whoa boy, whoa boy," he grabbed the seam of his shirt at the shoulder and ripped his sleeve clean off, and wrapped it tightly around the laceration on the horses inside, off side hoof.
"I can't see any breaks in the front legs, Hoss," said Adam, "Don't know how he managed not busting a front leg with the lead restricting him like that."
"He made the jump, nice and clean, but at the end with the lead pulling him forward he went chest down. His back hooves hit the wire."
"He ain't got a broken leg has he, Hoss?" asked a worried Alexandra, now standing next to her father and patting the Leo's long nose.
"No pumpkin, but he's got a bad cut, let's get him to the barn."
"We need to check for a snake bite too, Hoss: it was close when it was striking out."
"Figured that was what was going on up thar; I could see it all from here. I tried ta head him off, but I couldn't stop him from taking the fence."
"He's gonna be alright ain't he, Uncle Hoss, I mean he's gotta be alright, I don't think the horse done bit him, its jist a cut right?"
Hoss, Adam and Alex walked slowly to the barn with the lame Leo. "It's gonna be alright Leo, it's gonna be alright," whispered Alex.
"Here," said Hoss, "Alex you go inta Hop Sing; tell him we need some hot water and some cat gut out here, I'm probably going need ta stitch his leg." Alex took off at lightning speed to the house. "Adam grab some of thet fresh straw over there, bring it out in the open, here; I'm gonna have ta lie him down."
"Sure, Hoss." Adam worked quickly to make a large soft straw bed in the open space of the barn, then threw down a large horse blanket on top, while Hoss held a ever growing anxious Leo.
"What's it look like, Hoss?" asked Adam.
"Not good. He got any snake bite marks on him?"
Adam checked Leo's front legs and underbelly, the likely areas the horse would have been bitten during their altercation. "No puncture wounds, but it looks like his fangs scrapped his shin, looks like it's taken off more hair than skin, there's a graze, a little bit of blistering starting at the edges."
"Well that's one good thing; the snake didn't get a good bite inta him, the poisons jist irritating the area."
"He don't look good in the eye, Hoss."
"Hoss bent down and started to unwind his now sodden shirt sleeve. "I reckon that's shock settin' in. Reckon we orta lie him down, afore he gets any notion to run off his fear and the pain." Hoss reapplied his sleeve to the laceration, then helped Adam coax the animal gently down onto the horse blanket.
Adam was stroking Leo's head, when Hop Sing arrived with the water and sewing kit needed for the stitches. The Chinese cook sat down next to Hoss ready to pass him whatever he needed.
"Alex, come here, with me," called Adam, "We've got to keep Leo, calm."
Alex scuttled to the other side of her father, then lay down with her face on Leo's, caressing his cheeks. "It's okay, Leo, Uncle Hoss will have ya as good as new. Ya'll be alright. You sure is the bravest, strongest horse in the whole world."
Adam watched Hoss' face as he unwrapped the make shift bandage again, glad that Alexandra had buried her face into the horse head to add a hundred kisses. He saw the expression and silent communication between the big man and Hop Sing as they surveyed and washed the wound. Hoss gave Adam a momentary look that spoke of dread and hopelessness. Adam glanced back down at the large wide eyes of the animal, already showing signs of a vacant madness that the loss of blood and shock could do to an animal.
All three adults stared at each other for a moment longer and then at the child, hugging her best friend and saviour.
Hoss broke the stillness as he wiped his brow, "Hop Sing pass me the alcohol, then the needle and thread."
Hop Sing nodded, and passed him the items without comment. Hoss poured some alcohol on the laceration and then tried to stitch the wound. He got two stiches in, reducing the laceration to half its size, but as he tried the third stitch, pulled and knotted and pulled again, it snapped tearing the through the small flap of flesh attached to the horse hoof.
"Dang, there ain't enough there. There's nothing solid enough between his coronary band and his joint. It's almost clean sliced off the hoof.
Alexandra looked up, "what's that mean?"
Adam turned her face away, "it means the cut is very close, too close to his hoof. Uncle Hoss needs more skin to sew it together. The hoof won't just grow back to the skin of his shin.
"It's jist like losing a toe nail ain't it, Uncle Hoss, I done that once…"
Hoss looked at the child, panic written on her face.
Adam turned her back to face him, "No baby, It's different for a horse, they can't grow a new hoof so easily not without a good blood supply, if the frog of his foot, the underneath part doesn't get blood and good circulation, he will…"
Alex's nostrils flared and her eyes flew open. "No he ain't gonna die, Uncle Hose ya can try and sew it tagether can't ya?" she begged, tears now spilling freely from her large green eyes.
"I'll try pumkin." Hoss again tried to find enough hide to make another stitch with the cat gut. But when he tried to knot the gut again the stitch pulled through, "It ain't no use there's no flesh there; jist hair, there's not enough to pull the wound tagether. He's lost a lot of blood. He's pad's loosing color….Adam? His frogs near white." Hoss searched Adams features, his eyes begged, make the call.
Adam nodded, "Hop Sing? Alexandra? I need you to go into the house, with Hop Sing."
Adam stood up and tried to lift Alexandra, but she wouldn't let go of the horse's neck, "No I ain't going nowhere I'm staying with Leo. I'm staying all night with Leo so when he's all better in the morning, I will be here. I'll make him keep still and quiet so he don't hurt himself no more, I'm staying here." she growled.
"Alexandra you can't stay here," said Adam gently as he tried to pry her arms away.
"Please, Daddy, No I'm gonna stay here."
"Alex, listen to me."
Alex turned her head away and wouldn't look at her father. Instead she looked up into Leo's eyes. "Please Leo, jist stay still here now, ya can't die." The horse looked past her, his eyes still big, but glazed over.
Adam moved around and lay down on the other side of Leo's head to face Alex. "Look at his eyes baby; he's in pain, he's in so much pain. Uncle Hoss and I have to help him now, but you need to say goodbye to him. He is pain Alex and it's cruel to make him suffer anymore," choked Adam, gently rubbing her tears that had silently started to fall onto the cheek of her best friend.
"No, Daddy please, we can wait and see, he might be real good by morning. Please Daddy?"
"No baby, come on; give him one last kiss, then go with Hop Sing."
"No, no, no, no," Alex cried, in between kissing Leo over and over.
Adam let her go for a moment and met Hoss's pleading eyes. "He can't stand this too much longer Adam, I'd say infections all ready set in; it ain't humane."
Adam picked up Alexandra sobbing form and started to walk out of the barn, with Hop Sing following. He put her down on the ground and passed her to Hop Sing, "Hop Sing, take her inside, I'll be there in a minute." He said as he subconsciously touched the gun still secured in the waist of his pants.
Alex's didn't miss the reference. Her eyes went wild, and she went to run back into the barn. Adam cut her off and picked her up once more.
"Daddy, No, you ain't gonna do nothin'. You ain't gonna shoot him, ya not gonna shoot him. It will hurt him bad, please Daddy it will hurt him more than the switch." Alex kicked and pounded at her father's chest. "I hate ya, I hate ya, ya can't shoot him, I'll hate ya forever," she cried.
Leo and Hoss had heard the commotion. Leo then tried to get up and Hoss had to move quickly to calm and appease the now distraught and confused, almost insane animal. "Hop Sing," he called.
Hop Sing left Adam and Alexandra and ran to Hoss in the barn. "Here, Hop Sing, keep Leo calm," he instructed before getting to his feet and going outside. Once there, he came up behind Adam as he struggled with Alexandra, and took his gun from his pants. He then motioned for his brother to take his daughter away from proceedings, inside and out of hearing if he could manage it. "Take yer baby inside, take her away Adam. I can do this. She can hate me fer a while, but she ain't gonna hate you."
Hoss didn't wait for a response from Adam, he moved off quickly and disappeared inside of the barn and waited for Alexandra's wails to fade.
Meanwhile Adam struggled on forward towards the big doors, feeling the eternity of its distance with every step and kick and punch and the cries of his daughter.
"Put me down, Leo needs me," she yelled, in between the sobs.
Adam stoically ignored them as he opened the door to the big room, and then yelped in pain as one of Alex's bare feet hit him square in the groin. He dropped the wriggling child, but was not quick enough to grab her as she bolted out the door and towards the barn. Alex made it half way across the yard before her father seized her once more, then…
BANG!
Hoss raised his head in silent prayer, tears streaming down his own round gentle face, as he stood in the barn and listened to the screams and wails of his niece. He didn't move, as Hop Sing left quietly. A muscle didn't twitch when heard the sound of approaching horses, gaits he recognised as his Pa's and Little Joe's, mounts. He stayed quiet in his own sorrow, his own place, knowing that he had to do what was done, until the sound of his family disappeared behind the big doors to the house and could no longer be heard in the yard.
oOo
At the sound of a gunshot, Ben and Joe had ridden into the yard to see Adam struggling with Alexandra, all of a sudden the child dropped and slid to the ground wailing. With the help of Joe and Ben Adam bundled Alex's form inside. Her screams and wails were almost unbearable.
Nobody had to say anything, it was obvious what had taken place in the barn, while not a common experience, it was a similar one shared by each of the Cartwrights at one time or another, and similar to the many hard life lessons children learnt living on the land.
Adam carried Alex over and sat in the big red chair with her cradled in her arms, trying to soothe her. Her body wracking with sobs and grief.
"Joe, go help Hoss, bury…." started Ben.
With that Alexandra, pulled away from her father with a renewed energy fueled by her distraught emotions, "No, no, leave him alone, I ain't… I ain't said… goodbye…" she ran to block Joe, she stood in front of him, her hands on his chest, pushing him back from the door, "I ain't… to…told… him…I love… him… I ain't…" she sobbed.
Joe didn't have the heart to manhandle the child, and he didn't have to. Adam strode towards her and picked her up once more, "Let Joe go darlin', Leo knows," he said gently.
Alex started kicking, though she did not have the same strength she had previously. "No please. No please."
Adam made his way up the stairs to Alexandra's bedroom.
Ben watched them ascend, and then turned to the little man next him, wringing his hands with worry. "Hop Sing have you got some of those calming drops, I think Alexandra may need some."
"Yes, Mister Ben, valerian drops; will help make her calm"
"Good, Hop Sing, take them to Adam. Joe, you okay?" asked the patriarch.
"Yeah Pa, I'll go help Hoss."
Ben nodded, "Oh and Joe? Make sure you throw down plenty of lime. I don't want any wild animals digging him up."
"Sure Pa, sure, we'll take care of him real good."
oOo
The futility of the situation had finally dawned on Alexandra, her grief turned into anger. She continued to kick and thump her fists on her father's chest as they entered her room. Adam sat on the bed, and tried to pull her in for an embrace, but she was wet with perspiration and tears; hot with anger and the ambiguous emotions that came with deep sorrow. He pulled her bedclothes down, then unclipped her trousers and pulled them from her still kicking legs. "Let's get your dusty britches off, Alex, then we can rest up a little." He suggested calmly.
Alex pulled away not hearing Adam's pleas for calm. "Uncle Hoss was …supposed ta…ta fix him, he fixed lots of animals, he didn't hafta… shoot him," she cried and ripped the bed sheets and pillow from her bed and threw them on the floor.
Adam tried to stop Alex's tantrum. He grabbed her hands and held them tight in his, as he squatted on the floor in front of her, "Uncle Hoss had to do what he did, Alex. I will stay with you, you need to rest."
"No. I ain't… tired, I ain't talk… a…talking ta ya, or Uncle Hoss, ever… ag… again," she pulled her hands away and ran over to her dresser and squatted down in the corner between the tall boy and the bedside chair, then curled herself up into a ball.
Adam went over and pushed the chair out of the way, "come out, Alex, you can't stay there all night, come and sit down."
Alex slapped at his hands, "go way I don't want…nobody… I just want LEO!" She yelled, as she kicked the tall boy sending a water jug and bowl smashing to the floor; it ceramic shards flying everywhere.
Alex looked about ready to bolt for the door, wanting to head back to the barn, wanting to be with Leo, wanting him not to be in pain, wanting him not to be dead.
Adam was quick this time and caught her in mid air before her bare feet could touch the floor or any pieces of the broken jug and bowl. "Alex stop this, your feet, you'll cut your feet."
"I don't care," she wriggled and squirmed.
Hop Sing entered holding a class of water and bottle of liquid with an eyedropper in his hands, "Mista Adam, here this will help little miss, it make her calm, she will sleep."
"Oh thank goodness Hop Sing. She is just so distraught. She isn't going to listen to reason, though."
"You hold little one. She just needs a few swallows."
Adam sat in the chair. Alex arched her back, "Go away…Go away."
Adam grasped both her hands, in one of hers then lightly slapped her bare thigh with the other, "Alex, settle down."
Alex squirmed at the slap, but only reduced her movements slightly. Adam felt her growing tired of the struggle, but she was still so very hot and anxious to get free. He would have been happy to let her go and wear herself out, but the ceramic shards' on the ground ruled that out.
"Alex, enough, you are going to hurt yourself." He flipped her forward and landed another firmer slap to her backside. That got her attention, and quietened her enough that Hop Sing could put a few drops of the liquid in a cool glass of water, "Now I want you to drink this." said Adam . Alex started to object.
"Alexandra Williameena Cartwright!" firmly warned Adam.
Alex now complied, too warn out.
"Good now settle. I won't leave you. Hop Sing? I'll need a cold flannel."
"Yes Mista Adam. I will get mess cleaned up too, I'll be right back," smiled Hop Sing, glad Alexandra was being comforted and starting to finally calm.
Adam now made his way to the chair as Alex started crying again, "Shhh baby, I love you. I know you are sad, but you are going to make yourself sick, darlin'. Shhh I love you."
Adam cradled her and brushed the wet curls from her forehead trying to cool her down.
Hop Sing returned with a wet flannel. Adam continued to wash her face while Hop Sing gathered the broken water bowl and jug off the floor.
"Shhh shhh," crooned Adam, "I love you. Leo knows you love him. I know you are sad, but I've got you, I've got you."
"Why… daddy… why did… God let Leo… Die. I'm never talkin ta him again neither. I …don't believe in him… no more… How can he let Leo… D…die?" she asked, her voice raspy and still heavy with sobs.
"You angry with him too, huh?" Adam asked while he continued to caress her head and rub his hands up and down her back, trying to curtail her shivers.
"Yes, I'm real mad at him," she sniffed, looking up into her father's eyes. "I don't… believe in him…No more, I ain't talking ta him…Ya hear that GOD… I ain't talkin ta ya no MORE!" Alex expelled the last of her anger then slumped in her father's lap.
"If you don't believe in him, how can be so mad at him?" Adam had to smile at her innocence.
Alex didn't care about, nor understand the irony of her statement. "Because, I'm sad; I never been so sad and mad in all of my life, daddy," Alex wiped at her continuous wet cheeks, "It's hurts more than a switching; it hurts so much… I don't know what ta do… I wanna be mad… rather than be so sad," she tried to explain as Adam helped her gently wipe at her tears.
"I think God probably knows that, but it isn't fair that he has to be blamed or Uncle Hoss, sweetheart."
"God can read my heart can't he?"
"Yeah he can, so that's why he knows, but Uncle Hoss well…"
"Uncle Hoss, can see my heart too, dad."
"You may be right, Alex, but you need to use your heart too. You need to see his heart with yours. Can you do that?"
Alex shook her head, "no daddy it's done broken real bad."
Alex eyes began to get heavy. Adam felt her trembling slow and her body relax. He stood up slowly and transferred the sleeping child to her bed, then pulled the covers up that Hop Sing had left folded on the bed. He sat on the edge and rubbed her back slowly, and started to sing quietly.
Backward, turn backward, oh, time in your flight
Kiss on your forehead the furruws of care,
Smooth the fine silver thread out of your hair,
Over the slumbers you're loving watch I keep.
Rock you to sleep, darling— rock you to sleep!
oOo
Things had been pretty quiet at supper. Hoss and Joe had come in from the hard labour of the burial, changed washed up, and then sat down to a meal that was not eaten. They were thankful that Alexandra had slept through the late afternoon and not seen their struggles. Adam had described the event to his father, explained the disaster from woe to go to woe again, before either Hoss or Joe had sat down at the dinner table.
Adam sipped on his third cup of coffee, while Hoss swirled his fork in his mashed potatoes and Joe pushed the peas around his plate. Ben was the only one really eating, but he was slow and he meticulously chewed for at least three minutes with each mouthful.
"Better finish that fence tomorrow, Adam," said Hoss.
"After church, Adam," said Ben.
"Somehow Pa, I don't think I'll be going, Alex was pretty distraught. I think we should maybe have a ceremony here, some prayers here over the …"
"I made her a cross for the grave."
"Thanks Hoss."
"Was nothin'."
"No I mean for everything, I know you tried your best, I don't know how I could have handled Alex without you," Adam looked around, well all of you, including you, 'Smiley Uncle Hop Sing'," smirked Adam referring to the unusually quiet cook.
Hop Sing nodded at the man and smiled, appreciative of his inclusion, honoured by the sincerity. "Little one sleep good long time, Mista Adam. She be still sad but calmer. There is some soup on the stove for when she wakes."
"I've never seen her that upset before, she sure is strong when she's angry," said Joe.
"I have," said Adam.
"Me too," said Hoss, "I never forget the day we was supposed ta leave Elk on that stage. She sure kicked up a fuss then, scared as a jack rabbit ta get on that stage."
"Why was that?" asked Joe.
"Well, she'd seen Katherine taken away with a Marshall. She saw Hoss and I seeing her off, figured we had something to do with it all."
"Well she was right, in a way, Adam, ifin you hadn't gone in defending her with her lawyer they would have jist up and hanged Katherine."
"Did Alex know that?" asked Joe.
"No, not really, not all of it. Alex had been kept out with Brother Sebastian during Katherine's trial, but she didn't always stay there."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," smirked Joe.
"Yes, nor me, now," added Adam, "It wasn't until the stage left to transport Katherine to San Francisco did we know that Alexandra even existed. Not even Molly had given it away. She and all of Katherine's friends at the theatre thought Alex might be taken away."
"Plus that ole gal Molly, wasn't too sure ifin Adam would take Alex."
"Molly is hardly an ole gal, Hoss."
"Yes but she sure played those cards close to her chest."
"Well they all had, Katherine, Williameena, and Molly. Katherine's lawyer was the only one other than them who really knew I was Alex's father."
"Didn't make no difference at the time, Alex was not gonna go anywhere with anybody. She gave us a real around at the theatre, kicking and screaming until Molly explained who we were. Then the next day when it was time ta head home, Adam, me or Molly could get that little bit of rascal anywhere near a stage coach."
"That's why we ended up riding home," surmised Adam.
"Well I don't know about you, but I'm heading for the sack," said Hoss.
"I'll check the barn," said Joe.
"I'll help Hop Sing," said Ben, "Adam why don't you rest up by the fire."
Everybody moved quietly about their tasks. Adam grabbed the editorial from the paper and sat sown in the big red chair in front of the fire.
Hoss made his way to his room, but hesitated at Alexandra's closed door, tempted to peek in and make sure she was alright, but then he thought he may wake her, and the little bit of a thing needed the sleep, needed the peace, he himself was hoping to encounter as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He suddenly heard weeping, and his heart sunk. He opened the door and found Alex standing by her bed, dressed still in her woollen union suit and shirt, pulling the sheets from the bed. "Hey pumpkin, what's ya doing?"
Alex jumped, "I… I… ohhh," she burst into tears, "Go away, Uncle Hoss, go away."
Hoss ignored her anger and moved over to her bed and noticed the soiled sheets, he grabbed the hands of the sobbing child, "Hey, hey, it's okay, sweetheart, we can fix this."
Alex pulled her hands free and ran to the corner between the bedside chair, "I ain't yer sweetheart." She pulled her knees up to her chest and mumbled, "I wet my bed, I done slept… too…long… I couldn't wake up…" she cried with embarrassment. "And I ain't a baby, I… jist couldn't wake up, I jist kept seein'… I had a bad dream I…."
Hoss dumped the sheets on the ground then walked over to her corner and squatted down in front if her. "You're right pumkin, ya ain't no baby. Even grownups have accidents."
"I don't believe ya. I hate ya, I hate God and I hate guns."
"No ya don't yer jist hate what happened and I don't blame yer. I hated havin ta do it pumkin, ifin I could have given Leo something ta make him jist go ta sleep peaceful like, I would have. I don't like using guns either."
"Ya coulda waited, God mighta done a miracle for me," she sniffed.
"No darlin' I don't…"
Alex shook her head and put her hands over ears, "It's my fault, it's all my fault, Leo was only protectin me. I'm too naughty. God done punished me cause… I'm naughty and my momma… and my momma…" Alex started to shiver as she cried. .
"No pumpkin, God don't work that way. Leo done had an accident that's all. It was nobody's fault." Hoss tried to comfort her, "come on yer gettin' too cold…"
"No I jist wanta stay…"
"Alex, I don't think God's mad at your momma, she wasn't well when she did what she did, and that's why she's in a hospital."
"But it's a jail hospital…Because she shot Darcy."
"Yes, and that's part of her punishment, but God won't punish her again, he forgives, yer. And he sure wouldn't be punishing you." He took her in his arms, picked her up and took her down stairs.
Adam immediately jumped up when he saw Hoss appear with Alex in his arms, sobbing and emotionally distraught again.
Hoss, handed her to him, "She's wet, Adam, I'll go get the bathtub."
"My beds all wet, daddy, I'm sorry…" she cried, "I didn't mean ta…. wet the… bed. Hop Sings gonna be real mad."
"No, no, he won't."
"I had… a… "
Hoss appeared back in the big room with the large copper tub. "She had a bad dream, Adam. She thinks it's her fault that God…"
"God's been mad at me," cried Alexandra.
"Because, you yelled at him? Honey I think he might be used to that. He knows you were sad and frightened."
"No…" Alexandra shook her head and scrubbed at her face, trying to get some composure and describe her fears. "Because… Meybe it's… my fault… momma done… a bad…"
"Adam, she thinks God is punishing her and Leo for the sins of her mother," Interpreted Hoss, as he set the tub down in front of the open fire.
"Daddy, Uncle Hoss says it's… nobody's fault…t. God don't punish ya fer something; fer somebody else done."
"He is right."
"So… Ya don't reckon Gods mad… at me, mad at… momma fer ….shootin' Darcy?"
"I know he's not."
"That's good," sighed Alexandra, then buried her head in his chest again." I jist wish… I jist wish… I could… stop crying.
Hoss brushed at her curls as she sat on her father's knee, "Ill get some water fer that tub, ya need ta get yer bones all warmed up. She's shivering something fierce Adam." Hoss moved out to the kitchen.
"I can't stop… Daddy."
"You need to take some big breaths."
Alex tried to get in as much air as her small chest could take, then rested again.
Hop Sing and Ben came in from the kitchen, "Ah, little girl awake, maybe have some soup."
Alex rubbed away her tears still hiccupping with her distress, "No Hop Sing… I done wet… the bed. I'm sorry… I didn't wake up."
"Little one, no need to be sorry. Hop Sings medicines make you very sleepy, hard to wake up. Little girl very sad."
Alex nodded. "Molly always reckoned the more ya cried… the less ya peed, but I done wet …the bed jist the same."
"That's alright pumpkin," said Hoss returning with a boiler of hot water and a bucket of cold. "Here, we'll fill this up with warm water, and you'll comfortable in no time." said Hoss testing the temperature as he went.
"Hey" exclaimed Joe walking through the door, "whose getting a bath?"
Alex buried her head, embarrassed at her predicament. Hoss and Adam mouthed the child's problem. Joe nodded his understanding, "Well late night baths are no good without some bubbles, Hoss; Whatta say?"
"You're right, little brother, you get that tub all suds up and I'll get warm towels."
"Hop Sing warm some soup up," said the little Chinese man and followed Hoss into the kitchen.
As soon as Joe and made enough warm suds he turned, "there ya go pip squeak", though Alex did not move.
Ben had been watching his boys and Hop Sing fuss over the child with pride. Once Hoss and Hop Sing had returned from their tasks, he walked up to Alexandra and bent down, then kissed her on the back of her buried head. "Night sweetheart, we'll let you bath in peace now. Boys, Hop Sing, let's call it a night."
"Thanks Pa," replied Adam, "and Hoss I'm…"
Hoss held up his hand to stop Adam's talk, there was nothing needed to be said. "Night Adam, night pumkin see yer in the morning."
The household settled down, and in no time, Alexandra was sitting in Adams lap once more, relaxed and warm in a clean night shirt. She sipped on chicken soup from a mug that Hop Sing had left sitting on the hearth while she bathed. The rest of the family had long gone to bed, and Adam and Alex sat there in the quiet.
"Sleepy yet?" Adam asked.
"Yes, can I sleep with you, Daddy?"
"Yes."
"It's not Uncle Hoss fault either is it? He's right its jist an accident."
"Ah huh," answered Adam with a peck to her head. "That's right, Uncle Hoss is very sad."
"I could tell he really didn't want ta sho… hurt Leo. I'm gonna go tell him I love him and I ain't mad at him no more." Alex went to get off her father's lap and head up to Hoss,
"No, no. Let Uncle Hoss sleep. You can tell him in the morning."
"Okay, can we go ta church and say a prayer for Leo?"
"Yep, then after you might want ta say a prayer at Leo's grave."
"I don't know, Dad, I think I jist want ta pretend he's gone away fer a while."
"Okay. We better get to bed then, finished the soup?"
"Yep."
Adam put Alex on her feet and they climbed the stairs together.
oOo
The morning sun was unusually hot. As it streamed through Hoss opened window slats, he felt the extra weight on the end of his bed, so he opened one eye slowly. His eye dilated with a white blur before he recognised the small figure, sittin on her haunches, staring right back at him.
"Mornin' Uncle Hoss, you done slept a long time, jist like me," smiled Alexandra.
"Hey there, pumpkin, how yer feeling?"
Alex picked at the bedcovers with her head lowered. "Okay, I'm still sad, I'm gonna miss Leo something awful, and… well I don't right wanna talk about it. I jist want ta tell ya I'm sorry fer yellin at ya, I'm sorry fer blamin' ya, ifin it ain't my fault, well it ain't yours either. I love ya Uncle Hoss."
Alex crawled up to the head of the bed and snuggled up beside her Uncle. She caressed his face before kissing it.
Hoss didn't say anything, just pulled the child closer towards him and held tight. He closed his eyes and thanked God for the gift of life.
Meanwhile the morning sun also woke Adam with a startled jump when he realised Alexandra was no longer asleep beside him. They had spent a restless night, but by two am the child was soundly asleep and no longer tossed. Adam had finally relaxed enough to sleep himself. He woke realising it must be quite late in the morning and went in search of Alexandra. He didn't have to go far, he spotted Hoss' door open and found the figures; one small and one large snoozing and embraced in a cuddle. Adam was proud of Alexandra for making amends with the gentle giant. Adam knew how much it upset his brother to see an animal in pain and how hard it was for him tom euthanize the horse. Adam tapped lightly on the door as he entered.
"We better get moving if we are going to make Sunday services," he said.
"We're too late dad, Grandpa and Uncle Joe already left. I seen a note on the table. They seen us all still asleep, so they went without us. Grandpa says he's gonna say a prayer for Leo. And Hop Sings gone ta his cousins house, he's coming home jist before lunch."
"How long have you been up, Alexandra?"
"Ages, Dad. It's near 11 o'clock."
"What? Why didn't you wake us?"
"I been a bit busy. And I was gonna go out and see Leo, then… I remembered… and then I thought I outta go say some prayer fer him over his grave, but…"
"You don't want to think of him there."
"Yes sir… but I think I ortta, seeing we missed services and all and even though I knowed I be sad all over again, so could you come with me?"
"Sure, how about you go get dressed."
Alex raced off to her room while Adam returned to his, to change as well. Hoss made good time of getting dressed also, but before he left, he open the box on his dresser and pulled out a memento that had once belonged to Inger. He put it in his vest pocket before meeting Adam and Alexandra dressed in their Sunday best, waiting by the big door.
All three held hands as they walked towards the back of the barn. There they were all surprised to see Ben, Joe and Hop Sing, tending to the site. Joe laid a stone boarder, while Hop Sing and Ben planted a small sapling at the top that would shade Leo's last resting place. Once they were done they all gathered together as a family, then Hoss went over and picked up the make shift cross he had fashioned late yesterday afternoon. He pushed it into the ground and stood back. The sun hit the silver of the horse shoes four of them forming the axes and three the cross arms.
Alex smiled."That's real fittin', Uncle Hoss, thank you."
Ben gently squeezed his granddaughters shoulder, "Alex, would you like to say a few words. We said some prayers this morning at services, for all of us, Leo and you and…"
"Dad and Uncle Hoss?
"Yes darling."
Alex took a huge breadth. "Well I ain't so sure what I ortta say Leo, ceptin you was a great horse. You done saved me a lotta walking and blisters to my feet an all, but most of all you were one of my bestest friends. I have a lot of friends, I'm sure lucky, but I was special lucky ta have you. Ya always listened to me, ya a real good listener, cause ya never interrupted me, but ya always let me know what ya was thinkin'. I'm real disappointed that ya aren't gonna be at my party, even though I reckon you be real happy about not havin ta be nice ta Lydia Ann all day. My friends thought ya was the best too. Not only that, ya men, Jasper, Erica and Little George are gonna be real lost without ya leadership. I hope I can handle them; it takes a special kind ta be a leader ya l know, a hero jist like you. You were a hero, ya done saved my life, not jist from the snake and all but helping me settle in here; helping me get ta know my new family. Letting them be hero's too; fer me. I knowed I done got ya in a bit of strife a couple of times, like running over Hop Sings garden or taken off with Mrs Wilburns hat, the ones with the flowers on it, then the time ya helped me ta find God. You be good fer him now, don't go eating any bad fruit in the garden or Mary's flower halo. And ifin that devil ever shows his big ugly face just kick him right back from where he come from. I'll miss ya, and I never forget you and most of all I hope ya not in any pain no more and have a lot of fun, and eat as many oats and sweet grass. Eat as much as ya want, cause ya won't founder in Heaven. Oh and watch out for that holy goat, until he gets ta know ya, he might jist try ta head butt ya."
Hoss knelt down in front of Alexandra. He pulled out a silver locket from one vest pocket and a lock of corse white hair from the other. He curled the hair around his big thumb and opened the locket, then placed the hair curl inside and clasped it shut. "My momma left me lots of little things, including this locket. I want you to have it; ta remember ya friend. Keep all your happy memories in here, in yer heart Alex." Hoss turned her around and placed the locket around her neck, Alex let a tear hit the closed silver face of the pendant, then blessed herself. Hoss stood up behind her and copied Alexandra's motions. The rest of her family followed suit.
Alex looked up at the sky. "Dear God, I knowed that I said I wasn't gonna talk ta ya. And I still wished ya coulda done a miracle, but I guess ya got something in mind fer Leo. Some people say animals don't go ta Heaven, but I don't believe them, cause you made everything, and ya made one of the most beautiful animals that I've ever known, so how can something so beautiful not be back where it probably came from. He's commin home ta ya, Sir, and I knowed you love him. Amen."
"That was a real beautiful payer Alexandra," praised Ben. He now took his turn and knelt down in front of his granddaughter, and wiped at the single tear that quivered on her lid. "You know, when someone we love dies, it's a very sad thing. We are going to miss them terribly, but there will be times you will remember all those things you just talked about. And they will make you smile. Sometimes you can even hear the laughter. Lots of things will make you remember. I think it's a pretty fine God we have that can make life like that; make us like that, so that our memories bring back that love again and again. Even when that tree grows as strong and as tall as you will one day, you will always have that love."
Alexandra nodded her understanding. "Just like Grandma Williameena. I mostly remember her being funny and cuddly. And how she smelt like tea and toast. When I smell tea and toast, I always think of her, and her happy face. Not the day she got sick."
"Hmm see, isn't that a marvellous thing about our memories."
"I have all the memories, plus this locket and the tree, and I have you, grandpa and everybody, don't I?"
"Very clever, Alexandra," said Ben, kissing her forehead.
Alex took another huge breath, then turned around and faced her father, "Dad' can Little George sleep with me tonight, I reckon I'd like ta keep him close fer a couple of days, reckon he's gonna be frettin' somethin fierce."
"I think so; just for a couple of days," smiled Adam.
Alex ran off to the barn in search of the miniature King George rabbit. She needed to explain a few things to him about a close mutual friend who wouldn't be around anymore.
Hop Sing wiped the tear from his eyes, then feigned his usual scowl, "Alight everyone, lunch be ready in twenty minutes."
"Good I'm starved," said Hoss. They all laughed as Hop Sing headed towards the kitchen door and they followed Ben back into the house.
They were all half way in the room when Ben suddenly stopped, "What the…"
The three boys bailed up behind him."What is it, Pa," asked Joe as he stepped around his father and surveyed the big room.
"Well I'll be," said Hoss, as he came around the other side of his father and spotted what he was staring at, "I never even noticed that when we come down here before, you Adam?"
Joe, Ben and Hoss parted to give Adam a better view. He stood there also staring at the objects that had everyone's attention, "Of course not, Hoss." Adam rubbed his hands down his face hoping that the scene would change, that they were imagining things; hoping life could be normal; just for once! "Nope," he whispered when he took in the sight once more, it hadn't changed. There at the bottom of the stairs, was the gun rack; a completely empty gun rack. Not one gun stood in the clips, in their place stood a row of eight almost identical tall cane switches.
"Alexandra…" they all chorused.
TBC
Chapter 9:
Tree Houses and Cake.
A.N. A long chapter and not very funny, yet an important journey for Alexandra and a hard one to write. Please review. Thanks again to Lajoci for the beta read and the quick turnaround, so if there are any mistakes we missed them. Feel free to point them out and I will fix them.
Adams Song adapted from "Rock Me To Sleep" (Words by Florence Percy, alias for Elizabeth Akers Allen, 1832-1911)