Jemma isn't even sure where to begin. Judging by the looks on her teammates faces, she isn't the only one. Andy gives up her inspection of the stars to regard them thoughtfully, appearing neither expectant nor anxious. If anything, she seems to possess a sort of resigned patience as she sits with her hands in her lap.
"So are you really Coulson's kid?" Skye wants to know. "Because if you're just jerking everyone around—"
"I'm not. Jerking you around, I mean," Andy offers, her fingers drumming against her knees. "You can ask Melinda. She's been around since, well, before I was even born."
"And you were really under HYDRA's control when we met? The whole time?" Jemma presses, walking closer.
"Yes. I did try to fight back, not that it's any excuse," Andy says. "It just wasn't enough. It never was, for any of us."
"There were others," Trip infers.
"Many," Andy affirms. "Some of them made it, some of them didn't. Some of them I've got no clue about."
"I think that this is all well and good, but when it comes right down to it, from the moment I met you until tonight has been a lie," Jemma says, taking a seat on the deck chair across from the other woman. "Before I can even begin to consider placing any sort of trust in you, I need reassurances. Some proof that we can take you for your word."
Andy clasps her hands in her lap and stares down at them quietly, perhaps considering Jemma's request. It's not an unusual request, in Jemma's opinion, given the situation. They have encountered liars at every turn and the lies need to stop. Before they can move forward in any way, the lies need to be laid out before them, the truths stripped bare. It would seem Andy shares that mindset as she leans forward and looks up at Jemma with a gleam in her eye that Jemma has seen in Phil's before—the one that means she won't be beat down, won't be bested, won't give up.
"Full disclosure? You might not like some of the things you hear," Andy warns her.
"I already don't like much of what I've heard," Jemma replies. "Full disclosure, please."
"Alright," Andy says, glancing around them. "What would you like to know?"
"Tell me what makes you so certain Jasper is alive," Jemma says. "And give me a reason why I should trust you or him."
"It's a complicated issue," Andy admits with a small shrug of her shoulders. "A lot of this hinges on what sorts of impossible things you're willing to believe."
"Given the kind of stuff we've come up against since this team was put together, I'd say we're pretty open minded," Skye says.
"Fair enough," Andy replies. "The reason why I'm so certain he's alive? Well, I've mentioned the LMDs and that HYDRA makes them to ensure that their assets are well protected. What I didn't mention was that I have firsthand experience. There were several LMDs constructed in my likeness which I operated until they were destroyed in the field."
"Destroyed as in… they were killed?" Leo presses.
Andy nods. "It was their purpose. An LMD allowed me to undertake the dangerous assignments that I wouldn't have been sent on otherwise because, while operating one, death was no longer factor. Well, not a permanent factor. They hadn't completely worked out the kinks with the neural link so there was some significant kickback when you died, depending on the manner of death, but a week or two of a medically induced coma were better than actually dying. Well, I mean sometimes, anyway. Sometimes when you experienced enough of a shock—like, say, being kicked off a roof—it was enough to upset your conditioning. Moments like that would allow you to see what you were doing, like you were watching your body from the outside. It was… disorienting, confusing, because they conditioned you to think certain things and then when you'd start to crack, there would be these bits of something else. Something that would refute that conditioning. It was like drowning. Like you suddenly realized you needed to breathe and you'd kick and kick for the surface but the moment you think you're about to break through, they push your head back under. They drag you back down and make you forget that you ever even needed air. I know that's what happened to him on that rooftop because Jasper, whether he was really him or the him that HYDRA wanted him to be, would never give up information like that. So I think… I think that fall jostled him. It shook him up and that was the real him trying to help Cap and Natasha. Some little bit of him."
"You can't be sure that's what happened to Jasper," Jemma reminds her quietly, still fighting not to get her hopes up. It would be so easy to believe her, to say that this is what had happened, to pretend that it might still be alright.
"I can't be sure," Andy agrees. "But I don't think I'm wrong. What did Jasper tell you about his life before S.H.I.E.L.D.?"
Jemma shifts uncertainly in her seat. It doesn't feel like something that's hers to share. Even now, the thought of sharing something so private that's very much not hers to share makes her uncomfortable. But there's a point to all of this. She can see that much. And if there's a light at the end of this tunnel, if Jasper really is innocent and alive, she can worry about apologizing for the violation then.
"His father was an FBI agent that he never knew. He became involved in gang activity at a young age and was shot when he attempted to leave. After that he joined the police force, not knowing that the entire department was crooked," Jemma answers. "His mother died and it inspired him to turn his fellow officers in, even if it meant being convicted with them. Agent Coulson assisted him in that endeavor and offered him a position at S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Yeah, almost none of that happened," Andy says flatly.
Jemma gapes like a fish. "But… But the tattoos! The scars where he was shot!"
"Fake. Well, the tattoos anyway. The gunshot wounds were real," Andy informs her. "His mother's still very much alive. She lives in Brooklyn and knits us sweaters for Christmas."
"I don't think you're helping his case here," Trip points out, folding his arms over his chest. "Or yours."
"Look, Jasper is as goody-goody as they come. Almost as bad as Agent Coulson. But he can do something my dad can't: he can make people believe otherwise," Andy relates back to them. "When I say his patsy is legendary, I'm not saying it lightly. What he told you, Jemma, was a lie with a purpose. He needed it to ensure that HYDRA trusted him; he needed them to think that he was just using you to get close to Coulson."
"So what you're saying is that he's lied to me since the moment we met," Jemma says stiffly.
"No. Well… Alright, yes about some things, but listen to me first. Listen, don't go damning him just yet," Andy says imploringly.
"It seems like all we've done so far is a great deal of listening," Leo says, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"And you still don't understand," Andy says fiercely, shooting up from her seat. As Trip and Skye tense in anticipation of a fight, Jemma watches her relax her posture and force herself back into a calmer state. The freckled woman turns her attention towards Leo. "Fitz, tell me; if you were me and Jemma were Jasper, what would you do to get her back? What would you do to convince everyone to keep believing in her?"
Jemma turns and catches Leo's eyes as they land on her. She sees the way he softens, some of the tension and fight bleeding out of him as he considers the question posed. She knows the answer. They both do.
"I would do everything I could for her," Leo says softly. "No matter what the cost was to me."
"And that's what I'm doing," Andy says. "Jasper doesn't deserve this. My d—… Agent Coulson doesn't deserve what's happened to him. None of you deserve these things that have happened to you. You're all the victims of a plot that I helped move along, so I need to be the one to fix it. Do you understand? I became an agent because I wanted to do good, because I wanted to help people, and I haven't done that. Instead I've hurt people. I'm not here to sell you a sob story, I just… S.H.I.E.L.D. is my family and I need to protect it."
She looks tired, Jemma thinks. Tired of trying to explain all of this, most likely. Tired in ways that Jemma can't even begin to understand. She has no doubt that there are a great many things that Andy has been put through that she isn't telling them—because as she said, she isn't here to tell them a sob story—and Jemma thinks that, perhaps, she understands. Families come in all shapes and sizes; some people are born into and others they build for themselves. Andy has lost the family she was born into because Phil doesn't remember her. So her desperation to save the family she's built, well, Jemma can understand that.
"I'm not saying I believe you and I'm not making any promises that I will welcome him back with open arms," Jemma says slowly, looking up at the other woman. "But I can wait. I'm willing to do that much."
"That's all I'm asking for," Andy sighs, slowly sinking back down to her chair, appearing wrung out. "No promises, just a chance. That's all I need."
"Bambi."
Their attention is diverted at the sound of Clint's voice. The archer stands in the now open doorway of the hotel room, looking to their little gathering expectantly.
"Phil wants to see you," he says. "About the thing."
"You told him?" Andy asks, looking suddenly as though she might be ill.
"Kind of had to, didn't we?" Clint asks with a shrug. He points at Jemma and Leo. "Wants you in here, too."
"And we're just supposed to wait out here?" Skye asks, gesturing between herself and Trip. "I don't think so."
"Clint, I think they'd all better just come along," Andy says, looking distinctly displeased to Jemma's eyes, but prepared to do whatever it is she has to do. "If you let one of them in, you've basically let them all in. Besides… full disclosure, right?"
Jemma watches Clint's eyes scan the group. He doesn't come any closer to them, apparently seeing everything he needs to see from his current vantage point. She's not sure what he's looking for or even if he finds it, because a moment later, his sharp gaze has returned to Andy.
"It's your call," he says.
"Lies and buried truths are what lead us here," Andy says, shaking her head. "It has to stop. You know that."
That seems to be enough for Clint, who nods over his shoulder in a gesture for them to follow him back inside the room. As they solemnly march forward like obedient little soldiers, Jemma sneaks a look or two at Andy. She's tense, her body rigid with it, and she walks like a woman off to the gallows. Given everything they've heard so far, Jemma has to wonder what could possibly be any worse. When they file back into the room, the look on Phil's face tells her that whatever it is, it's that much worse.
"They said they weren't going to wait outside," Clint says, hiking a thumb over his shoulder.
"I thought it would be better if we did this all in one go," Andy says quietly.
Phil looks to her, opens his mouth to reply and shuts it quickly. He folds his arms over his chest, staring down at the floor with his lips pressed into a thin, unhappy line. Jemma's sure he's about to tell the other two to do as he said and wait outside, but to her great surprise, he nods sharply, his piercing gaze landing on his daughter.
"Alright," Phil says gruffly. He nods towards Trip. "Lock the door behind you and close the blinds, please."
"Okay, you're starting to freak me out a little here," Skye says, voicing what they're all thinking. "Want to explain what's going on?"
"There's something we need to see," Phil says shortly.
Andy crosses the room as though that were her cue and Jemma's eyes follow her curiously. She takes a seat on the far bed, her back facing them, and just as Jemma's beginning to wonder what they're all waiting for, she begins to slowly, meticulously, disrobe. With a start, Jemma opens her mouth to ask what's going on, but Melinda shoots her a silent glare, hard and warning like she's never seen before and the biochemist's voice dies in her throat.
"Sometimes HYDRA's assets are deemed too difficult to work with. When you have an asset that continues to fight against their conditioning, that must be reconditioned time and again, they eventually reach a stage where they're no longer viable as themselves. At this point their designation is changed from 'Asset' to what they call a 'Troublesome Mind,'" Andy explains, dropping her coat on the bed, her hoodie following soon after. "I was a Troublesome Mind."
Jemma finds herself hanging on the words, waiting for whatever might come next as the young woman sits still and silent in her jeans and plain white t-shirt. At this point, she's almost afraid to find out what that means, what becomes of a Troublesome Mind, but like any good scientist, her curiosity outweighs her fears.
"You can probably guess that just because you're more trouble than you're worth doesn't mean they'll just let you go," Andy says. "They can still find a use for you. They can wipe you, make you into something else. Something useful."
Jemma's breath hitches as Andy tugs her shirt off over her head. Running down her spine is a metallic device she's seen before: on the forearm of Mike Peterson. It's a slightly different model, from what she can see—it's thicker, sturdier looking, and it glows a soft blue instead of orange—but the design is unmistakable. Without thinking, she takes a step forward, but catches herself before she can take another. Jemma looks to Phil for confirmation, believing this is why he must have wanted her here, but wanting to be sure, all the same. The older agent stands where he is, his eyes transfixed on the young woman's back and a hand pressed to his mouth. It's only when Melinda nudges him gently that seems to notice Jemma staring at all. He offers a sharp nod to her unspoken question and that gives Jemma all the answer she needs.
She strides forward quickly with Leo in her wake, but hesitates when she reaches the bed. Andy sits still and silent, apparently waiting for something from them.
"Do you mind if we examine you?" Jemma asks quietly.
"No," Andy says simply. "I don't mind."
Jemma nods and stops to visually take in what she's seeing before her, Leo mumbling beside her as he studies their subject with the same intensity. The structure seems to mimic the shape and length of a human spine with each block serving as a sort of vertebrae. The chamber in the center of each block is not orange in color like she's used to seeing—the apparent standard model—but rather a soft blue. She curiously reaches out to touch, but the moment she does, Andy flinches and Jemma pulls her hand away as though burned.
"I'm sorry, does it hurt?" Jemma asks.
"No. No it's, um… I'm just not used to it," Andy says. Her posture is rigid and uncomfortable, her fingers digging into the bed sheets beneath her and for the first time since she had arrived, Jemma truly pities her. "Goodbye backless dresses, huh?"
The lighthearted joke sounds forced, the soft twitter of laughter that follows even more so. The device must be freshly implanted, Jemma thinks; the pale, freckled flesh it is imbedded in is slightly pink around the edges. She makes a mental note to be on the lookout for any signs of infection.
"It's recent," Leo notes. "How long ago was it implanted?"
"A couple weeks at most," Andy answers. "I don't remember much of it."
"Do you know anything about this model?" Leo asks.
"Only that it was new, so I don't know how many others might have it," Andy admits. "I know that after the round from that Night Night Pistol of yours stabilized Mr. Peterson, the R&D team got to work. And this is the result. Beyond that… I don't know. I'm not even completely sure what it's doing to me, to be honest."
Jemma believes she's seen enough and lays a gentle hand on the other woman's shoulder, taking note of the way the muscles tense beneath her fingers.
"It's alright," Jemma quietly assures her. "You can get dressed, I think we've seen everything we need to."
Andy looks back over her shoulder and meets Jemma's gaze. She doesn't say anything, but the gratitude is written all over her face. The other woman makes quick work of pulling her shirt back on and zipping up her hoodie, apparently eager to hide what she'd just shown them.
"It looks different," Phil asks, his voice gruff. "Any idea why that is?"
"Well, as she's just said, Mike had said it was our Night Night Gun that had stabilized him," Leo offers, rubbing a hand across his chin. "If HYDRA had found that out, perhaps they could have incorporated it into their serum? Beforehand instead of after?"
"Which might result in the blue coloration, yes," Jemma agrees, nodding her head. "As for the location… Well, it's easier to conceal, firstly. Secondly, the design is slightly different than what we saw on Mike. Attaching the device along the spinal cord may provide additional neurological enhancements that might be lost in implanting it upon the forearm, but that's just speculation. I would need to run tests to confirm."
Jemma looks back to Andy, watching her as she faces them with her arms folded across her chest.
"Are you experiencing any enhance—"
"Enhanced strength, enhanced stamina, enhanced reflexes, yes. I'm experiencing enhanced just about everything so far," Andy cuts her off.
"Though, I imagine you're still adapting," Jemma says slowly.
"Yeah," Andy says. "Although, it's strange because… I mean, this isn't the same stuff they used to turn Steve Rogers into Captain America, I know that, but I had figured it would be… better."
"Better," Melinda echoes. "How so?"
"I don't know just… You know how I'm farsighted?" Andy says. When Melinda nods, she shrugs. "Well, I'm still farsighted. I heal better than before, but anything that was already here seems to be still here."
"In other words, it seems to be able to prevent future deterioration but doesn't account for pre-existing conditions," Jemma says slowly. "Interesting."
"Right. Interesting," Andy says, her tone making it clear she doesn't find it as interesting as Jemma does. She shakes her head. "Look, if Jasper's still out there, this is why I need to get a move on. Because if I'm not fast enough, there's a good chance they'll do this to him, too. The only reason I'm standing here now is Clint. They're doing this to our people—you need to know that. Before you do whatever it is you're all going to do, you need to know that not everyone is with HYDRA by choice."
No one says anything. If Jemma has to guess, none of them know what to say. The idea that they could find themselves squared off against friends, allies made into unwilling combatants, is terrifying. It also presents a very important question: how do we tell who's who?
"Obviously this is a great deal for all of us to process. A lot has happened in the past few days and I think we need to take tonight to decompress, as a group, so that we're ready for whatever tomorrow brings and ready to fight back," Phil says, filling in the silence left in the wake of Andy's words. He looks to their three guests. "Will you stay the night?"
Clint shoves his hands in his pockets and relaxes his stance. "Why do you think we brought pizza?"
They all made a show of turning in for the night, but Jemma doesn't think any of them are really sleeping. It's not the sort of night where any of them get any real semblance of rest. Still, at the very least, they're all lying still in their beds while she feels an unusual restlessness. It's not as though she doesn't try to sleep, it's just that she's not sure she can. Not with her brain running at a million and one miles per hour at any rate.
As quietly as she can, she slips out of her bed and tiptoes across the carpet. Just as she has her hand on the doorknob, she feels a hand on her shoulder and nearly jumps out of her skin. Twisting around sharply, she finds Skye standing behind her making a shushing motion before encouraging her to open the door. Jemma does so and the two of them slip out into the night air.
When they draw nearer to the pool, it's apparent that they're not the only ones looking for some fresh air. They find Andy with her knees drawn up sitting in one of the pool chairs with something clutched to her chest.
"Is that a Captain America teddy bear?" Skye asks.
"What? No," Andy says defensively, drawing the bear beneath her blanket and out of sight.
"It totally is," Skye says with a smirk. "Come on, don't even try to hide it. AC practically gushes about the guy."
Jemma hears what sounds like Andy making a dissatisfied noise at being found out as she reluctantly pulls the bear back into view. Jemma can see that the bear has seen some miles; it's worn with age in the way that only well-loved things can be. Knowing the man's respect for the Captain, Jemma has to wonder if Phil had given her that bear and can only think that it's a reasonable conclusion to draw.
"Couldn't sleep I take it?" Andy asks them.
"Nah," Skye says, sinking into a pool chair and pulling Jemma down with her. "Been kind of a weird, weird couple of days."
"Mm. I've got some extra blankets here if you want to make yourselves comfortable," Andy says.
"Thank you. I think we will; it's gotten a bit chillier out now that it's night," Jemma says, accepting the blanket that the other woman offers them.
Together, she and Skye wrap the blanket around them as they sit huddled together on the long, white pool chair. She feels Skye's arm wrap around her with the blanket and she leans into the embrace, resting her head on the hacker's shoulder. She feels Skye's head rest against the top of her own and lets out a slow sigh. Maybe this is what she needed. Just the dark and the stars and someone who cares in the sort of way that only Skye can.
Skye knows she's hurting and confused and, for once, it's nice to not have to explain that. It's nice to have someone understand that there's something wrong that they can't fix, who's willing to just provide a shoulder to lean on or a hug when needed. Now, more than ever, Jemma cherishes the bond she's developed with Skye.
"Dum Dum?"
Jemma looks up at the rustling of a plastic bag and the question. She and Skye break apart to offer each other perplexed looks, but neither of them decline the offer. If Jemma's being completely honest, a little something sweet sounds good right about now. They reach into the bag, smiling along with the other woman as they fish until they get their preferred flavor.
"How many of these have you had exactly?" Jemma asks, unwrapping the small, butterscotch flavored lollipop.
"A few," Andy admits, licking her lips as she twirls a lollipop between her fingers. "I like to keep them around because they kind of help me think. I like the Mystery Flavored ones."
"Oh man, those are the best," Skye agrees.
"I don't know, I'm quite happy with butterscotch," Jemma says, sucking on the treat.
"Of course you are," Skye says, nudging her playfully.
The trio lapses into silence, each of them studying the night sky as they indulge in a late night sugar fix. For once, Jemma is the one to speak up first, beating Skye to the punch.
"Andy?" Jemma inquires, gaining the shorter woman's attention. "Do you suppose you'll find him?"
"I think so," Andy says, nodding resolutely. "I don't know when or where, but I think I'll find him. And then I'll find Felix. And Akeela. And anyone else that I can, wherever they are. And after that, anyone who's willing to come with us, we'll come find you and do whatever we can to help. Because you're going after John, aren't you?"
"Pretty sure that's the plan," Skye says. "Not sure exactly how we're gonna do that but I don't think Coulson plans to chill out by the pool until this all blows over."
"I'm sure he'd much prefer to do something insanely risky and stupid," Andy says dryly.
"Guess that's how we roll these days," Skye agrees.
"That's pretty much how he's always rolled," Andy says with a huff of laughter. "But you're a great team and I know you've got his back just as much as he has yours."
"Do you really think that?" Jemma inquires. "He is your father, after all."
"He could be alone," Andy says with a shrug. "But he isn't. I haven't been able to be here for him, so I'm glad all of you have been. I know it hasn't been easy, so I just want to thank you."
"It's not something you've gotta thank us for," Skye assures her. "We want to be there for him. He's been there for us. I mean he's…"
"Family," Jemma adds quietly.
Skye turns just enough to catch her eye. She smiles, and beneath the blanket, Jemma feels the hacker squeeze her hand. They're a family and whether or not they've ever verbally acknowledged it, they all know it.
"I'm glad," Andy says with a soft smile. "That's the way teams should be."
"Clearly Ward didn't get the memo," Skye says darkly.
"No," Andy sighs. "I guess he didn't."
Jemma can hear Skye and Andy continuing on with quiet conversation, but she finds herself distracted by her own thoughts. Her found family is small and has now grown smaller with Grant's betrayal. With the collapse of S.H.I.E.L.D., they find themselves adrift, clinging to each other as they hope to find evidence that everything isn't lost. The threat looming over them is enormous, but she has to believe they'll find a way to overcome.
Jemma looks down into the pool, watching as the moon's reflection ripples faintly in the water, and thinks of Jasper. Whether he's dead or alive, if he's with HYDRA or really just a victim as Andy seems to believe, if he's in danger or not, Jemma doesn't know. But she does know one thing: she had made a promise to trust him. She had told him she forgave him. He's hurt her, whether he meant to or not, and that will need to be addressed. The lies and the deception will need to be addressed. She'd known all along that there was a half of him that she wasn't seeing, and for a time she'd thought she might've known what lay hidden in shadow.
Now she sees she'd been wrong.
Tomorrow Andy, Clint and Natasha will leave and their two groups will go their separate ways. Jemma will devote herself to protecting her family and stopping whatever mad plot John Garrett is enacting. She will not have time or energy to waste on distractions. But when this is over, when they come out on the other side, she'll be waiting. For better or worse, she'll wait.