The Strange Experience

And it kept happening. Every few days, I would go up to the tower, and he was there. And when I did manage to get there first, HE showed up. Have I mentioned how much I hated that boy? It was getting really frustrating. In class, whenever I caught myself staring at him, I always caught him staring back. And then he'd either look away and pretend it didn't happen, or cover it up by looking at me with a look like he had just taken a whiff of some really nasty old cheese. How flattering, right? And all day, every day, all I thought about was him. Don't get me wrong, it was always about how much I despise him, but still. I had never really thought about it that much before. It was driving me crazy. The only good thing that came out of all of this was that I wasn't having that awful dream anymore.

And then, for a while, it got better. I wasn't running into Malfoy anymore, I was able to focus on classes, AND I still wasn't having the dream. I was back to having normal dreams, like talking to purple animals, or having sex with Orlando Bloom. Really, really good sex. My life was finally getting back to how I liked it.

One Thursday, instead of my last class, I had an open period. I was roaming the halls, alone, and I saw a familiar head turn the corner. I was feeling a little playful today, and it had been a while. So, I followed him, hoping to catch him off guard in a dark corner somewhere. He had his nose buried in a book, History of Magic it looked like, and had no idea I was there. So, I walked up until I was right behind him, grabbed his waist, and pushed him into the closest class room. Thank God it was empty, I probably should have checked that first.

"What? Who the hell are you?" He asked.

"It's Professor Snape. What is your business, Mr. Zabini?"

"It's scary how well you can do that voice."

"Oh, so NOW you know who I am."

"What are we doing in here, anyway?"

"Anything you want us to do, baby." I said in an extremely seductive, yet joking, voice.

"Now we're talking." And that's when the joking ended. He pushed me up against the wall, with one hand grabbing my thigh, and the other behind my neck. When I kicked off my shoes, he picked me up and carried me over to a desk so I could wrap my legs around his waist. Bloody Hell, I didn't know how he got so good at this. Well, maybe I did. Probably the same way I got so good at it. Practice, practice, practice. His hands left my neck and thigh so they could start opening my shirt, so I did the same to him. When we accomplished that, he laid me down on the desk and climbed on top of me. I giggled, which made him chuckle.

"I love how we've been doing this for a couple years now, and I can still make you blush."

"Just shut up and get this started already."

"Wow, that's romantic."

"Dude, you're the guy. You're not supposed to be the one who's concerned with the romance part."

"True."

And then he shut up and got it started already. And I was not disappointed. Of course, to be fair, I never was. He was just so…. Good. As we did what we were both OH so good at, as I ran my hands over his dark, bare, wonderfully muscly back, I never wanted to stop. But then, disaster struck. Something so horrible, I don't even want to talk about it.

Malfoy.

For some crazy reason, because everyone knows you DON'T open your eyes during sex, I went and opened my eyes. And instead of seeing Blaise's face, I saw fricken Malfoy's face. His wonderful, deep, blue-ish grey eyes looking at me, staring into mine. His blonde hair just screaming for me to touch it. I quickly closed my eyes before my hand would reach out to it, and thankfully Blaise was back. And I went back to enjoying really great sex with Blaise Zabini. As we finished, and he rolled off me with a sigh of relief, I longed to run out and tell someone about this strange experience. And that's when I realized, I HAD no one to talk to about this. Because I had decided not to tell anyone about me and Blaise. And I DEFINITELY decided not to tell anyone about Malfoy.

"You ok? You look so deep in thought." Blaise said. I looked over to him, and saw him propped up on one elbow, face in his hand, staring at me.

"What? Why are you watching me like that?"

"You we're being so quiet, which you never are, and I was afraid I did something wrong. It was ok, right? I wasn't too rough or anything?"

"Blaise. You know me pretty well. Which means that you know I have nothing against a little roughness once in a while."

"True that."

"I was just thinking, that's all."

"Also something you never do." I punched him. "Alright, alright, I was only kidding. I love your nice arm, though."

"You seem to love a lot of things about me."

"Don't get the wrong idea, Jackson. Besides, I CAN'T love a lot of things about you, because I really don't know that much about you in the first place."

"And that's exactly how it's going to stay."

"Oh, come on. Just tell me one tiny, little secret."

"Nope."

"Please? For me?" Then he gave me those cute little puppy dog eyes. Shit.

"Oh fine. I think it was really cute how concerned you looked when you thought you did something wrong earlier."

"That's it?"

"Hey, you asked for a tiny, little secret. I wasn't going to tell you, because I thought it would hurt your ego."

"Ok, seriously. What's up, Talia? How come you never talk to me about stuff? Am I REALLY only good for sex once in a while?"

"No, Blaise, I'm sorry. I just… I don't really like to open up to people, you know? I don't like to show people what's inside me. It makes me feel… I don't know. Exposed, I guess. I don't like feeling that way."

"That's ok. You don't have to tell me EVERYTHING. Just enough so I know I'm not just a prostitute or something."

"Oh Blaise, you could never be just a prostitute to me. I don't pay you."

"You make me feel so special." And then we spent a little time, getting dressed, and trying to fan the sweat off of each other. It was fun. It was just like we were friends, messing around and having a good time. And after we were ready to leave, I turned to him.

"Blaise, thank you. I really needed this."

He leaned one hand against the door frame. "Really amazing sex?"

"No, you asshole. I mean the talking part. I really needed it."

"You're welcome. And I really think you should talk to someone. A girl, I think."

"Yeah, maybe. You know Blaise, you can be pretty inspiring when you want to be."

"Could I inspire you to have more really amazing sex? Because curfew isn't for another half an hour or so… We could try that roughness thing we talked about earlier"

"Holy shit, just shut up." And then he smiled, and then I smiled. And then I was suddenly possessed to stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him. It was the first time we had kissed, without then following it up with sex. It was strange. But in a good way, I guess. And apparently he felt the same way, as he kissed me back.

"Well, bye, then." I said, after I pulled away.

"Yeah, see you." He said, smiling.

As I walked away, I started smiling, but then I started feeling something else. It strangely resembled… nothing. I mean, I felt nothing. After the kiss. It was nice, being kissed like that. But it didn't mean anything to me. I really needed someone to talk to about this. And NOT Fred Weasley. That was a nightmare waiting to happen.

…

"You guys, I really need to talk to you."

Hermione and Ginny looked up to me with questioning eyes. On my way up to the common room, I had decided that if I needed someone to talk to, why not my two best friends? I was a little nervous discussing this whole Blaise/Malfoy thing with them, and I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I needed to get it off my chest.

"You ok, Tal?" Ginny said.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I just need some SERIOUS girl talk right now, and we're gonna need to leave the room for this."

"Wow. This shit must be serious."

"Yeah, let's go up to the dorm." Hermione said.

As we made our way to the stairs, we heard the familiar, "Lookin' good, Jackson!"

"Shut up, McLaggen!" I shouted back.

"That boy is such a whore." Said Ginny.

"You said it."

"Lately he's been… hitting on me or something." Said Hermione, disgusted.

"Oh boy, I bet that bugs the crap out of Ron." Ginny said.

"What are you talking about? Why would it bother Ronald?" Hermione said, denying the obvious. Ginny and I just shared an exasperated look.

"Ok, so spill. What's got you all flustered?" Hermione said once we got up to our room.

"Or should we say who?" Said Ginny, wagging her eyebrows, which made Hermione laugh.

"I'm insulted. Do you guys just assume that whenever I want to talk, it's going to be about sex?"

"Is it?" They said together.

"Well, yeah."

"Exactly."

"Come on you guys, this is serious."

"Ok, ok, talk. We'll listen." Ginny said. Hermione nodded.

"Ok, here it goes." I sighed. "Ok, for a while now, I've been hooking up with—someone."

They waited. "Are you going to tell us who?"

"Of course not."

"OK then, carry on."

"Well, we've been hooking up for a couple years now. And it's been really good. I mean, like, really, REALLY good. It's been like-"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it."

"Anyway, a little bit ago we were having a really good time. I mean, I felt closer to him this time than I ever have. It was nice. And then, I accidentally opened my eyes during our… hooking up… and I saw… someone else's… face." I paused to take a breath.

"And I suppose you're not going to say whose face you saw." Ginny said.

"You got that right."

"Oh, come on, you have to give us something."

"Get used to disappointment." I giggled at my little joke. The other two gave me blank, vacant looks. "Oh, come on. You haven't seen The Princess Bride?" Still blank. Losers. "Whatever. Anyway, I was in the middle of having this amazing thing with B—I mean, the first guy. And then, the stupid second guy jumped in there and tried to ruin it."

"Wait, the second guy was actually there during… the hooking up?" Hermione asked.

"Ew, no, Hermione. Come on, keep up. I saw second guy's face, and it freaked me out! But then he was gone, and it was first guy again. And after, we started talking, which we don't do very much, and it was a nice conversation. He was really nice, and it felt really easy talking to him, you know? I really started to feel like we could have something… more."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Ginny asked.

"It would be, yeah. Except… When I looked up and saw second guy's face, I liked it. I mean, for some reason, it was like I WANTED it to be him. And then, after the hooking up, me and first guy started talking again. And again, it was really nice. So, I decided to risk it and kiss him. Which was weird, because usually when we kiss, it's more like pre-shagging snog fest. But this was just a nice, sweet, kiss. And he kissed me back, too. And that made me happy, just having a guy kiss me without expecting anything, you know? But it felt… normal. Just like a normal kiss. I didn't feel any sparks, or fireworks, or hear the bloody angel choir or anything." They sat there, just staring at me, for like a minute.

"Well, that's quite the dilemma you've got there, Talia." Said Ginny.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"What are you going to do?" Asked Hermione.

"I don't know! That's why I'm talking to you guys! This has never happened to me before! I've never felt this way before."

"Felt what way?"

"I don't know. I can't explain it. It's not love, yet, but it's definitely… something. Which sucks, because I really don't want to feel ANYTHING for this guy."

"Which guy?" Asked Ginny.

"The second one."

"Well, who were you thinking of most on your way up here?"

I paused. I really didn't want to say this.

"Come on, Talia, spit it out. We don't even know who either of these guys are." Said Hermione. I stayed silent.

Then Ginny shouted, "TALIA!"

"THE SECOND GUY, ALRIGHT? I can't stop thinking about the second guy. And earlier wasn't even the first time. I've been thinking about him for weeks now. And I hate it. Why can't it be the first guy I can't stop thinking about? He's way better!" And for the millionth time today, I did something I almost never, ever do in front of people (excluding Fred).

I cried.