The Last Straw
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. I was still in my clothes, and there was dried mascara on my cheeks. How pathetic. I decided to get up and take a walk, but something was holding me down. I was lying on my bed, just like I had been last night, but now I was flanked by my two best friends. Hermione was on my right, with one arm draped over my body, and Ginny was on my left, with her arm linked through mine. I love my friends. Blaise was right, I needed this.
Blaise.
I felt too bad. I mean, it's not like what we had was super meaningful, anyway. But I felt like it could have been. And I think he felt the same way. But, I couldn't do it. Not with him, anyway. Ugh, that really sucked. Because I really wanted to be with Blaise. For starters, the sex was unbelieveable. But he was really sweet, and he actually cared, you know? And now I'm going to have to end it. Why, you ask? Well, I wish I could answer. But I can't, because I don't even know myself. It was just something I realized the night before as I cried my eyes out.
So I untangled myself from my two best friends, successfully not waking them up, and I left. I just needed to clear my head at first, but then I knew what I needed to do. I quickly scribbled a note on a piece of paper telling Blaise to meet me in the room we had just spent time in the previous day, knowing that he would be awake and get it. I charmed it so it would go to him on its own, and made my way over there.
He took a while to get there, so I had time to go over how I was going to do it. It shouldn't have been that hard, right? After what felt like hours of pacing, and crying, and wondering if I was about to do the right thing, he opened the door and walked in, looking amazing as usual. Thanks, Blaise.
"Hey, what's up? Everything all right? Or, are you just in the mood for some midnight hanky panky?" He said to me. I smiled.
"Charming, Blaise."
"I gotta say, I'm impressed. Two times in two days, that's pretty good for us. Usually it's once every couple weeks, or maybe a couple times a week if we're feeling it, but this-"
"Blaise, stop. I really need to talk to you." He stopped, and looked at me with sadness in his eyes.
"Shit. I know what that means." He sat down in a desk, so I took the one across from him.
"It's not like that Blaise, really. But I have to do this. Because I can't do this anymore. It's not what I want anymore."
"I had a feeling this was coming, actually." He said. I was surprised.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, you've been just a little distant lately, you know? And I get it, what with all the dark times ahead and all that crap. You being Potter's friend and in the middle of all this 'Chosen One' stuff with him. There's a dark lord frolicking around the place, killing people, and whatnot."
"Well, I hardly think he's frolicking." I said. He smiled.
"I just thought, that with all that happening, we'd feel a little closer to each other, you know?"
"I know Blaise. I thought so to. For a while, I thought we might actually have something more, eventually. And I wanted that. But I don't think we're ready. And…"
"There's someone else now, right?" That caught me off guard.
"Well, yeah, sort of."
"Sort of?"
"I mean, I don't even really know him that well. Not to mention I despise him. He probably doesn't even feel the same way. And It's not like I'm in love with him or anything like that. Because I'm not. But I can't get him out of my head, and I can't stand it. And now I feel like that's just one more thing I've been doing wrong with you."
"Hey, now. Don't feel that way. I understand. I mean, I sort of get why we have to end this. Because I could see us having something more, too. But we've come too far to start over. This could never be a normal relationship. But that's what you deserve. Something real, and normal." I started to well up. "Please don't start crying, Talia, it's making me feel uncomfortable."
"Blaise, you're so sweet."
"And that's totally what every guy wants to hear."
"Blaise, you're so sweet, but you're even more sexy."
"Much better, thank you." And then we laughed, and hugged, and parted ways. I still felt crappy, but in a relieved sort of way. But amazingly, I still needed to let out some crying. God, that must be why I didn't cry very often. It was annoying, unattractive, and gave me a headache. I went back to my room, to find the other two still fast asleep on my bed. Not wanting to disturb them, I got into my pajamas and crashed on Hermione's bed, and had a nice, dreamless sleep.
…
I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, and in a cheery mood. I even woke up on time for a change, so I had time to just lie there and enjoy the silence (aside from Ginny's elephant snoring). It only lasted about five minutes, but still. It was nice. When I heard Ginny's snoring stop, I turned over to wait for her to fully awake. I didn't even notice that Hermione was also waking up, but she's a pretty quiet sleeper.
"Hey…. How'd you get all the way over there?" Said Ginny, Groggily.
"Oh, I had a little sleeping issue last night, so I got up and took a walk." I said.
"Really? Where'd you go?" Asked Hermione.
"Oh, you know. Around."
"What did you do?" Asked Ginny.
"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?"
"Oh, come on, Talia. You know we're just concerned. Last night you fell asleep crying." Ginny asked again, which made me feel a little bad for snapping.
"I'm sorry you guys. I shouldn't have gotten annoyed. If you must know, I broke it off with First Guy last night."
"What! Really? How'd it go? How'd he take it?" Hermione asked.
"Did you have break-up sex?" Asked Ginny. We both just stared at her, and then she blushed. "Well, sorry, I'm just a very curious virgin, that's all."
"You're so cute. And, no, we didn't have break-up sex. It went just fine, and he took it amazingly. He was super sweet and a total gentleman, which, of course, made me feel worse about it."
"Oh, I think you did the right thing." Said Hermione.
"Thanks. I do to, actually. Now that I've slept on it, I feel really good about it."
"Yes! Now, let's spend this Saturday in style by collecting the guys and making them watch us shop!" Yelled Ginny, and I laughed.
"Hear hear!"
It was a blast. We never could get the guys to follow us around, but that's ok. It was just as fun without their usual complaining. Ginny had been saving up for a while for a new dress for Slughorn's Christmas party, so we had to shop for that. Hermione was also shopping for a dress for the same party, which made me feel left out.
"Man, I wish I was going to this party." I said with a sigh.
"It's not going to be very big, you know. And I didn't think you'd be very interested." Said Hermione.
"I'm ALWAYS interested in an excuse to buy a new dress, and show off my hot body." I said, gesturing to myself.
"Well, if you want, you can always come as my date." Said Ginny.
"Seriously?"
"Totally!"
"Alright! Now I get to buy a new dress!"
"AND Show off your hot body!"
"YAY!" We all shouted together.
Unsurprisingly, there was only one store in Hogsmeade to buy dresses. Surprisingly, it had a pretty nice selection. It was probably because since the party was so far off, no one had really thought about what they were going to wear. I was proud of us for thinking ahead of the game. And it was fun to see how different our dress choices were. Ginny was going for more of a classy look, while Hermione, as always, wanted something pretty yet modest. I, however, was going for something completely different.
Ginny's dress was beautiful. It was this deep, emerald green with a sort of purple-ish trim, and it fit her perfectly. Hermione's dress, was no less gorgeous, as it was a very pale pink with a V-shaped neckline and knee length skirt. As I looked at myself in the mirror, the only thing that came to mind was pure perfection. It was dark blue (Which I liked, because it made my eyes an even icier blue than usual), strapless, mid-thigh, and VERY form fitting. I looked so hot, it should have been illegal. I walked out, hoping to get similar reactions from my friends, and was not disappointed at all.
"Holy shit, Tal, you look amazing!" Shouted Ginny.
"It's perfect. SO you." Said Hermione smiling.
"I know, right? It's like I was meant for this dress."
"Lookin' good, Talia. Maybe we should go to Slughorn's party together, eh?" McLaggen said from the doorway, where he had leaned in to check out girls trying on outfits.
"You wish, McLaggen." I said to him.
"Hey, you're loss." He started to leave, but when he saw Hermione, did a very tiny double take. "'Sup, Hermione?"
"Uh, the sky?" She said, not looking at him. He chuckled and left.
"Whoa, Hermione. He's totally got the hots for you. Too bad your heart already belongs to someone, right?" I said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Never mind."
"Let's get back to how drop dead gorgeous you look in this dress, Tal." Said Ginny. "I bet it's going to make First Guy totally miss you even more, and it's going to make Second Guy want you SO BAD."
"Ugh. Don't remind me." I said. I didn't want to think about Blaise OR Malfoy right now. Of course, as I found out next, we don't always get what we want, do we?
"Hey guys, look." Hermione said, gesturing to the window at the front.
Right there, staring straight at me, was Blaise and Malfoy. Seriously? Blaise was looking at me, not in a gross way, but in a friendly way. I smiled back to him, making sure no one noticed. Then he gestured to my dress and nodded in approval, which made me smile even more. When I looked at Malfoy, he was also staring at me, but with totally different eyes. He looked… Well, the only word that comes to mind is hungry. He was looking at me with longing, like he hadn't eaten in a week. I looked at him and frowned, which Blaise saw, so he pushed Malfoy on. Thank you, Blaise.
"Ugh, Slytherins. It's like an infestation." Said Ginny.
"Tell me about it. Let's get changed and go pick out shoes now." I said.
"You know guys, I'm totally not ashamed of how poor my family is, but I gotta say I LOVE having money. Even if it is for just a little while. I don't know how you guys don't go crazy every chance you get having, as much money as you do." Ginny said, Mostly joking. Mostly.
"Well, my parents would murder me if I recklessly spent their money on things I didn't need. I had to ask their permission to buy this stuff." Said Hermione.
"I just don't feel right about spending my parents' money. It's not like I can ask their permission, so I only buy nice things once in a while for special occasions." I said, a little sad.
"I'm sorry, Tal, I totally forgot-"
"Don't feel bad, Ginny. It's ok, really." I said. "I don't bring it up much, because I don't like to bring people down. And it really doesn't bother me that much anymore." Now we were all sitting in a circle, in the shoe section, surrounded by shoes, but too deep in conversation to keep looking at them. I had already spotted the pair I wanted, anyway. Ah, Christian Louboutin, how I loved you.
"How can it not bother you? It was such a terrible thing. Even Harry thinks it was worse for you, because of how much time you got to spend with them, and your sister…" Said Hermione.
"Honestly? Because I've been dreaming about that day for a while now."
"What! Why didn't you say anything!" She yelled at me.
"Yeah, and how does that make it any better?" Ginny asked.
"Because the more I remember it, the better the details get. You guys, my parents' bodies weren't there with my sister. That means they could still be out there."
"Talia, the chances-"
"I know the chances are next to nothing, Hermione. I know that. But… I need this. I need this little ray of hope, ok? I need to believe that they're still out there, and not dead. Because if they were, it would be all my fault."
"You've got to stop saying that. It's not your fault at all. You didn't know what was happening. You didn't even know back then, about you being… you." Said Ginny.
"Nice cover up Ginny, you could be a spy." I said with much, much sarcasm.
"I know, right?" She said, smiling.
"Can we please change the subject? I'm having a really good day, I don't want to go and depress it all up."
"I agree. All this shopping has worn me out. I need a nap." Said Hermione, trying to smother a yawn.
"Amateur." I said, and Ginny laughed.
About a week had passed, and I was still happy about my decision to break up with Blaise. But I was starting to realize something I didn't expect: I wanted sex! I wanted it so bad. It used to be that whenever I felt this way, I could just find Blaise and we'd go take care of it somewhere. But I couldn't now, because I'd gone and broken up with him! It was so frustrating. I had to start taking cold showers. I had to start thinking of ways to calm myself down. I even, one night, had a dream about hooking up with McClaggen. Ugh, I know. It wasn't my proudest moment.
I woke up from the dream, more like a hideous nightmare, and would have screamed if not for the sleeping girls in the room. I needed a walk. Maybe outside. Maybe right into the Black Lake. Yeah, that might do the trick. No, maybe I'd just go take a shower and then go for a walk.
After my shower, I went into my drawer, only to discover that I had been neglecting to do my laundry for too long. All I had left was "Special" underwear. Like, the stuff that only Blaise saw. Where had I gotten all this stuff? Huh. Well, it's not like anyone was going to see me in it. And if they did, that wouldn't be so bad. So I threw some on, the cute lacey black ones with a little gold bow on the front of the bra, and a gold Batman Utility Belt on the underwear. I'm such a geek. I put on some clean pajamas, grabbed a sweatshirt, and went for a walk. It was amazing, the lack of security around here. Five and a half years of sneaking out, and I've never been caught. Of course, most of that was because Fred and George were always there to take the fall for me. I missed them.
I had no idea where I was going to go, as always. Was I ever going to sleep all the way through the night here? It didn't seem so. As I was meandering through the halls, I saw Draco Malfoy take the steps and turns that lead to the Room of Requirement. Are you kidding me? What's he doing in there? I got super angry suddenly, and making a spur of the moment decision that I would most likely later regret, I followed him. He was gonna get it this time. I opened the door to find him standing there, hand in his hair as if in frustration, in his usual suit attire, minus the jacket.
"Malfoy, we need to talk." I said at him sternly.
"What do you want? I'm not in the mood for your stupid bitching."
"Are you just dead set on ruining my life?"
"What are you talking about? YOU followed ME up here! Don't think I didn't hear your footsteps!"
"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it!" We were slowly making our way towards each other.
"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I couldn't care less about you're pathetic little life, or whatever sob story you're going to try and throw at me."
"Why are you so infuriating? We were in a good place, me and him. And then you had to go and get yourself stuck in my head and ruin everything!"
"Who?"
"Don't play stupid, Malfoy. I know you're doing all this on purpose, somehow!" Now we were pretty close.
"Doing what?!"
"You're just such a jerk! Why did I have to see your face?"
"I have no idea what you think I did, but you've obviously got me confused with someone that gives a shit." Now we were right up close to each other. What was happening?
"Could you be any more infuriating?"
"Oh, I'M the one that's infuriating?"
"Yes, you!"
"You're crazy!"
"You're an asshole!"
And then he grabbed my shoulders and crashed our lips together. It was the angriest, sexiest, and most awesome kiss I'd ever had. His hands moved down to my waist and gripped it even tighter, and he lifted me up so my legs could wrap around his waist, much like Blaise did before. Only, this was… better. Malfoy's mouth moved down to my neck, and then my collar bone, and I gripped his hair in between my fingers like I had secretly longed to do for so long. I let out a moan, and that seemed to spur him on even more. He started to back up, but tripped and fell onto a mattress, complete with pillows and blankets. Had that been there before? Oh. Room of Requirement. Right.
Now I was on top of him, and I was finally able to let out all this sexual tension that had been inside me. It felt amazing. We took turns flipping each other, and since we hated each other, we didn't have to worry about being too rough. I loved it. Before I knew it, I was beneath him, all our clothes were off, we were under a blanket, and we were having sex. Sweet, sweet sex. How I had missed this. It was a shame that it had to be with this guy. But I had to admit—he was SO good at this. This was better than any sex I had ever had with Blaise, and I didn't even think that was possible. One of my hands was still in his hair, and the other was gripping the pillow behind me. And it went on forever.
Well, it went on for a few hours, but still. It could have been forever.
…
"Holy shit." I said.
"Yeah, you mentioned that a few times already." Malfoy said, looking at me with satisfaction.
"That was…. By far… THE best sex… I've ever had." It was hard to get the words out, because I was still trying to catch my breath.
"Ever? So, like, how much sex have you had?"
"Oh, a bit, I guess."
"Oh please. You were WAY too good at it, to only have had sex 'a bit'"
"Jealous, Malfoy?"
"Of course not!" He said, and looked away. We were still clinging to each other, our legs entangled, and we somehow had pushed the pillows off the bed, so my head was resting on his arm.
"I have a confession to make." I said.
"And that is?"
"I love sex. Like, a lot. And it's been a while, for me at least, so you really did me a favor there."
"Well, I'm happy I could be of service to you." There was a few moments of silence, and then, "I have a confession to make, too."
"Oh really? Do tell." I said, and propped my elbow up so I could see him better. And then he got all nervous and looked away again. "Oh, come on. Don't leave me hangin'."
"I… Don't… Hate you." Oh.
"Well, I guess I don't hate you, either. I thought I did, but I've been doubting that for the last few hours." And I laughed, but he stayed serious. "Oh, do you mean… Do you have… Feelings for me?" He looked at me. Oh.
"Oh. Well… Since when?"
"I don't even know. I guess for a while, but I didn't realize it until recently."
"What made you realize?"
"Well, actually, last week. When Blaise got a note, I assume from you, and snuck out to meet you. I saw him go into the room, and then saw you both come out, and I got jealous." He paused, and chuckled. "I couldn't believe it. I was jealous of my best friend for sleeping with the girl I hadn't even realized my feelings for yet."
"Well… We've been hooking up for a while. Like, a couple years." He looked up at me, and his face turned red.
"I'll kill that bastard!" I laughed.
"Calm down there, tiger. Actually, that night you saw us, we weren't having sex."
"Really?" He looked hopeful. Cute.
"Actually, I was ending it."
"Why?"
"Because…. The last time we did it, I saw your face." Silence, and I laid my head back down. But after a few minutes, he propped his head up to look at me.
"So…. You have feelings for me too?"
"I guess so. How did this happen?"
"Beats me. I don't think we'll ever know, really." He smiled. "At least this means very much awesome sex for our very near future, right?" I sat up.
"Actually, no. I'm sorry Malfoy, I can't do that anymore. The other reason why I broke up with Blaise, was that I didn't want to be in that place anymore. I've never been in an actual relationship, and I realized how much I wanted one. I can't just leave a relationship based on sex, just to end up in another one a week later. It makes me feel… Cheap." I started to get up and gather my clothes, not wanting to see the look of disappointment on his face. Then he got up too.
"Wait! How do you know that sex is all I want?" I turned to him.
"Isn't it?"
"I don't know, really. But I'm willing to try. With you."
"You would do that? For me? Take things slow?"
"Yeah. I would. I feel like if I let you walk out of here, not even bothering to try and chase you, I'll be missing out on something amazing." I could have cried, right there.
"I don't know, Malfoy. You do know this means actually WORKING at this, right? Do you realize what this is going to take?" Instead of an answer with words, he took my head in his hands, and kissed me. Not the angry, heat-filled kiss from before… but sweet, and equally as passionate. When he let me go, I broke into a huge grin, and finished getting dressed.
"So, I guess I'll see you… When I see you?" I said, and not waiting for an answer, I turned to go. But from behind me, when he did answer me, he used the line from my favorite movie, the three words that changed my life forever.
"As you wish."