(AN) I am beyond sorry for how long it took me to update! No worries though, within the next couple weeks I should be back to a consistent schedule again! Also, if there are any formatting issues in this upload, I apologize, my computer has been acting up and I was abarely able to upload as is.
as always, enjoy!
As the lever shifted downwards, Rose heard a roaring in her ears. Perhaps the sound of her blood ripping through the veins in her ears, straining to escape her dying form. But after a few moments in which this sound didn't deviate in any form, Rose knew he was there. She knew that the sound of the TARDIS materialising wasn't another figment of her imagination.
But she didn't bother turning. She didn't bother confirming what her ears had already discerned. He was here, and he was opening the door and stepping out into the room, his leather boots creaking on the linoleum.
"Wait." Rose heard him say, but it was too late. The lever let out a high pitched squeak as it strained downwards to the cold flat floor. A buzzing sound emanated through the room, with no particular source, and suddenly a light somewhere near the ceiling started to flow a vivid fuchsia. Rose felt nothing, but she was certain in this moment that the microlasers were attacking, disintegrating the creature on her back. But she had no honest idea.
"Rose," he said, and this time legitimate fear quaked through his voice. This was already apparent to her, for all he could do is say her name. "Rose," he repeated, and this time his voice broke at the end. Rose could listen to every millisecond of that one syllable, and discern exactly what it sounded like in the moment when he crumbled to dust.
"I am sorry Doctor," said Rose, turning to him slowly. "But this is not real. It can't be real."
The Doctor stood there, hands visibly shaking at his sides, his eyes clawing at her like a life line. Rose didn't know what it was that made him seem so real. She was able to see through everyone else here. She was able to discern that the prior incarnation who had just spelled out her fate for her was an illusion, a physical manifestation of her crumbling intellect.
"But it is," he finally whispered, hoarsely. "I am real, Rose."
"No," said Rose, her voice dangerously low. "You aren't, Doctor." She shut her eyes, and with every nerve in her being, she wished him gone, for it was far too tempting to reach out to him and hold him closely to her for all eternity. She couldn't let herself slip into that delusion, and therefore, she had to do this alone.
However, when she opened her eyes, much to her shock, he still stood there, a mere five feet away from her, stock still. She hadn't been able to make him go away.
"I...I don't understand!" Rose cried out, her voice trembling. She threw her hands up over her ears, as if that could keep the knowledge that he was still there, that she couldn't control his presence out of her mind. She collapsed to the ground, her whole body shaking violently. Pain shredded through her form like tiny razor blades. It hurt now, and it was instantly apparent to her that this death was nothing but real. She could hardly sense anything out of the peripheral of the pain that clouded her body, but after a few moments, she became aware of him standing before her, and then kneeling, tenderly placing his hands on her shoulder.
"There is a simple answer to this, Rose," said the Doctor, calmly, his thumbs lightly stroking up and down her sleeves. "I am not of this universe."
"What do you even mean?" Rose choked, trying to pull in deeper on herself. The room swam before her wide staring eyes, and she rocked back and forth, shaking her head. She felt so sick, but nothing pushed out of her throat, only a dull burn was presence. Her whole form was disintegrating one cell at a time, with no regeneration, and it was sheer torture.
"Did you ever think it was odd..." The Doctor breathed in her ear, "That Jack and I were the only true figures existing in this universe?"
Rose pondered this for a second, biting her lip through the cold that seemed to consume her entirety. "I suppose so," said Rose faintly. "I thought that my mind only had the capacity to create those two lives though."
"No," said the Doctor, his hands tightening on her arms. "That isn't true. It all was real, before you came. I know, it had to be." His hands clenched down on her arms, and she sobbed, because her whole body was tearing apart, one microscopic fragment at a time.
"Jack and I realized it, back in the Torchwood facility," he continued, earnestly. "Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. Lives cannot be spontaneously formed without some process beforehand initializing said life."
"I don't understand," Rose repeated flatly, staring emptily at a point above bus shoulder. The Doctor shook her, and her eyes opened slightly, filled with fear at the jarring motion.
"Rose, you have to stay awake, you have to understand!" the Doctor yelled, and his voice cracked with desperation. "I was formed by your root universe! I am an alternate version where I didn't save you, where you died! And then this universe, this universe-" he paused here, and his eyes were filled with incredulity.
"This universe," he finally continued, his eyes softening, "Brought us together. It managed to search across the infinite sphere of existence and bring me to you, right here, right now. "
Rose could only stare at him like a fool, with her mouth slightly open, tears dripping down her cheeks. "But it's too late," she gasped at him, her eyes shutting in agony as her breathing grew more shallow, more frantic. "I'm dying here Doctor, and soon I'll be completely gone."
"Not on my watch, you won't be!" The Doctor gently lowered her to the ground, and then stood, dashing to the machine that emitted the lasers, gently humming. It was fairly simple in design, resembling only a silver box, a lid screwed down on top. The Doctor whipped out the sonic screwdriver and in a second the lid clattered to the ground.
Instantaneously the pain in Rose's entire body incrementally increased, and she writhed on the floor, trembling violently "Make it stop Doctor, make it stop!" she screeched.
"I'm trying!" He yelled to her, but it was to know avail. Sparks flew violently from the box, scattering across the room like disembodied stardust, and the pain just didn't cease. The Doctor swords loudly, and then dug in further, rooting around the mass of wires.
"Rose, I can't stop it!" he finally shouted, shoulder deep in the machine. "But I can re-route it so your body is returned to my universe instead of yours! It's okay Rose!"
Rose tried to respond, but the pain finally climaxed as she convulsed on the floor, tears running down her face. "What if it doesn't work Doctor?!" Rose screamed through the agony. "What about the rift?!" It dawned on her in this moment that there was no hope. He had spoken of it to her before, how it would entirely destroy her and the multiverse if the rift were to be tampered with again. Rose couldn't do this, the Doctor couldn't do this.
She could see him, her beloved Doctor, frantically tearing at wires through her blurred vision. She was seeing in doubles at this point, and what little vision was there was fading. Sparks, vibrant and glowing, exploded from the mechanism and he jumped back. The whole room started rumbling, and he ran to her, cradling her body on his arms.
"Doctor!" Rose cried out, at this point completely unaware of everything around her. "Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
"Rose," the Doctor said, his arms clenching around her and for some reason Rose could barely feel her face but she could feel the tears dripping down his long nose and onto her cheeks. "Rose, I have to leave now or I won't make it, but I will find you I promise!"
Rose shuddered violently, her entire mind tearing apart. "I want to go home," she sobbed. "I want to see my Mum!"
In this instant, Rose felt a certain tranquility, as the she and the Doctor both stared at eachother, faces inches from eachother. Her heart fluttered like a trapped bird in a cage as she took in his disbelieving face, his sorrowful eyes.
"Rose, I am so so sorry," he said, with the saddest look in his eyes, and before Rose could ask him to explain he leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. Rose couldn't even see him anymore, and she couldn't kiss him back because everything was numb. She felt warm hands placing her down. Downwards, that was all she knew. She was falling, plummeting towards an unrecognizable darkness. And the Doctor was no longer there, she could hear his footsteps running, pounding through her empty skull like rocks. And the TARDIS roaring away, leaving her decrepit and frozen on the floor of a never ending cavern.
And then silence.