A/N: This chapter is much lighter than the last few have been, fyi.About the drugs—I've had some significant experience with such activities. Mainly bad. Do you guys seriously think I condone their behavior? Come on.

x

Enterprise High

being a high school AU of ST: XI

with many hijinks

and much angst

x

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Trouble with Tribbles

x

Sulu was… fine.

It sort of made sense that Kirk had had sex with Chekov. Behind a club, no less. While Kirk was high. On, not even pot, which was legit, but fucking birch, which was some truly intense shit.

Because, really, Kirk would do something like that—Sulu was sure there was something wrong with Kirk; he had been much too unafraid of running into a burning house. And Chekov, well, he was sixteen. And honestly, that was sort of what Sulu liked about him in the first place: Chekov didn't understand people, so he just followed them along, but most importantly, he really seemed to enjoy whatever it was they got him into. There was a very messed-up, contradictory innocence in Chekov that Sulu couldn't help but admire.

He remembered seeing Chekov for the first time, riding that bike; well, actually, lying against the tree, looking hazy after running into it. He'd fallen in love with the boy's looks, then, and later with his personality; the way Chekov talked to himself while he worked math problems and could go from being extremely shy to incredibly outgoing at the turn of a hat. Chekov was evidently an extroverted introvert, or something; Sulu, who was steady and consistent (most of the time; though not as much, recently—which was all Pavel's fault, actually), couldn't really understand Chekov's slightly bipolar personality. Maybe Chekov was bipolar. He'd have to ask.

"Are you okay?" said Uhura, snapping her fingers in front of him. "Please don't go into a blood rage. Or, you know, whatever."

"Oh, I'm fine," said Sulu, perking up. He was standing outside of Enterprise High, staring into the parking lot. Uhura had just jogged up to him and spilled about everything that had happened last night. "I was just… processing," he clarified.

"You're not gonna go kill him?" Uhura looked worried.

"Who? Oh, Jim?"

"Yeah," said Uhura, in much the same manner of someone saying, "Um, obviously."

"Nah. Sounds like he's got it hard enough as it is."

Uhura shook her head at him. "You make no sense to me. You freaked when Pavel was hitting on Jim at the beginning of the year. You didn't even talk to Jim until, like… god, was that yesterday?"

"More like day before yesterday, but yeah." Sulu shrugged. "I understand Jim a little bit better after the fire. And I haven't been completely insane about Pavel for a while now."

"What? Yes you have. Sylvia, remember?" She was talking about the girl who had taken Chekov to homecoming. "You were not fine with that."

"Okay, you're right," said Sulu, trying to be patient and explain what was going through his mind. "Here's the deal. Sylvia was a legitimate threat. Jim is just—well, you know. He's into Leo. Or not? Basically, he's not going to steal Pavel into a relationship. Just fuck him, evidently, and hey, everybody jacks off. I mean, it's not like they had penetrative sex."

"Hikaru, frot is a legitimate sexual act—"

"I know! But, there is a difference. And I'm not that fine with it; don't make me think about them too much or I'll start to get nauseous."

Uhura laughed. "I'm glad you're human. If I were you, I'd be off strangling Jim right about now."

"He could use some strangling, I agree," said Sulu, starting towards the school, "but I'm sure Leo will see to that. And okay, I am also pretty disappointed in Pavel for cuckolding Leo."

"I know, right?" Uhura trailed after him, adjusting her bookbag.

"But possibly, Jim can be very persuasive? That's the reasoning I'd lean towards. I mean, I could see having sex with Jim."

Uhura blinked at him. "You're so calm. When I grow up, I want to be you."

"It's easy—just fall stupid in love with somebody."

"Honey, I am stupid in love with somebody. And I'm pretty sure he's about to break up with me. Or vice versa. Well, the vice versa is looking more likely."

Sulu paused, mouth half open to request passage through the school's back doors. "What? Really? Why?"

"I haven't told you about the rest of it… well, we had an argument."

"Oh my God, what about?"

Uhura shrugged. "Differences of opinion. Sort of. Oh, I don't know, it was everything coming together." She steeled herself visibly. "I think I'm going to break up with him before he can break up with me."

Sulu could not believe what he was hearing. Uhura had been completely down the drain for weeks about Spock, and now they were breaking up? What was wrong with the world?

"Wait. What?"

Uhura covered her eyes. "I—okay. I have a hard time explaining this. I already told Christine and she told me I was insane. Which I am. Just—Jim said something, last night, that really made sense. He said that I should be putting Spock before me if I really am in love with him. So, that made me realize that I haven't been putting Spock before me, and that, therefore, I'm not really in love with him."

Sulu gaped at her for a while. "What the actual fuck?" he said.

"Okay, let me rephrase this," said Uhura. "Okay. So. If indeed I do love Spock, which I do, then I am going about it the wrong way and should not be in love with him."

"There's… there's no right way to be in love!"

"There is, and you're illustrating it. You're not going off to kill Jim even though he fucked the guy you're in love with. And I would be, in your place. So, my priorities are off. My love is messed up."

That sort of made sense, Sulu thought. "But, isn't it better to be in love with somebody the wrong way than to be not in love with them and also have a fucked up mind? Which you seem to think are your two options."

"They are my two options, except I'm not falling out of love with Spock, because you can't choose to fall into and out of love—that just happens. Okay, never mind, it's too damn early to be philosophical. Basically I'm breaking up with Spock because I'm not treating him right. Got it?"

"Uh. Yes. Please don't kill me, I was just asking."

Uhura scowled at him. "Good. I have to go do that, now."

"What, break up with him? In the morning? What are you going to do for the rest of the day? When you have six out of seven classes together? Also, he may not return your feelings, but you're definitely the longest relationship he's had, and he can't hate you, he's not going to—"

Sulu realized that Uhura was giving him one of the dirtiest looks he had ever seen and the words piled to a hasty stop in his throat.

"I realize all of this," she said tightly, "but I've got my courage up and like I was saying, I am actually still in love with him, so I'm doing it now before I chicken. Quit trying to talk me out of it."

"Yes, señora," said Sulu humbly.

"Good. Now. I'm going."

"Er, well, good luck?"

"Thanks," she said sarcastically.

x

Kirk found Bones in the parking lot. Bones took one look at his half pleading, half apologetic facial expression and knew something was up.

"Okay, before I say anything, just remember not to kill me," said Kirk, holding up his hands in a sort of 'I am unarmed' gesture. "We've been friends for ages, haven't we? And okay, so there were some issues yesterday, with the sex, and you possibly perceiving that I was attacking your sexual preferences, which I totally wasn't, but we always have issues—we always get into fights. We even did that when we were little. But things get better, right?"

Bones just stared at him. Kirk melted slightly under his gaze.

"Er, right. Well. So, I, sort of had sex with Pavel last night."

And now Bones's jaw was resting peacefully on his chest. Kirk restrained the urge to close his eyes, curl into a tight ball, and rock back and forth until all of this was over. "Yeah. Um. It was a mistake. Obviously."

Bones looked like he wanted to speak, but found the task beyond him.

"I was—sort of high. You didn't know this, but I have this thing were I'm more insane than you thought, and, I took some birch—" Bones's jaw dropped even further, which Kirk hadn't thought was possible, but anyway. "—and, there's thing I've been doing to, well, it's sort of a coping mechanism? I don't know. But it sort of requires me to have sex with somebody, and Pavel was there, at the club I went to, and. Yeah. I'm… a horrible person."

Bones mouthed soundlessly.

"I know how you feel, I really do," said Kirk passionately. "You're really, really pissed, and you can't believe how stupid I am, and you might even want to go kill Pavel (which seriously? Is a bad idea, because I sort of coerced him into it with my amazing sexiness), but deep down inside—really deep—uh, okay, really really deep—you love me and want to stay friends with me."

There was no reply from Bones.

Kirk twiddled his thumbs. "We have class in ten, you know."

Silence.

"I take it you're going to be breaking up with me?"

Bones finally managed to say, "You say 'sort of' much too often."

Kirk blinked at him. "Is that it?"

"Of COURSE not!" Bones roared. "You had SEX with PAVEL? At a CLUB? While you were HIGH on BIRCH?"

"It's really important that you remember the not killing me pact we've got going—"

"Not—a jury—in the world," snarled Bones, aiming a finger at Kirk. "We are definitely breakin' up. Actually I might never speak to you again."

"Ooh, see, no, that would be a mistake. I mean, I am insane, I'll give you that, but I'm also a good friend, and—"

"How can you—? Jim. You—okay. You did so much wrong here that I don't even know where to start. Let's… let's not even discuss Pavel. Although I will be having a talk with him."

"But, hey, he wasn't—"

"He won't get hurt. Much. I promise. Now listen." Bones paused to give his next statement strength. He stared right at Kirk. "Birch?"

"Yeah, okay. Not my finest hour."

"By no means. I had no idea, Jim. None. This isn't somethin' you—somethin' you do. You're the top of the class. You can't, just—run around doin' these things. Why?"

Kirk let out a breath, avoiding Bones's eyes. "That's a big question," he said.

"We've got time."

"Well, technically, we don't, class starts in—"

"I really doubt our GPAs are gonna go down if we miss one class of English."

"That's the kind of thinking—"

"Jim."

"Okay, okay. Um, well, I just—oh, God, I can't tell you, I really can't. You have to believe me. I would have told you if I could, it's just that I—don't talk about it. Ever. To anyone. Okay, and actually, until yesterday, nobody even knew there was something I didn't talk about. But, I think—" Kirk stopped. He was going to say, I think I wanted someone to find out, that's why I brought Uhura with me to the club, but he couldn't, because then Bones might think that Kirk really wanted to tell him, but Bones wasn't the one Kirk wanted to tell. Kirk knew none of this made any sense, because he had no idea who it was that he wanted to tell, but, it was his mind, and it was kind of fucked up right now.

"You think what?" Bones pressed.

"I think it's good that we're breaking up, actually," said Kirk, jumping ahead in the conversation a bit. He knew he'd have to say this eventually. "I really and truly do not have anything against your sexual preferences, but I just don't like them. It's unrelated to all of this, but—that kink of yours really" (disturbs me scares me horrifies me) "turns me off."

Bones's expression went hollow. "I'm a monster to you, that's what you're saying?"

Kirk tried to clarify; he thought he'd phrased that right. But Bones was evidently going to take umbrage to Kirk's reasoning no matter how he worded his objections.

"That was why Jocelyn broke up with me," snapped Bones. He was flushed, clearly embarrassed, but also angry. "Because she said there was somethin' wrong with me for wantin'—oh, Christ." He covered his eyes. "I didn't share this with you lightly, Jim. And then you went and—made me feel like shit for wantin' it—"

"No! God, Bones, that's not it at all. It's nothing against you. You can handcuff whomever you want to any damn bedpost on this side of the continental divide, but I just don't go in for that sort of thing. I'm pretty disturbingly vanilla. It's unexpected, I know, but I like—I like to have sex with people, not ideas."

Bones, to Kirk's absolute horror, looked like he was about to cry. Fuck, thought Kirk. Could I have phrased that any worse?

"Don't be so damn flippant," said Bones softly, his anger restrained into a tight little package at the back of his throat. "God, Jim. Would you think about other people, for once?" He bit his lip and stared over Kirk's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Kirk whispered.

"You could never be sorry enough," Bones said to him in a tone of deepest disappointment. For some reason, that hit Kirk harder than all of the previous anger. "Go to class. I'll be right there."

Kirk hesitated, but Bones looked at him with actual hate in his eyes. Kirk couldn't face that, right now. Blindly he turned from his ex-boyfriend and walked up to the school. He kept his mind blank. If he didn't, he knew he would sit down and sob.

x

Uhura decided that the best course with Spock was logic, and it was. She cornered him outside of Mr. Maru's classroom and, talking fast, explained exactly why they were not right for each other and that they should stop seeing each other and that she was very sorry about the timing but she felt that at the moment that she should be there for him as a friend, unless of course—but she stopped herself. No, she could not let herself put a loophole in. She had to end this.

Spock was shocked that Uhura was breaking up with him, not that he showed it. He was not unhappy about their parting, but it surprised him—he had gotten the sense that she would stick it out 'till the end, as it were, not halt in the middle of things. They were, by no means, over as a couple simply because of that one fight. The relationship was quite salvageable. But her tone of voice when she told him that this was it was undeniably firm, and he had no logical objections to the severing of their romantic ties, so the thing was done, and the relationship was formally dissolved.

Which did not mean that he lacked any particular feeling on the situation. In fact, when she went inside the room, leaving him outside, he realized that he was trembling. He was not sick, as he had been yesterday after their fight; he just felt—he didn't know what it was he was feeling. Hollow, maybe, as if he lacked something he was used to having.

Bones came striding up the hall like a thundercloud, underclassmen throwing themselves out of his way. Spock watched as Bones prowled into Mr. Maru's room without a glance at Spock. Moments later, he was hauling Chekov out by his shirtsleeve, Sulu following them both with a dangerous expression on his face.

Spock's curiosity got the better of him. What was this about? He moved forward to watch as the three arranged themselves into a triangle, Chekov angrily tugging his cuff out of Bones's fist.

"—not Pavel's fault," Sulu was saying sharply to Bones.

"I'm not sayin' it is completely his fault, but the implication—" Bones tried to say.

"You cannot go to Jim about this?" Chekov said, drawing himself further away from Bones. He looked angrier than Spock had ever seen him, and the expression was ugly on his face. "I will have nothing to with you if you will be this rude to me. I was going to apologize when I saw you next, but if instead you will drag me out of my class simply because your boyfriend cannot keep his hands off of me—"

"Listen," said Bones firmly. "Don't try to reason yourself outta this, Pavel. You know you did the wrong thing. You can't possibly have imagined that no consequences would stem from what happened. You don't interrupt monogamous relationships. It's not done, d'you understand? Okay, yes, I'll be the first to admit that this is mainly Jim's fault, but—Pavel." Bones closed the space between them once more and squeezed Chekov's shoulder. "Think about it?"

Chekov looked at Bones, then at the ground.

"Yes, Leo," he said quietly. "I am sorry."

"I know. And I'm sorry I manhandled you. I was just riled up."

"That's no excuse," Sulu started to say hotly, then calmed himself. "Just—don't do it again. And the same to you," he added sternly to Chekov, who laughed a little.

Then Bones frowned. "Where's Jim?"

"What do you mean?" Chekov asked.

"Jim—I sent him up here ahead of me. I just realized he wasn't in English."

"I haven't seen him all morning," said Sulu with a shrug. "Maybe he decided to skip and avoid you, Leo."

"Did you break up?" Chekov asked, sounding guilty.

"Absolutely," said Bones, with another (slightly less intense) glare at Chekov. "He's not the type to run from things, though… or maybe he is," Bones added bitterly.

Scotty stuck his head out of the door. "Just thought you should know, class is startin' in thirty seconds."

Spock hurried forwards. Sulu, Chekov, and Bones followed at a more leisurely pace.

"Where's Jim?" Scotty asked, looking concerned.

"We're not sure," said Sulu, just as Bones said, "Doesn't matter."

Scotty narrowed his eyes at Bones. "You really think 'tis a good idea t' let him loose after what happened last night? Nyota told me all about it," he added pointedly.

"He is likely to be in the library," said Spock, without thinking.

Bones blinked at him. They were inside the door by this time, standing in the short hallway near the entrance. Sulu and Chekov had seated themselves and the whole class was watching them. "Why would you say that?"

"Logically, a person such as James would take refuge there," said Spock, discomfited that he was guessing this, or that he was guessing at all.

"Mr. Maru! Do y'mind if I run down t' th' library for just a mo'?" Scotty called across the room.

"What for?" snapped Mr. Maru.

"Er, ah need t' get a book for me presentation. It won't take but a second."

Mr. Maru shrugged. "While you're there, get the book Mr. Madaki has on hold for me?" He swiped his ID over the scanner on his desk and a pressed a button on the touch-screen, giving Scotty an electronic hall pass. "Come right back."

"Yes, sir," said Scotty without an obvious trace of irony. He winked at Spock and Bones and left just as the bell rang.

x

Kirk was resting in the 600 section, next to medical sciences. There was a pharmacology book open in his lap to a page about methamphetamine and its derivates. He looked up as Scotty approached and closed the book guiltily.

"You should come t' class," said Scotty softly.

Kirk shook his head. "Bones hates me," he whispered. "I hate me. And I don't even want to know what Hikaru is planning to do to me."

"Hikaru is disturbin'ly alright with what happened," said Scotty. He settled down on the floor beside Kirk. "'Tis worryin' me, actually."

"He is? Oh, that's good to know." Kirk looked suspicious. "How'd you know where to find me?"

"Spock thought you'd be here," said Scotty. "You—"

There was a noise to the side of them. Beyond Scotty, at the end of the row, stood Spock.

"Mr. Maru gave me a pass," said Spock, holding up his ID almost nervously as Kirk and Scotty stared at him. "You may leave, Montgomery."

Scotty shrugged and heaved himself to his feet. "Have it your way, Spock," he said. He clapped Kirk on the shoulder. "Don't get down, laddie. Men like you always bounce back."

Spock approached hesitantly. Kirk was watching him, clutching the pharmacology book in his lap with white-knuckled hands.

"I have heard that you and Leonard ended your relationship," he said. "I come to offer my condolences, or my congratulations, whichever you find to be more acceptable."

Kirk actually laughed.

"I would also like to tell you that Nyota and I ended our relationship," Spock continued. "So, I find myself, as it were, in your situation."

Kirk stopped laughing. Concern flickered over his features. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "What happened?"

"She explained that, since I did not support the continuation of the relationship, it should not progress, even though she continued to… have feelings… for me," Spock said. "She said that my needs outweighed her own."

Oh, shit, thought Kirk. He remembered most of last night, and he certainly recalled his parting comment to Uhura. "Um, I might be kind of responsible for this," Kirk admitted, figuring he'd better tell the truth. "I was with Nyota last night, and I told her that you should be her first priority. I used that phrasing, with the 'needs,' exactly."

Spock tilted his head. "Fascinating," he said quietly. "If you were indeed the originator of the phrase, could you possibly explain the logic behind it? As far as I am aware, the self is the primary concern of the human. Nyota, however, emphasized that I was her primary concern."

"Yeah, because she's in love with you."

Spock looked confused. "What has love to do with personal priorities?"

"Are you kidding? Come on. If you're in love with somebody, you would basically do anything for them. You would risk everything for their preservation."

"That is most illogical."

Kirk grinned and patted Spock's cheek. "You're too cute. It's completely cliché to say this, but I guess I have to—love is illogical."

"James, you are speaking gibberish. Nothing is illogical, especially not a sentiment shared by a vast number of people, including Vulcans."

Kirk threw up his hands. "Fine. Think that way. But consider what Nyota did, and how illogical of an action it was for her."

Spock did not reply to that. He didn't know how to. He reached over and plucked the pharmacology book out of Kirk's hands.

"Why did you take the birch?" he asked.

Kirk shook his head. "People have got to quit asking me that."

"Why, James? It was—"

"Don't fucking say it was illogical."

"It was."

Kirk got up. "Let's go to class, okay?"

"James…" Spock sighed. "That is your choice." Kirk grabbed Spock's hand to help him up.

"Your skin is so hot," said Kirk softly when Spock was standing in front of him. He was still holding Spock's hand.

"Vulcans have a higher body temperature than humans. A full Vulcan would have an internal temperature of forty-four point two degrees Celsius, while my average temperature is exactly three point six degrees cooler than that." Spock pulled his hand gently out of Kirk's, trying not to let his mind wander, which was difficult, with Kirk so close to him.

"That's… very interesting." Kirk also looked rather distracted. "Um, I gotta drop by the office and get a tardy, okay?"

"You could simply obtain a nurse's pass," said Spock, well aware that what he was saying was directly influenced by how Kirk's hand had felt wrapped around his fingers.

"What? To do that, you have to have been in the nurse's office before the bell—" Kirk paused. "Wait. You have a library pass?"

"Yes," said Spock, pleased that Kirk was catching on.

Kirk stared at him. "Are you offering me your pass?"

"I would do no such thing," said Spock calmly, handing Kirk his ID card. "That would be dishonest."

Kirk grinned and took it. "You are too cool, you know that?" Kirk put his own ID card next to Spock's and pulled his PADD out of his pocket. "Check for the librarian, would you?"

"Even though there is no illegal activity currently occurring, I shall do so," said Spock, peering over the stacks.

"I thought Vulcan's didn't lie."

"We merely rephrase. Your actions are not illegal, simply… against the rules."

"I get it." Kirk typed a couple of lines of code into his PADD and watched as a nurse's pass appeared on his ID card. "Transferred and edited. Shame I forgot to mention that loophole in the firewall to Ms. Valence when I was working on the school security system. Thanks, Spock."

"For what?" said Spock guilelessly.

"That's the spirit," chuckled Kirk.

They headed back to English.

x

Kirk and Bones sat on opposite of the room from each other, as did Spock and Nyota. The tension was evident throughout class. Mr. Maru, informed of the tragedy that had occurred at Spock's house but completely unaware of anything else, made a few ungraceful comments, but it was nothing too harmful.

Everybody trooped off to physics in an awkward bunch. Thankfully, Pike had decided to make today's lesson casual.

"You all did very well on Friday's test," said Pike, pacing in front of the classroom. "As usual, the perfect score pencils go to Mr. Kirk and Mr. Spock, with an honorary mention for Ms. Gaila, who did not receive full credit because a single decimal point was out of place. Problem fifteen, if you were wondering, Gaila." Gaila scowled. "Nice work, class. Now, I've made up a rather different lesson for today. I know this is a physics class, but I know you all had a tough weekend, so I've decided to do a fun little exobiology lesson." Pike held up a foot-square wire cage filled with little balls of fur. "How many people here have heard of tribbles?"

Uhura let out something resembling a squeal. Everybody turned to her.

"My dad brought one home for me one time," she muttered, embarrassed. "They're… they're really cute."

Chekov, who was sitting next to her, looked intrigued. "What are they?" he asked.

"Tribbles, or Polygeminus grex, are small mammalian animals native to planet Iota Geminorum IV. They are notable for being voracious eaters, as well as for their rapid rate of procreation." Pike paused to undo the latch on the cage. "They are also well known for their… soothing properties."

Spock raised his eyebrow.

"If you would divide yourselves into pairs, I will hand out the tribbles," said Pike.

Kirk, who would have generally partnered with Bones, latched onto Spock, who was fine with avoiding Uhura, even though their breakup had been amicable. Bones glared across the room at Kirk and asked Chapel if she would partner with him. Sulu claimed Chekov, and Uhura, who was busy staring at the cage of tribbles, was left without a partner, since there were an odd number of people in the class. Scotty and Gaila invited her to join them.

Each pair got a tribble. Pike kept one for himself. It was a pale yellow color, and larger than the rest.

"This is Spike," said Pike, holding up the tribble. "My friend Vin Asunder lent him to me for the purposes of this lesson. The rest of the tribbles in this room are Spike's offspring. Now, can anybody tell me how to tell the difference between male and female tribbles?"

There was a long silence.

Pike smiled. "It has been hypothesized that tribbles reproduce asexually. However, tribble reproduction has never been observed. The scientists that have attempted to study these creatures are generally perplexed by their mating habits…"

Kirk glanced over at Spock, who was holding their tribble. Spock was staring at it and stroking it with great concentration. The tribble was letting out a low humming noise.

"Spock."

Spock didn't react. He kept stroking the tribble. There was a faraway look on his face.

"Spock."

Spock jumped. The tribble nuzzled closer to Spock's chest, but Spock put it down primly on the table and stared back up at Pike. Kirk tried not to laugh.

The other students were equally entranced by their tribbles. Sulu and Chekov were eye level with their specimen, both of them petting it. Uhura had claimed Scotty and Gaila's tribble and was utterly silent as it hummed in her arms. Even Bones looked enraptured by his gray one.

Pike trailed off. Kirk, Spock, and Chapel were the only ones who noticed. Everybody else was staring at their tribbles as if they possessed the secret to immortality. Pike grinned at the three of them. Then he cleared his throat loudly. Everybody else in the room leaped collectively a few meters off of their seats.

"I see you have been exposed to their aforementioned soothing properties," said Pike, amused. Bones was bright red. He shoved his tribble towards Chapel, not meeting anybody's eye. Again, Kirk tried not to laugh.

"Tribbles are, as I have said, a mystery to science," Pike continued. "We know that they are susceptible to certain poisons and the number of offspring they produce is directly related to the amount of food they consume. However, I would like to ask all of you to take a close look at your tribbles. See if you can find eyes, a mouth, an anus, or reproductive features and if you can identify their plane of symmetry."

The students poked and prodded at their tribbles for a while. Pike petted Spike absently as he strode around the room, snapping various students out of their trances. Kirk and Spock, trying not to touch each other's hands (Spock for entirely different reasons than Kirk), examined their tribble.

"It's just… fur," said Kirk, so close to the thing his nose was nearly touching it. "I can see some skin, but I swear to God, it's just a… a ball of fluff. That purrs."

They discussed the biological impossibility that tribbles represented for the rest of class. Uhura and Chekov were the most susceptible to the creatures' charms: Uhura barely spoke a word throughout the whole period, and Sulu had to constantly elbow Chekov to keep him cognizant.

History passed calmly enough. Kirk and Spock found themselves sitting next to each other again, since Uhura was talking to Chapel, who was shadowing Bones. The only moment of excitement came at the beginning of the class, when Ms. Tyvak announced that they were beginning Russian history and Chekov nearly had a heart attack.

Lunch was terrible. Uhura was welcomed back to the table with open arms. She tried to bring Kirk with her, but Kirk was still afraid of Bones's hateful glare, so he muttered something about needing to do homework and fled back to the library, where he found Spock in their old place in the 600s, reading the book on pharmacology.

Spock looked up to see Kirk backing away. "I will not continue to inquire as to your motivations behind your actions, since I am sure your reasoning would escape me," said Spock irritably. "Have a seat, James. I take it you are avoiding Leonard?"

"Yup. He's trying to curdle my soul or something. It's creepy. Also, understandable. How much do you know about what happened?"

"Very little. Only that you had sexual intercourse with Pavel and consumed methylphenylpropanimine before doing so."

"Methylphenylbutanimine, actually. Birch has three alkanes, not two."

"The variety of birch that is sold in California tends to have three alkanes, since it is produced in Canada, where the ingredients that make up the substance are slightly different than the ingredients used in the rest of the world."

"How do you know that?"

Spock held up the book. "You were reading this earlier."

"Okay. Wow. You have, like, a photographic memory or something, don't you?" Kirk was quiet for a while. "Aren't you hungry?"

"I plan on consuming nourishment when I return to Lady T'Pau's residence after school."

"So, you're just going to skip lunch? Come on. We could go eat somewhere."

"James, we are not allowed off of school property during class hours."

"Well, yeah, but that's no fun. I'll just go grab a pass from Pike to work on the Enterprise and we can leave through the garage. Come on, please come with me? I'm really craving a cheeseburger." Kirk fluttered his eyelashes at Spock, who was stayed strong.

"There are numerous flaws in this plan, namely, the fact that—"

"Spock. Lunch. Priorities. Get up, we're going to eat."

Spock rose to his feet, grumbling. "Allowing you to convince me to do unsafe, unlawful, and unwise things will not continue," he said adamantly.

"That's my talent, though. Hey, if not even Vulcans can resist my modest charms and handsome good looks, I could take over the galaxy."

Spock gave him a look that said, "Seriously?"

Kirk gave him a look back that said, "Seriously," and started humming As Time Goes By.

"This is not the beginning of a beautiful friendship, James," said Spock crisply.

"Oh my God, you get pop culture references?"

Spock ignored him. "I will have lunch with you as long as the restaurant we go to has an acceptable vegetarian menu," he said.

Kirk grinned. "I'll round up the usual suspects."

Spock's eyes said, "I might have to kill you." Kirk simply blew him a kiss.

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