Chapter 23
Dean was sitting on his own couch back in Florida by Thursday evening. He had a half full bottle of Jack Daniels and a topped shot glass in front of him on the coffee table. All he could think about were the events that took place over the last few days. He went from having three lovers to none at all. He leaned his head back as he down the full contents of the shot glass. The liquor burning the back of his throat as it went down. It didn't help to numb the desolation that he was feeling but it was the only way he knew how to deal with his pain.
He remembered Chris' face as he dropped him off at the airport in Canada. He didn't see the usual sparkle in those blue eyes as Chris looked at him before he got out of the car. He knew that Chris had actually gotten to care for him a lot during the short space of time since they had first kissed. It was regretful that it had to end like that. Dean did care about Chris just not in the way that he had truly deserved. He wanted to lean over and kiss him one last time before he got out of the car but he knew that he wouldn't be doing himself nor Chris any favours. The last kiss that they had shared in Chris' bedroom should be the final note that the relationship ended on. What could have been if only Dean wasn't so emotionally screwed up. When Dean held the handle on the door to open it, Chris grabbed his other other arm. He looked at Chris not knowing what to expect. Jericho gave a small smile and said that they could still be friends, if Dean wanted to be. Ambrose nodded his head in agreement thankful that he hadn't burned another bridge. Chris smiled again at him but Dean could tell that he was hurting. Hell. He had never meant to hurt him. He had just been so caught up in how he felt Roman and Seth were doing him wrong that he never fully saw how much Chris had taken to him.
It was strange as he was getting out of the car that he felt a sudden desire for Chris. Dean took another shot of Jack. Of course it figures. When someone didn't want him, he persued them relentlessly like he did with Roman and Seth. When the person finally caved to his desires, he would no longer want them. He would turn on them. Maybe it was just like Chris said. Maybe he was afraid of people getting too close to him and loving him for who he was.
Roman and Seth. God. He loved them. Yet he had treated them badly. He remember the times when both of them had wanted him to stay with them but he insisted on getting away. How he had hurt Seth when he called him a woman for wanting to spend time with him. Or when he had kissed Roman on the bed and he had sworn that the Samoan was going to ask him to stay but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Dean chuckled softly while holding the glass in his hand. In some ways Roman was a lot like him. He always had trouble finding the words to express himself especially when it came to his feelings for someone.
Dean poured himself another shot. Tommorrow they had to be in Phoenix for a house show. The crowd wouldn't have a clue that The Shield was falling apart at the seams.
Seth was lying down on the soft white sheets of Roman's bed. His boyfriend's body was partially on top of his as they exchanged lazy kisses. One of Roman's arms were hooked under Seth's shoulder and was caressing his back as their lips softly touched each other. They were both only wearing boxers but this wasn't necessarily a prelude to sex. They were just simply enjoying each other.
They had both been hurt when Dean had decided to go off to Canada with Jericho. They couldn't believe that the man that they both loved could be so callous towards them. On the plane Roman had suggested that Seth spend the couple of days with him. Seth had instantly agreed. Neither of them wanted to be alone right now.
They didn't speak about Dean since they had arrived back in Florida. Seth knew that both of them had been thinking about him but they never brought it up. Seth was still certain that Dean did love them in his own way but how he had treated them was just downright cruel. Seth felt Roman's nose nuzzling him in the crook of his neck followed by some light kisses. He sighed softly and held Roman a little tighter to his body. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Reigns loved him and would always protect him no matter what. He kissed the golden tan skin on Roman's shoulder. Even though he had lost Dean, he still had Roman and Seth was never going to let him go.
To say that it was tense in the hotel room that Friday night would have been a severe understatement. They had barely spoken to each other more than was needed when they went through their routine before the match had started and had enough comraderie on stage so that the crowd or their workmates wouldn't suspect anything. But back in their room Roman and Seth straight out ignored Dean. If he started making small talk with Roman he would receive a death glare. If he tried with Seth all he got was a shrug of shoulders. Dean knew what the problem was. All he had to do was apologize. Say that he was sorry. Opening his mouth and admitting that he was wrong was the first step.
" I'm sorry."
Dean's words washed over the room like a wave breaking on a rocky seashore. Both Roman and Seth looked up at him. He sat on the edge of his bed hunched over. He ran his left hand through his auburn hair in a sporadic manner. He looked at them as he continued to speak.
" I'm really sorry. I was wrong." Dean hated admitting that he was wrong about anything but he couldn't take the silent treatment any longer. If they shouted at him, beat him up, anything was better than this.
" I shouldn't have done what I did. You guys were right. I was being selfish." He saw Roman and Seth exchange a look but they didn't say anything to him.
" Fuck!" Dean got off the bed and started pacing the room. " I can't take this. I can't take you guys ignoring me. It's picking away at me like little chips. I just want to peel off my skin until it's all over."
Roman and Seth just sat on the bed and stared at him.
" Stop that! Stop staring at me. Say something!" Dean marched right up in front of them staring hard into Seth's and Roman's faces. " Stop torturing me!"
Dean took a step back and opened his arms wide as an invitation. " C'mon. Take your best shot. Hit me. How about it Seth? You Roman? I know your just dying to punch me right in the face for what I did."
" Come on!" Dean was desperate now. " Don't either of the two of you want to take a swing at me? I certainly would want to." Dean slapped his face. " C'mon. This is a good punching bag right here!"
Seth shook his head and finally spoke. " Dean stop it."
" Ah ha. Finally a reaction." He leaned over in front of Seth tapping his jaw. " C'mon Seth. You know that you want to do it. After all of the nasty things I called you. C'mon knock the living daylights out of old Dean."
Seth shook his head again and looked away from him. " I don't want to hit you Dean."
Dean smiled sadistically. " Okay fine. You want to choke me out then? Come on. I'll let you do it."
Seth looked at him in disbelief. " What the fuck is wrong with you? No I don't want to choke you out."
" Well what else do you want from me?" Dean's desperation was growing more apparent. He needed something from them to let him know that everything between them was going to be fine.
" I want you to stop acting like a fucking douche." Seth's brown eyes blazed at him. Dean glanced at Roman but he purposely avoided his gaze and focused on Seth.
Seth's words hurt him. " How the fuck am I being a douche? I just apologized." Dean didn't get it. He had just humbled himself to his best friends but they were still keeping him at arm's length.
" Yeah you apologized but how? You think everything will be alright if we just beat you up? That's fucking sick." Seth had actually yelled at him. He could have handled it better if it had come from Roman but not his little Sethie.
Dean took a step back. His shoulders hunched. His entire stance said defeat. " Well I'm a sick guy." He said quietly.
Suddenly the room was too small and the air was too thick. Dean just had to get out of there. He went to the door and opened it and stepped into the corridor closing the door behind him. All he was wearing was a white t-shirt that he slept in and a red plaid pair of boxers. There were no shoes on his feet and he had no idea where to turn.
He knocked on the door. He had no one else to turn to. His heart was breaking and his eyes were burning with tears. He hoped this person wouldn't turn him away as well.
A sleepy Jericho clad only in blue shorts opened the door and was quite surprised to see a tear stained Dean Ambrose looking back at him.
" Hey," Chris said softly as he stepped forward to embrace him. Dean's head collapsed on his shoulder, he was openly sobbing now. " I take it that it didn't go to well, huh?"
Chris felt Dean shaking his head against his bare shoulder as he led him inside his room and closed the door.
" I totally fucked up this time Chris. I can't do anything right." His words came out in broken syllables and Chris totally felt for him. His feelings for Dean were still fresh but he knew that he needed a friend right now more than anything.
He sat Dean down on the couch as he felt his tears wet his shoulder.
" Look it's going to be alright. You can spend the night here if you want." Chris never thought he would see the day that Dean Ambrose became undone. That he would allow someone to see him so vulnerable and desolate. All of Dean's walls had crumbled but it wasn't in the way that Chris had hoped.
Dean pulled away from Chris' shoulder and wiped his tears. " Thanks."
Chris pushed Dean gently back on the couch. " I'm going to get you a pillow and a blanket."
He stood up to go to the bedroom to get the items but Dean grabbed his hand. He turned around and saw Dean shaking his head at him.
" Can I not sleep with you?" His tear rimmed eyes pleaded with Chris.
Jericho felt his heartstrings pulling for the younger man but he didn't trust himself not to fall so easily back into Dean with him being so close to him.
The Canadian shook his head but Dean continued. " Please Chris. I just want to be close to someone."
He looked so helpless and alone staring at him with those water filled light blue eyes that Chris relented.
" Okay come on." Still holding Dean's hand he lead him into the bedroom.
Dean got in one side of the king sized bed and Chris got in at the other. There was still plenty of room between them.
" Thank you." Chris heard Dean say.
" Don't mention it." He responded. Don't mention it all, Chris mused sadly. Because I still want you next to me.
A/N: Thank you to all of my faithful reviewers. Your input and encouragement is greatly appreciated.