This is awful … possibly the most traumatic day of my life. Sure, the day Virgil turned up at the track unannounced and told me they thought Gordon was going to die, is up there with it. But at least Gordon's still sat alongside me, trying to pretend he's not crying.
My Grandma is dead. This is goodbye.
I'm never going to see her again.
I'm never going to feel her comforting hand on my shoulder, the slap of her fingers as I reach for another piece of pie or see that look that immediately told me to keep my head down and my mouth shut.
I'm never going to smell that god-awful perfume she liked to wear that made me sneeze, or get to smile at the way she giggled when she drank a little too much liquor, even though she only did it now and then.
I can't imagine how my life goes from here, without her to influence me. She's been a mother to me, something I was never lucky enough to have.
Tin-Tin knows I'm struggling and squeezes my hand with hers. Maybe I'll keep a bottle of that perfume, or maybe Tin-Tin can try to teach me to bake pies or something. Or maybe, I'll just try to be more like she was; the best, most fair, kind and honest person I ever had the honour to know.