A/N: Being the longest chapter thus far, this is where things get more interesting…
III. "Oh, You Make Me Feel So Weak"
Nikki rolled off Jonesy and onto her side of their bed, panting as she looked him in the eyes. Her grandmother always regarded eyes as the "windows to the soul," reciting the old saying every chance she'd gotten. Though Nikki couldn't tell what thoughts were going through the mind behind those brown eyes, she adored them regardless.
She grinned at him and he did so in return, making her cheeks flush.
They had been together for six years now—despite taking a brief break when she lived in Iqaluit—yet his boyish grin still made her melt. He was the only guy who could reduce her to a puddle of warm, romantic feelings. He was the only one who could make her feel vulnerable (but never weak).
Ugh, screw him for making me feel like this, she thought. She was tempted to snort. Oops, too late.
He stole several tender kisses from her smiling lips.
"Thanks for going sightseeing with me earlier," she said as she ran her fingers through his blue-black hair. "I had a lot of fun with you."
"I did, too." He purred as she messed with his hair. "You know, I just realized that it doesn't matter where we are together, because we always make things fun."
She laughed. "After all these years, you just realized that?"
"I mean, I've always known it, but it's just been low-key." He stole another kiss from her, this one being deep and long. "Maybe we can have some more fun in this room."
Chuckling, she said, "Jonesy, didn't we already have enough 'fun' for one night?"
He shook his head. "It's still not enough for me, babe."
She rolled her eyes.
"Hey, I can't help that I want you so much."
"Mmm, I'm flattered. At least I know your interest in me has never faded."
"Not once, Nik. Not once." He caressed her cheek. "Speaking of you… me… us…"
"Spit it out, Jonesy." One side effect of her never dancing around issues was that she had no patience for those who did. "What is it?"
"How do you feel about our relationship so far?" He didn't want to directly ask her about marriage just yet. He wasn't ready to ask her just yet, but, bearing Wyatt and Jude's advice in mind, it was a start. This way, the conversation would appear as innocent pillow talk, not a prelude to marriage.
"Well, despite you screwing up from time-to-time and the unique ways we seem to bicker—not to mention your bad taco breath—"
"Hey!" he interjected.
"—Kidding… kind of. But, like I was saying before, being with you has been the best six years of my life. You make me feel amazing."
"And you make me feel on top of the world, babe." He gazed at her. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
As their lips met, she climbed on top of him, straddling him as they kissed. He embraced her, full of nothing but pure joy after hearing her response to his question. Things were shining in his favor. Maybe, just maybe, If things continued to shine this way in the next few days, they would be engaged.
"Remember when you said you wanted more of me?" she asked, kissing his neck after she spoke.
"Yeah," he said with a smirk on his face.
"The feeling's mutual."
The feeling was quite mutual for Jen and Jude, too.
Two days had passed since they declared themselves friends with benefits, and she already felt a difference in her life. She felt better each time Jude was in her bed. Something about playing the dual role of best friends by day and lovers by night was riveting; it made her cheeks flush when the gang hit the city during the day, because they were something their friends couldn't see.
Sometimes, however, when they laid in her bed and she felt a connection blossoming between them, she had to remind herself to cut any budding feelings for him. She had to remind herself that he wasn't a boyfriend. He wasn't Corey, Charlie, Travis, or Logan. He was Jude Lizowski, her best friend. The closest he had ever been to being her boyfriend at sixteen was when he was her fake date to a Penalty Box event. The closest he was to being her boyfriend right now was through fill-the-void-in-their-hearts sex.
They were adults now. They defined their relationship, their boundaries, and their inevitable return to being just friends as soon as they set foot inside LaGuardia Airport. She promised herself she would enjoy these no-strings-attached nights with him. She promised herself she wouldn't let him complete her, and she would hold herself to it.
She would still be a hurricane at night and the calm before the storm by day.
And now, as she held him captive in her kiss, about to be the storm she wanted to be, she felt powerful. Knowing how to turn him on, knowing she had the power to make him feel good made Jen unstoppable. She was a control freak by nature, always wanting to be the one in control of everything, and being with Jude gave her the reigns on their relationship.
She especially felt in control when he groaned her name and looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. But it also made her feel vulnerable and weak; she never had a guy look at her like he did, like she was made of glass. And, for the week, he would be the only guy to look at her like that. Maybe the only one ever, she figured.
But she had no time to focus on that.
"So," he asked as he held her in his arms, "are you gonna head to the club with us tomorrow night?"
Jen almost forgot about their plans until he mentioned it.
One of Caitlin's cousins who lived in the city told her all about a club called the New Americana and how it was a highlight of New York City nightlife. The music was great, the liquor was endless, and the people were vibrant—all of which were concepts which sold Caitlin. And, when she pitched it with an overzealous smile on her face, she sold the gang on it, too.
"Yeah, even though clubs aren't exactly my thing." She frowned. She'd only been to two clubs in her life: the one the group snuck in when they were teenagers and another one for Jonesy's eighteenth birthday. She didn't have the best experiences in them, either, considering she had a wardrobe malfunction in one and multiple drinks spilled on her in the other. However, she wanted to give New Americana a try, hoping she would have better luck in clubs from this point on. Maybe New York's clubs had something Toronto's didn't have.
"If ya ever feel down while we're there tomorrow, you can always talk to me. I'm always here for ya, babe."
She internally squealed at being his babe before telling herself to calm the hell down. Appearing as calm as possible—like she didn't just freak out moments ago—she said, "Thanks, Jude. You know, you're the best."
"Aww, you're the sweetest."
She grinned, falling asleep in his arms with a dreamy look on her face minutes later.
After taking a taxi to the heart of the Big Apple, the gang stumbled inside New Americana, which was more like a neon city than a nightclub. Its ceilings soared high with neon-lit borders framing it, its first floor was dominated by a packed dance floor and a bar, and its second floor was adorned with couches and other lounge areas.
As soon as the group marveled at it, they knew this would be the highlight of their trip. Caitlin was especially amazed because every detail her cousin told her about exceeded what she pictured in her head.
"Whoa, this place is fucking wild," Jonesy said as his eyes ghosted over everything.
"I know right? It's magical," Caitlin said. While she looked around, she caught sight of the DJ, a girl whose dark skin, spiky pixie cut, and brown eyes reminded her of her girlfriend Chantel, who was also a part-time DJ. She made a mental note to call her later and tell her all about tonight. "So, what do you think, Jen?"
"I think this place is really nice." She and clubs didn't get along too well, but she had a good feeling about tonight. Tonight was going to be a great night.
As the DJ faded one song into another, Caitlin jumped in joy. "Oh my God, she's playing Marina and Diamonds! Jen, you have got to dance to this with me!"
Without much of a choice, she was swept away from the gang and to the dancefloor with Caitlin.
Seeing her head off with Jen led the gang to find their own niches within the club. Wyatt headed to the second-floor lounge area, seeking some comfort and a more relaxed environment. Jonesy walked hand-in-hand with Nikki to the dancefloor, hoping to coerce her into dancing with him.
By the time they all found where they wanted to be, Jude was left behind with no direction. He wasn't sure if he felt like dancing tonight, he wasn't sure if he wanted a drink—maybe not after what happened Monday night—and he certainly wasn't sure of anything. But, being the chill guy he was, he would go with the flow.
Something told him to go to the second floor and hang out with Wyatt, but, before he could even go up there, a girl stood in his path.
"Hi, I don't mean to bother you, but I really need somebody's help," the girl said, her grey eyes filled with urgency.
"What's wrong, brah?"
"I lost my freaking keys. I was partying with my friends one second and the next they were gone!"
"Well, have no fear: Jude's here… y'know, to help."
"Thank you so much. I'm Emily, by the way."
"Nice to meet ya, Emily. I'm Jude... wait, I just told you that," he said with a chuckle.
She laughed herself. "That's fine."
"So, where did you last have your keys?"
"On the rooftop, I think," she said. "I hope you don't mind going there with me."
"Nah, it's cool," he replied.
On their way up the flights of stairs to get to the rooftop, she asked, "So, which part of New York are you from?"
"Toronto."
Smiling, she said, "Oh, I didn't realize you weren't from around here. What's it like in Toronto? Ever gotten a chance to meet Drake or The Weeknd?"
"Toronto's pretty dope. It's like any other big city, though." He scratched his head. "Y'know, I knew a guy named Drake who used to hang at a skate park I go to."
"You're a skater?"
"Yep. Ever since I was three." He attempted to count on his two hands how many years it had been, but instead said, "It's been, like, a bunch of years now."
"I wouldn't mind hearing about it," she said as the two of them roamed the balcony, in search of her missing keys.
After their conversation ended and their search on the rooftop ended unsuccessfully, Jude asked, "Did you go anywhere else after leaving here?"
"I remember going to the first-floor bar for a drink," she said.
He took her by her hand and said, "C'mon," as he led her down there.
They both bobbed and weaved around people while looking at the ground, the bar itself, and every nook and cranny around it.
"Are these it?" he asked as picked up a shiny key ring with three keys dangling on it.
"OMG, they are!" she exclaimed. Once they were back in her possession, she said, "I thought I lost them! Thank you so much!"
"No problem, brah."
Before he could walk off, she said, "Don't leave just yet. There's got to be a way I can repay you."
"I don't need anything, Em. Doing a good deed for a pretty girl is enough for me."
"You're so sweet, Jude." She gave him a warm grin as her cheeks turned red, even though that wasn't something that could be easily seen. Her eyes grew half-lidded as she gazed at him. "Just let me make it up to you."
"How?"
She leaned in. "Like this."
So much for a great night, Jen thought as she sat in the second-floor lounge. (She originally sat by the bar, only being there for comfort, however. She swore she wouldn't even sip alcohol for the rest of her life.)
Sure, she and Caitlin danced to a few songs and checked out cute New York guys together—because Caitlin was "bisexual, not dead"—but as soon as her girlfriend called, she moved closer to the entrance (but not outside in fear of having to flash her fake ID again and get caught this time) in order to properly hear her.
Of course this left Jen alone, something she was used to. She was Miss Responsible—the one who was trusted to never do anything stupid, to always be logical, to place her sensibilities and reasonable doubts ahead of a little fun, which frequently made her an outsider. At least before this trip, she was Miss Responsible.
If she was being honest with herself, she wanted to find Jude and leave this club hand-in-hand. She wanted to have fun with him at the hotel just like they'd been having since they arrived in New York. She wanted him, maybe in more regards than they had agreed upon.
She walked downstairs with her heart set on Jude, especially because he said she could always find him when she's down. She walked around the dancefloor and, not spotting him there, walked towards the bar, hoping to find him there.
She walked past a kissing couple, consisting of some black-haired girl and a blonde boy with a beanie, before doubling back.
Please don't be him. Please don't be him, she pleaded to herself, hoping it would make a difference.
"Jude?" she shouted towards the couple, hoping her eyes were deceiving her. Hoping that it wasn't him like her brain made it out to be.
When Jude revealed himself and parted from the girl, he said, "Jen, wait—"
Her eyes welled with tears, her vision growing blurry when she looked at him and the girl he had kissed. After one second of not being able to bear this newfound pain in her heart, she ran away. She was the farthest thing from a hurricane as she ran—she was a waterfall of tears again, worse than the one Logan had turned her into.
She promised herself she wouldn't catch feelings for him, not tonight, not ever. She promised herself they would be just friends after this trip. Most of all, she promised herself she wouldn't let Jude complete her. She promised herself a lot of things, but all of her promises broke when she saw his lips touch that girl's.
Despite her tears, she was sure she passed Caitlin on the way out the club, but she didn't have the energy to tell her why she was so devastated, nor how Jude made her feel so weak.
Nikki and Jonesy had been dancing and exchanging electric smiles since their arrival at the club. Though she had great rhythm, having won that dance contest to be in a DawgToy video when she was sixteen, dancing wasn't exactly her thing, but Jonesy had convinced her to stay on the dancefloor with him, persuasion being his thing. Luckily for him, she didn't regret a second of it. However, dancing nonstop grew tiring and, after a while, she just wanted to sit down, enjoy some music, and talk to him.
Jonesy took her by the hand, wanting to go upstairs to talk to her, too, only for a different reason. Tonight was the night, he had decided. The aura in the air was right, she was in the perfect mood, and he felt that now was as good a time as ever to change their relationship.
But before they could even make it up the steps, Caitlin ran towards them like a madwoman.
"Nikki, you've got to help me find Jen! One second, I'm on the phone with Chantel by the door, and the next second, she's speeding past me in tears!"
"Any clues as to why she's upset?" Nikki asked.
"I have no idea. We've got to help her."
"Okay, calm down, Barbie. I'll help you find her. Just stop panicking."
That was all Caitlin needed to hear. She grabbed Nikki by the wrist, saying, "Come on!"
Before they could leave, however, Jonesy had to resort to a backup plan, seeing as his original plan wouldn't work out. "Nik, before you go, do you wanna go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?"
Without even questioning where such a question came from, especially at a time like this, she said, "Sure," before she and Caitlin took off, leaving a gust of cool air in their wake.
Caitlin and Nikki ran onto the sidewalk and the June air hit them as they looked in every direction in search of Jen, but they couldn't find her at a glance.
"Maybe she already left," Nikki said, being a realist.
Caitlin, being a dreamer, said, "No, she's got to be around here somewhere." she knew that hailing a taxi in New York was tricky, despite them being everywhere. She ran close to the street and scanned every taxi she saw, since that was the only way Jen could get back to the hotel. Looking on the other side of the block, she saw a girl with short auburn hair hop into a cab and immediately recognized her as Jen.
"Nikki, I see her! I see her!"
With Caitlin guiding her, Nikki ran in the direction of Jen's taxi, but to no avail. The taxi already sped off with Jen in tow.
As Nikki cursed and Caitlin's heart sunk, Jen's mascara trailed down her cheeks while she cried in her lonely backseat, wanting to pretend tonight never happened, wanting the world to go away.