IV. "I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love Tonight"

After taking a taxi back to the hotel, Jen isolated herself inside Room 493, the farthest place from home right now, the only place she could call home until her return to Canada. Even though it had been a half-hour since she escaped the club, everything about the room felt vast, cold, and empty. She stared at her bed with blurry vision, such bittersweet memories of fantastic nights with Jude trapped in those sheets.

All she could see was the ghost of them, if there ever truly was a them.

I'm such an idiot, she told herself, wondering how she convinced herself that they could be together with no strings attached in the first place. Who was she fooling? She didn't want to believe that this would end badly, so she had ignored her intuition, and everything exploded in her face.

She wasn't even sure if she could mend her relationship with Jude; she didn't know what was left to salvage. At least when she ended things with Logan after finding him with that girl, she knew where they stood—she knew they were completely and utterly over. With Jude, however, everything was left open-ended. So many questions haunted the air, questions she wasn't sure if she could answer tonight or days from now or even weeks from now.

At least when she and Logan were no longer an item, her heart broke into two even pieces. Now her heart was broken everywhere—because there was more at stake with Jude. She gambled more by hooking up with him and paid the consequences.

The more she let these thoughts haunt her brain, the more trapped she felt. She felt trapped in this room, this hotel, this city. Though she came here with the gang to experience something new, it didn't feel like home to her when she arrived and it didn't feel like home now more than ever.

It all felt cold and unforgiving, which led her to a conclusion.

By the end of tonight, she had one question answered: Where do I go from here?

Despite the night being the longest one of her life, Jen managed to fall asleep, but she didn't dream vividly like she normally did. Her mind was in a blank, deep sleep after the decision she had ultimately made.

That morning, however, she woke up to thunderous knocks on her door, disturbing her from her rest.

"Ugh," she moaned. "Go away."

The knocks persisted, drawing Jen out of bed and to the door. She didn't open it, though. She merely stood beside it with her arms folded over her chest.

"Jen? It's me and Nikki," she heard Caitlin say. "We just want to talk to you."

"Well, I've got nothing to say."

"Come on, Jen, open the damn door," Nikki said.

She took a bated breath before undoing the locks on her door, opening it wide.

"Oh my gosh, you look a mess," Caitlin noted, staring at Jen's smeared makeup, tousled bob, and disheveled outfit from the night before.

"Thanks," she deadpanned as her best friends stepped inside her room.

The girls sat on the bed alongside Jen, Caitlin being the first to break the longstanding silence. She touched Jen's palm and said, "We just want to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine," she lied.

"No, you're not," Nikki said. Knowing Jen since kindergarten, she knew when Jen was high and when Jen was low, and it was likely apparent to strangers that this was the lowest of Jen's lows, even if she wasn't sure of what was going on with Jen. "And, just so you know, we're taking you out for breakfast and, per Caitlin's suggestion, some 'much-needed retail therapy.'"

Her lips twitched before frowning. "Thanks, but no thanks. I just want to sleep all day."

"What kind of friends would we be if we let you stay here by yourself all day? You'll sulk yourself into a depression!" Caitlin said, throwing her arms in the air.

"Too late—already have," Jen said, her voice distant and detached.

Nikki crossed her arms and stared at Jen. "We're not leaving until you agree to go with us."

Caitlin, following Nikki's lead, said, "Yeah. We'll be right here, even if it takes all day."

After moments of them sitting and staring at her, Jen melted her icy barriers. Her voice warmer, she said, "You guys."

"Hmm, I heard a you guys, but not a definite yes," Nikki said with a smirk on her face.

"Yes, yes, I'll go with you guys. Just let me take a shower first," Jen said, finally giving in and getting up.

After letting Jen bathe and put on some fresh clothes, the girls treated her to breakfast at some restaurant near the shopping district Caitlin wanted to visit.

While shopping, Caitlin bought herself and her girlfriend a few items and Jen, despite not being in a shopping mood, decided to purchase some souvenirs for Courtney, little Emma (who had just turned five years old), and her mother. Nikki, while not being in a shopping mood at any time ever, took a page out of Jen's book and decided to buy something for her mother, just to let her know she'd been thinking about her; she had grown closer to her mother since her parents' divorce, closer than they had ever been in her teenage years, and didn't mind showing her mom that she cared anymore.

Once they entered a clothing store, a store which Jen and Nikki begged to be their last, Caitlin and Nikki looked at each other, wondering if it was time to ask Jen the question of the century.

As Jen perused some dresses, they agreed that the time was now.

"Jen," Caitlin said, "you know we love you, right?"

"Yeah…" her voice trailed off as she eyed them suspiciously.

"And you know we only pry because we love you, right?"

"You want to know what happened last night, don't you?" Jen asked.

"Was it that obvious?" Nikki snorted before her expression grew solemn. "But seriously, Jen, you know you can tell us anything."

"I know." She sighed, summoning the right words to say without wanting to cry. "On Tuesday night, Jude and I talked things over and—because we were both caught up in what happened—we decided to have a no-strings-attached relationship for the rest of the trip. Then last night at the club, I wanted to find him and leave with him, but…" She choked up. "I found him kissing some girl."

"Oh, Jen," Caitlin said, all the sympathy in the world in her voice.

"So you ran away because you fell for him," Nikki said, quickly comprehending the situation at hand.

She nodded. "God, I feel so stupid."

"Don't," Caitlin said. "We all make mistakes."

"Yeah, but I've never made one as big as this."

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Nikki asked.

She hesitated, her breath bated again. "I'm gonna leave New York tonight."

Nikki gave her a blank stare. "I hope you just said, 'I'm gonna eat pulled pork tonight.'"

"I know it sounds crazy, but I can't be here any longer."

"But why tonight? Why can't you just leave with us tomorrow night like we planned?" Caitlin asked, her eyes pleading for an answer.

"Because I have to get out of here. After what happened at the club, this city's been bringing me down."

"This city or Jude?" Nikki asked.

Jen broke eye contact and stared at the tile beneath her feet, knowing that it was about him. Everything this week was about him. He and New York were synonymous. "He and I will never be the same, and it'll be less worse for me if I think about that in Toronto. I need to figure myself out."

"Jen, you can't go. We'll all miss you."

"I'll only be gone a day before everyone." She barely met their concerned gazes. "Besides, I already bought my ticket last night."

Caitlin frowned, looking like she wanted to cry. "I don't want you to leave, but I don't want you to stay here and be miserable either if leaving is what your heart's set on."

"Agreed," Nikki said. "If that's what you want to do, then we'll support you 100%."

Tears welling in Jen's eyes again, she sent them a bittersweet smile. "Thanks, guys."

"Anytime," Nikki said.

The three of them met in a group hug, embracing each other, only letting go when they started attracting weird stares from other customers.

"I love you two so much," Jen said, letting the contents of her heart spill out, along with a few tears.

"And we love you too, Jen," Caitlin said, getting choked up.

Nikki rolled her eyes playfully. "You two are so melodramatic." However, she flashed Jen a bittersweet smile, her tone the same as her smile when she said, "You better call me as soon as you land."

When the night fell, Jen had one of her two bags packed..

She sat on her second suitcase, pleading for it to zip and close. "I didn't"—grunt—"bring nearly as much stuff"—grunt—"as Caitlin did." She continued to struggle with her bag until the zipper gloriously did its job. She wiped her brow, despite no sweat being there. "Finally."

Just as she began rolling her last bag to the door, she heard several knocks on it.

For a moment, she wondered who it could be, before remembering Caitlin and Nikki.

Maybe they wanted to say goodbye… Wait, Nikki's on her date with Jonesy, she thought, recalling Nikki mentioning it earlier. It's probably just Caitlin.

"Can you open up, Jen?" the outsider asked. "It's me."

Her heart froze.

Jonesy and Nikki walked the New York streets proud and tall (or, at least, as tall as she could be) together after exiting Badlands, the restaurant Jonesy took her to.

As they walked hand-in-hand, with Jonesy having a broad grin on his face, he embraced the night and whatever it would bring him. More importantly, he embraced her, who looked wickedly stunning in a black dress which clung to her in all the right places.

All this time and she still looks like this, he said to himself. Amazing.

But her focus wasn't on him per se. Her eyes were glued to the way the city was illuminated and enormous at night. Even though she didn't get entranced often, despite her love of traveling, she was entranced by this city. She loved the way the skyscrapers stood in contrast to the sky, the way the lights of the buildings contrasted the black of the night, the way life flowed through the sidewalks and streets.

"Isn't this place amazing, Jonesy?" she asked.

He grinned at her, the way she looked like a kid in a candy shop. "Yeah, but I can think of something that's more amazing."

She looked at him in disbelief as they crossed a street. "Like what?"

"Like your eyes."

She rolled said eyes. "Cheesy much?"

His grin never faded. "I know, I know, but it's how I feel."

She sent him a straight face until she snorted and smirked. "Lucky for you, I do like my cheese with a side of sincere."

"Sincere's all I am, baby," he said.

She laughed.

Slowly but surely—since Nikki wanted to embrace as much of New York as she could—they found their way back to the hotel and made their way to Room 495, ready to enjoy the solace and intimacy it provided.

As soon as Jonesy locked the door, he chased after Nikki. Upon catching her, he embraced her—clutched her—and asked her the question of the evening. (No, not that question.)

"So, how does you getting undressed and hopping in the bathtub with me sound?" he asked before leaning over and pressing a kiss against her neck.

Chuckling, she said, "It depends: Will there be any bubbles involved?"

"For you, it'll involve all the bubbles in the world, babe."

She moaned as he gently sucked the skin on her neck. "Then it sounds amazing."

He parted from her and said, "I'll go get that ready, then. When I come back, I want you naked, preferably naked on me." He gave her a mischievous look.

"And I want us to be covered in bubbles. Now go," she joked.

He purred at her before making his way into the bathroom, drawing the bath like she commanded him to do. He made sure to add extra bubbles, per her request.

He took off his suit article by article, glad to be getting rid of all that clothing and living free in his own skin.

Before Jonesy could come back to get Nikki (and make sure she "lost" all her clothes), she peeped her head around the doorframe and asked, "Hey, Casanova, can I come in yet?"

"You know it. I was just about to get you."

Once she strolled inside the bathroom, her marveled at her even more than he did when she wore her figure-hugging dress. Every time he looked at her, his breath was taken away. Every time he touched her, he never wanted to let go. Every time he thought about her, he was grateful to have her.

And now, at this time, he realized that everything was finally right. He wanted her to be his, forever and always, and this was the chance to make that happen.

Before she could step into the tub, he blurted, "Nikki, I need you to know something."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"I know we've been together for a long time and, babe, I'm crazy in love with you. I wake up thinking about you and I fall asleep thinking about you—wondering if you're alright, if you feel the same way about me, if we're supposed to have a future together. And I think—screw it—I know we're supposed to have a future together. I know your parents divorced last year and you went through hell over that—mine did, too—but I want you to know that we're not them. We won't be them. I just want to be your husband, babe. Nicole Grace Wong, I just want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"

He spilled his heart to her, something he wanted to do the entire trip, and he truly hoped she thought he was worth the risk.

Her lips curled into a grin and her eyes grew gleamy. Her head spun in every direction and her heart pounded against her chest. She could only ask, "What made you want to ask me this while we're naked in a hotel bathroom?"

He shrugged. "I just had to. Spur of the moment." He never waited so long for a response in his life, even though it had only been a few seconds. "So…"

"Yes, I'll marry you, Jonesy. Yes. Yes!" A few tears streamed down her cheeks as she pulled him into a deep kiss, feeling like her heart was going to burst if it pounded any harder. She kissed him over and over again, reveling in the moment. New York didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that she figured out why he'd been hard to read lately. She was going to be his wife, proving that love was an option for her after all. She parted from him and held his face in her hands, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs, looking into his eyes, which were much more readable now. She could see his soul in them. "I love you so much."

He lived for her touch at the moment. "I love you, too, Nik. I love you, too."

Jen, staring at the person on the other side of the door, asked, "What are you doing here?"

Jude said, "I was just wondering—"

"Did Nikki and Caitlin tell you I was leaving?" she asked, unable to keep the question back. She knew it had to be the only reason he showed up. She just wanted to confirm it.

He frowned. "No."

"Oh."

He couldn't meet her gaze. "Are you really gonna leave because of me?"

"It's because of me that I have to leave… You just happen to be an extra reason."

"Why weren't you gonna tell me that you were gonna leave?"

"I really can't do this right now, Jude. I have a flight to catch."

"Please just stay and hear me out for a moment," he said, meeting her eyes again.

Her temper rose. "Give me one good reason why I should."

"Because I love you, Jen."

And it calmed down again, just as her heart froze for a second time. Her world spun around after hearing this from him. Five words were too much to comprehend at once. "You… you love me?" she asked after a moment of silence.

He nodded, much more confident about it. "I really do. I mean it."

Her cheeks flushed, for very different reasons than they did when she first woke up to find him in her bed. Life was so different now than it was on Monday, when the trip began.

Her cheeks still red like the sweetest cherries, she said, "In that case, I guess I can hear you out." She ushered him to her bed, where they sat beside each other for the millionth time. "Deja vu."

"Ditto," he replied. "I don't want to hold you up too long, but I just wanted to tell you what happened before and after you found me kissing that girl in the club."

She frowned at the memory of that moment, but held herself together.. "Okay."

"I helped that girl find her missing keys and stuff, so she wanted to repay me for helping her. I didn't really want anything—I just wanted to feel useful—but she kissed me anyways. When you came by, that legit was the beginning of the kiss. But after you left me, I found out that girl's friends put her up to everything, from losin' her keys to kissin' me." He found out that Emily's group of friends liked having music to watch boys to; they liked watching cute guys in clubs and thinking of ways to pick them up for the night. Once he explained that to Jen, he said, "I was one of the guys they chose. She told me she really just wanted to see if she could hook up with me, but, because she thought you were my girlfriend, she left."

Her smile was bittersweet. "So, you didn't mean to kiss her."

"Nope. Most of all, I didn't mean to hurt ya, Jen."

"Oh, Jude!" she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around him, sharing a warm embrace. She knew it was selfish that she placed her own happiness in knowing the truth over the fact that a New York girl had played Jude, but she couldn't help how she felt. When she saw him with that girl, she instantly felt like second-best—nothing more, nothing less. But now, with him spilling his true feelings for her, she felt like the only girl in his heart.

Once she let go of him, he said, "When you stopped talking to me last night, I felt all lonely and stuff. I really missed you, and the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I caught feelings for ya. I love you, Jen, and not in a just-friends way."

"When I saw you with that girl last night, I realized that I fell for you too." She frowned. "But how can we make this into being more than friends? We've known each other since we were five, Jude." Her eyes pooled with tears. "We risked so much by being friends-with-benefits that I don't know if we can risk a real relationship. I love you, but I'm scared."

"Can you say that last thing again? I need to hear it again."

"I love you." Her lips tingled when she realized it slipped out of her mouth, out of her control. She didn't mean to fall in love tonight, but look at what happened. "Oh my God."

"So if you love me and I love you, then we've gotta take that risk, babe. I think we'd be crazy if we didn't take that risk."

"But—"

"Jen, I know ya like to be in control of everything—it's kinda sexy sometimes, can't lie—but you've got to let this one go and let life decide what happens. If we're meant to be—which I think we are—then we'll stay together and be happy. If not, then we'll always be friends. I just think we're worth a shot, babe."

She smiled at him through her tears as he awaited her response. "Then let's be more than friends."

"Wait, really?"

"Hey, you made a really compelling argument." She laughed. "Obviously, I need to take the risk for once in my life."

"That's the spirit," he said with a chuckle.

She planted a kiss on his grinning lips, feeling warm and alive again. The ice in her heart had been created and thawed by him, but, after this encounter, he was worth it.

"So…" he said.

"So, what?"

"You're not leaving tonight?"

"Nope." She sent him a loving smile as her eyes met his. "I don't have any reasons to."

He pulled her into an embrace, kissing her lips warmly and euphorically. As the storm between them grew intense, shame, sadness, and clothes were lost, but not love. As they undressed, they let love and life lead the way. For tonight, love and life led them onto each other.