One thing that hasn't changed since I've been here is my wavering curse of waking during the night. Usually it was due to the light from the television my little sister loved oh-so-very-much but now I guess it was just habit that keeps me from sleeping. Instead of laying in bed and staring at nothing, as I used to do, I decided to instead go downstairs and sit on the couch. We had a more westernized house, I think she made it this way so I was comfortable and for that I love her dearly. I sat here on the couch for awhile, I don't exactly remember when I came down just that it was now 3:07am and my eyes ached and my tea was getting cold. The left over onigiri that was made for dinner sat on the table in a pair of three. I sat huddled on the couch with a blanket around me, a lamp was on to provide just a bit of light. I didn't want to reach out for the small snack because it was cold and I didn't want to leave my little canopy of warmth. I set my blanket down and grabbed an onigiri and took a bite. The filling inside was red and sweet. I don't recall that being in the onigiri before but it was good and I wouldn't complain.
When I finished that onigiri and was reaching for another eagerly, I heard a creek. I quickly whipped my head around, a painful crack in my neck shocking me slightly. Nothing was there in the shadows and I turned around trying to calm myself. I reached for my cup of green tea and gingerly took a sip and sighed. I ate the remaining onigiri and nursed the sugary green tea. As it came to the last bit of tea I set it down. I liked my tea with sugar, not sugar with my tea. I brought my dishes to the sink and rinsed them out then went back to my position on the couch. As I sat there I found myself dozing and went upstairs with my blanket. I lie in my warming bed slowly drifting into sleep while pondering over how I should stop Light from…become evil, becoming kira, becoming someone I didn't even recognize.
I knew I was dreaming the moment I started. The landscape around me was gloomy with light shining through the clouds randomly. I somehow was balanced on the tip of a radar pole. What do you call it ? you know those poles that send out radio waves or something ? I was on the the very top and the wind blew around me, lashing at my hair which whipped into my eyes and causing the weird dress I'm wearing to bellow and dance around me loosely. The material was a light lavender and seemed to radiate that exact color like a sheen on my tan skin and hair. I looked around and saw Light on the roof of a building bellow me. He radiated a red color that made his determined scowl look dark and menacing. He wasn't staring at me though and I turned to look at the object of his attention.
To my surprise, or am I surprised?, it was the one and only L. Dark bags beneath his eyes contrasting with his pale skin. Messy black hair adorns his head and glows with a soft blue that also encompasses his body. He stares unblinkingly at Light, eyes sharp and body hunched but ready to attack. He stands atop the edge of a building. Both theirs forms were whipped by the wind but it was as if they didn't care. All around us was gray buildings that were shorter than what we stood on. The pole I stood on had a red light that blinked at intervals and for some reason I found myself crying. I sobbed and whimpered for reasons I don't even know, as if maybe my heart knew something that I did not and it caused such grief that it burst into thousands of tears that soon became rain that poured and mixed with my tears. My dress now stuck to me like glue and the sky rumbled and the vibrations made the pole I stood upon shake. I looked down at the two of them to see they were also drenched in the down pour and now had their attention averted to me. I can just imagine how I looked. Eyes red and face pink, the dress I wore now drenched made my curvy figure look small and feeble. They stared up at me as if waiting for me to do something, to say something, I found myself at a loss of words. Tears still streaked down my cheeks mixing and intermingling with the rain but I found myself slowly becoming numb until…a shock of pain shot through my chest, my breath came in gasps and I clutched my chest. Their looks turned to shock, both reaching out to me all for naught. Blood spurted from my mouth , dark and thick. My eyes wide and staring at the emptiness below my tower so high up, I could feel my eyes bulge as I repeatedly tried to inhale which only caused me pain and more blood to ooze and drip out of my mouth, falling to the empty nothingness intermixing with the rain. Suddenly another shock of pain struck through my chest, this time accompanied by a bright light and the scent of burning flesh. The world and rain and structures all blurred as I staggered on my perch and swayed and tilted forward, falling to the endless black below me with one last wail. I turned and watched as both the red and blue faded into a dull gray then black.
I awoke with a start, my alarm ringing insistently and annoyingly loud. I silenced it and sat back in my bed, sweat coating my skin and making me uncomfortably wet and warm. My breathing was labored and I turned to check the time. 6:05 pm. Six plus five is eleven. The numbers soothed just a tad but it still wasn't enough.
"t-two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen-" my breath was evening and my heart slowing but I just couldn't get a grip. I fucking hate nightmares and even refuse to sleep on my back because I always have nightmares when I do. But this time I wasn't sleeping on my back. I rocked back and forth trying to pace myself, trying to ease the numbers into position and make them stand straight and lie down. Or were they suppose to line up and lie down? Fuck.
"seventeen, nineteen, twenty-three, twenty-nine, thirty-one,-" I heard the door creak open and my head popped up to look at the intruder. Beautiful brown eyes meet my gaze. Eyebrows tilted in concern and confusion. In her hands was a tray with a western breakfast of toast with jelly, orange juice, apple sauce, turkey bacon and pancakes with syrup. She walked in and set it on my desk then sat down on the bed next to me.
" Are you okay ? feeling unwell ? I checked on you around five. You've been tossing and turning all night." she said to me, voice soft and laced with concern. Her thin fingers ran through my hair, setting straight any knots that would have formed during the night.
" Nightmare" she made a face in understanding and nodded then got up.
" Everything will be fine, eat your breakfast and get ready for school. It's raining today so I'll drive you" she smiled and left, closing the door behind her. I got up and headed for the shower to start my morning.
.
.
It was a day later that on my way home…there was a hostage situation in an elementary school. The strings on the box of cake I was holding in one hand dug into my palm as my grip tightened. My bookbag hung loosely in the other hand and my heart sped up as the scene unfolded.
As it carried on more prattle and useless talk I saw that teachers and students ran out as police ran in to the school. The lady held her hand to her ear and the one thing I was dreading was said.
"-Has died of a heart attack. Police-" and suddenly the grief rose up and bubbled and overflowed in the form of tears because I don't know if I can save him.
'But who am I saving ? Light from his self ? L from Light? I don't know anymore but I have to try.' My face now caked in tears I turned to go home and came face to face with a grinning light whose face fell at the sight of my tears.
"Hana-chan ?" he inquired, reaching out. I ran past him and away, heading toward home.