Elena was sitting on their living room couch for an hour already, swaying lightly from her frequent mood swings.

One moment she's happy, feeling like she has the whole world on the palm of her hand. Like her life couldn't be more perfect at the moment since she finally got a chance to do something she wanted to do for quite some time. She has a chance to create memories. Memories she will, one day in the future, be able to share.

The next moment she would become fearful. Ashamed of her actions, ashamed of herself. Ashamed of what he makes her feel and how he makes her act.

What makes her more scared is the fact that maybe this is who she has been all a long. Maybe he never really changed her, just pulled out that side of her on the surface. Maybe she's the one who induced the change, and he's only picking he fruits of her labor?

Did she really change that much? When she looks in the mirror she sees the same person she had seen last year. Well, that's not entirely true. Out of some reason she feels sexier, like someone wanting her doesn't sound like April's fool. She feels better, happier, even her smile is brighter. Which makes her prettier all together.

Is the girl she's becoming really that bad that she should feel ashamed of her? She never planned to be a nun and join the convent, she never claimed to be a saint, not even to herself. It's not like he picked her up on the side of a road and she repaid him by spreading her legs .

So what if she enjoys their passionate kisses or if she lets him slip his hands in her private places? It's not like she doesn't want him as well. It's not like she doesn't..

..care for him.

They went from being best friends to enemies, from enemies to frenemies, from hating each other to making out in the middle of the dance floor in the capital of Italy. Then she developed feelings for him, thinking he doesn't feel the same way, and now when she knows he does, she's scared? Backing away?

Are they ever going to walk down the same path? Maybe some things are simply not meant to be.

But if she gives up on him, she will give up on something pretty damn great as well. She will miss out on something extraordinary. And she's sure she doesn't want to do that.

"We alone?" Jeremy peeks his head from behind the wall that is separating the living room from the hallway. As much as Elena likes having their dad home, that's how much, or maybe even more, Jeremy doesn't. He's avoiding him the best way he knows how, and sometimes it seems that dad is avoiding him as well.

"The coast is clear," she answers calmly, pulling her knees closer to her chest .

"Where's dad?" she can hear his footsteps behind her.

"Out," the truth is, she has no idea where he is.

"Lena, is everything okay?" he asks worriedly, taking her back to early childhood when he couldn't pronounce her whole name so he started calling her Lena. He was only two years old, stumbling on the wooden floor behind her repeating the nickname he had for her until his mouth went dry.

"Yes," she says, trying to force a smile on her face, but to her surprise, she fails. He stops in front of the couch, but she doesn't raise her head to look at him. "No," she shakes her head, her chin hitting the top of her knees.

Jeremy clenches his teeth. He wants to help her but he doesn't know how. Elena never needs help, she's always the one offering it. She never seemed to have anything he could help her with in the first place.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he sits on the coffee table across her, and she looks at him from the corners of her eyes.

She chuckles. "I really don't think you would want to hear it," she looks at him sweetly, "It's more of a mother daughter conversation," she lowers her look, "And mom is not here," she swallows, the words coming out of her mouth so quietly she's not sure he can even hear her .

He doesn't react to her words. He never reacts when it comes to mom. "Can't you talk to aunt Jenna?" he asks supportive.

"I already know what Jenna would say," she would say what she always says, go for it, take a risk, you only live once. She really didn't want to hear those words right now.

Jeremy takes in account what aunt Jenna has to say is not what Elena wants to hear. "Bonnie? Or Caroline?" he makes more suggestions.

Bonnie is not interested in Elena's relationship with Stefan. Sure, she's been supportive, but that's how Bonnie is. She was just fulfilling her duty of a best friend. And Caroline is a little bi t biased.

So Elena shakes her head no.

Jeremy rubs the palms of his hands, one against the other. "I guess I'm the only one left, then," he puts his hand on her knee, slightly caressing her, "Come on sis, I might surprise you," he winks at her after she raises her look at him.

"It's Stefan," she huffs.

He inhales deeply. "Thought so," his face expression becomes hard, "I've heard some stories."

"Bonnie?"

"No," he shakes his head, "People around school."

"Oh," she shivers.

He clears his throat through a cough. "Some are really unbelievable. Rather silly," he chuckles, and fear washes all over her, draining the color from her face, "Some people are saying you're fuck bud dies, and I know you, rain of toads is more possible than you engaging in such an activity," she bites her lower lip , "S me are saying you're pregnant , and if you really were pregnant, I think I would have noticed," he eyes her carefully, "And then, there are rumors that you two are dating."

Elena brings her eyebrows together.

"None of those things are true," she can see some weight being lifted off Jeremy's chest. He probably had his doubts.

"Where are you then?"

"Somewhere in the middle. Except the pregnancy part, of course," she rolls her e yes.

He nods his head uncomfortably. "So, where lies the problem, in the first, or the second part?"

Elena winces. Her brother is basically asking her with what does she have a problem with, having sex with a man or being in a relationship with him? Shouldn't one go with the other?

"Both," she says truthfully, she owes him that much since he's trying. This can't be easy for him, but he keeps holding on because he can see she needs someone.

His shoulders relax a little. "In all honesty," he wiggles his lips, "Stefan Salvatore and relationships are two terms that simply don't go together."

Elena looks at him, wanting to defend Stefan, but she realizes Jeremy's words are true. Those two things simply don't go together. "I know. I'm aware of that. But you have no idea what he's like when he 's with me."

Jeremy furrows his brows, pulling his hand away from Elena's knee. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

Elena rolls her eyes. "He's not playing me Jer," she says determined, "The problem is not in him. It's in me."

He blinks a few times in surprise before he glares at her. "How?" he frowns.

Elena shakes her head slightly, she can feel tears piercing through her eyes. "He's been great Jer, really great," she decides to swallow her own tears, inside of her throat they feel like nails, " He's everything I ever wished for," a faint smiles appears on her lips, "But me. . I'm so insecure. So inexperienced. I'm scared of myself."

He keeps on glaring at her, trying to find the meaning behind her words.

"I'm scared of everything he makes me feel, of the things he does to me, of the things I'm prepared to do. I'm not acting like myself," she says with a husky voice.

"Or maybe you finally are," he offers her another solution.

She frowns at him, looking offended, once again asking herself why.

He notices the look on her face, and realizes he had expressed himself wrong.

"I never meant to offend you," he shakes his head, trying to find the right words, "It's just.. you have always been so cautious, Lena. Planning your every move, every thought, trying to live up to other people standards," and by that, she knows he's referring to their father, "While, deep down inside, you live for adventure."

She glares at him, wondering why would he say that, until she realizes he has a point. She always wanted to live through something wild, something unexpected, something she would never do in theory. She always wanted to do something that is unlike her, she just never had guts to do so.

"Now, as a guy, and your friend, I would tell you to loosen up a little bit," he winks at her, "But speaking as your brother," he taps her knee with his open palm, "If he ever lays a hand on you I' m going to beat the living shit out of him," he smiles, his hair falling over his forehead.

She giggles, wondering could Jeremy ever take Stefan down. He's pretty strong, but Stefan is stronger.

She will just have to be careful it never comes down to that.

Stefan was really secretive about their third date. He wouldn't let her know where they're going, he wouldn't even tell her how to dress, no matter how hard she begged. She tried to use all of her charms on him, even her childish smile and a pouty look, but he wouldn't spill anything. She didn't want to blackmail him with sex, it would only make her feel more confused about herself than she already is.

Bonnie made it clear she doesn't like surprises. Caroline said surprises are romantic.

And Elena kept glaring at her opened closet.

Stefan didn't compliment her looks the previous time. Maybe she has to look like she popped out from an ad to look beautiful to him. Or maybe he forgot. Or maybe he didn't feel the need to point it out again.

She liked it, being complimented. It felt nice.

So why not test him?

It was a beautiful day outside, one of the warmest and brightest since they came back from Rome. It was only 5 in the afternoon, and she knew it's going to get chilly once the sun goes down, but she decided to take a risk.

She opted to wear a light, white, cotton dress that barely reaches her knees. The top of her dress, over her chest, is shaped like two shells next to each other, and the bottom of the dress is shaped like a bell. She could feel the brim of the dress on the upper part of knees . She knew there's a chance she's going to freeze, but to hell with being sure o f things. You can never be sure of them.

When it came to footwear she decided to play safe and go with her flats, because she didn't know where he's taking her. With Stefan you never know, especially after their last date. She had put a minimum amount of make up on her face, as always, only taking it overboard with her lip gloss. Over the years, she developed an addiction to strawberry flavored lip gloss, which, she remembers, Matt used to hate, so she had to cut it down to a minimum while they were together.

She had let her long hair sprawl over her back.

Even though her skin was exposed she didn't look overly attractive. She was more cute than hot.

She decided to wait Stefan on the sidewalk, but when she came out of the house, he was already stopping his car. He came out of it, and she noticed a nervous smile lingering on his face. She swallowed because the expression on his face wasn't welcoming at all, even though he tried to pull the most believable smile he could.

She walked over to him, her little bag bouncing on her hip, his eyes glued on her figure, but the look inside of them wasn't hungry at all, it was scared.

"Is everything okay?" she asks worriedly once she stops in front of him, her voice gentle.

"What?" he jumps a little, and his eyes flicker, "Oh yes, yes, everything is fine," another fake smile appears on his face and she tries to digest it, even though she's curious about the reason behind it. "You look," he starts, and then stops, his eyes going up and down her body. They're not holding hunger, but they aren't holding fear anymore either. They hold.. admiration. "Breathtaking," he finally finishes his sentence.

Large amount of blush attacks her cheeks. They become so heavy that they pull her head down, making her look at the ground , swaying left-right.

"Thank you," she murmurs silently, awe struck by his choice of words.

She has never been breathtaking to anyone. She never thought she will be.

She was ready to satisfy her selfish needs with nice, or pretty, or in the best case beautiful.

"Shall we?" she can imagine him smile so she raises her look to confirm her suspicions, and really, there's a smile on his face. He looks calmer. Still nervous, little less though.

He opens the car door for her, and she steps inside, happy to feel leather on her skin again.

"So, are you going to tell me where we're going?" she asks once he gets inside and starts driving.

"Nope."

"Not even a hint?"

"Nope."

"Please," she says sweetly.

A smile appears on his face. "Nope."

She makes a pouty look, one he couldn't miss even if he tried. "Please," she says again, her eyes shimmering.

He takes his eyes off the road for a moment to look at her big, brown eyes. How can he say no to those?

"Fine," he gives in, and she claps her hands in victory, "I don't think this can even count as a date since it doesn't follow the rules," he furrows his brows.

She huffs. "And we're so big on the rules," she says sarcastically.

He chuckles at her comment.

"Of course, if you're hungry afterwards, I'll feed you."

"I'm always hungry."

"Me too."

They look at each other for a moment.

When they reach the edge of the town he takes a right turn and they drive through the thick woods until they finally reach the clearing and he stops the car.

"We'll have some walking to do. You up for it?" he asks her like she has a choice.

"Sure," she shrugs it off.

They get out of the car and start walking towards the small hill in front of them. When she catches up with him, he smiles at her and takes her hand into his. She blushes again, wondering is his touch ever going to make her stop blushing.

When they reach the hill she notices there's a path on it, in between all the grass. They start walking, climbing up the hill in silence, her hand into his.

This time, the silence is not awkward. It's pleasant. It's like her utopia.

"How much more?" she asks once they're close to the top, her feet hurting, the bumps on the path poking her through her flats.

"Just a little bit more," he squeezes her hand into his.

She exhales tiredly but keeps going. Or he begins to pull her after him.

When they reach the top of the hill he stops, and she bumps into him.

"Have you been here before?" he asks, a wide smile on his face as he's looking in front of himself.

She peeks her head from behind his back and her jaw drops a little at the sight in front of her. Down the hill there's a beautiful lake, so clear, almost like a mirror. The sun is behind it, setting down. Its yellow, orange and red color reflecting in the lake, and it looks like it's burning. There are tall trees on the other side of it, swaying on the light wind, its branches looking like angels wings.

"No," she gasps. She hasn't seen something so beautiful in a very long time. If ever. She can't believe her town is hiding such a beauty, and she didn't know about its existence. "Stefan," she say s his name almost melodically, his name swaying off her lips like branches on the wind, her words as soft as leave s in the Spring, "It's beautiful."

He turns his head to her only so he can capture the glimmer in her eyes.

"I've never seen something so beautiful, " she whispers.

"Neither have I," he says silently, so silently he can't even tell if the words came out of his mouth, or did he say them only in his head.

She turns her look to him, and when she notices he's looking at her, and not at the lake, she blushes and takes her look away from him.

"Let's go down," he starts walking and pulls her down the hill behind him.

They run down the hill, she's barely stopping herself from tripping and falling over. Wind is cold on her skin, and it' s going through her hair, ruffling it. When they reach the bottom they slow down and start slowly walking toward the lake. He guides her towards the large rocks close to the lake, and they sit on them.

Their bodies are close, pressing next to each other, so she lowers her head on his shoulder, and soon enough after she does it, he plants a kiss on her forehead.

Her whole face warms up and becomes brightly red.

"How did you find this place?" she asks curiously, nuzzling her face into his shirt.

"It's a funny story actually," he chuckles, "When I was nine, Damon had a huge fight with our dad, I can't even remember what it was about," Elena notices his age and that they were still friends at the time, but he has never told her about finding this place, "Anyway, Damon ran a way from home. My parents didn't even notice," he huffs, "And I didn't want to bother them, so I decided to find him all by myself. Stupid, right?" he asks, but she doesn't say anything." Damon loved hiding in the woods, they were like his second home. So I started looking for him there and somehow stumbled on this place."

Elena nods. "Did you find Damon?"

"Little bastard was in our attic all along," Stefan hisses at the memory.

Elena laughs lightly. "And you've been coming here since you were nine?"

He nods. "Mhm," he hums, playing with her hair, "I come here to clear my head."

"So," she says, "How many girls did you bring here," she cocks her eyebrow at him.

It's a beautiful place, girls must have loved it.

He looks at her seriously. "One."

His look hardens, and she feels ashamed.

"Oh," is all she manages to say. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I thought we could both clear our heads," he smiles at her, the ends of her hair still between his fingertips. "Also, I wanted to talk to you."

She swallows hard.

"What about?" she asks cheerfully, trying to seem relaxed.

He locks his eyes on hers. "What did you mean when you said I've destroyed you?" words stumble out of his mouth over his trembling lips.

A stream of cold air gets stuck in her throat. "I think I've expressed myself badly," funny for a girl who loves to read so much, she thinks to herself. "I have no idea how to explain it, honestly," she raises her head from his shoulders, trembling. She should have put more thought in this. She should have thought about it more clearly. "I'm a pretty simple girl, but when I'm with you, I'm everything but simple."

He looks at her confused, not quite sure he knows what she means by it. It's like she's talking in codes all the time.

She notices the confused look on his face, so she tries to correct herself. "When I'm with you, I don't feel like myself," she blinks in his direction, and his expression gets hard. Note to self , she sucks at explaining her feelings. That much about her career of a writer. "I let you kiss me in a certain way and touch me.. it make feel ," there's a bundle of words in her throat, but she doesn't know which one to choose, "A slut," she finally says without thinking.

Something flashes inside of his eyes so fast she doesn't even have time to think which emotion he's going through.

"I'm sorry," he says with a husky voice and a rock falls on her heart, "I never meant to make you feel like that," he clears his throat, "I just thought you have healthy sexual appetite, nothing wrong with that."

She frowns. She never thought about it like that. She always over analyzed it, trying to find a meaning behind it. She never thought it could be as simple as that. She's just a human being, with needs all human beings have.

She tucks her hair behind her ear. "I thought it's too early."

"If you allow it to yourself, it's never too early. Especially if it feels right ."

Oh, it felt right. It felt more than right. She's been so sure of it.

When did he become so smart?

"You see, with you, it always felt right. You're the only girl with whom it had felt right," he looks at her, and she's looking at him with a surprised look on her face, "I guess my point is," he struggles with words, his eyes wandering over her face, trying to catch glimpse of any other emotion but surprise on her face, "My point is I really fucking like yo u," he admits.

Elena chuckles, and now surprise appears on his face.

To hell with it all.

"I really fucking like you too," she admits.

Surprise on his face is replaced by happiness, so he leans his head and plants a kiss on her lips. His hand touches her arms, and he feels the coldness of her skin.

"You're cold," he exclaims when he pulls his lips from hers.

She hasn't even noticed how cold she is until he had mentioned it.

He takes his jacket off and places it around her shoulders. She smiles at him thankfully.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you," she can detect nervousness on his face again.

"So ask," she encourages him.

"See, since I really like you," he start s mumbling nervously, "And I don't want you to feel bad about yourself because you enjoy my hands on your body," he smirks, and she rolls her eyes, "So, what I' m trying to ask you," he wiggles his lips and then rolls his eyes out of frustration, "Elena, would you like to be my girlfriend?"

He looks at her hopefully, and she tries her best to stay serious.

"I don't know Stefan, I'll have to think about it."

"Of course, yeah, take your time," he says a little bit disappointed.

When she can't hold it anymore, she bursts into laughter. "I'm fucking with you Salvatore," she puts her open palm over her mouth, giggling, "Yes, Stefan," she says when she stops herself, "I'll be your girlfriend."

He cocks his eyebrow in her direction. " Well, isn't that peachy."

"Mhm," she stands up, "Now, you should take your girlfriend back to the town and buy her a burger or she will starve to death."

"Remember when we were six and I told you girls are like Tamagotchi?" he follows her lead, "Well, I guess I've been right."

She smacks him on the shoulder.

"I thought violence doesn't come before marriage!" he exclaims, rubbing his bare arm.

"We like to break the rules," she hums. "Stefan?"

"Yes?"

"When we climb up the hill, will you be so kind to roll me down it? My legs hurt," she whines.

He catches up with her, puts his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "Darling, I'll carry you if I have to."

AN: Thank you for your reviews, all of you have been incredibly sweet :') I hope you're still enjoying this story!