Amy was waiting impatiently at her table, slurping the last of her drink and debating ordering another. It had only been 5 minutes since Shane had left the coffee shop but it felt like 30.
Amy's phone buzzed. A message from Karma popped up.
Karma: Just finished my shift. Are you still at Starbucks? I can be there in 10.
Amy wasn't sure what to say so she settled for her staple.
Amy: Ok sounds good
Then she continued to sit and wait. She opted against another Frappuccino (figuring that more caffeine would not help the situation) but decided to purchase Karma's favorite, a caramel macchiato, as a peace offering. While standing in line, of course she impulse bought a cookie, as well.
Even with the distraction of her M&M cookie, the 10 minutes dragged on. Amy sat staring at the text message. 17 minutes had gone by since she'd received it. Typical Karma. Amy was about to give up, text her to say forget it, when Karma walked through the door.
Even with Karma's wet, chlorine-filled hair and post lifeguarding t-shirt and sweats, Amy was mesmerized. The fact that her lightly colored t-shirt was both thin and damp was not helping matters any.
Amy took a deep breath. She tried to calm herself down. This is exactly why they needed to have this conversation.
"Karma, we need to talk," Amy said, stating the obvious. Karma was already dying to interrupt, dying to insist that she go first, but she couldn't bring her lips to form the words. Amy continued, "I can't do this. I'm really sorry. And I feel awful about this. But I made a mistake coming back here." Karma's eyes grew wider, but she still wasn't able to form a coherent thought.
Amy paused. She shifted her eyes toward the table. It was getting too hard to look at Karma and that devastated expression on her face. "I was right the first time," Amy said. "I don't want things to go back to 'normal'. I can't do 'normal' anymore. 'Normal' feels like the least normal thing there is."
Maybe there was a reason for that. There was a long silence before Karma responded. "Okay," she said. Amy was a bit comforted at the sound of her voice, but still concerned at the lack of words. A quiet Karma was never good. But Amy powered through the awkward silence, giving Karma the time she needed.
"So what about something different?" Karma suggested.
Amy looked up, utterly confused. "Different how?"
Again, Karma wasn't quick to answer. She wasn't sure what to say. The silence continued. Amy noticed Karma was biting her lower lip, which she only did when she was nervous. She began to wonder what exactly Karma was so nervous about. This was weird, even for them.
Karma reached across the table and held Amy's hand. Weary of what was happening, walls of defense going up, Amy almost pulled away. But she was just intrigued enough to hold still. "Karma," Amy said impatiently, "what is going on?"
"I don't know!" Karma exclaimed. She took her hand back. "I'm just… I'm just… trying to fix this."
"Are you kidding me right now?" Amy stood up, dramatically pushing out her chair. Then she walked out.
Karma sat dumbfounded, unsure what to do next. Naturally, she gave Shane a call. "What do I do?" Karma whined.
"I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing. You better do something or you're going to regret it forever," he said, "and lord knows I do not want to be hearing about this forever."
"Can you help me?" She asked.
"Karma, c'mon," he said. "You know what you need to do.
And in one way, he was right. She did know what she needed, a romantic gesture. But this wasn't an easy feat. First, she wasn't sure exactly what to do. She'd used up quite a number of them, from conquering a fear of heights to talk to Amy on the roof to serenading her at her bedroom window. As Amy has pointed out, Karma had a bad track record for "waterboarding her heart" in efforts to save their friendship. This really had to be different, somehow. Second, what ever that gesture was would take a whole lot of courage. And Karma just wasn't sure she had enough.
Karma spent most of her shift the next day agonizing over what to do. Finally, the day drew to a close but she was as conflicted as ever.
"Alright pool is closing in 5 minutes," Shane announced to the family of four still splashing around in the shallow end.
"Someone's ready to go home," Karma commented.
"I'm looking forward to hanging out with Liam, my best friend, who gets home tonight," Shane explained. Karma rolled her eyes. "Now was that an eye roll because of my mention of Liam or because you still will not be hanging out with your best friend?"
"I thought you were sick of our drama?" Karma replied, dodging the question.
"I can't help it. I'm too invested."
"Well for your information, I'm spending the evening with my mom."
Shane sighed. "Someone's stalling."
"Have fun with Liam," Karma said, again ignoring his remark. She grabbed her stuff and headed to catch the bus.
********************************
"Hi sweetie," Karma's mom greeted her. "Surprised to see you here. I thought you were coming tomorrow morning."
"I just wanted to see how you're doing. How are you?"
"Pretty good, actually. The doctors said the chemo is doing what it's supposed to do and things are looking promising."
"Awesome." Karma turned to her dad. "I'm going to stick around for a bit if you want to go take a break, grab dinner?"
He nodded.
"Why the long face, honey?" Her mom asked. "I'm doing really well. They said it's likely I'll be in remission soon. Plus your dad got a call about an interview for a position at that local coffee shop."
Karma forced a smile. "I know mom. It's great. It's all great."
"Ohhh," Mrs. Ashcroft began, "this is about Amy, isn't it?"
And normally, Karma would be horrified at the idea of discussing this with her mom, but today she just needed someone, anyone, to listen. So she plopped down and shared everything, from the drunken kiss in the pool to Amy, eyes filled with tears, challenging Karma, "you can tell me that kiss meant something."
Karma's mom listened patiently. When it was finally her turn to talk, she sat up in bed. "Honey," she said, "I know you've been feeling pressure from me to be different. And I need you to know that if you're 100% heterosexual that's fine by me." Karma cringed at her mother's use of the word heterosexual. "That being said..." Her mother trailed off, pausing to choose her words carefully. "I have seen the way you look at Amy. And if you think something might be there, you owe it to yourself to find out."
"But what if I screw everything up?" Karma asked.
"It sounds like things are pretty screwed up already."
It was decent logic. And it was the push Karma needed to take that next step. "Thanks mom," Karma said, kissing her on the cheek. "I gotta go."
**********************************
It was just about dinnertime when Karma arrived at the Raudenfeld's house. Luckily, family dinners were not a regular occurrence in that household. Karma stood on the stoop, large pepperoni pizza in hand. Her stomach was doing flips. It took all the courage she had not to leave the pizza and run. But she summoned the courage, rang the doorbell and kept her feet planted there on the brick.
Amy opened the door, looking less than pleased to see her.
"Pizza?" Was the only word Karma could get out.
Amy launched into a rant. "Karma why don't you get it? This isn't something you can fix with a fucking pizza. The last thing I want from you is a token of friendship. You're extending this pizza -"
"And garlic knots," Karma added, trying to break the tension.
It didn't work.
"This pizza and garlic knots as a peace offering to get our friendship 'back on track'" she used air quotes for these words, "but you're not listening to what I need."
"Okay," Karma said. "Just take the pizza then." She handed it to Amy, turned around, and walked away. As she made her way back home, she felt a bit like a coward. This wasn't the plan, but the attack had caught her off guard. She wasn't surprised per se, but hearing Amy angry, it always managed to shake her down deep. She hoped Amy would call her soon.
Amy took the pizza upstairs to her room. She sat at her desk staring at it. She was feeling stubborn. She'd decided she wouldn't eat it.
But it smelled so good. And she was so hungry.
She opened up the pizza box and her heart stopped for a moment. Taped to the inside of the top of the box was a picture of Karma and Amy on the mechanical bull at the PFLAG rodeo. Amy had never seen the picture before. She figured Karma's mom must have taken it. Beneath the photo on the cardboard, written in what was clearly Karma's careful handwriting, were three words.
It meant something.