Title: Leave My Mind Leave My Body
Pairing: Stahma/Amanda
Rating: T, you could say there's little bit of adult sexual content :P but nothing to traumatizing.
Summery: If Stahma and Amanda's conversation went differently the night Kenya got taken away. Stahma/Amanda "T" rated femslash.
I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. DEFIANCE BELONGS TO WHOEVER CREATED IT.
tell me what you think :)
"Well this is very good news," Datak stands up with a smile and walks over to me. "Taking over Bel Jarret's position on the town council will surely open up many doors." He places his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I comply, and place my hands daintily on his chest. Datak moves his hands down my body, rather roughly, and moves his mouth to my neck.
"Datak." I say softly. "Datak, Datak." I arch away from him, freeing myself from his grip. "Alak and Christie. They'll be back any minute." I'm quick to close the distance to avoid any suspicion as to why I do not give into Datak's rather talented hands, and I place my hand on his shoulders, to keep him still. I lean in to brush my lips against his cheek, a wifely, but dismissing action.
"Well, let's take this to our bedroom then." He leans towards me for another kiss, but I pull my head back, thinking fast.
"What and let the children go hungry? I was planning on making something special for our guest tonight." I smile at him while I speak, simply to calm any frustration my lack of consent might cause. Datak is unfazed by my words.
"Oh let our cook do it, it's why she's here." He tries to pursue again, but I only react by pulling farther away. Datak sighs now. "Stahma."
"I was looking forward to cooking. I was going to make your favorite." I straighten back up, still locked in his embrace, I smile lovingly. "Culinary work is a woman's job is it not?" I place a hand on his jaw and stroke his cheek with my thumb. Datak grunts and nods his head. "To be a good wife, I need to be well versed in cooking. Any extra practice I can fit in would only benefit this family. And anyway, our cook is a Liberta, she doesn't know traditional Castithan culinary like a native would." I can see I've won him over now; I move in gracefully, and seal the deal with another chaste kiss.
"Alright Stahma," He releases me and smiles, his temper is calm. "I understand, and you could do with a bit more experience." I smile at his words.
"See?" I say, I kiss him yet again. "And besides, you should be thinking about your new and respectable position right now." He follows me as I make my way to the kitchen. Datak smiles as if he had forgotten about it already, and my words had reminded him.
"Yes! You're right! And how did you manage to sway our prized Lady Mayor anyhow?" He asks this casually, but I almost lose my composure at the mention of her. Of Amanda. And her hands, so tan against mine. A rush of, how humans would say, butterflies swirls in my stomach, I take in a sharp breath. I swallow and turn to face him, my poise proper and well controlled.
"I just gave her some cunning words of persuasion, in regards to her sister's survival. Nothing more." I smile deviously; I'm feeling slightly proud of myself. But I can't deny the way talking about Amanda gives me that large twist in my stomach. Datak smiles pompously. I play the part as a good wife and move back over to him, pressing up against his side and grabbing his hand.
"My wife is a genius!" He bellows out.
"You flatter a poor woman." I smile at him and bow my head before turning away and allowing myself a moment to gather my composure. It's a silly thing, to be so dismantled by the mere mentioning of Amanda. It takes me a moment to regain a proper and dignified deportment.
"Not that you actually did all you could pertaining to her survival." I offer playfully. Datak smiles smugly and shrugs. I see our cook walking in, but she avoids eye contact, as she always does. "Miralda?" She looks at me, I see a hidden fear in her eyes, and I give her a calming smile, and bow my head lightly. "You are dismissed for the evening, I'll handle the cooking tonight." She mumbles out words of gratitude and quickly scampers off, I watch her as she leaves, sometimes I wish they wouldn't be so terrified of me. Datak grumbles.
"You're too kind to them."
"They are living creatures that deserve respect are they not?" I say, I begin to collect the dinner essentials, I usually prefer to do my cooking in peace, and Datak's presence is putting pressure on me.
"They are scum, slaves. They do not deserve your kind words!" I frown before turning around to face him with a calmer expression. I move over to him and join him in his chair, sitting on his lap.
"Be still." I say, deflecting away any frustration before he gets too riled up. I place a loving hand on his jaw and kiss him. "Let me attend dinner now. You get a bath in, and I will join you if preparations go faster than expected." Datak nods his head and waits for me to get off him before turning to leave.
"Who is our guest anyway?" He asks by the threshold. I look at him incredulously.
"Christie!" I hiss. He looks at me disapprovingly; I'm quick to regain my composure. "You should be kinder to her," say with a smile and level voice. "She will soon be a part of this family." I wonder if he'll scold me for my outburst. But he seems calm.
"I-" He starts to say, but he is cut off by the front door opening and closing. "Shtako." He mutters and quickly turns away, heading for the bathing room. I roll my eyes, a silly human action I enjoy doing when no one is around to see me. Alak and Christie come into the kitchen as I begin to prepare the food. I smile widely at them both.
"You're back! How are the both of you?" I give Alak a tight hug and a peck on the forehead, and then I turn to Christie, grabbing her hand and placing a gentle kiss to the back it. Alak likes it when I'm kind to her, I always am; I rather like Christie. But the lack of affection the girl gets form Datak only heightens Alak's appreciation for my warmth. It also puts him in a better mood. Christie giggles and wraps her hand around Alak's bicep. He then maneuvers them to the large table where I am cooking.
"It was good. I took Christie up to the radio tower with me." I smile and nod my head to show I'm listening.
"Yes Alak even let me speak into the microphone and pick out some of the songs." Christie says in a soft voice, she blushes. I smile involuntarily at my son's kindness; it's so refreshing to know that he hasn't yet been riddled with his some of his father's more aggressive, and well, unromantic traits.
"That was very sweet of you Alak." I say softly with my head down, focusing on the food, Datak was unfortunately accurate when addressing my cooking abilities, I could in fact use more practice, although I would never let the true extent to my horrible skills ever be revealed. Alak chuckles.
"Anything for Christie of course." I smile again at his words. "Where's dad?"
"Your fathers bathing." I narrow my eyes at the meat in front of me. Raccoon meat, a Castithan delicacy, also extremely difficult to prepare well. I hear Alak sigh and I look up.
"Perfect timing dad." His words drip with sarcasm and they make me furrow my eyebrows.
"Alak your father is getting appointed to the town council, you should approach him with a little bit more respect." I scold him only lightly, being that it was in fact me who sent him to the baths.
"He knew we were coming back so he occupied himself so he wouldn't have to deal with us." Alak was getting worked up and he didn't even acknowledge his father's new position. I widen my eyes and look to Christie. Her head is down and she clears her throat uncomfortably.
"Alak!" I murmur and shift my eyes back and forth between them, if only to let him know what his brash words had done. Christie is not ignorant, she is well aware of Datak's aversion to her existence and their relationship; it makes me sad for her. "I'm the one who sent him to bathe. Please be still." Alak relaxes back into the chair, placing an arm around Christie. He murmurs an apology. I take in a breath and turn to Christie. "Christie, is there anything a can get for you?" I say sweetly, I place my hand over hers and rub it with my thumb. She gives me an appreciating smile and shakes her head.
"No. Thank you. I'm fine." I nod my head and look back down at my work, I glare slightly at the knife I'm holding, wishing I could be a better cook, a perfect cook.
"Now Alak, do I have to repeat myself? Your father is to be appointed to the town council." I make a precise cut, and then straighten up to examine my effort; so far it's not too atrocious, I smile to myself.
"How do you know, if it hasn't happened yet?" Alak doesn't seem too happy for his father, I understand, he is a teenager after all. I sigh.
"I thought that Madame Mayor was-" Christie's words make my muscles tense abruptly, and my knife slips right into my finger.
"Oh." I quickly pull it up and away from the food, inspecting the slice and watching as the crimson blood promptly begins to spill out of the wound. It seems to be deeper than a simple cut.
"Mom!" Alak jumps up and grabs a towel from the hook by the sink.
"I'm fine darling, a bandage please." Alak nods and gives Christie the towel before turning to leave.
"Oh my gosh." Christie gasps and grabs my hand, holding the towel to my cut herself. I find myself a bit dazed still by the mention of Amanda, and images of her flood into my brain, I feel the pressure of her lips upon mine. Again I think it's silly, I should be able to control myself better. "You're bleeding a lot." The dear thing looks rather concerned. It helps to focus on her, it ushers my mind back into the moment. I smile at her appreciatively, and cup her jaw gently with my good hand.
"Don't worry Christie, Castithan's heal rather quickly."
"Oh, good." Christie blushes and looks back down to my finger, my blood contrasts harshly with the stark whiteness of the towel and my skin as it soaks it up. "Still, that's a lot." Christie says quietly, not necessarily talking to me. I remove my hand from her face, dragging my fingers lightly against the soft surface. Alak comes back with a bandage. I smile at him gratefully and take it from him. I didn't even take the time to feel the pain through the thoughts of Amanda that fogged my brain before, but now, with a clear head, I wince at the deep cut as the towel is removed.
"Ouch."
"Jesus mom, that's pretty bad." Alak brings Christie back to the table. "You're sure you're alright?"
"I'll be fine sweet. I'm afraid I just lost control of the knife, raccoon meat is very difficult that way." I smile reassuringly to the both of them. "So, as you were saying about," I clear my throat and wait to pick up the knife. "Our Madame Mayor, Christie?" Once the initial stomach flip dissipates, I grab the knife again and return to my work, grimacing when my finger shifts painfully under the bandage.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Tarr, I can't really remember now." Christie laughs half-heartedly and I'm beginning to think she is uneasy around blood.
"That's alright dear." I smile at her and bow my head slightly.
"Hey Christie." Alak gives her shoulder a squeeze and a shake. "How about we go for a walk while dinner's being made? Mom likes to cook in peace anyway. And I think we've already uh, disrupted the peace." Alak laughs good-naturedly and I smile at my son.
"Sounds like a wonderful idea!" I offer encouragingly. Christie nods her head and Alak helps her up. They both smile at me and then go out the door to the outside, I watch them go and think about what will happen when they get married. If Christie moves in, something I will insist upon, I cannot have her be so uncomfortable all the time, if the mines are to belong to us one day, then I will have to make sure things go smoothly. I sigh and look down at my hand, being alone means I don't have to be so aware of how I carry myself.
I grimace at the meat, but I'm really just upset with my inability to prepare it perfectly like a good Castithan wife. I turn to lean my back against the table and use my good hand to pinch the bridge of my nose. I'm upset with myself. Why does Amanda do this so me? Two nights ago when we interacted out on the street, I hadn't meant to carry it as far as I had. I told myself that it was just to further persuade her into appointing Datak to the town council. But now, the sobering fact that the cut on my finger was caused just by the mere mentioning of Amanda, I realize that Kenya would have been influence enough. Telling Amanda that appointing Datak would save her sister was more than enough persuasion, and perhaps I knew that that night, but I did what I did anyway. There is just something that is so intriguing, and intoxicating about her. I sigh, frustrated with my thoughts. It's so disgraceful, dishonorable, to be thinking of anyone other than my betrothed, a man who I do love very much. Earlier, I really hadn't made any plans to make dinner; I just didn't necessarily feel like sleeping with Datak at the moment. A good Castithan wife would never reject her husband, her very source of power and security. A good Castithan wife would never let her thoughts wonder the way I have. The feeling kissing Amanda, and touching Amanda, those feelings hadn't left my mind since I first felt them. A good Castithan wife would never send her husband to bathe without her. And a good Castithan wife would be able to properly make dinner for her family, without scarring her perfect, Castithan skin. I'm beginning to think myself a failure. Approaching footsteps startle me, I quickly turn back to the table and grab the knife; I would never let anyone see me unsure of what I was doing. I regain my poise and make myself look confident.
"Oh, Lady Tarr. I'm so sorry I seem to have forgotten my coat!" It's Miralda, and her words are rushed and panicked, like I would lash out and turn the knife upon her for coming back. I smile at her.
"Perfectly excusable Miralda." I say in a calming voice, I bow my head politely at the Liberta, I'm trying to bestow a sense of ease over her, but she is so tense I don't think it can be done. "Oh, Miralda?" I quickly get her attention before she leaves again.
"Y-yes Lady Tarr?"
"Miralda, I've cut myself rather horribly. See?" I present my bandaged finger. Miralda gasps. "Yes well, I am so sorry to ask this of you, but could you possibly-"
"Say no more my Lady! I will finish the dinner for you." Miralda hurries off to put her coat away and when she comes back she washes her hands, something I had forgotten to do, I added it to the mental list I was beginning to create, a list of things for me to remember, and do better.
"I feel quite awful, I made an empty promise, promising you could have the night to yourself and family." I look at her apologetically and step away from the food, allowing Miralda the space to work on it herself.
"No apologies required my Lady." She says, she is working fast on the meat, doing the things that would take me minutes to do, in seconds, I'm slightly jealous. To have another race better me in something, my cooking skills simply must be improved.
"Yes well, thank you." I bow my head and turn to leave, not being able to bear the sight of her talents exceeding my own. I walk through my house towards the baths. A good Castithan wife would make sure her husband's bath is as pleasurable as possible. And that's the goal isn't it? To be a perfect wife?
Please comment and review I would absolutely love to hear what you guys think so far, or if you have any ideas. It would keep me going :)