APOV
My cheeks turned red. I could feel my entire body heat up. For the first time in many years, I bent my head in the presence of someone, particularly a male, a looked down at the floor. I couldn't face it. I couldn't face reality. I could feel my throat closing, burning at the back. I wanted to swallow, but my mouth felt dry. Tears burned in the back of my eyes. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't cry.
I felt so ashamed. I couldn't believe it. The one thing that I had kept for 25 years was gone. The one thing that I had cherished about myself. The one the that i had protected, safe guarded, even from him, was gone in a night of omission with a stranger, who I couldn't even bring myself to like.
I wanted to drop to my knees and cry. But I won't because that would be weak. And I will not be weak. Not anymore.
Through my peripheral vision, I eyed a water bottle. Without looking up, I quickly moved and swallowed it down, easing my dry mouth and closing throat.
I looked up. He looked confused - his brows furrowed, and his posture was rigid as if something went terribly wrong for him.
"Anastasia," he asked, "Are you alright?"
I couldn't bring myself to open up and tell him that I was a virgin. I didn't want to. Partly because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to have had sex with a virgin, but also because I didn't want to admit it to myself. Admit to myself that I had lost my virginity on a night I couldn't even remember. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten about that when I had woken up.
I may be a business mogul, but right now all I wanted to do was curl up in my mother's arms. But, I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that for two reasons. She had lost her right of being my mother a long time ago. And, she was dead.
"I'm fine Christian. We should start packing if we want to leave soon to Seattle"
"Anastasia, look, I know I am not exactly in your good books right now, but if you are hurt, I want to know."
I am hurt. Hurt on the inside. But, I couldn't bring myself to voice my pain.
"I don't have to tell you shit Grey. I can take care of myself, and I can promise you, if I was hurt, I would take care of myself. I am not some sort of Charity case that you need to keep after. I AM FINE" I could feel rage growing underneath my skin. How dare he? How dare he talk like he cares about me, when all I am is a gold digger to him.
He looked taken aback. His face was marred with pain, as if I had slapped him across his face, something I had already done. But, that brief look of hurt was just that. Brief. His face returned to the facade of calm and collected, although I could tell there was a war raging inside of himself.
"Fine." One word. That was his reply. The one word that told me everything I wasn't, and everything I wanted to be.
It had taken us 20 Minutes to make the room at least somewhat descent, and then finally leave. Christian, Flynn, Kate, Elliot and I, along with Taylor and Sawyer, who are mine and Christians's head of Security, headed to the airport, where Christian's private jet was waiting for us. I would have insisted that we use mine, but mine was going back to New York, so that my assistant, Hannah, can bring some of my documents I had left behind and move herself to Seattle.
Throughout the entire ride to the airport, neither Christian nor I actually talked to each other due to the tension from the hotel room.
I knew I had overreacted a bit, and I was embarrassed, but he shouldn't have been pretending to care about me when he actually doesn't. It is none of his fucking business. Not after the names that he called me. Names that maybe after an apology could be over looked, but for me they cut me deep. Because he had labeled me that way. Labeled me a whore, a bitch, a slut. Labels that haunted me through the night. So when he called me those names, it was like reopening a wound that was never fully closed and rubbing salt on it.
I wanted to rip those labels to shred. To do that, I had kept my virginity intact. I had become America's richest woman, never wanting to be labeled as a gold digger in a relationship. But, everything I had built up crashed down when Christian spoke to me like that in the morning. I understood he was frustrated and that he was confused by the scene. But the words they hurt. Because, as much as I wanted to rip the labels until nothing exists, I had taken Chemistry in highschool, and I learned that you can't destroy matter. This morning I had learned that I can't destroy my labels; I learned that from experience. Raw, painful experience.
We reached his plane. It was big, and I was impressed, but that didn't mean I was going to drool all over the place because I did have my own private jet of equal stature.
Once again, the entire flight to Seattle was quiet, with Elliot and Kate glancing at each other. I could see the way that they had started to find an infatuation between themselves. Christian and I sat on opposite couches and were working on our laptops.
I was trying to finish one of my negotiations so the set up will be right by the time we get to Seattle.
From time to time, I could see Christian glancing at me. But, I could tell that he had enough ego to not want to apologize in his behavior. Thus, our 3.5 hours worth of flight turned out to be awkward and full of sexual tension...from Kate and Elliot.
I couldn't wait to get to Seattle.
AN: Hey guys, this was just a bit of Ana's side. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. I love your comments, it really motivates me!