Her mind travels back to the beginning of the year. She remembers the person she was a year ago. Person she was four years ago.
She's still the same person. She still cries whenever the episode of her favorite show ends, and chick flicks amuse her to no end, and once she gets into a book there's not a person in the world who can shake her out of it. Same things still make her happy, and same things still make her sad. She still wants to adopt every puppy with big brown eyes she sees, and she still puts too much salt on her popcorn. She still believes tea and ice cream can fix everything, or at least those superficial wounds. And by now even Stefan learned that she needs her morning coffee so now, every time she wakes up, there's a cup of coffee waiting for her. A spoon of sugar, spoonful of milk and some whipped cream.
Rebekah says Stefan is as whipped as the cream itself to which he replies he's not whipped, he's just happy. Rebekah is joking anyway, because if anyone is whipped, it's Damon.
But then, she's a completely different person. She had learned a lot about herself in the past year. About who has been hiding deep inside of her, unable to speak, because she had shackled that girl to a solid rock. She started valuing herself more. She realized there are people who would miss her if she disappeared. When she looked at the mirror in the morning she didn't see someone who's not worth loving, she would see a girl who's already loved.
She always hated the thought of depending on someone else, but in a way she depends on Stefan. If she said he changed her she would be taking it too far. People can't really change people, they can push them to be worse, or inspire to be better. Stefan did the second thing, he inspired her to be more. He was like one piece of machinery missing, that one crucial part that made her think lighter, look at things brighter and love better. He made her appreciate things she had no appreciation of before, and he also made her appreciate what she already has.
Most of all, he made her appreciate herself. He turned her flaws into something without which she wouldn't be herself, therefor a vital part of her being, not something ugly she should want to get rid of. He pointed out her intelligence is not something she should be hiding, but flaunting, because she has so much to give to others. He appreciates her sarcasm and made her more confident about her smile by smiling at the sight of it himself. And she loved seeing him smile. He's always telling her how beautiful she is, and after some time she started seeing it by herself. It didn't make her self obsessed, it made her aware of who she is and the power she holds, especially over him. Because she knows the ways to make him feel so small on the palm of her hand but she tries not to take advantage of those ways. He helped her enjoy life and accept herself emotionally and physically, even revel in the joys of it. Before, she would blush at the mention of sex because she thought sex is just.. sex. And he proved her wrong without even trying. Just by the way he made her feel.
And she hopes she's able to give him at least half of what he's giving to her.
She's so far away from where she thought she will be. And somehow, the place she found herself in is more attractive than the place she wanted to be at.
She's not going to Harvard, but to Princeton. Maybe Princeton has been her wish all along, or maybe it's just where she's supposed to be with. Maybe she's supposed to be by Stefan's side, and he really doesn't care where he plays football as long as he's playing.
She's not single, she's in love. Something she wanted to experience but never thought she will have a chance to. She thought it is too late for that wish.
She's not even standing on that stage, giving a speech, since she's the third best in the class, but somehow even that is enough. Tastes like the first place.
She's sitting on that uncomfortable, plastic chair, wrapped into a silky, red robe, matching hat flattening her hair, her family is somewhere in the back, no matter how small it might be, Jenna is probably crying her eyes out, Jeremy is consoling her and April is rolling her eyes at her mothers behavior while Alaric is just hovering in the background like he usually does. Her friends are near her and Stefan is holding her hand with his and everything is so imperfectly perfect.
They receive their diplomas, the valedictorian finishes his speech and they throw their hats in the air. There's a shower of silky, satin balls in the mid air before each of the hats falls back to their rightful owner.
They run over to their families. Elena can see Stefan slowly walking to the man with a straight face expression and a tired woman she knows as his parents. She has met them but never spoke too much with them. The only one who looks happy is Damon, and she is happy he has at least someone. She rushes to her own family, and she was right, Jenna has been crying. The space around her eyes is red and puffy, but there's a wide, proud smile on her face. She pulls Elena into a tight hug and Elena puts her hands on Jenna's back. She's really happy to have Jenna, she was huge pole of support ever since her mom died, and ever since her dad became an absent parent. Jenna was also the only person willing to talk about her mom with her. Alaric taps her on the back, and Jeremy pulls her into a hug after Jenna releases her. Even April gives her a hug. They're planning to take her out for lunch, so she tells them to wait for her by the car until she confirms plans with her friends. There's a big Graduation party in the Grill this evening.
Stefan is already waiting for her by the fence.
"Hmm," she hums amused, getting his robe in between her fingers, "My boyfriend looks so sexy in a dress," she teases him, her look playful.
"Oh?" he cocks his eyebrow in her direction, "Maybe I should wear them more often, then," he puts his hands on her back and pulls her closer to him, trapping her in his embrace. Somehow she wiggles her trapped arms and wraps them around his waist.
She gets on her toes and presses her lips against his ear, "I like you naked more, though," she whispers to him seductively.
He groans. "You're driving me insane, woman," he moans silently, because she really is.
Whenever she presses next to him, he can feel his sanity slipping away and going crazy never felt so satisfactory.
"Elena?" they hear a tight and strict voice coming from behind them, and on the sound of it Elena freezes. She gets tense in Stefan's arms, and after few moments tries to wiggle out of his embrace. He lets her.
Slowly, she turns around, and when her voice escapes her throat, it's husky and silent. "Dad?" she says. Her hand flies to Stefan's, for support. She finds it, and feels how tense he is. Angry. His chest is falling and rising rapidly.
She told him about her dad after his last visit. She never wanted to because she knew he will get angry, but she couldn't hide the redness on her cheek or the sadness in her eyes.
She tightens her grasp on Stefan's hand, telling him everything is okay, so he calms down a little.
"Your aunt gave me a call," he says, his voice getting lighter, "Pointing out my recent actions were shameful," he lowers his head at the memory, "Wrong," he releases sadly.
She doesn't know what to say in return. She just stands there, her body buried next to Stefan's, her voice stuck inside of her throat.
He raises his head when after few minutes she doesn't say anything.
He meets her confused face with tears in his eyes. The lines of her face soften upon seeing him like that, with the face of a man she knew once upon a time. Man who carried her on his shoulders and attended every one of her ballet recitals. Father he once was.
"This is Stefan," she puts her palm on Stefan's chest, asking him to behave, for her, and at the same time showing her father she wants to share something important with him.
"I remember Stefan," the corners of his lips pull into a light smile.
Stefan and her father shake their hands, and Elena asks him to join them for lunch. She says her goodbyes to Stefan, until this evening, and strolls towards the car alongside her father.
They attend the party, but when the clock ticks midnight they drive off to the school lot and lie in the grass next to each other.
Elena nervously plucks the grass with her fingers, counting the stars, while Stefan plays with the hem of her shirt. Thousand of thoughts invade her mind, while she's the only thing on his. That's how it usually goes, he takes care of her and she takes care of everything else. It's like a silent deal they made between each other.
He finally pulls the hem of her light, sheer orange top up and reveals her naked stomach.
When his lips meet her skin, shivers attack the inner side of her body and she trembles slightly.
"You are perfect," he says each word in between the kisses he plants onto her stomach.
She laughs lightly, maybe even a bit of pain evident in her voice, before she shakes her head against the grass and says, "You make me perfect."
He falls onto his back and pulls her with himself, making her fall onto his chest. He doesn't even take her by surprise considering how often he does it. In his arms she's as light as a feather.
Her head fall on his chest and her hair sprawls all around him. She puts her hands on his shoulders, clinging onto him so she doesn't roll off. He puts his arms around him, not letting her to.
His fingers creep inside of her shirt and he starts caressing her back lightly.
She sighs.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks.
"How in few months we won't be here anymore," she exhales tiredly, even sadly, "Everything will be different, everything will change."
"It doesn't have to."
"But it will."
He doesn't know what to say to that. Sometimes best answers are those spoken in silence.
"Both Bonnie and Caroline will be so far away from me. I'll just miss them, is all," she comments, a certain kind of heaviness pressing onto her chest. She knows she will see them from time to time, but not as often as she would like to. Her words make him think which is when he actually realizes how far from Rebekah, and everyone else, he will be. And it makes him incredibly sad.
"I know it's not the same, but you will have me," he tries to console her, but she detects a feeling he thinks he's not good enough in his voice.
"I'm so grateful I'll have you there with me, Stefan," she tries to show him he's more than enough, "I love you so much, so incredibly much," he squeezes her closer to him upon hearing those words, "You're not just my boyfriend or the person I sleep with, you see," she says huskily, "You're my best friend as well."
He plants a kiss on the top of her head.
"I have to tell you something."
"Shoot."
"I thought I was pregnant."
He stops caressing her back and his body tenses under hers.
"Relax, Stefan," she laughs out loud, "You're not going to be a daddy."
He exhales in relief. When they started having sex she told him she's on a birth control, but insisted on using a condom as well. And then, after some time, she decided it's not necessary anymore, and he put no complaints to it.
"I didn't tell you because.." she furrows her brows, "Well, I don't know why, I guess I thought there's no point to talk about it since it's a false alarm. But I don't like hiding things from you, I want to be completely honest, especially with the things like this that concern us both."
"I'm glad you told me."
"Stefan?"
"Yes."
"Did you mean the things you said at Prom?" she asks curiously.
"Yes," he says instantly without having to give it a second thought, "Every word." Even the ones he didn't say.
"You think that far ahead?"
"No," his answer surprises her, "With you, I don't have to. With you, I know."
She smiles.
"I promise you I will never leave you," he whispers.
"Stefan," she says his name, "Don't make promises you can't keep," she warns him.
"I promise you," he says firmly, "You're not getting out of this so easily, Gilbert."
"Well maybe I don't want to, Salvatore."
The end would feel so bitter if what lies ahead didn't seem so sweet.