I won't even try to explain why I dropped this story for so long, because it won't make a difference. The point is... I'm back to writing! Yay! I'm sorry for my unexplained absence, but at least I'm back now, right?

I'm sorry if my writing seems a little meh in this chapter, but I'm suffering extreme writer's block :P None-the-less, this chapter holds some extremely dark themes (suicide) and if you can't handle it or are a bit touchy with the subject, I would suggest maybe skipping this chapter.

Things seemed okay for a while.

I spent the week after the incident with Kaelie practicing for the football season. I trained with the team, followed the dietary plan that our coach set for us and added in at least two hours of my own training after school every day. My body seemed to be healing from the weeks upon weeks of being tense and confined in a shell of misery and pain. I still had my bruises, and I still got new ones regularly, but my secret was safe, with the help of John, of course.

Kaelie didn't come to school that week, and I was starting to wonder if her promise for revenge was nothing but an empty threat. It would make sense. Her tactics were weak and cowardly anyways. What was really playing on my mind as I ran the oval that morning before school was: Why did Camille help me?

I told myself over and over again that we were friends, and Camille was a decent enough person to stand up for her friends. Something about her unwavering faith in me – her willingness to defend me when she didn't even know the truth – had my mind spinning. Even my closest friends… even John… wouldn't talk to me once they had heard the rumours. They had only really made a move to help once Camille had.

The distant bell, the signal that begun the school day, chimed and I stopped running. I had completely lost track of the time. I jogged over to my bag and hauled it onto my shoulder. In my hurry to get to class, I skipped the showers and headed towards the school in my sweat-stained gym clothes. I poured some water from my bottle over my head and attempted to dry myself off as much as I could with my towel on the way. By the time I reached the front doors, most if not all of the students had dispersed into their classrooms. Still huffing, I barged into my own class.

Ms Pate, the school principal, was the first person I saw. "Ah, Jace," she said, "Just the man I was looking for. Will you please come with me to my office please? We have a very important matter to discuss."

Caught off-guard, I mumbled some sort of agreement and followed the principal back out of the classroom. Her high-heels clicked annoyingly along the linoleum, alerting every kid in the classrooms that we passed of our presence. Once at administration, we headed straight into her office and she closed the heavy wooden door behind us. I sat on the opposite side of the desk to her and folded my hands in my lap, unsure of what to make of the situation. Was I in trouble? Was I getting expelled or something?

"I want you to know," Ms Pate started in a strangely cautious and gentle tone, "That you aren't in trouble. You aren't receiving any blame for what I am about to tell you. However, you do need to be made aware of something that has happened."

"Oookaaaay…?" I said slowly.

The principal looked at me for a moment longer. She had intensely sharp grey eyes that made me squirm in my seat. With a deep sigh, she opened a drawer behind her desk and pulled out a thick blue folder. Before the principal opened it, she peered at me once again. "Now, Jace," she began, "What I am about to tell you might be a bit shocking. Take as long as you need to digest it…"

"Just tell me already," I spurted, getting frustrated with her evasiveness, "What happened?"

"Kaelie is dead."

She said it so quickly that I wasn't completely sure that she had said it at all. Did I imagine it? Or did it actually happen? "W-What?"

"Your friend, Kaelie, committed suicide yesterday morning," Ms Pate elaborated, "I'm truly sorry to be the one to tell you. I am assuming that you two were close."

I pressed my palms against my eyes for a moment. "I-I'm sorry… I don't understand what you're…. what are you saying?"

"Jace," she said quietly, "I'm very sorry. But Kaelie is dead. I know that you were close but – "

"We weren't close," I blurted out, looking up at the principal with a strange calmness, "Why would you think that we were close?"

The principal's mouth opened as though she wanted to say something, but no sound was heard. Her expression turned more confused than anything else. "I'm sorry. There must be some sort of mistake. It's just… It's just that her parents seemed to want you to know. And I was given a copy of the case from the police…"

"So what?" I retorted, "So what do I have to do with the police? I'm only just finding out now! And her parents never knew me!" I felt a sudden anger bubbling in my chest. Why was this happening to me? Things were starting to look ok. Well, things were never ok, but they were bearable for once. Why is it, that whenever I find some sort of peace, it gets ripped away from me almost instantaneously? Any small piece of hope that my heart had been holding onto crumbled away. I felt like nothing anymore. I wanted to give up, to join Kaelie… wherever she went.

"Jace?" Ms Pate said gently, "Are you ok?"

I snapped out of my haze, leaving myself feeling dazed and confused. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to yell."

"It's ok," she replied slowly, "It's understandable. I was going to ask for your help with something, but I can see that you might be slightly unstable with the situation. The guidance officer is always available for you if – "

"I don't need the damn guidance officer," I retaliated, "I'll help. What do you need?"

I could see the gears shifting behind her eyes, her mind thinking over her choices. "I want to show you some pictures from the scene. I was… well, we were… hoping that you could shed some light on the case."

"What?" I blanched, "Like, you think I would know why she would do something like this?"

The principal just nodded. "If you're feeling up to it."

You're not upset about this, I told myself, you don't care that Kaelie is gone. All she ever did was cause you trouble. You don't need to be emotional. Control your emotions.

I nodded in agreement.

Ms Pate opened the folder and shuffled through some paper that was sat on the top of the thick pile found inside. She pulled out one, then two pieces of photographic paper that shimmered in the cold artificial light of the office. She laid them in front of me, one black and white image at a time. My gut tightened at the immediate sight of them and my vision began to blur.

The first image was of a bathroom. Plain, simple, normal. White tiles, white shower, white sink, white bath… the bath, however was not empty. Water that appeared black in the grey-scale photograph lapped at the pale skin of Kaelie, whose head was hung at an odd angle, and who had one hand lying on the ledge of the bathtub while the other was lost in the dark water. The ugly smear across her visible wrist made my skin crawl uneasily. On the tiled floor lay a knife.

The second image that was put in front of me was a close-up of her wrist. Having it magnified like that made it clear that it was not just a senseless, jagged gash that she had ripped into her skin. Above the fatal wound where thinner, shallower lines that had appeared to have been carved there with care, by Kaelie.

For Jace Herondale.

"You will pay for this, Jace Herondale!"

That's what Kaelie had said, wasn't it?

I told the principal that I would help, but once I had seen that photo I just ran from the office. I ran away, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. It was all my fault. I made Kaelie kill herself…

I wasn't sure where I was running to until I found myself in a familiar place. I couldn't remember passing the fence, but I had arrived out our hangout… the place where Magnus, Jordan, John and myself had caught up on my first day back here. I fell to the ground and hugged my legs to my chest like a small child. My throat burned and choked sobs wracked my chest. There was only so much that I could take.

It was my fault.

I killed Kaelie.

"Jace?"

I spun around in alarm, scared by the sudden voice. A blonde-haired girl wearing gym clothes emerged from the trees around my spot. "Camille?" I called in a barely audible voice.

"Yeah," she replied, "It's me. Are you ok?"

She crossed over the field towards where I sat and joined me, hugging her own knees to her chest. It took me a while to reply, "No."

"What happened?" She asked with surprising patience.

"Kaelie is dead," I blurted, "I killed her."

Camille was silent for a long time. Although I didn't look at her, I could read her obvious shock. "W-what?" she stuttered eventually, "What do you mean you killed her?"

"She's dead," I choked, "And it's all my fault. She… She killed herself. Yesterday."

"Oh…" Camille whispered, "Oh Jace, I'm so sorry."

She wrapped her arms around me and circled her hand comfortingly on my back. "She said… she said that… that I would regret it…" I sobbed, unable to calm myself down.

"You didn't kill her, Jace," Camille assured me, "She chose to do what she did."

"For Jace Herondale," I whispered, "That's what she carved on her wrist. She died, because of me. She killed herself to hurt me. She did it for me."

Camille didn't seem to know how to respond for a while. Finally, she said, "She was crazy, Jace. You can't blame yourself for her psycho actions."

Strangely enough, what Camille was saying made perfect sense. Slowly but surely, I felt my breathing ease to a normal pace. My chest stopped shaking and my mind cleared up.

"If anyone is to blame," Camille continued after a long silence, "It's me."

I turned my head so that I was looking at her directly. "Why would you say that?"

As I looked at her, her eyes seemed to shimmer with mixed emotions. "I was the one who told her to kill herself."

Thinking back on the situation, I realised that it was true. I remember feeling conflicted about how I felt about her comments. "But you were just defending me," I pointed out.

A small smile tugged at the edges of Camille's lips. "Maybe. Or maybe I'm just a bad person."

I frowned. "You aren't a bad person."

Camille actually chuckled. "Yes I am," she replied, "But, the thing is, I'm ok with it."

Confused, I asked, "Ok with what?"

"Being the bad person."

Without warning, Camille pushed her smiling lips against mine. Stunned, I didn't do anything. I didn't kiss her back, but I didn't push away either. When she pulled away, she looked up at me through her lashes. "You don't want to kiss me?"

My mind searched for words but came up empty. After a few moments she kissed me again and I pushed her away. "But we broke up. And you… You're with Magnus now." My own words queued my own realisation. "You're with one of my best friends."

Camille pressed her manicured nails against my chest. "I thought I told you already, Jace. I'm ok with being the bad guy."

My mind was spinning. I was in no condition to even consider kissing Camille. But when she leaned in once more, I forgot everything. I forgot about Kaelie, and Valentine, my mum, my friends, my emptiness, confusion, rage, fear… It all just evaporated into kissing Camille. It's not like it felt right, and I didn't necessarily want her to kiss me, but it was such a bliss to forget all of my problems that I didn't push her away. I didn't fight her.

"W-what are you doing?"

I snapped away from Camille and looked up to see Magnus standing a few metres away.

Thank you for reading :) Hopefully I'll be getting back into writing more and more and will be able to finish off my loose ends while I have the summer holidays.