It had been two weeks since Jane had come home. Well she was physically there anyways. Ganis stood leaning against the counter in the kitchen watching Jane as she sat on the couch staring blankly at the wall. At least she was out of her room; she'd been going between eating and lying on her bed since she got there. The days were okay and she slept without much trouble, but the nights were spent with terrible nightmares and cold sweats. Ganis would hold her and comfort her as best he could; it killed him to see her like this but until she told him what had happened there was only so much he could do.
Taking a chance he grabbed the data pad off the table and made his way slowly into the front room.
"Hey Red?" He paused and it took a moment but she finally nodded with a dull. "Yeah dad?"
"Nihlus has been messaging you since I told him you were home. He doesn't get a lot of down time but he's spending it writing to you." He handed her the data pad and watched as she glanced down, stood clicking it off and tossed it on the couch. She was back in her room in the next second laying on her bed back towards the door.
Another week slipped by much the same way and Ganis was still at a loss, she had completely shut him out. He paced his room trying to figure out what he should do, he had hoped she would start to come around on her own but she only seemed to be slipping farther away from him. His eyes came to rest on his weapons rack and the sniper rifle he had carried with him for so many years, the same one he had taught Jane with. He grabbed it and walked to her room.
"Hey Red, I have something for you."
She was sitting on the far side of her bed, head down facing away from him; she didn't turn so he went to her and sat on the bed.
"I want to give this to you." He set the rifle between them. Jane reached out a hand but didn't actually touch the rifle.
"Why? This is your best sniper rifle dad."
"Yes, that's why I want my little girl to have it. I'm not sure they'll let you have it in basic training in the Alliance but afterwards, you could perhaps use it in sniper training. You're my kid, you're one hell of a shot and I just thought.." He stopped short as he realised she was shaking her head.
"I don't think I'm going."
"Jane." She lifted her eyes to him at the use of her given name.
"I need you to talk to me, I know it's going to be hard but you've always trusted me. Please trust me now."
She went to lie down and he shook his head pulling her back to him and then against his chest. Her arms went around his neck and they sat in silence before she pulled back and nodded.
"I'll try."
"That's all I ask Red."
They sat in silence again; Jane stared at the floor in front of her. Ganis didn't want to push so he sat quietly with her; waiting for her to start in her own time.
Jane felt very crowded, it was like her thoughts and memories were pressing down on her, to be fair they were. She had internalised everything since it had started and it was time to tell her father the story of what had happened to her since she left their home.
Ganis listened about her trip there on the ship with Captain Anderson, how he had taken her to a space station and introduced her to Kaidan Alenko; that they were cut off from anyone outside of the station so she couldn't write them. She watched him carefully as she told him about their biotics trainer Commander Arien Vyrnnus.
Ganis tried not to show his reaction at learning that his old squad mate had become a merc and ended up on a space station full of human teenagers. It was like adding fuel to fire he thought, knowing how much Vyrnnus despised humans.
The shock on his face must have been clear when Jane told him how she had stopped him from hitting Kaidan and then revealed who she was.
He was concerned when she told him about the implant she had received and the threats that Vyrnnus had laid against her.
When she revealed that she had been sent to solitary for disobeying Vyrnnus in attacking the boy Kaidan he felt the slow burn of anger start low in his gut.
When she told him that she had refused to harm a female student and that had been the first time he had beaten her he stopped breathing. Ganis remained silent though he felt like putting his fist through the wall. She told him how she spent six months in solitary with daily beatings, and he stood up folding his arms over his chest and began pacing the room imagining all the things he would do to Vyrnnus once he found him.
None of this prepared him for what she showed him next, she pulled the high collar of her shirt away from her neck showing him where teeth had punctured her; more like ripped through her. Confused he bent in front of her.
"I don't understand Red did he see these marks left by Nihlus?"
That's when the tears that had been pent-up in her flowed freely.
"No dad, the cut underneath was from Nihlus he wanted to wait, wait until we were back together after everything and he had talked to you, to mark me properly."
Ganis turned his head slightly the realisation of what she was saying hitting him and he placed a hand on each of her shoulders.
"Sweetheart, are you saying Vyrnnus did this to you? Did he..." He couldn't finish the sentence and she sobbed, he pulled her into his lap as she cried. She finally calmed if only slightly and nodded into his chest and his heart clinched; he was going to kill that son-of-a-bitch.
It took quite awhile for Jane to compose herself but when she did she took a deep breath and continued, she kept her head against his chest and told him about Kaidan and that last day with Vyrnnus. How he had broken Rahna's arm and then how Kaidan had finally done what she could not.
As she finished and the silence settled around them, Ganis felt his heart rate return to normal. He was almost disappointed that he was dead. He had wanted to make him pay for what he'd done to his little girl. At the same at least it was done with, he owed this Kaidan a thanks and thought about the message from Earth that had come for Jane, maybe that was him.
"Sweetheart, I know you don't need to hear this but I want you to know you're not responsible for anything that fucker did to you."
Jane stifled a smile and he saw it. "Dad, you never cuss it sounds weird."
"I don't cuss in front of you." Her face grew serious and she pulled away from him and back to the edge of the bed her eyes once again on the floor.
"I know I know, it's not my fault but where do I go from here? I find myself wallowing in this dad, to the point that I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breath."
"Red, you're allowed to be that way, for awhile you need time to be angry, sad all of those things you need them. But in the end you have to use them, use them to make sure those things don't happen to others." Grabbing the rifle next to them he pointed towards the door.
"As far as where we go from here; I think that's obvious, we both need to put a bullet in something."
She half smiled. "Yeah I think I could handle that."
~~00o00~~
Jane stared at the messages from Kaidan and Nihlus. She groaned and tossed the data pad away having no idea what to tell either one of them.
"Red, Nihlus is messaging me you know. He says you haven't replied to him." Ganis lifted a brow plate at her and she rolled her eyes. "Dad, I don't really want to have that conversation unless it's in person."
"You don't have to have that conversation, just message him and tell him you're okay and home and that you don't know when you're headed to Earth and to the Alliance. Is that so hard? He has been your friend forever, he did ask me permission to make you his mate. I'd say that gives him the right to at least a, hey I'm alive message, don't you?"
"Ugh fine dad geez." She typed for a second on her data pad and poked send a little more roughly than she needed to. "There done. Happy?"
Ganis chuckled, teenagers, was he this moody back then?
"In all seriousness though do you still love Nihlus?"
Jane stared at him and nodded.
"Yeah I do dad, but it's not that simple anymore."
"Red Nihlus loves you he's not going to" Jane held up a finger at her father and he laughed.
"Don't shush me."
She grinned and hugged him. "I'll figure it out dad; I just don't know what to say over a damn message. By the way you wouldn't believe the hell I went through with Kaidan, humans don't understand the shush thing."
Life returned to some semblance of normalcy in the Vandrel house over the next few months. Jane and Ganis trained together once again and they were able to talk like they used to. Jane was at ease and was even talking about the military again. Ganis was happy for her even though that would mean letting her go again.
"Captain Anderson said I could join at seventeen with your permission of course." Ganis laughed.
"Of course you have my permission; I was going to let you join at fifteen."
"He thinks I'll make a good soldier."
"Well yeah, did you tell him that's because you were raised by me?"
She laughed. "No but if I ever see him again I will."
Jane's eyes found Ganis's and she frowned. "Will you be okay dad?"
"Are you kidding? Of course, this is me. Besides this time I'll know where you're at and you'll be able to write me. Maybe I'll take up painting or something."
Jane snorted and play punched her dad on the arm. "Yeah you'll take up painting when you can do it with a gun."
"Hey, that's not a bad idea Red."
She eyed him. "Hey you know what you should do."
Ganis stared up at the sky taking her hand in his as they walked towards the hill overlooking the colony.
"No what?"
"You should ask out that cute Asari doctor in the colony. I saw her when I was down there yesterday. Le'lani, we were talking and she asked me how my schooling was. I can't believe you actually told people I was sent to finishing school, what the hell is that about?"
Ganis's mandibles fluttered and she rolled her eyes.
"Seriously though dad, she's really cute."
"Listen here little girl, I don't need you setting me up."
"Dad, I just...don't want you to be alone."
He stopped on top of the hill and they looked out to the colony below them.
"Jane, I'm not alone. I have you, I know you'll be home when you can be, I keep myself busy. Sure it was hard when I didn't know where you were at but.."
"I want you to be happy dad, you gave up everything for me, and here I am thinking about leaving you again,"
Ganis held up a finger and shook his head at her.
"I am happy sweetheart. I always knew you'd be in the military, I knew you'd be gone. Never think I gave up anything because I think." He paused and traced a talon over the freckles and scars that now crossed her right cheek.
"That I gained more than I ever thought possible. I chose you Red and I like to think you chose me. That's something very special that not many people get the opportunity to have in their lifetime. No matter where in this galaxy you are, you're my Red and I'm your dad. But hey, I may take you up on asking the doctor out, she is pretty cute."
Jane laughed and spread out the blanket she had brought with them and then set out the things to drink and eat.
"So this is called a what?"
"It's a picnic I read about it in one of the books Kaidan gave me."
"I don't get it, what's the point?"
Jane shrugged "Well it's nice out here, we're talking and we're like nine clicks closer to the shooting range."
Ganis laughed and mussed her hair. "That a girl always thinking with your rifle."
~~00o00~~
Nihlus paused as he hit the buzzer, no answer. Shit, maybe he should have sent that message when he landed.
He hit the buzzer again and was just about to turn and head over to his old house when the door slid open.
"Nihlus? I didn't know you would be back this soon son."
Turning Nihlus sighed gratefully, glad that Ganis was home.
"Yes Sir, they are assigning me soon and gave me some leave before regular duty starts."
"Come on in, are you staying here?" Nihlus shook his head "I thought I'd just stay at the old house, mom never did sell it."
"No I insist you can have the spare room."
Nihlus looked around the house as he entered.
Ganis smiled as he watched him search for Jane. "She's not here. She's up at the range. She should be back soon. I was just about to run into town, and now that I know I'm cooking for the three of us I need to pick up some things. Feel free to toss your stuff in the room."
"Thank you Sir, I don't mean to be an inconvenience."
"You're not, you're family Nihlus." Ganis grinned at him.
"Thank you Sir, I wasn't sure if."
"Like I said she'll be back soon. Give her time."
"Yes Sir."
And with that Ganis was out the door.
Nihlus wandered to the back room and stored his things, making his way to the front room he paused at Janes door.
Her room hadn't changed much, little messier he thought as he chuckled to himself and went to sit on the couch.
He had to move the data pad before he sat down so it was already in his hand. He looked around making sure he was still alone and clicked it on realising it was Janes. It popped open to the messages screen. Nihlus paused for a moment, knowing full well he shouldn't he read it anyways.
The first were ones from him and he smiled that she at least had kept them, even if she had barely answered them.
Scrolling down there were a few from her dad, little reminders things like that. Scrolling again he saw a few from someone he didn't recognise. Tapping on one to open it he realised it was written in the Human language and he quickly hit the translate button on the bottom and skimmed the first letter.
Jane,
I've been thinking about you. Wondering how you're holding up after everything. Rahna no longer talks to me. No one seems to quite understand what I went through. You do though and well this letter helps me feel like I'm talking to maybe the one other person who knows why I can't sleep at night.
He closed this one and clicked the second.
Jane,
I'm not sure why I haven't heard from you, maybe you're having as hard of a time as I still am. I've traveled, thinking that maybe getting away from everything and everyone would help. I'm disappointed that you didn't come to Earth; I think you would be amazed by some of the things I'm getting to see. Though you probably live in an amazing place yourself; I'd like to see it one day, maybe meet your father, a person that raised someone like you would have to be an interesting guy. You know, something that our time taught me is that there aren't good races or species, there are just people, you know? Good and bad. I guess if there was something to come out of it that had to be it for me. I think I'm starting to ramble and I'm going out surfing. I'm in Australia, look it up on that map I showed you.
Take Care
Kaidan
Nihlus clicked off the data pad and put it aside. He sat in silence, was this why she hadn't written him back? Had she really moved on, to a human? Had he been right all that time ago? Was this better for her, should he just leave?
The thoughts were hitting him faster than he had time to form answers when he heard the door open and looked up right into Jane's green eyes, her hair was short he noted, and she was thin, she had never been very heavy but now she seemed taller more defined in the waist and hips and he felt his immediate want for her hit him and his other thoughts and doubts disappeared behind the cloud of his desire and need to hold her in his arms.
She must have read his mind because she reached her hand out to him; he took it and pulled her roughly to him resting his head on hers she sighed.
"I didn't know you were coming home this soon."
"I'm just on leave Jane, they are assigning me soon and I had to see you." He felt her nod
"Nihlus I."
"No, no talking just yet Jane, let me hold you."
The feeling of her soft body against his hard skin thrilled him and after a bit he began to nuzzle down her neck. He felt her go stiff in his arms and shove back from him.
"Don't."
He was shocked and quickly let go of her.
"What's wrong Jane?"
"Nothing, I just need to have a shower. Plus dad will be home soon." She spun and made for the shower.
"I'll be right out Nihlus."
He waited pacing about the room when Ganis spoke he almost jumped. The older Turian was still quiet and he bet still quite the shot, he was glad he wasn't sizing him up through his scope.
"Hello Sir."
"Hello yourself, Jane home? You seem...tense." Ganis narrowed his eyes at him. "You alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. I just, Jane was, shit sir, I'm not sure I should have this conversation with you."
"You're right; it's most likely one you need to have with Jane."
"Is she okay sir? She seems..."
Ganis held up a finger. "Like you said, you need to talk to her, just.." Ganis gave him a look that said don't you dare hurt my daughter. "Go slow with her okay?"
After supper Nihlus asked Ganis if he could take Jane for a walk, Ganis nodded and the two set out.
The night was quiet as the two of them walked hand in hand out past the colony towards the hill and where they used to go watch the stars.
"So, can I ask where they sent you Jane?"
She nodded chewing on her lip.
"Yeah, I was on a space station called Jump Zero; it was in the Sol system. You know Earth, the human home planet. Though I didn't see it, I didn't see much of anything actually."
"Yeah your dad told me they kept you guys pretty much in the dark, no news in or out."
She flinched and he noticed right away.
"Jane." He pulled her to the ground and they lay back watching the stars above them in silence.
Time drifted by and Jane's hand reached out and grabbed Nihlus's Talon.
"It's really good to have you here Nihlus. I've missed you, more than you know." She fell silent again
"Jane, something happened I can feel it. You're right next to me, but you feel like you could be in another galaxy."
She shrugged. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to."
Nihlus sat up.
"Jane." He pulled her to him resting his head on hers, his arms were around her and he was running his talons through her hair when he traced one from her ear down her neck and he felt her flinch and pull back. He sighed and set back from her a bit.
"Jane, I want to be with you I want to hold you love you." He grew quiet. "Are you in love with someone else?"
He could feel her body go stiff and she shook her head. "No, why would you ask that?"
"I just thought maybe you had found someone while you were away and that's why." His talon was playing with her ear again and she leaned into it, he felt so normal, safe, right. She was so at ease she didn't feel him pull her shirt to the side nor him lean in to nuzzle into the mark he had made, she did feel him gasp though as the white gashes on her skin shined in the moonlight.
"What the hell is that Jane? Spirits you've been marked, you took a mate? When? Where? I thought you were with humans? Do they do that?" Nihlus was on his feet in seconds and Jane was up with him trying to pull him back down.
"No, no Nihlus it's not like that I.."
"What is it then Jane? You're going to stand there and tell me there was nothing between you and that Kaidan?"
Jane knitted her brows together. "How do you know about Kaidan? And why would you think."
Before thinking about what he was saying he blurted out
"I saw his letters to you Jane, he obviously cares for you."
"You read my letters? Why would you do that Nihlus? As for Kaidan caring for me, it's not what you think. We.."
"I don't think I want to hear this Jane."
"Fuck you Nihlus you're going to hear this, you started it, you pushed and now here we are and you will listen."
Nihlus was taken aback at Jane's posture and the menace in her voice, she had never once yelled at him unless it was in training.
She shoved him to the ground and stripped off her shirt. Nihlus wanted to avert his eyes but they were drawn to the soft curves of her breasts but she turned before he forgot she was pissed at him, and he could see the glint of the moon off of the silver strands that he realised were scars crossing her back, she turned and he could see them now on the front of her as well. He had thought the ones on her face must have been from an accident during training or something but now that he saw them all over her he sucked in a breath.
"Jane, who did this to you?"
Her eyes flashed at him and she pulled her shirt back on and sat down to tell him.
By the end of her story Nihlus could barely breathe.
"I, spirits Jane, I'm so sorry my love. I should have, I can't believe what an ass I was being."
Her eyes were distant and her face was turned from him, he placed a talon under her chin and turned her face to his.
"Jane, don't think that I would hold any of that against you, I love you."
"Do you think this is possible? That you can love me when we're so far apart? Now that you know that I'm no longer."
Nihlus placed a talon over her lips and leaned forward.
"I love you Jane and nothing will ever change that."
~~00o00~~
Nihlus didn't sleep in his own room that week and Ganis pretended not to notice. Jane was sleeping through the night and that was good enough for him.
On his last night they laid together in the dark holding each other staring at the ceiling.
"Is this going to be possible? We might not be able to see one another for years. Are you sure?"
Nihlus nodded against her and she smiled.
"Well I know there are going to be challenges, but Jane; if you let me I'll love you forever."
She rolled over and kissed his mandible and ran her hands under the soft parts of his fringe causing little shots of electricity to shoot through him as she kneeled on either side of his waist and bent forward leaning her forehead against his.
"Only forever?"
~~00o00~~
Jane walked him to the shuttle the next day, as they held each other she smiled and gave him a shove towards the door.
"I'll find you Nihlus."
He laughed and pulled her towards him.
"Hell no, not if I find you first."