Zoor Se Dovahruth
Fifteen

-Ahlek Pruvos-
Bottled Feelings

Keeva sat up in the dead of night. Her dream had caused a lot of feelings to run through her all at once. The main feeling that sunk into her heart; that plagued her mind, gnawing on her psyche and kept her from peaceful dreams was the feeling of being trapped. Her breathing was tight in her chest, her muscles twitching and her jaw fastened shut, her teeth nearly cracking from the pressure. She needed to get up.

With a sigh Keeva sat up, the only thing holding her back was Fili's arm that was draped over her stomach quite protectively. For a few seconds she felt a bundle of jitters in the pit of her stomach. But they dissipated after Keeva realized what a sight she must look like and how inappropriate it would seem to anybody that looked upon her and Fili. Though Keeva had to admit she found that she liked his arm there. Its embrace really comforted her in that small moment of weakness.

Slowly she placed his arm back at his side and gathered herself up. Keeva took a look around, taking in every dwarf and body that was lying about in the hay on the floor. Some seemed more comfortable than others – Keeva was just a little jealous of those few. But the little rag tag team of dwarves knew they had to suffice with what they were given. Making do seemed to be a talent of theirs and Keeva was not surprised they were all well beyond comfortable within the hay of the barn snoring lightly into the early morning. Keeva retreated into the parlor, the embers in the fire giving her enough light to set in the humongous chair and enjoy the chirping of the serenading crickets.

The sound of footsteps approach the front door and Keeva turned her gaze just in time to find Beorn, naked as the day he was born, walk through the thresh hold. Keeva averted her eyes and waited until he approached her fully clothed. His hulking form took a seat next to her in front of the nearly dead fire. He placed another log in and allowed the piece to burn slowly for them before he spoke. The crackling of the wood brought a sense of calmness over them, the fire coaxing Keeva to join her in meditation, but she refused stubbornly.

"These are your friends I assume," Beorn nodded over towards the rowdy sleepers in the connected barn. Keeva's wild hair bounced to life after she'd nodded and allowed a soft smile to pull at her rather sullen lips. Beorn watched her features change from the somber thoughtful warrior to the quietly pleased girl he knew was deep in her heart. It actually made him smile just a little to know that she was happy at last. It wasn't that she wasn't happy before but he'd known that she was missing something. Something very near and dear, something she cared for. "Then they can stay… for a while."

"Thank you, Beorn," she said giving the giant a true and honest smile. He gratefully accepted her thanks. They sat before the fire a while longer until the rays of dawn began to peak over the horizon, the birds singing outside their window and the stars of night fading within the sky. Then they set to work for the huge breakfast that would be expected when the company of dwarves awoke.

Beorn set her out to fetch another pail of honey and a basket of fruit. Keeva gathered as many strands of grapes as she could and plucked any apples that were perfectly ripe. Beorn smiled at her as she snuck a few grapes into her mouth while they prepared the table. "I imagine your mother caught you sneaking treats often when you were just a Lass," Beorn teased as he set a pitcher of honeyed milk on the table.

"Aye, quite often in fact," Keeva admitted. "It was the only way she was able to teach me how to be stealthy… and how to pickpocket if the occasion ever called for it."

After she'd admitted to her thieving talents, Keeva pulled out an entire pocket filled with blueberries that had once been lying on a platter placed in the center of the table. Beorn's eyes widened with surprise, "But those were just there, not even a second ago."

Keeva chuckled, "My mother taught me well then."

It wasn't much later that many of the dwarves started to stir and they joined the dining table to begin pouring generous amounts of food on their plates. Beorn, ever the perfect host, began pouring the honeyed milk into their cups one by one. Bofur and Dori greeted Keeva with earnest smiles, "Good morning, Lass. Sleep well?"

"Quiet well," she lied, but smiled all the more to convince them. Bofur clapped her with his strong hand on her back and hurried on up to the table to find a spot. Keeva joined them, quietly taking a spot next to Bifur. Perhaps she'd gain some peace if she took up company with the one dwarf in their company that couldn't speak the common tongue?

But a flash of gold entranced her and Fili took a seat next to her at the table. Keeva gave him a smile before filling his mug with milk. He thanked her quietly and they ate quickly before the chatter started around the table. Bilbo eventually joined, being the last to get up. Keeva casually chewed on the berries as the boys conversed about the Orcs.

"So, you are the one they call Oakenshield. Tell me, why is Azog the Defiler hunting you?" Beorn asked, addressing Thorin with a hard gaze. Keeva's own eyes darkened at the Pale Orcs name. Fili watched both his Uncle and the girl next to him carefully. Something in his stomach didn't settle right.

"You know of Azog? How?"

"My people were the first to live in the mountains, before the Orcs came down from the north. The Defiler killed most of my family, but some he enslaved," Beorn explained as everyone glanced at the remnants of the manacles that still hung from Beorn's wrist. "Not for work, you understand, but for sport. Caging skin-changers and torturing them seemed to amuse him."

"There are others like you?" Bilbo asked from his seat next to Gloin. "Once, there were many."

"And now?" Bilbo chanced again. Beorn did not hesitate, "Now, there is only one."

The company looked on in silence and Keeva sighed, everyone's eyes catching her distaste, "I think you do not have to be concerned with Azog himself for quite a while."

"What do you mean?" Gandalf asked, his grey eyes watching her thoughtfully. Keeva stood, pocketing a few more berries before leaving the table, "I shot him just past his heart, right into the lung. If anything, he will be down for some time before he takes up the task himself to find you."

They watched her leave, slightly concerned with how calm and serious she'd just been. Beorn frowned, setting the pitcher down and crossing his arms against his chest, "She does not say it, but I can tell something is on her mind."

Many heads bobbed up and down in agreement and others stared on trying to not think of the worst. Fili wanted to follow after her but he knew that the topic about the quest was not over and he had to stay so that he knew what they were planning for next. But it killed him to watch her leave, alone and clearly bothered about something.

Keeva left the house, an ease of relief washing over her. She hadn't realized how much restraint she had put on herself in front of her friends and companions. After her confrontation with Fokeinvokul something in her had changed. She was afraid to get any further attached. That was a terrible thing for her to think about but it was the honest truth. She was afraid if she grew anymore attached that when she had to leave it would break her heart to do so.

She was trying to prepare for the worst. What if, when she returned to Skyrim, she was killed in the process of destroying Alduin? She couldn't promise her friends, her companions, her Lion that she would return. It would break their hearts as well.

Keeva wanted to scream. Her emotions were building up quickly and for once she felt the need to release them physically. Swiftly, without further explanation, Keeva left with her ebony blade and headed for the forest line near the creek she'd gone fishing in the day before. Nothing would fix her rage like a good swing at a tree.

The forest was pleasant that day. That seemed to help calm her wits while she set herself up for the task at hand. Keeva took her stance, pulling her blade from its sheath and took a few deep breaths before taking her first swing. As Keeva swung her blade again and again, the rage in her heart seemed to build even more. She couldn't imagine such anger before. She'd never been so angry, perhaps when she'd been fighting Bedastyr. But that was done and gone. She had no reason to be filled with so much rage.

Her blade cut the bark of the tree again and again, soft grunts turned into full growls and after nearly cutting a chunk of the wood out of the tree, she swung her blade from her hands. It flew through the air and landed stuck into the ground as Keeva crumpled to the ground screaming into her fist.

It wasn't fair! She kept telling herself this over and over. Her teeth broke her flesh and finally tears slipped down her cheeks. "It's not fair."

She spoke to no one in particular. Her tears were silent ones but her voice never stopped repeating her mantra. And then something crossed her memory out of the blue. Just a flash of her father's lips, his voice telling her something she remembered from long, long ago.

Her eyes clouded over and she could see her old home in front of her, the hearth, her warm bed up in her loft, her mother's cooking and the smell of her father's leather armor. 'One day, Keeva, you are going to find someone that means as much to you as we do. And perhaps one day that person and you will create another, who will mean so much more than the world.'

'Whatever do you mean Da?' she asked, her tiny little hands taking his and holding them up to compare their size. Thalin smiled, his rosy cheeks seeming to fill out his smile. He leaned forward and kissed his little girl on the head, 'You will one day understand. But until then, remember this: It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'

Was that what was wrong with her? Was she trying to fight her feelings? Logic had always played a part in her survival but what of her heart? Her father would be disappointed in her; she could already see the disapproving look in his eyes and the way his lips would pull down just a little at the corners.

Keeva pounded her chest, just over her heart and allowed the last of her terrible feelings to fall across her cheeks. She couldn't deny her feelings any longer. Her father had even told her, blatantly, that he wanted her to love someone and to not be held back by the past. Keeva found herself smiling at that thought. She hadn't even realized her own father had prepared her for this moment. She laughed then, the bell of her voice echoed across the trees and the birds replied to her in return.

Keeva sat there at the base of the disfigured tree, taking a small moment to enjoy the nature around her. Her thoughts didn't stray too far from peaceful things. She tried to remember her father's face and the words he'd told Keeva to keep her going. She wanted to make her father proud, she really did. But this quest had to be her first priority… right? Softly she sang songs from her home to keep the peace in her heart.

Fili left the house sometime after Beorn had agreed to lend them ponies to cross their way over the plains to reach the boarders of Mirkwood. He'd searched high and low for his little Bosmer but never found her within the walls of Beorn's house. Quietly, he approached the skin-changer with worried eyes, "Mr. Beorn, I cannot seem to find Miss Keeva. Do you by chance know where she may have gone?"

Beorn's dark eyes stared down at the small blonde haired dwarf that had approached him by the bee hives. The dwarf seemed rather concerned and Beorn wondered if he should be concerned as well. Beorn turned his gaze from the dwarf to the patch of forest he had mentioned to the young warrior many days ago. She often liked to hunt, something he noted with her bow and arrows. But she had left them by the door before she left. Still, it didn't hurt to try.

"Past these walls, to the north east you will find a patch of forest most do not disturb. It is there I believe you will find your friend," Beorn answered. And right he was, Fili had crossed the fields and found the patch of trees just a mile or two away from the home. Nestled within the shade of the trees, Fili spotted Keeva's bright hair behind a tree.

As he approached her, he was startled to hear her singing. Her voice was soft, airy, and almost in a trance, as if the song was a lullaby. He paused in his steps to hear her, curious if her words would explain her sudden change in mood.

"And who are you, the proud lord said,
that I must bow so low?
Only a cat of a different coat,
that's all the truth I know.
In a coat of gold or a coat of red,
a lion still has claws,
And mine are long and sharp, my lord,
as long and sharp as yours."

Fili walked a little closer, as she continued on, the words becoming abstract and lost to him. But the tone never changed. She sounded as those she was lamenting. The pain she put into the words, the raw emotion and heart, spoke words of how well a singer she could be, if only she believed in herself like she did as an archer.

"And so he spoke, and so he spoke,
that Lord of Castamere,
But now the rains weep o'er his hall,
with no one there to hear.
Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall,
and not a soul to hear."

When she finished Fili came around the tree. The Bosmer stiffened as tightly as a bow aimed at its prey, clearly he'd startled her. But Keeva had no idea that it was the one person she'd been thinking about. Until her eyes veered up into the stranger's face of course. That's when her eyes grew wide and her cheeks as flush as her hair. Fili chuckled at the sight and smirked as he sat down next to her, "Again, I'm not quite sure why you do not believe in such a talented voice. The song was very beautiful. Another from your home land?"

Keeva's heart was pounding hard in her chest, so much so that she feared that Fili could hear it. Like a fish out of water, Keeva's mouth opened and closed quite a few times before she finally could muster up an answer, "Yes."

"Was the song a true tale?" he asked then, his eyes landing on her wringing hands. He chuckled a little at the thought that he'd made her nervous. He rarely had the chance to tease her so since they'd left Rivendell. Often, when the journey had first begun, he'd imagine little scenarios where he could get the girl to flush, snap at him, or even hear her cry out in protest, anything to break that stoic warrior underneath the armor and leather. She was always so focused on the journey that he'd feared there was nothing interesting underneath that mop of red hair of hers.

However, Keeva's nerves were not just about him hearing her sing. Fili was quite oblivious to the fact that Keeva could not find the courage to admit her own hearts desires. She so desperately wanted to tell him, so desperately. But the logic of her mind was holding her back again. Keeva swallowed thickly, urging the nerves in her heart and stomach to disappear even further, but the aching still present. "Aye, a very old tale, era's actually."

"Tell me of it," Fili said suddenly, leaning back on the tree. She watched him for a minute, taking in the small details she found she admired about him but also the little actions of his character that she found interesting. Fili, unlike many of the dwarves, was touched with the kiss of the Sun, much like her own father had been. Those that were the Sun's children were the most beautiful of people from her homeland. Fili was no different and Keeva loved that little physical trait about him.

There were also his lovely full cheeks when he smiled, and the little dimples that would hide beneath his growing beard. But the small wrinkles at his eyes when he laughed or smiled pleased her even on the most dreary of days. They showed just how truly and honestly happy he was when he did smile and laugh.

But there were also many traits of his personality that Keeva enjoyed just as much as his physical appearance. Fili was very optimistic, something Keeva had always admired, as well as his bouts of cockiness and loyalty. That was one thing Keeva could not stress the most was Fili's undying loyalty. Even after her presumed death, he had clearly still hung onto her memory. That had touched her heart the day before, when he still couldn't let her go when they slept, when he shed tears at the sight of her, even the fleeting glances. He was so loyal and so...

Keeva smiled and turned to gaze back up into the sky to watch the puffy clouds pass by as she explained the ancient tale, trying to forget about the thought that had just sparked in her wandering mind. "Long before I was born, about the First Era over four thousand years ago, there was a Nordic Clan by the name of Golden-Mane, their family crest a Golden Lion. Their family was one of the most wealthy and skilled at combat within Skyrim. They were even involved with the slaying dragons during the Dragon Wars of the First Era. Needless to say, they were very well respected within Skyrim and nobody dared to challenge their name.

"That was until one man from another Nordic Clan by the name of Red-Skye, who's crest was that of a Red Lion, stood up to the head of the Golden-Mane clan, tired of their constant arrogant rule. He gathered an army, clamming lands, crops, people, and anything else that Golden-Mane had owned for centuries because there Head of House wouldn't doing anything to stop Red-Skye. He was weak, spineless, not like his father's before him. And Red-Skye knew this. The head of Golden-Mane did nothing as his lands were being taken from his grasp. But one of his sons did not take kindly to this and without his father's permission gathered an army of their people and began slaughtering any Red-Skye born or any of those that associated with the traitor clan.

"After killing every last one of the clan of Red-Skye, the son to the Golden-Mane clan confronted his enemy. The Red lion asked with such defiance why he should bow to the Golden-Mane when they did not deserve it, thus the beginning of the song. It is a song about the conversation they shared before the Golden Lion took the Red Lion's head, his victory shared in a silent hall because he had killed an entire clan just to prove his house was still the mighty and cruel. And they are, still, passed on through song and storytelling."

They both sat there quietly after Keeva had finished; each silent for their own reason. But there was no doubt that they both were quite comfortable with the shared silence. Keeva's stiffness eased then, as she finally sat back against the tree next to her dwarf and shyly took her chance at laying her head against his shoulder. Fili couldn't help but smile, the bubbling feeling of something very wonderful settled in his heart and he lazily gazed over to the mop of fiery hair resting on his shoulder. He wanted to kiss the top of her head and smell her hair. The urge to even run his fingers through the locks and curls was badgering him. He had to find something to preoccupy his mind, to hurl such thoughts far away before he acted upon them.

"He must have led a lonely life after that," Fili commented, his eyes tearing away from the girl next to him. It pained him to do so. He had always loved to look upon her, "It is a Kings responsibility to take care of his people. But to be feared, to put fear into those that you are sworn to protect, that is not a true leader."

"Fili?" The dwarf glanced back down again, his name coaxing him in such a lovely sound and he hummed down to the girl. His reply was enough of an answer for her to continue her inquiry, "Thorin, he doesn't have any children, does he?"

"No," he answered, not sure if he should be worried with where this question was going. She turned her head so that she could look up at him with her blue eyes, "Thorin had made you his heir, yes?"

"Yes."

"I trust Thorin will be a good King," she began, her eyes still staring at him unwaveringly. "But I know, when the time comes, you will be just as good, if not better."

Fili was moved that he believed in her so. The strength in her eyes gave him the strength he needed to bend down to her head and kiss her hair. Rosemary and mint filled his lungs and he almost found himself high on the thought of burying his face into her neck just to taste her skin. Quickly he pulled away and smiled down at her, "Come. The journey awaits us."

Fili stood, bringing the Halfling with him and waited as she retrieved her weapon across the clearing. They walked side by side back to the house. Their fingers brushing one another's ever so lightly in the warmth of the sun and a smile upon their faces. It was the closest they could get before everything was back to the chase, the lonely mountain in sight, and a dragon waiting in a horde of gold.

…

A/N: Oh wow, I so had to rewrite this after I'd finished it earlier this week. I had almost jumped the gun there on Keeva's and Fili's relationship and I realized that what I had planned was just not right, just too fast and not the way I had wanted it to play out. So I completely rewrote it and this is much more to my liking. I really enjoy the simple moments they share. I find them romantic in a very pure and innocent way. Fili is a bit more daring than she but I think well find a fire behind our leading lady when she finds her confidence. That is until she can let go of her conscious and logic, and accept what her heart is really telling her.

The song is not mine. I used it from the A Song of Fire and Ice series (or Game of Thrones) for those that know it, The Rains of Castamere is the title, but the version done by The National it truly the best version of this song and what I had imagined in my mind safe for the fact that Keeva does not have the voice of a Baritone or Bass, maybe a Mezzo-soprano or Alto would be more appropriate. Anyway, I thought it would be an appropriate song for that moment because I felt like Keeva need to address her thoughts on Fili's character or personality, to let him know that she believed in him. I slightly abstracted the story of the song though for my purposes to intergrade it into the story. So just so you know, there was never a Golden-Mane or Red-Skye clan ever within the Elder Scrolls series.

Thank you to those that reviewed! Seriously guys, it really helps me when you share your opinion. Definitely keeps me sane and not questioning myself as to whether this story is still making sense or not. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind but I know it's just me over thinking, that and I've been so stressed about my new job that I'll be starting in the next month. This story may be the only thing keeping me sane after work! Who knows! Anyway, still I like to thank Savarra, Marina Oakenshield, and Dalonega Noquisi (who by the way, gives the best support). I always look forward to when you review. You always have wonderful things to say and I love that you're enjoying this story as much as I am having fun writing it. So thank you, you're absolutely wonderful and beautiful.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or Elder Scrolls. Any character that is not familiar is of my own creation.