Thankfully, a break for lunch seemed exactly what Jared needed. His flaming hot temper died, and the feverish determination he had shown was temporarily laid aside. Together we ate in uncomfortable silence in the church's small kitchen. I must have been starving, as Jared and I made our way through four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each. After downing the last precious drops of Coke and wiping my mouth with my arm in a clearly unladylike fashion, I relaxed against the white counter top. Despite my resentment at Jared's method of teaching, I was really quite proud of myself. I had held up rather well, I thought smugly. I was not as terribly hopeless as Jared seemed to think I was.
"We'll take a break from swordplay for the moment." Jared said staring at the empty Wonder bread plastic bag glumly, his hands sticky with jelly. "Time is our number one enemy now. There is so much you'll need to know if you are to have a fighting chance at breaking the curse."
"Aren't you a ray of sunshine?" I asked sarcastically.
"I'm just saying the truth." Jared defended, looking at me with an eyebrow raised. I flushed as our eyes met and quickly looked away. God, what was wrong with me? I was never this jumpy before. But I had this weird feeling that bubbled at pit of my stomach and sent the tips of my ears tingling. I couldn't look directly at Jared, yet I found that I wanted to soak in his features, to ingrain them into my memory. I winced internally at my own thoughts. If Jared noticed my comfortableness, he spared my already distressed feelings and didn't comment.
"We'll practice with the Grimiore next." Jared announced, cracking his knuckles. "I assume you have it on you?" I nodded, pulling the miniature red notebook out of my jean's pocket. Nervously I rubbed my thumb across the spiral spine, the magic emanating from it so powerful it was causing my fingers to go numb. Jared glared at the Grimiore, his eyebrows drawing together in a disapproving manner.
"You know the basics with the book." Jared said cautiously, prowling over to my side. "You've been able to defend yourself sufficiently with it so far, at least."
"Hey, it hasn't been easy." I defended. "Give me a little credit."
"Exactly. It hasn't been easy." Jared said, frowning. "But it needs to be if you are going to use the Grimiore successfully every time. You'll have to learn to control it, to master it." Jared's features twitched as he stared at the Grimiore. There was an odd look in his eyes, a kind of obsessive hunger that I didn't think had anything to do with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Surreptitiously I moved the book closer to me. Jared blinked, snapping out of his trance dazedly.
"What do you mean?" I asked warily. Jared gave the book one final glance before wrenching his gaze back up at me.
"I mean," Jared said impatiently, "That you will have to take direct control over the Grimiore. What happens when the Grimiore is opened?"
"It sucks in the evil Fae." I answered promptly.
"Wrong." Jared retorted, pointing a finger at me accusingly. "It does whatever you want it to. When you open the book, it takes the Fae away only when you want it to. It's the same principle as the way it morphs into any form you want. You and the Grimiore are linked by powerful magic. As long as the Grimm blood flows through your veins, the Grimiore is forced to submit to your will."
"You make it sound as though it's a prisoner." I said, disgruntled.
"In some ways, it is." Jared replied tightly. "Now, say that an ogre attacks you. What would you do?"
"Open the Grimiore."
"And?"
"And... what?"
"Most of the time your panic sends the Grimiore a clear message. You want the Grimiore to take away whatever is frightening you. So far, it's always been the Fae, and the Grimiore has been able to respond appropriately. But you need to be more specific with your wants. Whenever you open the Grimiore, it's like it is awaking up from a deep slumber. You need to transmit exactly what you need done as quickly as possible. If your mind is clouded with panic, the Grimiore won't be able to understand what it is you need."
"You- you make it sound like it's alive." I said cautiously, staring down at the Grimiore like I was truly seeing it for the first time.
"I'm standing here, aren't I?" Jared said shrewdly. Before I could ask him what he meant, he continued.
"So we'll need to practice you giving the Grimiore exact orders under extreme stress. For our practice, that stress will be me." I groaned inwardly at his words. Were we ever going to have a peaceful moment?
"As the Grimiore won't suck me into its pages, you'll have to resort to other tactics. Don't hesitate in attacking me; trust me, I won't give you that courtesy."
"Again with the attacking?" I moaned. "And what do you mean, other tactics? Like what?"
"Do I have to hold your hand through the entire thing?" Jared asked sarcastically. "Think for yourself, Grimm!"
"I am." I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "And I think that this isn't a good idea."
"If you want to die painfully, your choice." Jared said impassively with a shrug. "This is how it's going to work. I'm going to shape shift into some of the Fae you may meet in the rest of the tales. You defend yourself the best you can with the Grimiore, or with whatever else you can get your hands on for that matter. Got it?"
"I don't want to fight you. We're both still tired from our last training session, we can't just-"
"I'm doing it whether you want to or not." Jared growled. "So sorry if I've inconvenienced you trying to save your neck. You have until the count of five."
"But-"
"One..."
"Jared!"
"Two..."
"Ugh!" I knew it was impossible to argue with him, so I turned tail and ran out of the kitchen. This was mad, this was. By trying to save me, Jared was going to kill us both. Silently swearing, I assessed the dim corridor before me. Dusty doors lined the halls, all identical but for old-fashioned brass ornate numbers at eye level. Why was everything so cursedly dim in this drafty old building? Up ahead a single bulb shone its weak light on the scene. There were no windows offering light or hope of escape. So many doors, so many choices- but where to hide? I didn't know where these places led to. A bizarre labyrinth of ill-lit corridors with a monster stalking me down. Speaking of monster- a rumbling growl came from the kitchen, vibrating my bones.
"Ready or not," A horrid, raspy voice called out sing-song, like a cat toying with a mouse before it eats it. I shuddered like I had been dumped in a bucket of ice-water at the sound; whatever was talking I definitely did not want to meet. Already my heart was quickening its pace. It's Jared, it's just Jared- but the thought did nothing to soothe my anxieties. Clutching the Grimiore so tightly it hurt, I opened the first door I came to and ducked inside. I pressed myself against a wall, my eyes roving frantically about the room.
"Here I come." The voice whispered silkily.
I used to have nightmares like this when I was a little kid. About the creatures that went bump in the night, the monsters under the bed, the dreaded bogeyman- but now those fears were all too real. Something bad was hunting me down, just out of sight. It lurked in the shadows, watching me. I could feel its cruel eyes appraising me, preparing to strike. I kept moving, weaving through the maze of abandoned rooms. Adrenaline pounded through my mind, heightening my instinctual senses, but clouding my mind with outright terror. I shouldn't be afraid, Jared wouldn't hurt me, he would never-
But even so, I was scared witless. I didn't want to do this anymore. The swordplay had taxed me physically, but the mental strain of being hunted in the dark was too much. I couldn't do this. If this was what was required of me to break the curse, maybe- maybe I would fail. I might try my best, but in the end, I would meet the same fate as all my lineage had.
Death.
There were eyes watching me. I could feel them on my back. There was no time to despair about the future. It was here, right now, I had to worry about. I ran across the classroom I was in to a door on the opposite side. Throwing it open with its rusty hinges shrieking, I bolted into the room, slamming the door behind me.
I was in an office. It was a shabby, unkempt sort of office, but an office nonetheless. But then I noticed something that made my heart skip a beat.
The only exit was the door I had just come from.
I was trapped.
The door was slowly creaking open, almost like it was sighing. I tensed, dread freezing me in place. All I could do was stare as the door opened.
A shadowy figure stood in the threshold. It was unlike any creature I'd ever seen before. It towered above me, taller than any human. It's entire body was covered in thick black fur, dark as an endless abyss. Unmercifully eyes glinted demonically, its wolfish snout sniffing the air for my scent. It curled its lips back in a snarl, revealing deadly fangs. It was going to attack any second. I had to defend myself, and quickly.
Shakily, I opened the Grimiore.
A swarm of glowing spots of pure light leaped from the pages and flew at the monster. They were crackling with energy and buzzed around their enemy like angry hornets. The creature roared furiously at the light, swiping it away with its massive paw. It was barreling toward me, closer, closer...
A force field exploded out of the Grimiore and grew around me like a ginormous bubble. It swirled and sparked with magic, pulsing like a living thing. The monster threw itself against the ethereal shield, but was repelled back. It began beating its massive arms against the force field, sending tremors through the gossamer veil of magic protecting me. Bit by bit the horrid creature was weakening my protective bubble. The force field strained to protect me, the shock of the creature's blows indenting it slightly. The magic was wearing thin, and then in an instant the entire thing disappeared with an audible pop! The monster staggered back and fell to the ground. Purposefully, it stood again, its shoulders hunched forward. The Grimiore was open in my hands, its pages facing the monster- yet nothing came out. My mind, on the edge of hysteria, could not think of a way to drive the monster back. All I wanted was it to disappear, to have everything end. I wanted to go back home to my apartment that smelled vaguely of peanut oil, I wanted draw comfort from my mom's embrace, and I wanted desperately to see Charlie again. Charlie, my baby brother I would do anything in the world for. Charlie, who was waiting for his big sister that might never returned-
"Stop!" I screamed at the monster that had been Jared. It was prowling over, fangs barred and muscles rippling. A sense of finality blanketed the scene as it approached. Charlie would wonder why his sister left him, why she never came back. He would grow up alone, remembering me only in a distant memory of his childhood, comforting but intangible. Gone. My father had left us too. Had his thoughts turned to us before he had died? The phantom towered above me, waiting for me to act. But I was paralyzed, and the Grimiore stayed silent. No help was coming-
"No!" I cried, my voice reverberating around the small room. I was shaking violently, the Grimiore clasped in my hands- with a scream of fury and hopelessness at my fate, I threw the Grimiore as hard as I could.
It all happened at once.
As soon as my fingertips broke contact with the Grimiore, the shadows in the room fled toward me. I screamed as the darkness pooled at my feet, twisting and amassing together. A wind that had not been there before sprang into being, whipping my hair around in a miniature tornado. The monster was suddenly Jared again, just Jared. He was reaching out for me, fear in his eyes. Then, he was gone, like a flickering flame being blown out into nonexistence. Only his shadow remained imprinted on the floor, though only for a second. Then it to melted into the tumultuous mass at my feet. They were reaching for me in a chaotic tumble, raging wildly- the Grimiore clattered to the floor.
And as quickly as it had started, it stopped. All was quiet.
I crumbled to the floor, crying silently. I wasn't sure what had just happened, but I knew I was alone. Somehow when I threw the Grimiore, Jared had vanished. I didn't bother questioning it at the moment, but instead let hysteria run its foul course. I had felt so powerless. I hadn't been able to think of how the Grimiore could defend me.
What if the monster hadn't been Jared?
I was going to die, wasn't I? If I reacted to a controlled training situation so badly, how would I defend myself in the face of a real threat?
The Grimiore lay innocently on the ground. Inhaling slowly, I tried to rein in my strained nerves. I had lost myself in the panic, that was all. I had let my imagination override my rational thoughts. It was my fault the Grimiore hadn't worked. I had to stay focused at the task at hand, to commit.
Or I could leave the book on the floor.
I could walk away. Simply get up and walk out of the church. Jared was gone and couldn't boss me around anymore. I could make my own decision, free of the judgment of others.
But I knew deep down I couldn't. I wouldn't. I knew what was the right thing to do, and I would not ignore it. Brushing away the tears on my cheeks, I crawled over to the Grimiore. Taking a second to compose myself, I touched the Grimiore.
The effect was instantaneous. Magic raced up my hand, my arm, and through my whole body. It sparked and crackled and danced through my veins, but not unpleasantly. The Grimiore flew open, the pages flipping on its own accord. Shadows sprang out of the book and suddenly Jared was standing in front of me. He looked bewildered, blinking a few times as he took in his surroundings. He glanced at me crouched at his feet, the Grimiore in my hands.
"Mina." Jared said, sucking in air like he hadn't been breathing. He bent down, offering me his hand. I took it, clinging to the Grimiore as I stood. However even though I was standing, Jared didn't let go of my hand. He was squeezing it in his own, almost painfully.
"Never- Never do that again." Jared hissed, his voice containing thinly veiled fury. "Do you understand what you just did? Do you?!" I tried pulling my hand away from him, but Jared kept a tight hold on it. He leaned closer, his eyes dark with anger and fear.
"Of course you don't understand. You don't understand anything." Jared stormed, loosing the little control he had over his temper. "When you threw the Grimiore, you threw away the only thing protecting you from the evil Fae. I cannot protect you if you do not have the Grimiore on you."
"Why did you disappear?" I asked, hiding my unease. Jared growled angrily, his fingers digging into my wrist.
"You're aware I'm linked to the Grimiore, but it's more than that. If a Grimm is not in possession of the Grimiore, the Grimiore's magic is thrown into a period of hibernation. As I am a physical manifestation of the Grimiore or the Grimiore's power, without a Grimm I literally cease to exist. How in the world am I supposed to shield you from harm if you can't even keep a hold of the damned book?!"
"Jared, I didn't know-"
"There was nothing I could do for your father either. I remember standing there trying to help ward the Fae off alongside your father. He fought valiantly, but when the Grimiore wouldn't work for him, he threw it away. I never saw him again. I was sent back to the shadows, back to the eternal darkness until you found the Grimiore and I was once again awakened. Generation after generation I've watched the Grimm family withered away. Do you want to meet the same fate as your dear old father?"
"Don't talk about him!" I shouted, tears welling up in my eyes.
"I will if I want to. I deserve that much, after training and befriending him. This is why I can't afford to get attached to any of you! But you-" Jared pointed at me accusingly, his eyes also brimming with tears. "I can't help feeling, though I've tried for hundreds of years to suppress it. You've gone and attached yourself to me!" Jared shook his head violently, his voice cracking. "I want to help, to protect and save, but I'm powerless. You're going to die just like the others- because of me!"
"I'm not going to die!" I screamed, wrenching my hand away.
"They all have. What makes you think that you're any different?"
"Are you condemning me then? You never had any hope in me, did you?"
"Why should I hope? You're just a naive little girl, facing impossible odds. Don't fool yourself Mina. Don't hope, it will only lead to disappointment." In a moment of rage, I slapped Jared across the mouth with a ringing 'crack!'. Jared stepped back hastily, massaging his jaw.
"Maybe you're right, Jared." I said shakily, my fists clenched at my sides. "Maybe I should have already have given up hope. Hope in you, at least. I thought maybe you were trustworthy, that you cared- but you don't. You're a beast!"
Jared's face blanched. Numbly, he staggered over to the chair behind the desk and sank into it. I followed him cautiously, stopping at the desk and glaring at him, my hands itching to slap him again. Jared gazed up at me, his anger gone. All that was left was shock.
"You're right." Jared said, his voice barely above a whisper. He sank lower into his seat.
"You are absolutely right."