Well, here I am writing again after over a year's break from fanfic dot net!
This one is the next in the series of my fanfics, and is the sequel to Secret Life of Jessie. Just a oneshot, to keep it simple. Please read and review!
It was December 31st, and Jessie couldn't keep still.
It had been over a week since she had last seen Buzz. Goodness knew how she was going to keep a handle on her feelings for months at a time if she felt this way after only seven days.
The last time she had seen him, he'd been stepping into Lawrence's backpack in Lizzie's room, sometime around December 23rd, and right before Lizzie whisked Lawrence to meet his foster parents in town.
Since then, Jessie had settled into some kind of routine – playing cards with Woody in the morning, and talking with Ted in the afternoons, and playing fetch with Bullseye in the evenings before bed. However Christmas Day itself was particularly hard that year, despite the presence of the other toys nearby to keep her company.
Jessie thought back for a few moments about the last week. She remembered that on that most festive of days, Lizzie had received several gifts from both friends and relatives. She had come upstairs and deposited various trinkets, clothes and gift vouchers onto the nearest available surface, before settling down onto the bed.
At Lizzie's arrival, some of the toys had clustered around, amongst them being the three Western toys themselves. The young woman had smiled around at all of them, and individually she picked each toy up and hugged them close to her chest. She said it was her way of making every toy there feel wanted. Jessie was picked up somewhere in the middle of this, and as her owner hugged her, she thought about Buzz, and the way he hugged her so tightly and made her feel safe. This hug from Lizzie was also safe, but different….and she couldn't put her finger on it.
Even as that period of time came to an end, she hadn't been able to work out why she'd felt such a difference between the hugs. It was slightly easier to breathe again however, and she was relieved that the first Christmas without Buzz had come and gone without too much incident. Yes, she had felt sad, but she hadn't felt the need to cry or mourn his disappearance.
But as the New Year drew closer and closer, her stomach had begun to turn over with excitement and nerves. What if Buzz had gotten used to them being apart? She didn't dare to think of it. But it niggled at her in the back of her brain over and over in those few quiet days she spent in Lizzie's room. Unconsciously, she separated herself from the other toys, choosing to be alone with her thoughts.
But then the days were there where she would get the chance to put her mind at rest. On the 29th December, Jessie's stomach jangled with nerves as Lizzie packed her bag, choosing to take Jessie and only Jessie with her. She bade a fond farewell to the other toys, and Jessie hugged Woody and Bullseye before she hopped into the duffel bag on the bed.
"Take care Jess. And have fun." Woody whispered to the cowgirl, and Bullseye harrumphed a little, nosing at her. Jessie grinned, one of the first smiles she'd let escape for a while, and nodded. She didn't say anything; she didn't need to.
The trip to Nebraska took just under two days. Lizzie had planned in advance to leave early at eight am, so Jessie fell asleep after the first two hours of the journey. She was so tired from her thoughts plaguing her, and it was such a long way to travel for the small doll. Within the confines of the bag, she slept fitfully for six hours, awaking again just under half a day into the journey.
Lizzie had turned her head a little to observe the bag on the passenger seat, as Jessie poked her head out for some air, squinting in the sudden darkening afternoon light.
"Good sleep?" Lizzie had asked with a small grin. "I was just about to turn into the services to get myself some rest for a bit before we continue. We should be there on time."
That first evening, Lizzie had booked a motel room for a few hours. Jessie spent some time wandering around the motel room, glancing in the bathroom and wondering if a horrible lizard like creature might come and steal her again. But there was no lizard, and everything was fine. The feelings in Jessie swirled and swirled, her nerves forcing her to keep awake. But after some time, she could not fight her tiredness anymore, brought on in part by her emotions. She eventually curled back up and slept again in the bag, a longer sleep this time in which Buzz came to her and told her he had moved on without her.
Jessie had sat bolt upright after her dream forced her awake again, and smacked her head on the top zipper of the bag. With a mutter, she'd stretched her legs out and looked around. She's been able to feel the thrum of the car, and curiously she peeked out of the bag. It was dark, the motel surroundings gone, and the clock on the dashboard read 11.46pm. Lizzie was at the wheel, focused entirely on the dark road ahead, lit only by the odd streetlight.
As Jessie had climbed from the bag, Lizzie glanced over again. "Long day, huh, Jessie?"
Jessie had nodded, fiddling with her hair, which hung in its old usual braid down her back. "How long have we been driving?"
"Not long," Lizzie replied. "We left the motel at 10.30pm, so only a hour and twenty so far. I'll pull over at six am and get a nap and some coffee. Then we'll only have five hours left to drive."
"But its so dark," Jessie had pointed out, "Aren't you scared to drive in the dark?"
"Nope," Lizzie replied. "The roads are clearer at night, and easier to drive, not many people around on these streets and freeways after dark really. Anyway, we have somewhere we need to be, so it's all fine."
Jessie had smiled a little "I guess you're right." She wondered right then if Lizzie's attitude could apply to her situation with Buzz - maybe she was just a cowgirl scared of the dark, and Buzz was the one to get her through the long drive.
It was now December 31st, and Jessie couldn't keep still.
After many, many long hours of driving further, plus Lizzie's six am stop to get a large cup of coffee and a one hour nap on the car's backseat, they eventually pulled into a residential street.
Jessie carefully wiggled herself free of the bag. She couldn't stay hidden any longer, she had to move! She leapt up and balanced herself on the door armrest to peer out - just the top of her head visible to anyone walking along nearby. She glanced around; the clock on the dashboard now reading 12.03pm. It was daylight outside the window and she could see children playing in the street, and people walking back and forth.
At length, they stopped just by a single storey house. It was entirely white, and there was a little stepped porch outside, which reminded Jessie of Bonnie's old house years previously.
However, unlike Bonnie's garden, which had been meticulously weeded every time there was a chance of sunshine, this garden visibly needed a little more seeing to even though the winter was upon them. There were dry looking little clumps of grass in amongst the greener patches, and the bushes that had probably stood proudly once either side of the porch were now a little more lacklustre, their leaves scattered on the ground nearby, and whirled a little as the mid Western wind blew.
"In you go, Jessie," Lizzie spoke, and Jessie turned to see Lizzie indicating the duffel bag. As the cowgirl turned and stepped into the bag, she suddenly realised in her moments of thinking about the house and the outer surroundings, she had forgotten about why they were really here.
The butterflies started to fly again.
It was now 12.15pm, Jessie noted from the clock on the wall just inside the hallway. She peeked out of the crack that Lizzie had left in the zipper. She had already witnessed Laurence appearing from the den, and Lizzie put the bag down on the faded hall carpet to give the little boy – her son – a hug.
"I'll just go and put my things in Laurence's room," she called through the house, presumably to Laurence's foster parents, and Jessie felt the bag being picked up. They travelled together along the hall. Lizzie paused just outside Laurence's room at the very end of the corridor and peeked down to the two anxious, wide eyes that were peering up at her from the opening in the bag.
"It's going to be fine Jessie." Lizzie whispered. "Its Buzz and he adores you. Just remember that."
Some moments later, Lizzie was gone, and Jessie was in the bag alone. She dared to pull the zipper back, blinking around at everything. Laurence's room was that of a typical small boys room. It smelt of baked beans and spaghetti hoops, and there was a racetrack on the floor in pieces. To one side of the room was a large chalkboard easel, and various crayons, chalks and other artistic material spread on the floor nearby. There were several colouring books, some open to pages where the artist – Laurence of course – had coloured over the lines in felt tip pen.
There was a small chest of drawers, on top of which sat a nightlight in the shape of a soccer ball, and then various open topped plastic bins containing a random assortment of toys that Jessie couldn't quite make out, but seemed to involve rather a lot of Lego and action figures as well as some stuffed toys. The walls were a plain dark green, the colour of shamrocks, and the bed under her feet gave a little as she stepped, eventually, from the confines of the duffel bag.
To her amusement, she noted that the bedspread under her was covered with a large pictures of stars, moons and planets. Something Buzz would love, she mused.
Then it hit her again – why did she keep forgetting why she was here? The room was quiet, and it took Jessie a moment to take everything in again. Then it came to her…why she'd been feeling so damned odd since her Christmas Day hug with Lizzie.
"Jessie?"
Her thought pattern vanished. Her head whipped around, and everything seemed to move in slow motion. For there, right behind her, stood her beloved space toy.
"Buzzl" She turned around, one hundred and eighty degrees, and faced him. Her voice breathed his name, and for a moment neither of them spoke or moved. Then Jessie felt it, the raw emotion in her chest, rising up higher and higher until it became a lump in the back of her throat and prickled at the back of her eyes.
In that moment, Buzz had closed the gap between them. He was there, with his arms around her, and her smaller frame clung to his plastic one. She'd missed these moments so much – the moments when it was just the two of them, silent, cosy in their own little bubble. She knew she would be missing this so much more in the future, but she didn't want to focus on that – she wanted to focus on how he felt, where his hands lay on her as he held her tightly, but not so much that he crushed her petite, cloth body. It just felt right, the way he treated her, held her, loved her.
The next few hours were a blur. After their initial greeting – complete with many tender kisses – Buzz took Jessie to introduce her to his new room mates. Many of them, as she'd already discovered on entry to Laurence's room, were action figures of varying colour and design, and so many of them she struggled to remember the difference. The stuffed toys also clamoured to be introduced, curious about the cowgirl that Buzz seemed to know so well. When told she was his girlfriend, the female stuffed toys swooned and the action figures huffed. Jessie ignored all of this for a change – just knowing he was still thinking of her as his girlfriend rather than just someone he'd left behind made the two day journey all worthwhile.
Later on that evening, Jessie and Buzz took the opportunity to sneak out of Laurence's room. Being a single tier house, it was lacking places to hide. Fortunately, as Buzz informed Jessie, he'd had time to scout the perimeter and come up with a solution.
They skittered along, past the living room, where all the merriment of the day was taking place. Peeking through a crack in the door, they both spied Laurence, sitting on Lizzie's knee, giggling at some animation movie on the television. "Don't they look happy together?" Jessie whispered to Buzz, and her companion nodded, before taking her hand as they wandered further along towards the door.
Away from the other toys that Laurence owned, and away from the humans, Buzz led Jessie out of the house, sneaking through the cat flap and along the porch. In the corner of the porch was the small swing seat; a long cushion padded the bottom and an old blanket thrown over it. It had obviously been hung low enough for Laurence himself to climb up onto, so the two toys had no trouble hopping up and sitting down together. Buzz yanked the blanket down and they cuddled under it, kissing for some time, before Buzz whispered, "Happy New Year, Jess."
Jessie blinked. "It isn't New Year yet. There's no fireworks."
Buzz grinned. "I know, but its almost New Year."
"It's not the same without the fireworks." Jessie admonished, but Buzz continued to grin.
"I don't know, I've been feeling like fireworks have been going off since I met you."
"Buzz," Jessie laughed, "Could you be any cornier?"
Buzz blushed. "I guess it's the Nebraskan air getting to me."
Jessie giggled. "It is nice here. Everyone indoors, all the lights down the street, it's perfect."
They continued to cuddle under the blanket before Buzz spoke. "You know when you have to go back…"
Jessie cut him off. "Don't. I don't want to think about leaving you."
"We have to plan, Jessie." Buzz pleaded a little. He took her hand under the blanket. "I want you to know that I-I…well, that is…"
The cowgirl eyed him suspiciously. It wasn't like Buzz to stammer unless he was really nervous about something. She didn't say anything, just raised one brow questioningly.
Buzz coughed, and continued to splutter, "Well, see, there's this thing, and I'm not sure if you're going to be able to deal with it, and since we're living apart now…."
Jessie's eyes widened and she felt herself go cold. "Are you…." She didn't dare say it. Was he going to leave her?
"Um, I think so. Wait, what do you think it is?" Buzz glanced at her for a moment and she saw pure panic there in his eyes.
"I don't know," Jessie wiggled her fingers from his hand and crossed her arms. "You tell me."
Buzz looked surprised for a moment at her huff, and then the panic returned. "I just wanted to tell you that I…well, you see, the thing is…" he rubbed the back of his neck. "I haven't said anything to Woody but I guess it's just between you and me, and see, there's like, other feelings to consider…"
Jessie rolled her eyes, for once annoyed rather than smitten by his babbling. "Just tell me, Buzz. If you're going to" – she choked on the word for a moment before composing herself – "leave me then just say it."
Jessie now saw confusion in his eyes, then he realised what she was saying. To her utmost relief and abject surprise he jumped all over her trying to quell what she was saying. "No! Jessie, nothing like that…!"
"Then what?" She let her arms unfold and drop to her sides, confused herself now.
"I wanted to tell you," Buzz grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I wanted to tell you that you mean everything to me. Jessie, I don't ever want to leave you…I love you. I always have, since you came into Andy's room I've been yours and I know it took you a little longer but I know you're mine."
Jessie swallowed. Her eyes pricked with tears at his words and her emotions overcame her. In the midst of her tears she could hardly hear what Buzz was saying as he cuddled her and wiped her tears away.
"Jessie, I want us to be together forever. I don't want to leave you." Buzz dug around for a moment behind him, before lifting up the back of the cushion and pulling out a small hoop earring.
"I want us to get hitched, Jessie, but we cant do that without the others here, especially Woody. So I thought we could use this as an infinity ring."
Jessie couldn't breathe again. Her world started to light up, and turning her head, she noticed that it wasn't just her emotions going mad, but also the fireworks in the sky. From inside, she could vaguely hear Lizzie singing along to the tune of Auld Lang Syne.
"It's old Western lingo, I'm sorry," Buzz spluttered again. "I want us to be together and until Laurence and Lizzie get a house together, but theres only one way I can think of. Please Jessie? A new year, you and me?"
Jessie started to cry again. "Oh Buzz," she whispered softly. "Yes, yes, a million times yes."
On the long two day drive back, Jessie sat outside the duffel bag on the front seat, nursing her hand with the tiny earring over her little fourth finger. The silver earring shone in the light as they moved along the freeway, further and further from Buzz, alone again now in Nebraska.
"So, you guys have a ceremony to plan in due course, huh?" Lizzie spoke up suddenly. She'd been quiet for some hours, lost in her own thoughts – no doubt about leaving Laurence behind again, Jessie would hazard a guess.
"Yup. Not for some time though, I've got to talk to Woody and then who knows," Jessie said, with a smile on her face.
"Should be smooth sailing." Lizzie said softly. She drove for a few moments in silence, then added, "So what else did you figure out while you were with Buzz?"
Jessie hesitated. "Do you remember that hug you gave me on Christmas Day?"
Lizzie nodded. "Well," Jessie continued, "I wondered why your hug felt so different from Buzz's. I mean, I felt safe in both of them, but yours was…different."
"Uh huh," Lizzie responded, but listened patiently.
"See, Buzz's hugs, I feel safe and protected. And he's the love of my life, and I know I'm apart from him, but it's ok. I don't feel that we need to always be together. One day, we will be, and that's okay, but for now….I'm comfortable. And your hug, Lizzie, I'm safe and I'm happy. And I know it's all going to be fine. One day, I'll be with my Buzz, and we'll have our ceremony, and then it'll be finished with a nice big bow. But until that day, whatever happens, he's still mine, and I know he isn't going anywhere, and really, he never was….does that make sense?" Jessie upturned her eyes to her owner, who nodded solemnly.
"It does make sense, Jessie, it really does. I feel the same way about Laurence. He's mine, and he isn't going anywhere, and one day I get to be with him, too. And maybe that same day I get him back into my life properly, you and Buzz can be together properly." She paused for a moment and then added, "There is going to be a day when Laurence is going to grow up though, and I'm afraid theres nothing I can do about that."
"But that's years in the future, and we'll still have you," Jessie pointed out.
"True," Lizzie agreed. "We'll just consider you two reunited for now."
Jessie nodded, looking down at her ring. "For infinity, and beyond."