Captain Reynolds sat at the co-pilots console. River was an even better pilot than her predecessor and her mental state had improved drastically during the crew's stay on Miranda.
"Where to Captain?" River asked, for all the world sounding like the normal teenage girl she appeared to be.
"Inara has a notion we should pay the Heart of Gold a visit. Since we took care of their little problem before, Miss Petaline's running the whole town. She even changed the name of it to Gold City," Mal said.
"That's not the only reason," River said, giving Mal a knowing look. "You've got a plan."
Mal was struck by the inconvenience of trying to keep a secret near a psychic. "If it were a plan, I'd tell everybody so they could tell me why I shouldn't do it. This is still just an idea." He brought up the coordinates to Gold City. "I'd appreciate it if you keep it to yourself until we know what the Alliance plans to do about our little... Miranda party."
"Trouble," River muttered.
"Yeah, some of that'll be coming our way if the Alliance finds us, which is why I'm trying to find out what they plan before-"
The console began displaying a distress beacon. Mal looked at River like it was her fault.
"There's a distress beacon, Captain," River said blankly.
Mal stared back. He couldn't decide if River was messing with him. After a moment he decided it didn't matter. "Thank you Pilot," he said, trying to mimic her blank stare. He turned back to his copilot console and frowned. "We're two days out of Reaver space. Who would be out here to send a distress beacon?"
"Do you think it's a trap?"
"Wouldn't surprise me..." Mal began, "but there's one way to find out."
Serenity moved in closer to the location of the distress beacon as the rest of the crew joined Mal and River at the helm.
"It's still faint," River said. "The beacon should be stronger given how close we are. They may be out of power as they appear to be drifting to the nearest star." On Mal's console, a navigation chart popped up. A small circle appeared, denoting the general area where the distress beacon came from. Then, a small arrow popped out of the side with numbers estimating the distance and speed of both ships as well as estimated times of contact based on current speed of both vehicles. River even included a calculation of when the ship would get pulled directly into the nearest gravity well (3 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 22 minutes, and 17 seconds) just because she could. Finally, chinese characters popped up below the diagram.
All of this River accomplished in the same amount of time it took the computer to transmit from one console to the next.
"Cute," Mal said, reading the chinese text. It read "Awesome Smart River is Both Awesome and Smart".
"What are we going to do?" Inara, the Companion, asked.
Mal considered for a second. Before Miranda, he would have loved nothing more than to close in and get a first hand look. If the distress beacon seemed legitimate, he could help or call for help. If everyone was dead, he could strip the ship of all valuables and supplies and be on his merry way. Now, however, the Alliance probably wanted the heads of his entire crew, including Inara, who was a rich and well respected member of society. If he tried to help or call for help, he could be sentencing everyone on board to execution or an indefinite prison stay.
On the other hand, Serenity was way out on the edge of known space. The only ships that traveled these lanes were Reavers, pirates, smugglers, and the odd Alliance cruiser with an overly ambitious Commander General. Even if they did find someone needing a ride or medical attention, the chances of their location getting back to the Alliance were slim.
"Alright," Mal said finally. "Let's take a look."
Two hours later, Serenity had closed in on the ships. There were actually two of them. One was a boxy, large number. It was very obviously a cargo ship. The second, smaller one was attached to the bottom of the cargo ship.
"What is that?" Jayne asked. Jayne was Serenity's Public Relations and Security Officer. His skills included fighting, drinking, general thuggery, and being tough enough to do all those things without getting himself killed.
"It's a pirate ship," Zoe answered. Zoe was the widow of Serenity's former pilot as well as a longtime friend of the Captain.
"How can you tell?" Jayne asked, squinting out the view port.
"That weird smudge on the top is supposed to be a Jolly Roger," Zoe said
"Jolly Who?" Jayne asked.
"Skull and Crossbones," Mal interrupted. He didn't have time for the inevitable breakdown in conversation that resulted from his Public Relations Officer's limited ability to remember things not related to his job. "Any guess as to why a pirate ship would be broadcasting a distress beacon?"
"It's an ambush," Jayne said. His philosophy was "If it can kill you, it'll probably try."
"If it was an ambush, would they have wanted it to be so obvious?" Kaylee asked. Kaylee was Serenity's mechanic and girlfriend to the ship's Chief Medical Officer.
"Maybe they're lootin' the place right now and just couldn't figure out how to turn it off yet?" Jayne guessed.
"Unlikely," River chimed in. "We've been running a hailing frequency for three hours. They'd be done and gone by now."
"I think something went wrong," Mal said. "I think the pirates boarded and bit off more than they could chew, but now the ships are damaged and can't fly out."
"So someone probably needs our help then?" Inara asked. Simon, the ships doctor and brother to River Tam, looked to Mal. That would mean work for him.
"Yeah, but who? The crew or the pirates?" Mal replied.
The Cargo Hauler
Zoe, Jayne, and Mal went aboard first, in case whoever was sending the distress call was less than friendly. "Less than friendly in this case" meant "was going to kill the would be rescuers and steal their functioning ship to escape". Docking Serenity wasn't an option until the ships were separated, which left Mal, Zoe, and Jayne in the process of blowing open the maintenance air lock to the cargo hauler.
"Explosives set," Jayne said. The three of them were currently tethered to the outside of the cargo ship. Mal and Zoe had short leashed themselves outside of the blast radius and began pulling Jayne back to safety using his safety tether.
The explosives were C-4, egg timers, and metal caps drilled to the side of the ship to focus the blast. As soon as Jayne made it to Zoe and Mal, the explosives blew, releasing all the air from the air lock behind it. There was no sound, but Mal could feel the concussion of the blast in the bottom of magnet boots currently holding him to the side of the ship.
"Alright," Mal said as the three began marching across the metal hull. "We'll be at a slight disadvantage when we're pulling ourselves in. Jayne, you open the door and as quick as you can, we all pile in. Zoe you go last and close the air lock before we get sucked back out or use up all the atmo." Once they were standing in the air lock at the far door, Mal turned to face them. "If anyone so much as sticks their tongue out at you, shoot to kill, got it?"
"Roger," Zoe said. Jayne nodded.
Entry went off without a hitch, exactly as Mal had described. Jayne hit the switch and the three fought their way through the gale of escaping air. The service lock opened into a hallway which was mercifully empty.
After the door closed, the wind stopped. Mal checked the read out on the wrist of his EV suit. "Air's clean." He took off his helmet and deliberately took a deep breath to make sure the machine hadn't missed anything. Jayne and Zoe knew to wait for his nod to do the same.
"Let's start looking. Everyone stays together until we know what the situation is," Mal said. "We'll start with the main cargo bay." They began walking, weapons out. Zoe had her favorite mare's leg style rifle and Jayne had Viera, the most customized shotgun-type-thing Mal had ever seen. Mal just had his favorite pistol. He called it the Dragon on account of its firing mechanism being completely plasma based instead of using gunpowder to launch a plasma or lead projectile.
"You checking for loot before survivors?" Jayne asked. He smiled. "Glad you're finally coming around."
"If the pirates sent the distress call, there will be someone watching their goods. Checking the bay first will tell us who we're dealing with." Mal said evenly.
The three made their way to the bay but didn't see anyone. It was easy enough to find, but no one was prepared for what they saw.
Half of the bay had cargo boxes stacked neatly with signs made out of printer paper. The signs were in English and read things like "clothes", "food", "jewelry", "electronics", etc. The other half of the bay had bodies.
Dozens of dead bodies lay in a neat row against the far wall.
The first half of the line were bodies wrapped neatly in bedding and tarps. They seemed almost orderly. The second half of the line was gruesome. Fourteen men, mostly white or asian, lay in comical positions. Some were sitting up. Some had been lain in odd positions. Two of them were spooning. One, who's eye was freshly missing was stuck trying to pick his nose. The only uniform thing about them was that all of their chests were bare. Each one had his sins carved into their chests with words like RAPIST, MURDERER, TRAITOR, and ENABLER carved in straight, neat lines to advertise what their killer had thought of them.
"Reavers?" Jayne asked. He sounded afraid.
"No," Mal said. His time in the war had shown him things like this before. "Look closer." All three of them stepped up to the gory corpses to check for clues.
"Reavers don't have a sense of humor," Zoe said. Looking at the chest carvings she added. "Or murderous, self-righteous indignation."
"You think it was an operative?" Jayne asked. He couldn't take his eyes off. He wasn't particularly disturbed. People killed and got killed all the time. They why and the how of this was a real a brain buster, though.
"Possible," Mal said, he holstered the Dragon and squatted down for a closer look at one of the corpses. "These wounds all look like they were made by one of those swords the last one we met carried."
"There's no blood on the floor," Jayne said, scratching his head. "What kind of crazy person cleans up after doing...that?"
"Well, whoever it was their really good. Maybe even better than our operative friend," Mal lifted the arm of a dead boy of about sixteen dressed in motorcycle style leather. It ended in a stump below the elbow. "This guy's missing a hand. The only other wound on his body is the tiny hole in his heart here." Mal pointed it out. The entry hole was easy to miss over the word MURDERER. "This boy tried to shoot back, lost his hand for his trouble, and then died from the tiny stab to the heart."
"It had to be an operative," Jayne said, breathing a sigh of relief there were no Reavers. "No one else would carry a sword who could do this." He waved at the row of bodies. "What's the point of practicing with a sword if a bullet kills someone just as dead?"
"Nope," a new voice said.
Mal, Zoe, and Jayne spun and pointed their weapons before any of them had even processed what they were hearing. Mal got his pistol on point before the other two, despite the need to stand and draw while spinning.
"So wassuh doin'?" the drunken voice slurred. Upon seeing the gun barrels pointed at him he followed up with "No need for 'at. I'm a share!"
Mal and his crew were staring down a man, probably Inara's age who stood answering their weapons with a liquor bottle. One could say he was waving it, but he seemed to be swaying it. In fact, his whole body was swaying.
The man was a shade taller than Jayne and wider in the shoulders. His arms were bare and thick, giving the impression that he'd been a weight lifter but fallen out of the habit for a while. His hair and patchy beard stubble were blond. His hair hung almost to his shoulders, or would have, were it not standing in weird directions and places from the blood in it. At first Mal thought the man had hit his head, but he slowly realized the man had run bloody hands through his hair repeatedly. Judging from the uneven stubble, Mal assumed he'd been doing it for days. The man was dressed in all black: sleeveless shirt, jeans, and combat boots. The dark color didn't quite hide the sheer volume of blood soaked in though. The only thing clean on him was his nylon belt and the accompanying weapons. On his right, a comically large double barreled coach gun which had been sawn down but still took up the better part of his thigh. On his left was a short, straight sword with a thin, sharp blade.
The worst part was his eyes. They were bright, emerald green. Looking into them made Mal think of his childhood on his mom's ranch. Specifically, he remembered the look the biggest, toughest of the ranches dogs got when they brought back a dead animal. Look, I brought you a present, those eyes seemed to say.
"Issa good ssstuff," the man slurred, shaking the bottle in what an inebriated person might consider enticing.
"Who the hell are you?" Mal demanded.
The young man made a show of looking himself up and down. It would have seen smart assed had he not almost fallen down. "I'm a pirate," he declared as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He waited, but seeing no look of comprehension on his listeners faces decided to help them out. He placed a hand over an eye. "Aargh," he stated. When that didn't work, he consoled himself with another sip of liquor.
"Did you have something to do with this?" Mal asked, leaning his head towards the bodies without taking his eyes or gun barrel off the man. He heard Jayne snort beside him. It seemed pretty obvious.
The man squinted at the bodies as if he'd never seen them before. "Naw..I just killed 'em and lined 'em up funny. The ones who was helping them escaped in a drop shuttle." He took another sip from his bottle.
"Others?" Zoe asked, pointing her barrel at the door. It was the only interior point of entry.
"Yeah, there was a more of us," the "pirate" said, "but the rest of 'em piled into a scape pod. I think I scared 'em." He held his hands up and opened his eyes wide in an attempt to be scary that wouldn't have frightened a baby. "Oogie boogie, mother fucker," he said flatly. It would have been a little funny but for the blood. Given the circumstances, it made him seem like a mad man.
"Is there any one else on board?" Mal asked.
The pirate shook his head. "Nope." The motion almost made him fall over again. He caught himself and stood up straight. He began pointing. "They killed them and then I killed them." His hand was pointing no where near what he was talking about, but Mal caught the general idea.
"So anyways.."the pirate said. "How about if you keep all the cargoes in the exchange for a ride back to civilization? The stuff with the red X on 'em is mine but if your gonna' steal it I'm in no possession to stop you." He took another sip. Looking pointedly at the guns pointed at him he added, "You seem like decent enough people, though."
"What do you want to do sir?" Zoe asked.
"Jayne, disarm him. When he sobers up we can finish this conversation."
Jayne slung Viera onto his back and stepped forward. The pirate held both of his hands in the air, still clutching the liquor bottle. "I gossa pocket knife, too." He slurred. When Jayne took off the man's belt he almost fell over again.
"Take his booze!" Mal snapped.
"Yes, sir!" Jayne said, grinning. When Mal had a good idea, he had a good idea. Jayne snatched the bottle away from the stranger and took a deep swig, to which the original owner protested with a feeble "Hey..."
"Is there anything worth taking on the other ship?" Mal asked.
"No, I moved it all in here," the man with his hands still in the air said.
"Okay," Mal said, typing instructions for Serenity into his wrist com. "Why didn't you just eject the pirate ship and fly off?"
"I don't know how to fly a large ship like these," the pirate said. Zoe finally stepped up and pulled his arms down for him. "Now that I think about it, that's prollabee a big failing for a handsome and dashing pirate like myself."
"What's your name?" Mal asked.
"Victor Prince. The ladies call me Prince Charming." He turned to Zoe and his face had a spasm. A generous person may have called it a wink. A normal person's first thought would be that the crazy drunk man just had a stroke. "My viscous attack dog is Maestro Fuzzy Von Facebiter."
"Attack dog?" Mal asked, looking around. He, Jayne, and Zoe had their weapons up again and searching.
As if on cue, a small, white, furry creature plodded his way out from behind a crate, greeted by three gun barrels. The puppy's tongue lolled out happily and his tail wagged furiously. It walked over to Jayne and began licking at his boot.
"You are right to be afraid," Victor droned in a deep, scary voice. "Beware the cruel, the destructive, the mighty... Snowball!" Pause for dramatic effect. "I just call him Snow 'cause I'm lazy, yet efficient." He shook his head in a vain attempt to clear it and almost fell over again. "So, Captain Reynolds, do I have permission to come aboard?"
Mal regarded his new passenger with a cold stare. "Sure. Later, you're going to tell me how you came to know that name."
The rest of the job was simple enough. Mal instructed Kaylee to go EV and manually detach the pirate ship. Then, it was a matter of docking Serenity and moving the cargo a few feet. Victor Prince was of no help whatsoever, as Jayne had left his liquor bottle unattended for a moment. When Jayne returned for another drink, he found Victor, lying unconscious by the now empty bottle. Unconcerned, Jayne left him there and went back to finish loading the last crates.
Simon and Kaylee came aboard the cargo hauler last and were more disturbed by what they found than the others had been.
"What happened?" Kaylee asked, eyes wide.
"He happened," Mal said pointing to Victor Victor was unresponsive and in the process of being nipped to death by Snowball. Snowball, the cruel fiend that he was, took the slow and painful route by starting with Victor's fingertips. The pirate was truly lucky he was not awake for it.
"Don't be silly, Captain," Kaylee said walking over to Snowball. She picked him up and turned to face Simon and Mal. "There's no way this little guy could do all that, could you?" She made kissy faces at the puppy and it began licking her. The licking was most likely to establish if she tasted good enough to be his next meal.
Mal smiled. "The dead body behind you is actually Simon's new patient."
Kaylee jumped away from Victor like a small child from a bug, clutching Snowball tight to her chest.
"Patient?" Simon asked, stepping closer.
"Yup," Mal said, kicking Victor to see if he woke up. "You and Kaylee drag his drunk ass into the infirmary. Fix him up as best you can, Doc. It does us no good to rescue him just to watch him die from alcohol poisoning." Mal grabbed Simon's arm to make sure he was paying attention. "When he starts coming around, make sure me, Zoe, or Jayne is around. He's dangerous."
"How dangerous?" Simon asked.
Mal pointed at the dead bodies. "That dangerous."
Serenity's Infirmary
Simon had Kaylee and River playing nurse while Mal, Zoe, and Jayne took one last look around the cargo hauler. The ordinarily empty bay now felt more cramped than Simon felt comfortable with.
Simon began the process of undressing his patient. On Osiris, he'd have just cut his patient's clothes off to avoid moving him and risking further injury. Also on Osiris, his "nurses" wouldn't have been giggling and having so much fun helping him.
Now came the fun part. Simon had to insert a urethral catheter.
"Do you have to do that?" Kaylee asked, staring way too intently. Simon normally found her openness and lack of guile endearing. Performing a procedure involving another man's genitalia was not one of those times
"I don't want him urinating all over the med bay," Simon said, finishing what he was doing. Finally unable to stand all the gawking he said, "River hand me a trauma blanket."
"Do I have to?" River asked, also staring at the naked man on the table.
Simon felt the slight urge to vomit at the sight of his baby sister openly staring at a naked, bloody man with such interest. "Okay, both of you: out!" he snapped. He realized that on Osiris, he'd never had to chase his nurses, giggling, from the room, either.
Simon slapped a vital sign monitor to his patient's chest, covered him with a blanket and started a saline IV. After that, he took a seat. As a doctor, it bothered him that he didn't feel guilty about double checking the small pistol in his vest pocket.
Serenity's Cockpit
Mal, Zoe, and Jayne were in the cockpit. Mal was trying to effectively pilot, but Jayne refused to stop talking. As usual, if something didn't involve money or violence, Jayne needed it explained to death.
"- I mean, if he's so dangerous, why are we bringing him with us?" Jayne was asking. "We already got one crazy killer on board. Why do you want two?"
"Two is better than one," Mal said. "Besides, you're dangerous, and I pay you for it."
Jayne paused. "So... you want him on the crew?" he asked. "Why? We're finally well off and you want to give a new guy a cut?"
"He knows who we are. Or didn't you notice?" Zoe asked.
"Hell, a lot of people know who we are now. We did release top secret government information," Jayne replied.
Mal gave a half smile. Sometimes Jayne could put things together. "We did more than that. We made Parliment look like evil psychos. They probably won't take too kindly to that. Besides, that boy's Alliance, or close enough to it. Like you said before, no one this far out in the black wastes time learning to use a sword like that." Mal finally got the autopilot set. "We got no clue what he knows about us or what he intends to do with that knowledge. Until we do, we keep him."
"Besides," Zoe interjected, "he killed a bunch of pirates that were on his own crew. We need to hear what he has to say about that."
Jayne nodded. That made sense. Then he frowned. "Wait... how do you know them pirates was on his side, if he's Alliance?"
"Gorram it, Jayne!" Mal growled. "Go watch him and make sure he don't try to kill someone when he wakes up."
"You saw how drunk he was. He'll be out for a long while yet," Jayne protested.
"Then I guess you'll just have to watch him for a long while yet."