in blood stepped so far

There was always only one person who read to him before he went to sleep; only one person who ever read to him altogether, if he really thought about it. When he was younger, Ms Van Dyke would tell them stories when she was looking after them, but now he was six and too old for a regular babysitter.

"'Something is about to happen,' he told himself. 'Something peculiar is about to happen at any moment.' He hadn't the faintest idea what it might be, but he could feel it in his bones that something was going to happen soon..." Emil was snuggled in Lukas' lap, his older brother stroking back his hair as he read in a smooth voice. Emil's baby puffin was curled into his side on the duvet, already asleep, and his owner would soon join him. "He could feel it in the air around him... in the sudden stillness that had fallen upon the garden..."

Lukas cut himself off, looking down at Emil and patting his head absently. "That's enough, Emil. You're really tired." The Icelandic boy blinked blearily, raising his head and tugging on Lukas' shirt beseechingly. He was barely six, his brother eight, but he was still frustratingly small for his age. Lukas was small too, yet Emil could still perch on his lap without too much difficulty.

"No! Read more!" Emil whined, now patting Lukas' face. His brother watched him with an unreadable expression, eyebrows pulled together in a minuscule frown. Mr Puffin shifted beside them and gave a shrill squawk as Emil persisted. "Please, Luke-" For at that age, he still couldn't quite grasp the pronunciation "-I wanna hear more!"

"It's too late. Anyway, it's past your bedtime." Gently, Lukas slid Emil from his lap and slid out of his bed, moving to tuck the covers around his little brother and press a kiss to his forehead. "Night-night." He smiled briefly when Emil tugged at his arm, and lent down to let him kiss his cheek. "Love you, Emil."

"Love you too," Emil whispered, even as Lukas closed the door behind him. He slid down in bed, arms reaching out to pull Mr Puffin close and cuddle him, and the bird gave a content chirp.

They had their own rooms, but Lukas still checked on him every night before he went to bed. That night, when he looked in only to see Emil restless and awake, he only hesitated for a moment before letting his younger brother and Mr Puffin climb into his own bed.

Lukas only sang when Emil couldn't sleep. Somehow, hearing his brother's low, soft voice singing in Norwegian, and feeling the hand stroking his hair always had him asleep in minutes.

What Ms Van Dyke said was true. Lukas was the best big brother in the world.

The air was punctuated by their heavy gasps, sweaty skin sliding together as Leon pressed sloppy, open-mouthed kisses to Emil's neck. The Icelander's eyes slid closed as he tried to catch his breath, one hand in Leon's messy hair and the other clamped around his bicep, pulling the other boy flush against his chest as every muscle in his body shook with exertion.

"A-Ah- Leon-"

Finally, Leon collapsed by his side, eyes closed and breathing heavy. Their legs were still linked together, and Emil pushed back the hair clinging to Leon's flushed cheeks. The other boy couldn't have looked more beautiful; his coffee-coloured skin was smooth, the limbs tangled with his own muscular; and, when his gaze finally drifted back to Leon's face, his golden eyes were half opened and focused on him, a tired smile playing around his mouth.

"I love you." His voice was soft, husky with exhaustion, and Emil's smile mirrored his.

"I love you, too." Emil reached out and ran a hand along Leon's neck, fingers trailing over his chest, and he shivered at the sensation. Leon never cuddled with Emil right after they had sex, usually only a few minutes afterwards- and even then he would be detached, stroking his white hair with a distracted expression. It was nice, though. The Icelandic boy watched him, sheets pulled up to cover his chest, and all was silent as they lay side by side. Then Leon spoke up, eyes still focused on the off-white ceiling of his room.

"You should really talk to your brother." Emil sat up, looking incredulous at his suggestion.

"Isn't there a better time to bring this up? Were you thinking about that the whole time?"

"I meant to tell you earlier, but you jumped on me as soon as I got through the door." Leon grinned, his smile only widening at the blush growing on Emil's cheeks. "What? It's true."

"You jumped on me," Emil muttered, tone sulky like a child. "You know he wanted me to break up with you. I don't want to face him right now."

"Well, you should. He's sick. He could get worse." Leon's tone was conversational, and he reached over to run a hand through Emil's hair. "Yao didn't want me to see you, either. He doesn't want any of us to have relationships, just 'cause he's the oldest. We've all ignored him. You should do the same to Lukas."

"My brother's different from yours. Lukas doesn't let me get away with ignoring him," Emil said grumpily, previous good mood declining. "Do we really have to talk about my brother? It's bad enough Sadik bringing him up."

"You could have ignored me." Leon shrugged slightly, rolling onto his side and pulling Emil against his chest. "It sucks when you're sad. I don't like seeing you upset."

"I don't like being upset, but it seems like Lukas' mission sometimes."

The house was empty, as per usual. Lukas was still in hospital, his mother still in work. It was more peaceful for Leon to come to his house- they would be alone, without one of his many siblings bursting in on their brother having sex with his boyfriend. His eldest brother had never quite forgiven him for the time that Mei walked in on them and nearly screamed the house down. Yes, his house was definitely the better option: if he woke up in his room, the pale colour scheme was better for his eyes than the explosion of colours the room Leon shared with Yong Soo had.

If Lukas had been home, he almost definitely would have been at Leon's instead, regardless of colour schemes. Even his two sisters and four brothers were better than Emil's one brother; instead of Yao shrieking at them while they were still naked, Lukas probably would have grabbed Leon and thrown him out of the window without waiting for an explanation. Emil didn't even have to consider his reaction- it was Lukas, he was never going to take this calmly.

Lukas had been in hospital for over a month now. Emil had never had so much freedom in his life during this time. It was cruel, he knew, ungrateful and absolutely terrible of him to think such a thing, but it was true. For once, he had control over his own life! In a twisted way, it was a glorious thought No more Lukas breathing down his neck, questioning what he was doing every hour of the day, where he was going and with whom. Leon had finally been able to sleep over, now Lukas wasn't there to refuse. It had been nearly a full week since he'd last visited his brother, and Emil felt strangely at peace because of it.

It was only when he didn't really think. He would, late at night- he'd be gripped by the fear of Lukas never coming home, his brother never watching over him again. He was protective, but surely that meant he cared? What kind of brother was he, if he kept hidden a secret desire to look after himself, at the cost of Lukas-

Emil never got as far as the word dying. If he did, then it would seem real.

"If it were me, and Yao was sick- or Kiku, or Yong Soo, or Mei, or even Kasem- I'd talk to them. Yao is overprotective; Kiku emotionally stunted; Yong Soo and Mei practically have ADHD; Kasem is just so serenely cheerful all the time; but they all care. Lukas can be an even bigger jerk, but he cares about you probably more than they do. He loves you, Emil. Doesn't take a genius to work that one out."

"Your family is different from mine. You always get along well." Emil was drowning in his own self pity. "What about Lien? What if you argued with her?" His Vietnamese sister seemed like the quietest and calmest of the group; he wasn't quite sure, with all the hectic activity in Leon's household. Yao was the oldest at twenty-one, and Mei the youngest at twelve, and Emil could honestly say that he'd never experienced a quiet moment among the seven.

"I wouldn't argue with her," Leon said simply, running his fingers along the curve of Emil's back and grinning at his shiver. "She's not like that. But if it was any of the others, I wouldn't leave it. Lukas is a bit of a dick, but he's practically your only family."

"Fine." Emil's eyes slid closed, his head tucked under Leon's sharp chin. "But please stop talking about him. I want to talk about something other than my brother."

Leon's eyes narrowed slightly in thought, and a wicked smile played around the edge of his lips. "If you insist." His hand moved to his waist, palm pressed flat as his thumb rubbed along Emil's bony hip. "I don't have to be home for three hours." There was a soft thump as Leon pushed him back against the pillows, leaning over to meet him in a messy kiss. Emil felt his lips curve into a smile, his hands moving up to cup Leon's face.

It was nice, to be able to do this with Leon.

"Take the sandwich."

"No."

"Take it."

"I don't want it."

Mathias pulled Lukas into a headlock, covering the Norwegian's nose with a hand before he was aware of what was happening. Lukas struggled with him for a moment, Mathias' strength at least three times that of his own, before gasping for breath. The Dane wasted no time in shoving the sandwich in his mouth and covering his mouth until Lukas swallowed, a scowl written across his pale features when his mouth was finally clear.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lukas snapped, wiping a sleeve across his mouth and brimming with anger. "You can't do anything normally, can you, Mathias?"

"I wasn't deaf when the doctor showed up." Mathias sounded as furious as he felt, fingers digging into the Norwegian's shoulder. "You're barely a hundred pounds, Lukas. If you're going to empty the feeding tube out, I'm going to force you to eat the traditional way. You're going to kill yourself thanks to starvation if your heart doesn't do the job first."

"You've had a feeding tube, you know how it feels! I think I'm going to be sick every time they fill it up, and most of the time, I spew it up anyway!" Lukas closed his eyes tightly, biting at his lip before he lost his temper completely. "I'd rather be hungry than throw it all up again. What happened to you not letting me die?"

"That's only going to happen if you try not to die." Mathias took a shuddering breath, sitting beside Lukas and covering his face with a hand. "I know it's bad. I was sick a lot, too, but you have to stay with it. It's the only thing that's going to get you to a normal weight again. Do you know what happens when you keep emptying the liquid out of the tube?"

"No. Enlighten me." Lukas was brimming with anger, but Mathias' serious expression unnerved him.

"They strap your wrists to the bed; it means you can't reach the tube, but you can't do much else either. And if you keep managing to break free and take it out somehow, they knock you out and force it down your throat. You're going to have a tube in your nose twenty-four seven that you can't pull out. You think I'm bad? They'll pump you full of liquidised foods until you put on a few stone and you're physically unable to throw it up or get it out of your system," Mathias said, voice cold and authoritative. "Believe me, having this is the best you could get."

"You're lying." Lukas knew that he sounded defensive, his frustration only growing at the Dane's derisive snort. "They can't do that to me."

"I wish. A little bit of brutality is nothing compared to a patient dying under their watch. The easy or the hard way- your choice. I want you to be better, but you have to work with me. Please, Lukas. Do it for me. Do it for Emil."

Lukas scoffed at his words, unimpressed with the mention of his younger brother, but reluctantly nodded. Mathias relaxed, sitting back on his bed with a sigh.

"You're going to be the death of me, Nilsen. You can be a stubborn asshole sometimes." He glanced back at Lukas, lapsing into silence. The Norwegian's eyes were focused on the bedsheets, face pale, and Mathias sighed heavily. At his outstretched arms Lukas hesitated briefly, but then pressed himself to the Dane's side, allowing himself to be pulled into a loose embrace as Mathias' voice dropped to a soft whisper. "It's okay. You're allowed to be scared, you know."

"I don't like being scared. I never had the opportunity to be scared." Lukas' eyes slid closed and he exhaled heavily. "I don't want to start now."

Mathias' only response was his own sigh, and arms tightening around the Norwegian.

It was several hours later when Lukas tried to rip out his feeding tube, and was only restrained by Mathias physically holding him back against the bed. Leon simply watched him, eyebrows raised and face expressionless at Lukas' violent struggles.

"What the hell do you want?" he barked, entirely set on his goal of reaching Leon and throwing himself at him. Those golden-brown eyes blinked at him, infuriatingly calm, and Lukas wanted nothing more than to tear them out. "Mathias, let me go."

"No chance; you're violent when you're angry, Luke." Mathias looked up at Leon, frowning at him in curiosity over Lukas' kicks and punches. "Who are you?"

"Li Xiao Kirkland," the boy said simply, stoic gaze now shifting to Mathias. "Or Leon; I prefer Leon. I'm-"

"The one that Emil's been sleeping with," Lukas spat, still struggling- abet weakly- against Mathias' tight hold. Leon arched one eyebrow coolly, while Mathias whistled behind him. "You bastard. He's only sixteen- stay the hell away from him-"

"I'm dating his brother." This was addressed to Mathias, and he appeared to now ignore Lukas. "We've been together for nearly six months. Emil's never told Lukas, so I came here to tell him formally. I think he's just pissed because I didn't bring flowers."

"You know that's not it." Lukas was brimming with rage, angered further by Leon's utter calm, and the boy's eyes narrowed a fraction of an inch.

"I love your brother," Leon stated plainly, and Lukas blanched at his words. "I know you hate me. I don't know why- and I don't care all the much either, but Emil does. It's making him upset. All he wants is your approval, even if he denies it, and he's worried about dating me because you don't like it. It isn't fair on him."

"It's perfectly fair. I'm his older brother; I don't like this at all." The Norwegian scowled, ignoring Mathias' wide-eyed gaze focused on him. "He's sixteen, and he's far too young to be dating someone, let alone having sex with them. I'm working in his best interests-"

"Really?" Leon said dryly, golden eyes boring into Lukas' face. "He's been miserable since he argued with you. And I'm sixteen too. You're only eighteen yourself, and that's hardly any difference in age. You can't say you're working in his best interests if you're making him upset along the way. You might be his older brother, but that's shitty of you."

A thousand insults bubbled on Lukas' tongue and he gripped the sheets, furious. Behind him, Mathias muttered, "Harsh, man," even as the Norwegian fumed. How could this boy, the product of a mother even more irresponsible than his own, and one of a manic set of seven siblings, dare to question his care over Emil? With difficulty he bit back his anger and instead spoke in a controlled tone, resisting the urge to leap up and attack Leon.

"You don't understand what it's like. I'm all Emil has- you have a dozen odd brothers and sisters, and Emil only has me. Do you really expect me to just accept that you've turned up and started a relationship with him, without bothering to inform me first? Emil is everything to me. I'm not prepared to let you run the risk of hurting him."

"I'm not going to hurt him. He has me, too." Leon was still wearing that frustratingly calm mask, but his eyes flashed as he spoke. "You're hurting him by treating him like a child. He may be your only brother, but my family- and I have half a dozen siblings, actually- know how to love each other properly; to care for each other equally. My eldest brother is still protective of us, but he lets us live our own lives, and lets us be happy. Why can't you do the same for Emil?" Leon paused, then added, "You can't look after him in here. Someone has to."

Lukas was thrown unexpectedly, shockingly unaware, staring at Leon with his mouth hanging open. Every thought had left his head, and he struggled for something to say in response. Before him, the Chinese boy waited patiently, even as Mathias leaned forwards, lips brushing the Norwegian's ear as he spoke. "He has a point. Emil's got his own life, Lukas. You're not going to be able to protect him forever."

Mathias' voice, low and brutally honest, triggered something inside the Norwegian. Lukas felt his chest tighten and he gripped the Dane's arm for support, lowering his head and blinking back the tears searing his eyes.

Emil was just a child. He was sixteen. He was his little brother. He was nearly an adult. He was his thing to protect, the one whose tears he had wiped away, whose cuts he had kissed and bandaged, the one he sang to so as to lull him to sleep, the one he loved like no other, because there was no other person for him to love-

"Go find him." Leon's head jerked up at Lukas' pained whisper, mask breaking to show an expression of confusion. "Go find Emil, and look after him. You protect him, you hear? You love him like he's the centre of your world. He took in a shaking breath, wiping the back of his hand under his eyes as a silence stretched out in the room. When Leon remained where he was, looking unsure, he snapped, "Just go."

After a moment's hesitation, Leon gave a curt nod. Without a word of thanks or even a goodbye he was gone, the ward doors swinging shut behind him. The only sound was Lukas' unsteady breaths, his chest heaving in an attempt to grasp normal breathing again, and Mathias leaning down to press a soft kiss to his forehead.

"What was that for?" he said thickly when Mathias pulled back, the blond's face now pressed into his neck. Mathias heaved a sigh, breath tickling his skin as he spoke in a low voice.

"I'm just- I don't know. Is proud the right word to use? I think so. You let Emil go. That's a big thing, Lukas, and I know you didn't want to do it. It was brave of you. In a way, it shows how much you love him."

"How? I let him go." Lukas' voice was miserable, tears still gathering at the corners of his eyes. He felt a failure; he couldn't keep anything. Not friends, not family, not Emil-

"If you truly love someone, you can let them go. If it's for their own good, you can let them go, even if it breaks your heart. That's what true love is." Mathias sounded thoughtful, melancholy even, and his arms encircled Lukas' waist, pulling the Norwegian back against his chest. "It's brave. I don't think I would be able to do it; I always seem to love people in a way that I'm too selfish to let them go, even if they'd be better off without me." He paused, and then his mouth twisted into a soft, sad smile. "I love you, Lukas."

"Shut up," Lukas said immediately, hands tightening around Mathias' wrists. "You don't." Because how could the Dane possible love someone like him? Mathias with his easy grin and sunny personality, and him with his bad temper and unappealing character; they'd been mismatched from the start. Mathias deserved someone better than him, much better.

"No, I do. I really do." Mathias' lips brushed against his cheek and, against his will, Lukas' eyes drifted shut with a sigh. "I have for a while, probably. It's like getting hit with a freight train, if I think about it- one minute you're fine and then bam, you're devoted to someone. You want to protect them. You want to wipe all their tears away. You want to punch whoever kicked over their sandcastle at the beach. Little things like that, really."

"You've only known me a month- you're deluded, Køhler. Go find someone healthy." He sounded bleak, and Mathias gave an irritated huff behind him. "You don't want to be stuck with someone like me. You could find someone so much better."

"Idiot," the Dane said fondly, trailing his fingertips along his collarbone. "I don't want someone else. You can be a douche sometimes, kind of rude, arrogant-"

"Mathias-"

"-overprotective, self-righteous and overly sarcastic," Mathias continued, unperturbed. "But you're nice. You're kind. You don't make it obvious, but when you love someone, you downright adore them. That Leon's got nothing on you." Lukas smiled faintly, and the blond pulled him into a tighter hug. "And I love you, very much. I don't know why, but there's just something about you that's plain irresistible."

"You really are an idiot. You call me arrogant? Try looking at yourself for once." Hesitantly, Lukas shifted in Mathias' arms, moving until his cheek was pressed against the Danish boy's chest and giving a wince at the tug on his IV line. "I care about you. I don't love you, though. I've known you for just a few weeks- I haven't had time to begin to love you. You don't even know my middle name."

"You have a middle name?" Mathias exclaimed, sounding amazed, and Lukas gave a soft sigh and a smile.

"It's Sigurd. My mother named me after her father and grandfather, and Emil after her uncle; we always used to joke that she couldn't be bothered to think up any original names."

"Lukas Sigurd Nilsen. Well, I know it now. It's cool." The Dane hummed something to himself, absently running a hand through Lukas' pale hair. "I don't have a middle name. I wasn't named after anyone, either. But I like action movies, spend my spare time baking pastries, have natural blond hair-"

"Shut up." Mathias appeared not to hear him and continued sniggering, until Lukas took hold of his face and smashed their lips together. Initially taken aback, the Dane soon smiled into the kiss as he reached up, stroking Lukas' face lightly. When they broke apart, Lukas struggling to catch his breath, he pressed his forehead against the Norwegian's.

"I love you, Lukas." He spoke in an undertone, voice a breathy whisper, and Lukas reached up to tentatively cup Mathias' face in his hand.

"Mathias. I care about you- I swear I do- but I'm not in love with you. I don't even know if I love you to begin with."

"That's fine." Lukas was taken aback at the ease in Mathias' voice, at the soft smile he was still wearing. "I didn't expect you to. You're a little slower than I am- I mean, you seem like you think about things before acting on them. But it's okay. I can wait for you."

"How long are you prepared to wait?" Lukas said, voice low, and traced the contours of the blond's face with a thumb.

"As long as it takes, Lukas."

After considering this for a moment, the Norwegian smiled faintly and pulled him into a soft kiss.

"Have you been eating properly?" Tino appeared sweet on the surface, yet Lukas felt uncomfortable at the stare the Finnish man had fixed on him.

"What kind of question is that?" His attempt to defend himself was weak, and Tino snorted derisively.

"That means no, then. You're so skinny; I bet Peter isn't far off your weight. You're supposed to get better in hospital- where's the doctor? They should give you more to eat-" He broke off suddenly, and then turned to Mathias with a newly suspicious tone. "You haven't been eating Lukas' food, have you, Mathias?"

"No!" the Dane said indignantly, holding his hands up in an act of surrender. "I've been trying to get him to eat my food! God, stop acting like his mother- where's Peter? Has he finally given up on you two?"

"At a friend's house," Tino replied, sighing heavily. "Don't call me a mother. You can't listen to him, he's five, and you know we're using Daddy now. I'm not a woman, so he doesn't have to call me his mother."

"You act like you're his mother. Worry about him like one, too." Mathias grinned, ducking away from the Finn's playful swat. "Control him, Ber!"

Berwald didn't hesitate to reply, instead shaking his head stonily. "Can't. Yer annoyin' him- he's allow'd to." Tino's expression was triumphant, and as Mathias began to whine, Lukas could only watch the scene with some confusion. He could tell from just a few meetings that the Oxenstierna-Väinämöinen-Køhler family was bizarre. The Norwegian was distracted by the shifting movement beside him, and he resumed stroking the hair back from Emil's sleeping face. His brother's lean form was curled up at the end of his bed, and his head was in Lukas' lap; he'd fallen asleep fifteen or twenty minutes after arriving, apparently worn out and in need of a rest.

He'd arrived unexpectedly, and hugged Lukas without a word when he did. The Norwegian had been alarmed when Emil suddenly burst into tears, and could only pet the Icelander's head as the boy sobbed some nonsense about being sorry and loving him. It had been vaguely concerning to begin with, but Lukas was only pleased at the thought of having his brother back, Leon be damned.

"Quiet down. He's trying to sleep." Mathias and Tino glanced up at his hushed words, and the Dane grinned with delight at the sight of the two.

"So you're friends again? About time. You two have to be the most stubborn pair I've ever met."

"Looks like it," the Norwegian replied, a hand still running along Emil's peaceful face. "He hasn't said anything coherant, but he's here. Be grateful for the little things, you'd probably say."

"You're just about forgiven." Lukas glanced down at Emil's murmur, his violet eyes still closed and head buried in his lap. "Just don't mention it again." The platinum blond shook his head, a small smile twisting his lips as he continued stroking Emil's hair.

"I'm glad you're not bitching and fighting now," Mathias said lightly, making Lukas scowl as he sat beside him. With a grin, the Dane slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. A moment later the Norwegian half-heartedly responded, and it was Emil's turn to sit up with a disgruntled expression.

"You lecture me about dating someone, and then you kiss your boyfriend right in front of me?"

"It's because I'm gorgeous," Mathias mumbled, smirking as he slid a hand through Lukas' hair. "Your poor brother can't resist me." Berwald gave a snort, and Tino a small laugh at his words, but Mathias was frowning at Lukas when he pulled back. The Norwegian was breathing heavily, and his eyes were half-closed as he gripped onto Mathias' shirt for support. "Hey, what is it? Are you okay?"

Slowly, Lukas gave a hesitant nod. Silently, he laid his head against Mathias' chest, and the Dane wrapped his arms around him, eyes still narrowed. "I think you need some sleep. IV still in?" He checked it himself, and pressed a kiss to Lukas' hair. "You'll be okay."

With a yawn, Emil stood, and turned to Berwald and Tino. "How's your son? I expected to see him today."

"He's going to be disappointed when he finds out we were here without him," Tino said, smiling. "Peter's doing fine. He thinks he's able to teach Mathias' cat tricks- well, we're just leaving him to it, it's really best not to get involved with his schemes." The Finnish man paused, then turned his partner with a sly smirk. "Berwald does, though. He's the starring role in most of Peter's performances."

Emil turned to the Swede with raised eyebrows, and Berwald tried to maintain his composure. "Makes him happy- can't complain 'bout it."

"See, this is why I married him-"

Tino was cut off by a strangled gasp from Mathias, and the sound of frantic coughing. All three turned, eyes wide, to see the Dane grasping Lukas by the shoulders as the Norwegian's body wracked with coughs, his mouth covered by his hand.

"Mathias, what-" Tino was cut off as Lukas pulled his hand back, his shaking only accentuating what was there. Blood trailed from the edge of his mouth as he swallowed heavily, eyes wide with fear.

"Lukas, it's okay- you're going to be okay-" Mathias' voice was panicked, his grip on the Norwegian tight. "You're going to be fine, I promise, you're going to be fine-"

The Norwegian's eyes slid closed as he slumped against the Dane, Mathias' own pupils dilating with panic. "Lukas, look at me- look at me-! Oh God. God, no. Berwald- get the doctor." When the Swede hesitated, briefly confused, Mathias' voice rose to a scream. "Get him!"

As Berwald strode from the room Mathias cradled Lukas' limp body, stroking a hand over his face as Emil gripped his wrist, voice high pitched with fear. "What's happened to him? What's wrong?" The Dane didn't reply, instead screwing his eyes shut and placing his forehead against the Norwegian's. Swallowing back his fear, Emil reached between the two and pressed his hand to his brother's chest, searching for a heartbeat.

Nothing.

"He's flatlined," Tino gasped, covering his mouth with a hand. "Is he- he's not breathing, Mathias, is he? Mathias?"

The Dane shook his head, mouth trembling as he tried to keep his composure. Emil felt sickened, dazedly moving to wipe away the blood leaking from Lukas' mouth with a sleeve. Behind him, the doors to the ward swung open once again, Berwald followed by several doctors and a defibrillator. Tino tugged the Dane's arm, but was ignored by the blond.

"Mathias, you have to let him go, let the doctors see him-"

"No." The word was spoken quietly, but Mathias' arms tightened around Lukas. "I can't. I can't."

"Mathias, he is going to die." They were all startled, glancing up at Berwald's cold words. "Let go of him. The doctors need to take care of him; you can't do anything for him. You can't save him."

The Danish boy stared at him for a moment longer, arrogant refusal conflicted with desperation in his eyes. Then he took his arms from around Lukas, his whole figure trembling, and allowed the doctors to take hold of the Norwegian themselves. Berwald grasped Emil's arm, offering comfort to the horrified Icelander, as Tino wrapped his own around Mathias' shoulders.

"It's going to be okay," he said softly, aware the Dane's eyes were following Lukas' still form being handled by the doctors, the tears gathering in the blue eyes. "He's going to be okay, Mathias. Just let the doctors do their work."

"Save him." Mathias' voice was a weak whisper, words directed towards the doctors themselves. "I don't care what happens to me. Just save him. Please."

One of the doctors- the one who usually came to check on the two- turned, meeting Mathias' desperate gaze. Then he gave a slow, stiff nod, his eyes betraying nothing.