There was absolutely no way this plan was going to work.

Regulus and Sirius had called again and explained the whole plan: Regulus would sneak in under invisibility cloak while Sirius barged straight in as a distraction. The Aurors knew about the plan now, so they'd rush in as soon as they arrived. There would be a couple of curse breakers working on the anti-Apparation wards, and once Regulus and I got out and the wards were down, they'd fire the signal and the Aurors would Apparate away (with Sirius, of course). The back-up Aurors and curse breakers would Apparate with me, Reg, and the others (Lily, Remus, Peter, and Severus). If needed, apparently Regulus and the others had a plan to defeat any Death Eaters that happened to show up. I had to admit it was a good plan.

Except for the whole using Sirius as a distraction thing.

I knew the plan had started the moment I heard the commotion; shouting, cackling laughs, and Sirius's taunts filtered into my cell like from a bad radio reception. Minutes later, I heard a thump and my door opened. Regulus smiled at me.

"I should have expected a guard," he chuckled, gesturing to the fallen Death Eater. He brandished a frying pan. "I transfigured this from a rock."

"Why didn't you just stupefy him?" I asked.

Regulus grinned. "Hitting him on the head with a frying pan sounded like more fun."

I laughed, and agreed. Regulus pulled the cloak over both of us. "Remember, if we pass Sirius, don't stop to do anything. You wouldn't be much help, anyways."

I nodded hesitantly, and we crept through the hallways. We passed right by a several Death Eaters and Aurors fighting. I stopped, and held out my hand to stop Regulus, before examining the scene. I saw my dad fighting viciously with Bellatrix, and Moody shooting spells at anyone wearing back. I finally caught sight of Sirius; he was bleeding, but he was still laughing and shooting spells everywhere. I let out a sigh of relief.

"He's alive," I muttered, before nodding and continuing forward, followed by Regulus. It wasn't much farther until we hit open ground, and broke out into a run. We reached an area that looked much like a camp, and Regulus tore off the cloak.

"Phase three complete!" he shouted.

I gaped. "Three? How many phases are there?"

"Phase four in progress," said one curse breaker. "How are the Aurors doing?"

"Doing good," I answered. "No one's dead, at least."

"Thank goodness," Lily sighed, rushing forward and engulfing me in a hug. She led me back towards another tent. "We've got Healers here too. Sirius told us about your injuries."

I nodded, and we walked in the tent. Five Healers immediately surrounded me. Mum smiled and hugged me, before sitting me down on a transfigured bed. "How are you, Jamie?"

"Much better," I replied. I frowned. "How much longer do you think it will take the curse breakers to break the anti-Apparation ward?"

"I don't know, sweetie," she said. "But Sirius and your father will be fine."

"I sure hope so," I said. Mum smiled, and began examining my injuries. She scowled and handed me a potion, before conjuring bandages.

"Drink," she ordered. "Now you and Sirius both will be stuck in St. Mungo's. Thank goodness Regulus has the common sense to stay uninjured."

"I didn't choose to get kidnapped," I retorted. "I was going to ask permission."

Mum snorted as she got to work on my side wound. "You probably made it worse for yourself."

"Yeah, probably," I said, wincing as Mum used some sort of antibacterial spell to clean my side. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tackle Bellatrix."

"You think," Lily said from the corner, crossing her arms. "Fat lot of good you'd do us getting yourself killed."

"Oh, whatever," I shrugged, and Mum whacked me in the back of the head as my shoulder started bleeding again. "Sorry, Mum."

"Don't move," she said. "I'll stun you if I have to, James."

There was a sudden shout outside. I shot up immediately and ran out, ignoring the Healers' protests. Several Death Eaters had flooded into the clearing, and they looked very surprised to see us. Regulus tossed me his wand. "Here!"

"What? But you-" Regulus cut me off, grinning as he brought his trusty frying pan down on the nearest Death Eater's head. "Oh. I suppose you're good then."

"Yep!" Regulus beamed, grabbing one of his cookies and shoving it into the next Death Eater's mouth. "And, you know, turns out these cookies are good for something after all!"

I chuckled, and immediately started shooting spells at the Death Eaters, joined in quickly by the Aurors at camp and Remus, Peter, Lily and Severus. You know that plan I mentioned? Completely forget it.

"They probably called for back-up," yelled Snape over the commotion.

I nodded. "Yeah, probably!"

"James, you shouldn't be fighting," said Remus. "You're hurt."

"I don't really care, Moony," I declared. "If those curse breakers can't get that ward down, Sirius and Dad and the other Aurors could be hurt or worse!"

"He's right," Peter said, attempting to shoot spells but failing miserably. "Darn! I'm just no good at this."

"Take some cookies," Regulus offered, holding out the tray with one hand while chucking a few cookies at the Death Eaters with the other. Peter shrugged, and grabbed a handful of cookies, throwing them at the Death Eaters.

"This is the weirdest fight I've ever seen," Remus noted, shaking his head bemusedly as Regulus hit another Death Eater over the head with his frying pan and shoved cookies into his mouth.

"Eat cookies, snake-face!" Regulus cackled.

Peter ran at a Death Eater whose back was turned. "SNEAK ATTACK!"

The Death Eater turned and side-stepped, right into the path of Regulus frying pan, which he was swinging around wildly. I raised an eyebrow. "Peter, sneak attacks don't work announce them."

Peter blushed. "Oh yeah. Whoops."

So far, I thought we were doing good: the curse breakers were undisturbed, and the Death Eaters were sorely losing (and covered in cookie crumbs). I hoped Sirius and the Aurors on the inside were doing as good.

"JAMES POTTER!" I heard Mum shriek. "Get back here!"

"But, Mum, we're winning!" I replied, hexing a Death Eater with a colour-changing charm that turned his hair neon pink. "Even if we're using slightly unorthodox methods."

"Slightly?" Snape snorted, as he stuck out his foot and tripped the nearest Death Eater. "Cookies, frying pans, and school-boy charms- and we're causing more damage than the Aurors!"

It was true. The Aurors were pretty much just standing there, dumbfounded, as they watched us, the kids, thoroughly beating the Death Eaters with cookies and frying pans and hair colouring charms.

"Yeah," I agreed. "A whole lot more damage. Oi! How are those wards coming?"

"We're done!" yelled one. "Light the signal for phase seven!"

"When did we get to seven?" I asked.

The curse breaker shrugged. "Well, we figured we should add the attack into the plan."

"Oh," I said.

Regulus grinned maniacally and pulled out five Filibuster's Fireworks roped together and lit the fuse, pointing it and the Death Eaters and cackling. "See ya, snake-dudes!"

The Death Eaters scrambled to the side as the fireworks just barely missed them and shot into the sky, lighting up and making a lot of noise. There were several cracks from inside, which I assumed were the Aurors Apparating.

"As soon as everyone is out, we'll leave," said one Auror; he eyed the remaining cookies. "Say, you think we could get some of those? They seem to be pretty useful."

Regulus beamed widely, and held out the tray. "Help yourselves."

It didn't take very long for everyone to get out. It was only a few minutes before the last of us appeared at the meeting place, which turned out to be Hogsmeade. Regulus and I caught sight of my dad and Sirius, and ran over.

"We kicked their butts!" Regulus declared proudly, brandishing his frying pan. "I told you this thing would be useful."

"You did," Sirius laughed. I smiled, and pulled Sirius and Regulus into a group hug. "Woah, Prongs! Happy to see us much?"

"You have no idea," I said. I pulled away, and whacked Sirius in the head. "You idiot! I thought you were going to get yourself killed!"

"I didn't," Sirius replied. "I'm a little worse for the wear, but I'm fine and- oh crud! Hide me!"

Sirius ducked behind Dad just as Mum walked up, her arms crossed. "Sirius Orion Black! This was, by far, the rashest, most inexplicably stupid thing you have ever done!"

"I'm not here, you can't see me," Sirius said. Mum rolled her eyes, grabbed Sirius's arm, and pulled him out from behind Dad. "Ack! You can! James, help!"

"You're on your own, mate," I replied.

"Breaking out of St. Mungo's! Risking your neck! You could have been killed!" Mum exclaimed. She pun on her heel suddenly to face Regulus. "And you! Going along with his loony plan!"

Regulus, for his part, smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Aunt Carol."

"Now, Jamie, for once I'm not mad at you," Mum declared. "Although I wish you hadn't of fought. I suppose we'll have to add another bed to Sirius room, now that you'll both be stuck there."

"No!" Sirius shouted dramatically. "You can't make me go back there! It's prison, woman, prison!"

"Oh, you did not just call me 'woman'," Mum scowled. Sirius flushed, and hid behind Dad again. "Don't think Jacob can save you. Might as well send you to the permanent ward if you keep this up."

"It's evil," Sirius insisted. "You can't take me back there! We just want to go home, right, Jamie?"

"Home would be nice," I agreed. "My bed is probably much softer than those hospital beds. That's just what I want right now. Sleep."

"Yes! And you can sleep at home!" Sirius said. "We aren't that injured, you can heal us!"

"Nope, not happening," Mum frowned, pulling out her wand and casting a diagnostic spell on Sirius. "Merlin, child, what were you doing in there?"

"Duelling Death Eaters,' Sirius said. "And unlike you lot, we weren't using cookies and frying pans."

"Shame," Regulus commented. "That was really fun."

"You lot probably got the stupid Death Eaters," Sirius pointed out. "Anyways, Voldemort doesn't seem to like me much."

"You think?" I asked. "He took me as bait for you."

"Sorry about that," Sirius muttered. "For the record, if he tries something like that again, I'm juts going to let him kill me so he'll leave all of you alone.

Regulus whimpered, and I clenched my fists. "You git; don't you dare."

Dad grabbed Sirius shoulders. "Sirius, you realize we won't let you do that, right?"

"It's weird," said Sirius. "If you were my real dad, you'd have said go ahead and get yourself killed; the sooner the better."

"If I were your real dad," Dad chuckled. "Then you'd have never known Orion Black. I never liked him much at school."

"He hexed him daily," Mum said sourly. "I don't have to wonder where James got his mischievous streak."

"You hexed my father daily!?" Sirius grinned. "That's brilliant! Wish I could have been there; I'd have joined in!"

"At any rate, Sirius," I said. "There's no way we'll let you die. Not if I can help it."

"Or me," Regulus agreed, spinning his frying pan.

Mum eyed the frying pan warily. "We'll never be able to take that from you, will we?"

"Nope!" Regulus beamed. "It's my new favourite weapon."

"And the cookies," I added. "Did you save the recipe?"

"I wrote it down," Dad supplied. "I'd thought it was funny at the time; who knew they'd be useful against Death Eaters."

"Wish I'd had some of those," Sirius snickered. "Imagine the look on Bellatrix's face if I'd beaten her with cookies!"

"Now that," I said. "Is something I'd like to see."

A/N: YES! Update! This chapter turned out a whole lot funnier than I originally planned. Can anyone spot the allusions I made? There's two! I just had to add the frying pan and the cookies. And they're all okay! Which defeats the purpose of the last chapter, which was to darken things up a bit. :P Oh well, I'll work on that. Big thanks to sk8boards4ever, jeremiah123, MSupernatural, and N.E. Person (did you really mean poor Bellatrix!?) for reviewing! Free frying pans for you! XD Hope you enjoyed!

Honestly, I'm never going to own Harry Potter...