"Sirius Black! If I have to ask you one more time to stay put, I swear, I'll lock you in a padded room!"

It was another fairly normal day at St. Mungo's. Sirius had once more tried futilely to escape; Mum had once again caught him red-handed and dragged him back to his bed.

"I want out," Sirius whined. "I don't like it here. James doesn't either, right, James?"

"Hmm, I'll like it less when my side is healed," I said. "But for now, I rather like it here."

"Of course you do," Sirius chuckled. "But I'm perfectly healed."

"You are not," Mum replied. "In fact, if you keep this up, you'll never heal. Honestly, you reopen at least one cut every two days, and you've given yourself so many bruises I'm amazed you aren't permanently black and blue."

"Not blue, just Black," Sirius retorted cheekily. I groaned.

"At any rate, I suppose I can let you both out for a few hours," said Mum slowly; Sirius and I grinned. "But the moment either of you start bleeding or, really, feel any pain at all, come get me."

"Yes!"

"Thanks Mum!"

Mum groaned. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to regret this?"

Sirius and I just grinned deviously and ran out of the room.

The first place we went after escaping (or being freed from) St. Mungo's was my house. If we were going to wreak havoc, might as well pick up our cookie-throwing, frying pan-swinging sidekick.

"Regulus!" Sirius shouted. "We're back!"

Regulus came running into the room, covered in flour. "Hiya!"

"Why are you white?" Sirius asked. I had a hunch.

"I was baking," Regulus grinned. "I think I got it right this time; can't be too sure, though. We didn't have any margarine (and I don't know what that is) so I just didn't use that."

"Margarine is butter," I said. "Well, pretty much."

"Oh," Regulus shrugged. "I'm sure it won't mess things up too much."

"If it does, your baking seems to be a good weapon against Death Eaters," Sirius snickered. "Are the rumours true? Did you really sell some to the Aurors?"

"What rumours?" I asked. "Dad came and told us, remember?"

"Right, but Uncle Jacob tends to exaggerate," Sirius replied. "Wanna come with us? We're going to hang out in Muggle London."

"Wreak havoc in Muggle London," I corrected. "You, especially, are unable to go anywhere without wreaking havoc."

"I feel bad for the Muggles," Regulus chuckled. "Too bad you can't do magic in Muggle London."

Sirius gaped, and I face-palmed. "Duh. Forgot."

"No magic," Sirius lamented. "What are we to do?"

"We can sell cookies," Regulus suggested, grinning evilly.

I shook my head bemusedly. "Those poor, poor Muggles. Hope you don't poison them."

"Don't worry," Regulus laughed. "Aunt Carol helped; I slipped in a few of your hair colour changing potions and voice changing potions."

"Wicked," Sirius and I chorused.

"You're a genius, Reg," I beamed.

Sirius nodded. "It's pretty obvious you're my brother, after all."

"Was there any doubt?" Regulus huffed, crossing his arms. "At any rate, we have to be careful."

"Isn't James supposed to be the responsible one?" Sirius asked.

I smiled bemusedly. "You know, if you'd told me that back in the beginning of fifth year, I'd of shipped you off to St. Mungo's."

"Gee, thanks, mate," Sirius said sarcastically. "Online my least favourite place in the world."

"I thought that was Grimmauld Place?" Regulus countered. Sirius frowned pensively, and nodded. "Thought so."

"Considering my evil parents," Sirius shuddered.

"Especially considering your evil parents," I agreed. "But you'll never being going back there. St. Mungo's, however, you'll be returning to later today."

"I'll lock myself in my room," Sirius retorted. "I'm not going back to that place!"

"And I'll stun you if I have to," I replied smugly, as Sirius scowled. "Well, we best get going. No need to keep those poor, defenceless Muggles waiting."

"Cookies! We've got cookies!" yelled Regulus. "Come and get them!"

"Only one galleon!" Sirius added, and a few Muggle pedestrians gave him a weird look. "What?"

"He means £5," I corrected hurriedly. "Forgive my brother; he's not quite right in the head."

A couple of the Muggles nodded, and one woman gave Sirius a pitying glance and bought an entire batch of cookies. Regulus snickered. "I always knew Sirius's madness would be useful someday."

"I'm not mad," grumbled Sirius. "I'm perfectly right in the head, thank you very much."

"Right," I said. "Says the boy who does the craziest things imaginable."

"I have rather good ideas,' Sirius defended himself. "Like the plan I made to save you-"

"That one nearly got you killed," I pointed out.

"Well, there was that one to escape from the Hospital Wing-"

"You gave yourself a concussion that time," said Regulus.

Sirius scowled. "Okay, what about that one time when I almost-"

"No, I'm pretty sure that was the time you reopened the gash on your chest and were unconscious for three hours," I replied. "Face it, Padfoot: you don't make good plans."

"I'll prove you wrong," Sirius muttered.

"Just don't get yourself killed in the process," I suggested drily.

Regulus nodded in agreement. "Or we'll bring you back and kill you ourselves."

"Gee, thanks," Sirius commented sarcastically.

All of a sudden, there was a scream. I shot to my feet, as did Sirius and Regulus (who brandished his frying pan threateningly). Before we could react, the street was swarming with Death Eaters.

"Crud," I muttered. "Hide."

"Hide!?" Sirius exclaimed, jumping over the table, wand in hand. "Ha! Like that'll happen. These Muggles are defenceless, we have to do something!"

"Sirius, Voldemort wants to kill you," Regulus pointed out.

"Then I'm the perfect distraction," Sirius declared. "You guys hide, quick. HEY! SLIMY SNAKES, OVER HERE!"

I cursed under my breath as the Death Eaters turned to face us, and brandished my wand. "You're going to get us all killed, Sirius."

"Not if you two leave right now," Sirius retorted, shooting a random stunner at the nearest Death Eater. Regulus, as if to prove that we weren't leaving, sped forward with a shout and slammed his frying pan down on a Death Eater's head. "Regulus!"

Regulus smiled. "Did you really think we'd leave you?"

The fight was on, and we were terribly out numbered. Muggles were running for their lives- well, most of them. Some men in uniforms- police, were they called?- were coming to our aid.

"Who the heck are they?" one shouted to me.

"Death Eaters," I replied. "They're dark Wizards, believe it or not. They kind of want to kill us; well, mostly Sirius and I, but Regulus is pretty high up on their list."

I nodded towards Regulus, yelling childish taunts and whacking Death Eaters with his frying pan. "That's Regulus."

"You three are just kids, we can handle this," said the policeman.

I snorted. "Yeah, sure. Watch it- expelliarmus!"

The Death Eater's wand flew out of his hand, and Regulus followed up by shoving cookies in his face. I had to admire his successful but slightly unorthodox methods of fighting.

"And look out for green lights," I advised. "Those things kill on contact."

The policeman paled, and started passing the message along. I turned to Sirius. "There's gonna be a hoard of Obliviators here in a minute."

"Yup," said Sirius, dodging a spell and retaliating with a body bind.

"Where are the Aurors?" Regulus shouted.

I frowned. "I bet they don't know about the attack!"

"So it's three wizards and a bunch of defenceless Muggles against maybe fifty Death Eaters?"

"Don't count on defenceless," said a policeman. He pulled out a strange metal thing- what was it called? Oh, yes, a gun- and aimed it at the nearest Death Eater. Something hit the Death Eater in the shoulder, and he fell to the ground.

"Wicked," Sirius beamed. "Where do I get one?"

"Sirius, you aren't getting a gun," I said. "One: you're thirteen; two: those things are dangerous and you'd probably end up accidentally killing yourself."

"He would," Regulus agreed. "How long d'you think it'd take him? An hour?"

"Less," I replied.

I thought we were doing pretty good, considering that we were horribly outnumbered. Sirius, Regulus, and I were all miraculously unharmed, and the Death Eater's numbers were dwindling.

I shouldn't have got my hopes up, because just then, reinforcements arrived. Death Eater reinforcements. Including Voldemort himself, who's glinting red eyes immediately focused on the three of us.

"So we meet again," he said, almost conversationally.

Sirius scowled. "Unfortunately."

"Sirius," I muttered warningly as Voldemort twirled his wand. "Don't taunt him."

"Why not?" Sirius said. "He's annoying, he's foul, and he's a biased git."

Regulus groaned and I face-palmed. Voldemort's eyes flashed, and with a flick of his wand, Sirius cried out and fell to the ground, his leg twisted oddly and blood seeping from an open wound. I growled threateningly as Regulus pulled Sirius to his feet.

"Gee, thanks," Sirius commented sarcastically.

"Shut up," I said. "You'll make things worse."

The fighting had stopped; all eyes were on us. Voldemort's eyes were narrowed maliciously, and he turned his wand on me. Sirius's eyes widened. "Perhaps this will teach you a lesson, Black. Crucio!"

I'd been under this curse enough times to know what to expect and to brace myself, but it wasn't enough, and I'm pretty sure I still ended up screaming on the ground. I could have sworn I heard someone else screaming as well. After a moment, though, the pain went away, quite suddenly. I looked up; Sirius was kneeling before me, looking up defiantly. I couldn't see his face, but I knew automatically that he was taking the curse for me. Voldemort laughed menacingly.

"Such loyalty," he noted, taking the curse off Sirius. Regulus helped me to my feet, and Sirius struggled to his. He was putting all his weight on his left leg, which was still crooked and bleeding freely.

"Better than your Death Eaters," Sirius spat. "They only follow you out of fear."

Voldemort must have already known this, for it was rather obvious; nonetheless, he sneered and cast another nonverbal spell at Sirius, who barely even flinched as his shoulder began bleeding. Regulus whimpered.

"Kid, get out of there!" yelled a policeman. None of them could reach us, blocked by Death Eaters. "Do you have a death wish?"

There were several pops a few feet away; Aurors. I hoped they'd reach us in time.

"If you want to get to my brothers," Sirius said defiantly, still glaring at Voldemort. "You'll have to get through me."

I frowned, and glanced at Regulus. He was shaking, pale, and also covered in dirt. Of course; Voldemort had gotten him too. I grabbed his hand comfortingly.

"I could kill you in two seconds, boy," Voldemort sneered.

Sirius glanced back at us, before turning to Voldemort again. "I know."

He was stalling, I realized suddenly. The Aurors were getting closer, and no one else had noticed. Sirius was trying to buy us enough time for the Aurors to reach us.

"Regulus," I whispered. "What would the hair colour changing potion do to someone without hair?"

"I don't know," said Regulus. "Hasn't been tested."

I smirked wickedly. "Do you reckon we can get Voldie to eat some?"

Regulus grinned. "Perhaps."

The Aurors were almost upon us; I passed several cookies to Sirius. "Throw them at Voldemort- try to get him to eat one. We don't know what the potion will do to him."

Sirius smiled evilly and nodded. "I'll do better than that."

"Go on ahead," I said. Sirius shot forward and hoved the cookies in Voldemort's bewildered face. Regulus and I exchanged glances, and laughed out loud. Sirius had some nerve to do that; I hoped it wouldn't backfire on him later.

The Aurors had reached us, blasting their way through the Death Eaters. Voldemort's skin had turned a blotchy greenish yellow colour, probably from the potion. Sirius had run back to us, beaming. Voldemort's eyes were flashing. "KILL HIM!"

"He sounds like a little girl," Regulus snickered. Spells were now flying everywhere; it was chaos. I couldn't tell where any spell originated, and the only person who wasn't shooting completely random spells was Regulus, who was running around with his frying pan and cookies, resulting in several Death Eaters having multi-coloured hair.

"Any sign of your dad?" Sirius asked. I shook my head. "Hmm; maybe he won't be here. Then at least we can lie and tell your mum we weren't fighting Death Eaters."

"Not likely," said Moody, who was standing nearby.

"Well, it's worth a try," Sirius shrugged. At first, I thought things were going well, all things considered. Voldemort was enraged, of course, and all his spells seemed to be aimed at Sirius. I didn't like the number of green spells that barely missed my best friend.

Another green light shot towards us quite suddenly, and I naively expected it to miss like the others.

It didn't.

A/N: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I'm sorry, I hate leaving you hanging, but the idea just hit me (in class, believe it or not)! For the record, I feel really bad for this... Okay, so big thanks to my wonderful reviewers (please don't kill me!), jeremiah123, Danielle 189089, N. E. Person, sk8boards4ever, Lady Loophole, and Red Moon Lollipop! Erm... cookies and Reggie plushies (only if you don't kill me, so don't kill me!)! Hope you enjoyed, despite the sucky ending!

I'm never going to own Harry Potter.