Dear readers, the Yume Nikki and Persona fandoms are sucking me in. Help m- oh who am I kidding, I've already written a fic for Persona 3 and two for the Yume Nikki fandom. It's too late for me. Especially since I've recently ordered Persona 4 off of Amazon. If I'm not around on Thursday, well, there's your reason. Now then, the reason why I haven't updated this story in awhile (not account the Bowling Tourney) is because my laptop screen got smashed when my dog pushed it off the bed. Why Brownie, why? So now, I have to connect it to this large external monitor that's not portable at all, so I cannot type up things on the go. And that makes me one sad panda.
Oh yes, and according to the garlic ice cream poll, 62% (5 votes) of you think that I'm delusional. Two of you (25%) think that garlic ice cream is crud and one of you (12%) has actually tried it and think it's okay. Huh. Well, that was a fun poll.
What were we doing? Oh right. Story time.
REIGN OF THE GARLIC KING - PART 3
The Normals minus Meta Knight chose to confine themselves inside King Dedede's room to stay away from the rest of the castle, which under Wario's rule is guaranteed to get 20 times more crazier.
King Dedede blew a whistle, causing an armada of Waddle Dees to somehow drop out of the ceiling. "Waddle Dees! I want you to barricade the doors, on the double!"
"Um... with what sir?"
"What do you mean 'with what'?"
"Er... Dedede." Lucario said as he tapped his shoulder to get his attention. Only then do they notice that there was something wrong with the room; all of the furniture was missing. Almost the entire room was bare; even the rugs and carpet were gone. The only thing present in the room was a chandelier of candles hanging overhead, which provided the light. While Dedede was dropping his jaw and crying, Lucario noticed a note that was lazily taped to the floor. He read it's contents. "Dear Dededumb, all of your stuff had fleas in them and I took it for inspection. And by that, I mean I took it for myself. No offense. It's just that I'm way more important than you. From, the Garlic King."
Falco was also looking aroud the empty room. "Damn, this guy works pretty fast."
"...So, what will we barricade the room with sir?" asked a Waddle Dee.
"...Er... use yourselves if you have to!" said Dedede. And then, to their shock, the Waddle Dees actually crowded over to the door and made up a barrier with their own bodies. This was sort of a dumb move, since some Gordos (aka those spikey guys) were actually in the pile. Still, they made a great, sturdy barricade, which would definitely be useful in case Wario and/or his minions decide to come around to make their lives worse.
"Alright, and now..." said Lucario, pausing and taking out a book for unnecessary drama. "...we read." The three Smashers sat down on the floor, going back to their task of looking for a rule or loophole that would kick Wario out of office.
"...Hey, um, what would happen to us if something attacks the other side of the door?" asked a Gordo.
"Just don't think about it." replied Falco.
"Your majesty, there seems to be a problem." informed a Primid. Wario and his throne sat in the middle of some sort of monitoring room, which the Minister used to monitor the Smashers. Despite inducing paranoia inside all of the Smashers, the people monitoring the Smashers were terrible at their jobs. Which is probably why crime rampant inside of the castle. However, Wario decided to change that. He had to make sure that everyone was obeying his sweet new rules and not eating food that didn't contain garlic. Yes, he made that illegal.
"Huh? What is it? Why do you bother your king?" responded Wario.
"According to our reports, King Dedede summoned his army. Do you know what this means?"
"Hmm... it means... that the Garlic King needs an army too!" exclaimed Wario. "Go get me an army from Minions R Us! And one that's way more better then Dededumb's! Your king deserves the best treatment! WAHAHA!"
"Your majesty, there's no such thing as Minions R Us."
"Are you questioning me? Do you want to not be paid?"
"We were never paid. Not even under Master Hand."
"...I will pay you in garlic! Pretty sweet deal, don't ya think?"
"AAAH! I'LL LOOK FOR AN ARMY JUST ANYTHING BUT THAT!"
"...What. What's wrong with garlic?" Wario took a bite out of a garlic clove. "I love it. Everyone should... or... I'll fire them out of a cannon! Yes! I, the Garlic King, will fire them all into the sun! I am a genius! WAHAHAHA!" While he laughed evily, everyone else in the monitoring room was slamming their heads against the nearest surfaces, seriously wishing that Dedede was elected over him.
Meanwhile, for those wondering what happened to Meta Knight, he along with everyone else that expressed dissent toward Wario were outside, trapped inside of a pool of freezing lard.
"I will rip his head off." muttered Samus.
"...Anyone else noticed that Wario cannot tell the difference between lard and tar?" pointed out Captain Olimar.
"Be grateful for it. If it was actual tard, we'd be dead." said Meta Knight. For once, they were all thankful for Wario's weird stupidity.
"This is the worst pool I've ever been in." commented Young Link.
"I know! The pool service here doesn't even offer snacks!" said Kirby.
"Kirby, there is no pool service." sighed Meta Knight. Then, something caught his eye. "What is that?" On the roof of the castle, something seemed to be rising up.
"It looks like... a cannon..." observed Captain Olimar.
"...Wow! They have fireworks! I so totally forgive them for having no pool service!" exclaimed Kirby.
"...Kirby, if you weren't so young, adorable, and not in reach, I would be smacking you." growled Samus.
"...So hey, if we ever have juggling bears in the castle, they aren't allowed to use flaming torches." Dedede read out a random fact from a rulebook. They've already been at it for at least 20 minutes, and they haven't really found anything relevant. To entertain them through their long quest, Dedede was amusing them with random, ridiculous rules. "...And look, people aren't allowed to own furniture made of bamboo. Funny, right? Ha ha... I miss my stuff." ...And down went their entertainer, crying like a baby.
"This is hopeless. How about we just escape, wear disguises, and work at Wal-Mart for the rest of our lives, far away from Lord Asshole?" suggested Falco.
"What about the other Smashers?" asked Lucario.
"Eh. Forget those guys. Two weeks with Wario isn't that bad. ...Who am I kidding, it totally is." Falco threw the book he was reading and rested his head in his own lap, clearly frustrated. "I am seriously considering this. None of this crap is going to help us! No breakfast items for dinner, villains not allowed to be put in power, no mimes on the front yard..."
"Wait." said Lucario, stopping Falco's rant. "Villains not allowed to be put in power?"
"Wario's not really a villain. He's more of an anti-hero, like me." said Dedede.
"Exactly. That rule is useless." agreed Falco.
"Hold on, I think there's something..." Lucario flipped backwards through his rulebook until he found the page he was looking for. "Look at this rule!" Falco and Dedede leaned over to see.
"Anti-heroes must be treated the same as villains? Wow, rude." commented Dedede.
"Wait... that's it! Lucario, you're brilliant!" yelled Falco, looking much happier than he was moments ago. "If Wario is an anti-hero, then the villain rule should still apply to him! Ha! So long, Lord Asshole!"
"Okay, all we have to do is bring this up with the rest of the castl-" began Lucario. But then, the intercom came on. They gulped. They knew perfectly well by now that when something starts going their way, something bad will happen to ruin it and complicate things further. "Hyper, why must you keep pulling this on us?" Because it's fun. :D
"Attention losers! It's me, the Garlic King! Wahaha! I have a special announcement for all of you! Everyone that hasn't tried our new garlic food will now be arrested and sent to the tar pi- wha? Lard is not the same as tar? ...Whatever, what do you know are you wearing the crow- NO! WARIO WEARS THE CROWN! Oh, and if you resist, we will shoot you into the sun! So long peasants!" The intercom went silent. The trio of Smashers can hear heavy footsteps taking the place of Wario's voice.
"...We're the only ones that didn't eat anything, aren't we?" said Dedede, knowing that those footsteps are heading toward them.
"Yep." confirmed Falco bitterly.
"OPEN THE DOORS!" yelled a voice from behind the barricaded door. "You are wanted by orders of the Garlic King! Any resistance and we will shoot you out of a cannon into the sun!"
"Oh god, where did everything go wrong?" questioned Lucario. And I'm pretty sure you readers have the same question on your minds. Either that or you're questioning my sanity.
Let's move back a few days, shall w... oh hey, would you look at that. We've finally caught up. ...Now what? ...Guess you readers will have to wait and see! :D
To be continued...
Right then, until I finish the next chapter, I'll be posting another poll. It mainly concerns Attack of Giygas, and I'm asking you which villains were your favorites, because evil is awesome. You'll be allowed three votes, because go diplomacy. Well, I'm off to go save the world by shooting myself and summoning my screaming head demons. See ya until then!