Banner by the incomparable akai-echo

A Katniss/Prim drabble featuring Everlark and Toastbabies

Do You Want to Build A Snowman?

Please, I know you're in there,

People are asking where you've been

They say "have courage", and I'm trying to

I'm right out here for you, just let me in

We only have each other

It's just you and me

What are we gonna do?

Do you wanna build a Snowman?

It doesn't have to be a Snowman.

Okay...bye...

from the feature film Frozen

"Mommy, Mommy! It's snowing. Do you want to go outside with us and play?"

Sophia bounced on the ball of her feet next to the bed where Katniss lay. She wasn't quite sleeping, though it was already late in the morning and she was still curled up under the covers. It was December and it was that day -the one day that all the therapy in the world had not been able to help her get over.

Katniss heard the thump - da - thump of Peeta's approach as he scooped his daughter into his arms and tossed her up in the air, provoking squeals of delight from the brown-haired girl who was the spitting image of her mother, but had the eyes and character of her father.

"Hey, pumpkin, mom's not feeling too good today. Why don't you go help Rye get into his snow suit and I'll check your mom's temperature, okay?"

"'Kay. Bye, mommy!" Sophia scampered out of the room, taking the bright light of excitement with her.

Peeta sat at the edge of the bed and touched Katniss' forehead, brushing tangles of hair away from her forehead.

"It's not a fever, is it?" he asked.

Katniss shook her head, turning her swollen face up to look at Peeta. "I just need to be with her for a little while longer. Then I'll come down."

Peeta's furrowed his brow. "It's been two days. Maybe we should call Dr. A?"

She shrugged, thinking it might be a good idea but not quite caring at the moment. "I just need a little more time. I'll be down soon, I promise."

He sighed, running his hands through her sleep-matted hair. He picked up the plate on the end table and frowned at the food that had gone untouched. Leaving a kiss on his wife's forehead, he tried to catch her eye.

"I can stay with you. Haymitch is going to play with the Sophi and Rye and Delly's meeting us with her kids. They won't be alone," he offered.

Katniss shook her head and bit her lip, trying to keep from crying again. Peeta stood carefully, clearly unwilling to leave her but she knew he wouldn't let the kids go out alone. "We're outside if you change your mind," he said, smiling sadly before leaving and shutting the door behind him..

His exit left Katniss in the grey light of the snow-drenched day. It had been a while since she'd gotten so depressed. But it was the twentieth anniversary of the fall of the Capitol and it was all over the news. The children came home, talking about it at school, there were commemorations in the center of town and in the Capitol. No matter where she turned, there was some sort of acknowledgement of this day that had brought so much to the nation of Panem.

But there were also the dead. She saw it in the faces of the survivors, people like her who had fought or lost someone who had gone into battle. For many, this day that had become a National Holiday, full of celebration for liberation and freedom, was the darkest day of their lives. And while she always marked the day of Prim's death with a melancholy that darkened the entire period for her, she also managed to function, get through and enjoy the Winter Solstice with her family, which always came about two weeks later.

But the constant coverage, the reminders and replays, seeing footage of herself, Peeta and the other Victors when they were young, being replayed every time the tv came on, was too much for her. Documentaries. Journalists seeking interviews, to whom she always said no. The surrender of the Capitol had been captured on film and those exploding parachutes replaying on constant loop (tastefully edited, of course) had been the last straw for her. She went to bed and could not get out again.

Katniss felt herself dozing off, in that half-state between sleeping and wakefulness that characterized her episodes. Her body did not need the rest but her mind begged for a reprieve from the overwhelming blackness of her feelings. She was no longer in Victor's Village, but in her little wooden home in the Seam. It was cold, just like today, and Katniss had taken her first tesserae to ensure that at least she could keep what remained of her family warm.

Her sister, so small at the time, was bundled up in blankets and buried in her mother's side on the bed while Katniss took the precious oil and lit a lamp, banishing the winter grey from the home. She stoked the fire with scraps of wood she'd found and set about to make the hard cakes typical of the Seam, for there was never any money for leavening or baking soda. Their father had died only a month before, the hollow of his loss hanging heavily over everyone but especially Mrs. Everdeen, who had taken to bed and only left occasionally to tend to her more physical needs.

At that time, Katniss had still longed for her mother's voice, would have given anything for mother to hold her again and to wedge herself between them and the sudden terror of a reality where no one would or could protect them. She did not want to be a nine year old facing the ruthless world alone. She ached for her, for a sign, any sign, that at least her mother still existed. But after a month, anger was beginning to creep in and replace the childish longing in her heart, the anger that would mark her character forever.

As she set the meager food on the table, Katniss heard her sister, who had not yet resigned herself to her mother's abandonment.

"Mommy? Mommy? It's snowing. Do you want to come outside and play? Mommy?" she said. For the first time, Katniss heard the hysteria in her sister's voice.

"Come on! Let's go play! Mommy! I never see you anymore - it's like you're gone! Mommy," she heard Prim start to cry. "Why won't you wake up?"

Katniss couldn't stand it. She rushed to her sister, who was now sobbing. "We used to be best buddies and now we're not. What happened, Katniss? Why is mommy like this?"

Katniss shook her head. She didn't know why. She didn't know where her mother had gone and why she couldn't come back but it was making Prim suffer and that was one thing she could not forgive. Her sister was all she had now and she couldn't help cast her mother a look of pure hatred while her little sister cried into her shoulder.

"Shhh...little duck," she said, rocking her sister back and forth. She pulled back and looked her sister, all blue eyes and peaches and sweetness and love, now flushed with sadness. "Let's eat, okay?" she said before she got a sudden idea, which she knew would cheer her sister. "Hey, do you want to build a snowman?"

Prim wiped her nose unceremoniously on her sleeve, leaving it bright pink from the friction. Slowly, her sobs subsided, though she gave the occasional sniffle. Finally, she nodded, and let Katniss lead her to the kitchen, away from their mother.

XXXXX

Katniss woke and caught the aroma of lunch in the air. Peeta had brought the children back into the house to warm up and eat but there were other children still outside and she was positive they'd go back out again. She thought of her son, his thick, blond hair piled in chaotic waves on his head, tumbling over his forehead and ears. His cheeks would be tinged with pink, giving him a ruddy look, like a toy doll. She felt her chest squeeze - her sister's hair had been a slightly darker, flaxen gold color, like bleached wheat and Katniss had loved to comb and plait it, even when it wasn't needed.

She wanted so much to shake this thing and get out with her family but it was as if tiny bird claws held her in place and kept her from getting out of bed. She heard a shuffling outside her bedroom door as it opened and covered her head quickly with the blanket, hoping whoever it was would just go away.

She felt a weight displace the mattress as the person took a seat at the edge.

"Katniss?" came the familiar voice of her husband. She couldn't speak - she'd left her voice behind in the dream of her sister.

"I…" he stuttered, and Katniss could hear the feeling in his voice. "Delly, Thom, they're asking where you've been. I told them you were sick but...I'm not fooling anybody," his voice shook and the sound was like a punch in the stomach. "They said, 'it's okay, have courage,' and I'm trying, K, I'm trying. We've been through so much - we can't go back to this," he paused and she could imagine him running his hands through his thick blond hair in frustration, even pulling at the ends when the stress was too much.

"We only have each other, just you and me. If you leave me like this, what am I supposed to do? The kids need both of us. Please, just talk to Dr. A. He told me today that you could call him anytime. But please, get up, get out of here. The kids miss you. I miss you."

Katniss frowned, irritated that she couldn't just stay the hell in bed like she wanted to. She was about to shout at him to go away but she saw the edge of the blanket lift slightly as Peeta's hand crept under, creeping across the mattress. She didn't know why but it brought a smile to her face to watch his fingers crawl towards her nose, smelling of mint and coriander. He'd probably made something spicy and warm and the idea of it made her stomach suddenly clench in hunger.

Like Buttercup pouncing on a mouse, she snatched her husband's hand with her own and brought it to her chest, pinning it there. The rest of the blanket came down off her as he slipped in and gathered her up into his arms. It made ravenous, for food, for warmth. For her family and for him.

XXXXX

Freshly washed, with a belly full of fresh bread and soup, Katniss bundled herself up in her fur-lined coat, thick, impermeable gloves and snow boots that came up to her knees. She heard her children shouting outside with the other children when she pulled the door open, the bright light of the snow-covered landscape temporarily blinding her as she stepped out into the frigid air. She still felt like she weighed a million pounds, each step an effort that cost her something to take. But each step also became lighter, as if she were painfully shedding some outer skin.

Her daughter was the first one to catch sight of her. "Mommy's not sick anymore!" She ran as fast as her legs could take her and barrelled into her mother.

"Sophia!" Katniss said in relief as her little son clambered over the steps to pile himself onto his mother too.

"Rye," she whispered into his downy hood, his curls escaping to tickle her nose. Prim was here, in their flushed skin and shiny hair, their laugh, their pleasure at simply being held by their mother. She was also in the snow, the freezing cold and the vapor that escaped their lips. She came and went with the seasons, a spirit to times both future and past. Katniss would never keep Prim with her very long and she had to relearn to accept that each time she wished for it.

"So," Katniss laughed, catching Peeta's eye and winking at him. "Do you guys want to build a snowman?"