A/N: Sorry for not uploading yesterday! I was sick and slept all day. I'm still not feeling well, so I apologize if this chapter isn't great :/ Anyway, we're now entering Mags' adult life leading up to Finnick's Games. I plan to write out most of her first year as victor, then just go over main events throughout her life. Thanks for reading!
The reality that I get to return home doesn't set in until the next morning. I thought I had seen the last of my family and District Four when I boarded the Capitol train nearly a month ago. Has it really only been a month? It seems like a lifetime ago.
I think about it as my prep team runs a straightener through my hair and does my makeup. I might be headed back home, but things will never be the way they used to be. I'm not going to be known as Mr. Brine's daughter or the girl who makes the nets anymore. My new persona is Mags: Hunger Games victor, and it will define me until the day I die.
There are going to be other challenges, too. My family will have to figure out how to celebrate my win while mourning Kai's loss. I will be forced to mentor every year and watch as my own tributes are slaughtered. The thought makes me anxious.
"You're wasting energy worrying about the interview, you know," Lilith informs me. I'm actually not too concerned about it. I know I can deal with it for an hour or two.
Instead of explaining to her why I'm actually nervous, I change the subject. "What kind of dress am I going to wear this time?"
She snaps her fingers and the twins carry it over. It's not nearly as formal as the other dresses, which is a good thing in my book. The sundress is made out of a lacy orange material that falls halfway down my thigh. A brown belt crosses my midsection. My favorite part about the outfit is that I get to wear brown sandals instead of heels.
Lilith squints at her watch through her thick eyelashes. "We finished a bit early. You're free to go."
I thank them and make my exit. When I peer down the hallway, I see a team of avoxes setting up lights and cameras in the sitting room. I catch a glimpse of Nathaniel's red skin. I'm glad the final interviews aren't held in a big studio audience. Most of my stage fright comes from the overwhelming amount of people directly watching me, so I should have nothing to worry about today.
I repeat the last phrase over and over again in my head. The more I say it, the more it comes out sounding like a question. Should I have something to worry about? My mind drifts back to my drink with President Burns last night. Before I say something on air that I regret, I decide to seek out advice.
It only takes a second to reach Alec's door. He opens it almost immediately and I invite myself in.
"Did I do something wrong? In the arena, I mean."
Alec just looks puzzled. He runs a hand through his dark hair and replies, "Not that I know of. Why are you asking?"
I shuffle my feet awkwardly, not sure how much I should say. "I met with President Burns last night," I begin. "He didn't seem very pleased."
I see understanding flash across Alec's face. "Oh," he says. He looks around the room until he finds a pencil and starts writing something on a torn piece of paper. After he's done, he hands it to me. I scan the words on the page.
Don't worry about it. You would know if you did something serious. Burns would have found a way to threaten you no matter what. That's his way of welcoming victors. As long as you understand what he was trying to say, you're good.
I run my thumb across the paper and think about what it means. Trying to stay out of the fight might not have been ideal to the Capitol, but it's nothing to warrant punishment. I did nothing wrong. He was just trying to scare me so I would always comply in the future. It was basically his way of telling me he owns me. I grab the pencil from him and write on the back of the paper.
I get it. Thank you.
I hold it out so he can read it, then I tear the paper up and throw it away.
"Mags!" Isidora calls from the hallway. "I have something for you!"
"Better go see what that's about," Alec says win a grin. Something tells me he already knows. That means it can't be good.
"Yes?" I ask reluctantly, stepping out of the room.
"You can take off those horrid sandals…because I bought you a pair of heels!" she squeals, holding them out to me. I vaguely remember overhearing her say something about this yesterday. The heels are five golden inches of torture. I'm extremely tempted to throw them back and demand she let me wear the sandals, but something in her expression keeps me from doing it.
"Those shoes are just so beautiful," she gushes, dramatically rubbing a tear from her eye. "Make sure to mention in the interview that I bought them for you!" Even though my feet are in pain, I have to shake my head and smile a bit at her nonsense.
After her emotional moment has subsided, Isidora grabs my wrist and directs me to the sitting room. The furniture has been repositioned to fit our needs. Nathaniel and I each get a plush leather recliner. Isidora, Alec, Kallan, Lilith, the prep team, and about seven people I don't recognize are all situated behind the cameras.
Nathaniel signs on and introduces me, as I'm a stranger and all of Panem hasn't been forced to watch me for the last several weeks. I get a warm welcome of applause from my tiny audience.
"Might I say you look lovely this morning, Mags."
"Thank you," I reply easily. "My escort, Isidora Satin, actually picked out these shoes for me."
"They look wonderful. It's a far cry from the shoes you wore in the arena. Speaking of that, what did you think of this year's arena?" he prods.
"I'll admit that I was very nervous when I first saw it. My main concern was how little coverage the trees provided. I wasn't sure I would be able to find a hiding place," I answer.
Nathaniel nods as I speak. When I'm done, he adds, "Of course, you didn't have to worry about hiding after you made the alliance with One and Two. We're all curious to know how that group was set up. At first, it seemed like you planned to go solo."
I shake my head in response. "No, I was under the impression that it would just be Kai and I."
"Oh, yes, we'll talk more about Kai shortly. First, I want to know more about the alliance. You seemed to call yourselves careers. Is that a name one of you came up with?"
"It's the name of the training school they built in Two. Students call themselves careers because they make training for the Hunger Games their profession." I freeze immediately after saying this, because isn't training illegal?
Nathaniel doesn't seem to care. All he says is "How interesting!" before moving onto the next topic. The questions he asks slowly but surely get harder to answer. I'm forced to describe my feelings towards Osten and Kim, even though I don't completely understand them myself. He asks why I chose to let Crystal escape and tried to save Blade. My response that they were good people and deserved my help seems inadequate and unfitting. I eventually take to delivering short, flustered answers to each question.
There's no escaping talking about Kai. "Tell me Mags, how did you feel when you realized your cousin was dead?" Nathaniel asks.
"I felt horrible," I respond. "It was my job to protect him and I failed. There are no words to describe the pain of seeing a family member killed…" I trail off, shivering at the memory. It still doesn't feel real. I keep thinking that the laughing boy I've always known will be waiting for me in District Four.
"We could all see the pain in your expression," Nathaniel says sympathetically as he rests his hand on mine. "How have you been dealing with all of this?"
I swallow hard and force out a long answer. "It seems like my world should just shut down now, because I have to carry Kai's death with me for the rest of my life. How can you get over something like that? But, if there's anything I learned in the Games, it's that life goes on. Crystal taught me that the only direction to move is forward. That's what I would want Kai to do if our situation was reversed."
I really don't want to talk about it anymore, and I think Nathaniel can tell. He asks a few more basic questions about Crystal and Kai before it's time to wrap up. The quality of my answers decline the closer we get to the end, so Nathaniel saves the day with a special announcement.
"It's been a pleasure to have you here this morning. I think I speak on behalf of the entire nation when I say that your story has inspired me. It seems the odds weren't in the favor of your family, yet you still fought to protect each other. It was so inspiring that my wife and I have decided to expand our own family!"
I smile as much as I can. "Congratulations! That's great!" I say. Nathaniel reminds the audience to tune in to the official updates of the pregnancy- I swear, that child will be born an instant celebrity- and thanks me once more before signing off. I sink into my leather chair in relief.
It turns out that I don't have time to relax. We have to get to the train as soon as possible so we can make it to Four before nightfall. Within fifteen minutes, Alec, Kallan, Isidora, and I have all boarded the train. It leaves the station immediately. Now I am forced to wait in anticipation. I watch as the candy colored buildings of the Capitol fade into the distance.
Trips are always faster on the way back, right? It has always seemed that way. I'm not so sure now, though, because I'm excited about this trip back. Excitement is what makes the trip there seem longer in the first place. I consider this until my brain starts to hurt. Then I take to staring out the window to pass the time.
The train has picked up speed, and everything flies by in a whitish-green blur. It kind of hurts my eyes to look at, but I keep them glued to it. I don't turn away until I hear Alec laughing.
"What's so funny?" I ask. He's sitting on the sofa a few feet away from me.
"If only you could see your eyes right now," he replies.
"What about my eyes?"
"Just watch," he instructs. He focuses his eyes on the window, and I watch as his tiny pupils dart back and forth at an alarming rate as they try to keep up with the scenery flashing by. He's right; it does look ridiculous. I giggle and place my hand in front of his line of vision, watching as the pupils focus on my hand and become still again.
"No wonder it hurts to look out the window," I say lightly. My hand is already so close to his face, so I reach forward and brush a lock of dark hair away from his eyes without thinking. He flinches a bit from the unexpected touch, but otherwise doesn't move.
"Don't let Alec take the credit for that, Mags. I was the one who discovered the eye thing," Kallan says from across the room. His muscular body is sprawled out on a red sofa and his feet are hanging off the end. Isidora would probably have a heart attack, but, luckily, she's taking a shower right now.
I pull my hand away from Alec's face and nod in Kallan's direction. The two guys start debating who really discovered it first. I realize then exactly what Kallan meant when he welcomed me to the family. The three of us are going to be neighbors and make trips to the Capitol together every year until we are old and wrinkly. It's hard to picture now, when even the oldest victors are under thirty.
I tune out the guys and let my mind drift back to the family waiting for me at home. The closer we get, the more apprehensive I become. Most of it is about Kai's family. It's ridiculous, I know, but part of me is scared that they will hold me accountable for letting him die. I always will. It doesn't help that I see his dead body in my dreams every night.
Dinner is served about an hour before we are due to arrive. I find that I don't have much of an appetite, even though this is my last chance to eat Capitol food for several months.
Alec doesn't finish his plate, either. "At least I know I'll be eating good from now on," he says as he pushes away his food.
"That's not something I would expect to hear from someone leaving the Capitol," I say.
He smiles smugly. "If I remember correctly, you said you would cook for me when you won the Hunger Games."
I blink twice, trying to remember ever saying that. It does sound vaguely familiar. Then I remember laying on his bed the day before the interview as he told me how hopeless he was at cooking. I responded that I would just have to cook for him when I won.
"Is it too late to back out?" I joke.
"And leave me eating fried fish three times a day?" he asks in mock disappointment. "Just kidding," he adds. "I don't expect you to cook for me. I was just remembering how confident you sounded when you said that. It was what made me realize you really had a shot at winning."
"I didn't really expect to win when I said that. But, I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world for me to bring you some food once a day. We are neighbors now, after all," I say.
We continue talking until an announcement comes over the train's intercom to inform us we have reached District Four. Suddenly overcome by excitement, I jump up and race for the door.
"Hold on!" Isidora screeches. "Wait until I'm done getting ready!" I shoot her an 'are you serious?' expression. She looks the same as always, except she's missing lipstick. I pace in front of the door like an impatient child for ten minutes while Isidora adds finishing touches to her makeup.
"We'd better go now," Kallan says.
Alec nods in agreement. "The sun's about to set."
"Ugh, okay," Isidora says as she walks forward and opens the door. I rush out onto the platform alongside her.
There's no place like home. Home is smelling the subtle scent of salt and fish in the air. Home is hearing the chirps of seagulls overhead. Home is feeling the humidity wrap around you. Most importantly, home is where you see your family eagerly awaiting to welcome you back. Everyone in District Four is crowded around the platform, cheering my name. I see my parents and Kai's family near the front.
My smile is so big that it's hurting the sides of my face. I step forward involuntarily and am met by Marilla and Hallie. They ran under the ropes to come meet me. I wrap my arms around them instinctively.
"I missed you two so much!" I cry out, my voice shaky with emotion. The young girls look excited to see me, but there's a sadness there as well. Their older brother is gone forever.
Marilla's face is contorting in a strange way, and I realize she's holding back tears. Marilla, the tomboy who has always been an expert at controlling her emotions, is holding back tears. I haven't seen her cry since she was seven, and, even then, she was injured. She buries her face into my shoulder to hide her tears.
Hallie is only two years younger, but she is much smaller and more fragile. She wails freely, and I pull her to my chest and kiss the top of her head. I don't realize that I'm crying, too, until her blondish hair sticks to my cheeks.
These girls might not have gone into the Hunger Games, but they were still broken by it. They had to see Osten kill Kai on television. We are nothing but three broken pieces now, but we might just be able to become whole again as we embrace. I don't plan on ever letting them go.
But I do. I feel a tap on my back and turn around to see my parents have walked up behind me. I throw my arms around them, squeezing them as tightly as I can. It makes me feel like a small child, and that's perfectly alright with me. I want to be their baby girl again. Not the victor who killed others out of hate. My mother strokes my back and murmurs to me. Both of my parents look even thinner than before and their worry lines are much more prominent.
The next couple to embrace me are my aunt and uncle. They look grief-stricken, of course, but not angry at me as I had unreasonably worried.
"I'm sorry I could protect him," I whisper sadly.
My uncle shakes his head. My aunt leans over to me. "It's not your fault. Thank you for trying," she says.
After some pictures and news coverage, we are allowed to make our way to my new house in Victor's Village, a series of mansions that line the coast. I breathe in as I walk over the stepping stones that lead up to the house. This is the beginning of the rest of my life.