Fucked by a Blast-Ended Skrewt
"Why am I doing this?" thought Harry.
Most of the class had enough sense to flee to the castle but he, Ron and Hermione had stayed behind to help Hagrid round up the last of the Blast-Ended Skrewts. They were much more formidable now that their ends emitted small explosions rather than sparks. The force of these explosions sent the Skrewts flying forward several yards.
"Tha's righ', jus' stay in fron' of em an yer in no danger." Said Hagrid cheerfully as he oversaw the round up.
This only added to Harry's frustration: Staying in front of the Skrewts meant dealing with pincers and stingers. In his peripheral vision Harry saw Ron make a dive for his Skrewt which shot forward. Ron landed in the trail of fire which severely singed his hair. Hermione was having better luck. Apparently she had used the Impedimenta jinx on her Skrewt. Figuring this wasn't such a bad idea, Harry pulled his wand and advanced on his Skrewt which was shuffling around ten yards away while snapping it's pincers.
"Impedimenta." cried Harry and the Skrewt froze instantly.
Harry grasped the now immobile Skrewt by it's pincer and hauled it back toward the cabin. Hagrid had assisted Ron with his Skrewt which was now safely in an enclosure adjacent to the cabin. As Harry drew near, Hagrid stooped to lift the still immobile Skrewt. Taking a moment to catch his breath Harry was jolted by the sound of an explosion to his right: He had almost forgotten Hermione was still tending her Skrewt. Turning to see if she needed assistance Harry received a horrible shock: It was not a Skrewt flying across the ground but Hermione; stiff and on her back with a jet of flames coming from between her spread legs. She didn't stop speeding until she smacked headfirst into a tree and came to rest on the ground gaped mouthed with smoke billowing from her nether regions.
Harry, confused, looked from her to the single Skrewt still on the loose and a sickening comprehension dawned on him.
"Wha' ya just standin' there fer, Harry!" bellowed Hagrid rushing past him to aid Hermione.
"She been fucked by a Blas'-Ended Skrewt!"