A/N: Hey guys!

Okay a few warnings for this one: Kleenex is required and there is poorly written explicit content, forgive the female! :P

Author note would be longer but I need to mop my tears off the floor :(

ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any movies, musicals, songs, events, products, clothing, labels, schools, names or anything else you can think of I own nothing except my imagination.

This is a Kurt/Blaine fic, so if you don't like boy x boy then there is a little 'x' button in the right hand corner of this page feel free to click it in times of closed mindedness.

NOW

Blaine held his breath slightly as he put his head under the spray of the shower, he didn't know what he was doing, he hated that feeling, like he wasn't in control, not only of the situation but of himself. He knew Kurt thought it was odd when he asked to shower instead of make a late lunch with him in the kitchen, they were good at working with each other, throwing and catching utensils, laughing, always so much laughing. Blaine couldn't take it this time, he couldn't let himself be happy, he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve Kurt.

He hated that his father did this to him but he knew the truth, he'd always known that he was worthless, his father had just brought reality to the forefront of his mind. He slammed his fist into wall, it barely made a sound but welcome pain spread up his hand through his wrist.

He couldn't tell whether or not he was crying, the shower swallowed up all of his emotions, he couldn't make sense of anything, how was it that when his life was just coming together it starts to fall apart.

He just wanted everything to go away, for it to just be him and Kurt, he didn't need anything else but life wasn't that easy, he couldn't have Kurt when he was like this, he wasn't worthy of Kurt's love. He had to end it, he had to tell Kurt that they shouldn't be playing this game, it was only going to fuck up their hearts in the end and Blaine didn't want to hurt Kurt.

Blaine pulled slightly at his hair as a sob racked his body, he couldn't deny the fact that he was crying now, he just had to try to be quiet, he didn't want to worry Kurt.

Kurt would hate him if he knew that Blaine was so weak, how could he not? Maybe Kurt already did and was just acting, Kurt was an excellent actor after all or maybe Kurt was just as oblivious to Blaine's failure's as Emmet was.

Emmet was always trying to help him, Blaine shouldn't be allowed even his brothers love, what he really deserved was nothing but what he was feeling now, this emptiness.

The water was becoming cooler and Blaine took a few deep breaths as to calm himself, Kurt would know if he looked like he was crying.

Blaine knew what he had to do now though, he had to break up with Kurt, maybe then Kurt could get everything he deserved in life.

Slowly Blaine turned the water off, the tears had thankfully stopped and any residual redness could be put down to the hot water, Blaine grabbed the towel hanging from the top of the shower frame and wrapped it around his waist. He pulled the shower curtain to one side and looked up and almost jumped as he saw Kurt leaning against the wall.

"Woah Kurt hi! What are you doing in the bathroom, thinking about joining me?" Blaine flirted, he would always be surprised that in every moment with Kurt he always found himself incapable of worrying about anything.

Kurt cocked his head to the side and smiled "Hmm, no, not tonight, I'm worried about you, you ran out of the kitchen a half an hour ago and long showers aren't exactly your forte."

"Maybe I was doing something other then showering," Blaine said with a wink.

"Now you're just being mean," Kurt said.

"Am I now?"

"Uh huh, a good boyfriend wouldn't taunt me with that," Kurt said with a small smirk, Kurt was joking, Blaine knew that but he couldn't help but focus on the words 'a good boyfriend', Blaine wasn't a good boyfriend.

"You could always join me now," Blaine said slyly, as he stepped forward and hooked his fingers into the waist band of Kurt's pants as he pulled him closer.

"I've already been standing here for a few minutes," Kurt said with a smile.

"Now you're the one taunting me."

"How so?"

"Cause you should have joined me," Blaine whispered, lust already building in his mind, clouding coherent thought.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a sex fiend?" Kurt joked and Blaine thought back to the dictionary of all things, he could see the page as clear as day, a simple definition next to the word 'fiend'.

Fiend (feend) n. 1. A diabolically evil or wicked person.

Blaine couldn't help but think that's what he was, evil, wicked.

Kurt was talking again and swallowing up all thoughts.

"I guess I'm one too," Kurt said with a smile and Blaine wanted to scream at him, to tell him that he was not evil or wicked, he was good and pure and Blaine was tainting him but he couldn't do that when Kurt was there, surrounding him, taking the pain away.

"You know Blaine Anderson, you really have to stop being so sexy, it's ruining me," Kurt said in a low voice, I'm ruining him, he shouldn't have to put up with me.

Then Kurt was kissing him, his lips warm and insistent, so Kurt and Blaine couldn't think any more, everything was just Kurt and he loved it, he wrapped his arms around Kurt and Kurt broke the kiss to laugh.

Suddenly Kurt was shedding his now wet clothes and pulling on Blaine's towel, Blaine bit his lip slightly, this was so wrong, he couldn't let himself enjoy this, not when he had to break up with Kurt. Soon enough Kurt was pushing Blaine back into the shower and into the cool wall, Blaine shivered, Kurt bit along Blaine's neck and Blaine's mind cleared of any coherent thoughts and all he could think was Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt!

Kurt raised his mouth and their skin slid against each others and Blaine let out a moan, one that echoed around the room, Kurt shoved his tongue back in Blaine's mouth and swallowed up the end of the moan. Blaine gripped onto Kurt and pulled them closer, moans burst from both their mouths as certain parts of their anatomies became reacquainted.

"Kurt, I need you," Blaine moaned and Kurt licked up Blaine's neck and to his ear.

"What do you need baby?" Kurt whispered and Blaine's eyes fluttered.

"You, only you, in me," Blaine stuttered out and Kurt smiled and pressed their lips roughly together a mutter of 'love you's' tumbling out of their mouths.

"Blaine, I didn't exactly bring you know stuff with me," Kurt said awkwardly and Blaine leant his head against the wall.

"We can make do without?"

"Honey I know you're kind of really turned on and trust me it's hot but I don't want to risk hurting you, what if I'd picked up something since my last HIV test?"

"To be crude darling, I've had your dick in my mouth so I'm pretty sure if you had something I'd have already gotten it," Blaine said seriously and Kurt smiled.

"Okay but another problem, no lube," Kurt said.

"We can do it without," Blaine said, he knew it would hurt but that's what he deserved.

"No sweetie, I'm fine without the condom but I refuse to not have something to make the pain a little less," Kurt said and Blaine knew that he wouldn't be able to avoid it, not when Kurt was so determined.

"Would Conditioner do?"

Kurt laughed "Don't you think Shampoo would be better?"

"But the bubbles?" Blaine said before noticing Kurt's expression "Oh you were joking."

"Conditioner is fine," Kurt said simply and then he was kissing Blaine again, hot opened mouth kisses that made Blaine weak at the knees, Kurt just pressed into Blaine more as to hold him up.

Kurt kissed him more purposefully, deep and rough, moans resounding in the room, blindly Kurt reached for the tap, turning on the water, adjusting it until the water was warm.

Kurt moved Blaine until they were under the water spray, Kurt moved his lips and nibbled behind Blaine's ear "Now I can shower too."

Blaine smiled and brought Kurt back into a kiss, he moved from Kurt's jaw down his neck, Kurt inclined his head letting Blaine bite his shoulder gently, pressing him against the wall. One hand reached behind him to tangle his fingers into Blaine's wet curls and pull him closer.

Blaine wasn't sure when it had happened, but Kurt was sliding a finger in, Blaine's eye's rolled into the back of his head, Kurt was kissing him and was ever so slowly stretching him out, after two fingers Blaine was telling Kurt that that was enough.

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked softly and Blaine nodded.

Kurt removed his fingers and flipped them so Blaine was against the wall, "Blaine, honey, lift your leg up, okay?" Kurt said and Blaine wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, this was not what it looked like in the movies.

Awkwardly Blaine wrapped one leg around Kurt's waist and soon enough Kurt was pushing in, slowly, it burnt a lot more then Blaine had expected, Kurt must have sensed his dis-comfort as he was now kissing him in an attempt to distract him, it worked. Kurt soon found himself completely inside Blaine and Blaine was almost collapsing with the pressure, Kurt had never been this far in before and it was amazing.

"Kuuurrrtttt," Blaine whined and Kurt verbally ignored him, responding in bites and nips on Blaine's shoulder.

Kurt moved out slightly before going back in, Blaine let out a rather loud whine and Kurt tried to lift up Blaine's other leg but Blaine shook his head "I don't want us to fall."

"I can hold you, trust me," Kurt whispered and they were the key words, 'trust me'.

Blaine allowed Kurt to lift him and the angle was so much better, Kurt himself couldn't get over how different everything felt without that thin piece of latex between them, he felt more connected to Blaine then he'd been before.

Kurt dragged his teeth along Blaine's collar bone "Oh I love doing this," Kurt said and Blaine could barely let out a response that didn't translate to a bunch of mumbles and groans so Kurt continued "I love worshipping you, even when we hadn't reached this point I loved kissing every inch of you I could reach."

Blaine moaned as Kurt picked up speed, his hands kneading his arse as he went, moans filled the room and Blaine couldn't think, Kurt was pushing in faster and deeper and hitting Blaine's prostate every time, like somehow he'd memorised the position.

Kurt was biting and sucking Blaine's shoulder, Blaine' knew there would be marks, a reminder of this for days to come.

"Fuck," Blaine moaned and Kurt groaned, there was something so sexy about Blaine coming undone, it was more arousing because Kurt knew that he did that, he made Blaine feel like that.

"Harder," Blaine whispered and Kurt did his best, he could tell Blaine was close, sure they had only been this far a couple of times but he just knew.

Kurt adjusted his arm so that Blaine was being supported by one arm, the other reaching for Blaine's erection, he slid his hand up and down a couple of times, he looked at Blaine, the mumbling moaning mess that he'd created. Blaine's eyes were closed and what looked like a tear was sliding out, Kurt didn't understand, Blaine would tell him if he was hurting him, maybe it was just a water droplet.

"Blaine, look at me," Kurt ordered and Blaine slowly opened his eyes to connect with Kurt's, the lust blown pupils and the parted lips made the coil in Kurt's groin snap and soon enough they were both cumming.

"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt," Blaine said in a mantra, he forced his eyes to stay open, he took in every expression on Kurt's face just as Kurt did the same.

"I love you," Blaine whispered as the last of the pleasure faded, tears welled up in his eyes and Kurt leant forward and kissed him.

They slowly got out of the position and cleaned off awkwardly, they curled up in Kurt's bed, Kurt holding Blaine tight, Blaine held back tears as thoughts of 'this could be the last time he holds me'

"I love you Blaine," Kurt said with a slight yawn.

"I love you too."

Carol made them dinner and called them down, Blaine ate in silence and both Burt and Carol looked at him strangely, Kurt kneaded his knee, just letting him know that he was there.

Kurt convinced Burt to let Blaine stay and when Burt did his half hearted joke of 'No funny business' Carol winked at them and they both blushed, Finn complained that Burt never let him have a girl sleep in his bed but Burt waved him off in a simple 'but it's Blaine' manner.

They were curled up in bed together again, Kurt's head on Blaine's chest, his thumb tracing lazy patterns on Blaine's bare chest, they said 'I love you' again before slowly they drifted off to sleep.

Blaine pushed his pasta around on the plate, he didn't like it when they had pasta, it never tasted right but he didn't want to disappoint his daddy by not eating his dinner.

"Eat your pasta Blaine," his daddy said and Blaine looked up at him.

"But I don't feel well," Blaine lied, he knew lying was bad but he didn't want to eat the pasta, his daddy looked at him with cross eyes, Blaine hated those eyes.

"You will eat your dinner right now," his father said tensely and Blaine's lip trembled slightly "Don't cry Blaine, you're five years old, not a baby any more, a big boy and big boys don't cry, it's weak."

Blaine nodded slowly, he knew his father was right, he took a bite of his pasta and swallowed it thickly, he looked across him and saw Emmie sneaking some pasta into his napkin, Savvy had somehow managed to eat all of hers and Blaine wondered if she'd done the same as Emmie.

Blaine checked to see if his daddy was watching but his father seemed to busy eating so Blaine pulled put the napkin next to his plate and tried to copy Emmie by putting his food in his napkin.

"BLAINE!" his daddy cried, Blaine jumped and looked at his daddy in shame, he expected that his daddy would yell a little but but his dad was standing and soon he was pulling Blaine out of his chair by his arm. Blaine had started crying, his arm hurt and his cheeks were flaming red as his father pulled his pants down and spanked him, the hits were harder then normal, Blaine looked at his mummy for help but she was too busy sipping at her bubbly.

Blaine cried out for his daddy to stop but it didn't work "this is what naughty boys get, you don't deserve food if you're going to hide it in your napkin!" his daddy yelled.

"I pay for this food and you will bloody well eat it!"

Blaine cried out "I'm sorry daddy, I'll eat the pasta, I will," after another five hits his father stopped and pushed him off his lap and Blaine tumbled to the ground. He pulled his pants up and looked up at his father, nothing seemed to have changed his daddy was just eating his dinner like normal. Blaine didn't like his daddy being angry with him so he climbed up on the seat, wiped his tears away with his sleeve and ate his pasta.

That night at bed time, Maria noticed the swelling on Blaine's shoulder blade and had asked him what had happened "I didn't eat my pasta," he said and Maria frowned, when the Anderson parents had fallen asleep she snuck Blaine out of the house and took him to the hospital. That night they popped Blaine's shoulder back into place. Through all the pain Blaine reminded himself that if he'd just eaten his pasta this wouldn't have happened, it was his fault that he'd made his daddy angry.

Blaine woke with a mild jolt, sweat had formed on his forehead and he wiped it off slightly before looking at Kurt who was sleeping peacefully, Blaine smiled and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair before he rested his head back on the pillow.

He was so broken and he knew that it was his fault that he was this way, he never behaved the way he should, if only he could be the strong boy that Kurt saw him as, he wasn't good for Kurt, he would only bring him down.

Blaine bit his lip slightly, he had to break up with Kurt, it was for his own good, Kurt would be better off without him.

"I can hear you thinking from here," Kurt mumbled against Blaine's chest.

"I'm sorry, go back to sleep, we'll talk in the morning," Blaine said softly.

"I'm awake now, you might as well talk."

Blaine sighed, it was now or never, "I think," he started.

"I know," Kurt said and Blaine could feel his smile against his chest, Blaine smiled for a split second before remembering what he was about to say.

"I think we should, we should break up," Blaine said softly and Kurt lifted himself off of Blaine's chest.

"What?"

"We should break up," Blaine said as he sat up.

"I heard that but I don't, I don't understand," Kurt said as he climbed out of the bed, Blaine moved himself so he was sitting on the edge, he looked up at Kurt, tears in both their eyes, he hated seeing Kurt like that, that's why he made himself watch, he deserved to be in pain.

"I'm not good," Blaine whispered.

"I don't get it, we're fine, you're fine."

"It's not you it's-"

"It's not you it's me, I get it Blaine, I get it but that doesn't mean I understand it, was I not good enough for you the other day, hell, today?" Kurt was full on crying now and the sight broke Blaine's heart.

"No, honey," Blaine said, his voice breaking.

"Don't you dare 'honey' me, Blaine Anderson," Kurt said crossly, and Blaine had to hold back a sob.

"Kurt, it's not about the sex, it really isn't."

"Is there someone else? Someone better?"

"Who could be better then you?" Blaine whispered honestly, Kurt through a t-shirt at him.

"Get out."

"What?" Blaine should have expected it, he didn't deserve to be with Kurt, there was that word again 'deserve' Blaine wondered for a fraction of a second if he didn't deserve so many things then what did he deserve other then pain? The answer was nothing.

"Did you expect that I was going to let you sleep in my bed and stay at my house after you b-break my heart?" Kurt was shaking with sadness, every couple of words breaking, just like Blaine.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said as he slipped on the shirt and grabbed his keys.

"I don't want to hear it!"

"I-I love you," Blaine wanted Kurt to know because it was true, he did love Kurt, he always would.

"Get out!" Kurt cried.

"I c-can't leave you like this," Blaine said sadly as he pulled on his slippers.

"Well you are, isn't that the point of breaking up with someone, now go, I don't want you near me."

Blaine stood by the door and whispered "I wish I could tell you why," they were the last words he said before leaving, he didn't see Kurt crumble to the ground but he heard the sobs.

When Blaine got to the living room Carol and Burt were standing there looking at him sadly, Burt was first to speak "I don't know what's going on, I really don't but whether you like it or not I'm not letting you drive."

"Kurt told me to leave, I need to do what he says," Blaine wouldn't disobey anyone ever again.

"I heard most of the conversation and I love my son, I do and obviously I want to protect him but you're my son too and I have to look after you both, I will drive you to where ever you want to go and Carol will follow in her her car so I can get home okay?"

Blaine nodded and handed over his car keys, Burt asked him in the car where he wanted to go and Blaine didn't have an answer, he looked ahead and shook slightly, he didn't know what he was doing.

"I'll drive you to Sam's, is that okay?"

Blaine nodded again and Burt started up the car, in no time they were pulling up beside the Evans residence "Are you right from here?" Burt asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm just going to sit for a bit and I'll text Sam so he can let me in."

"Right, you okay?"

"He hates me," Blaine whispered and Burt's body sagged slightly.

"No he doesn't," Burt said honestly.

"He should."

"I wish I understood what was going on but I do know that I can confirm that Kurt will never hate you son."

"Why do you do that?" Blaine asked suddenly and Burt looked at him curiously.

"Do what?"

"Call me son?"

"Because I love you like one," Burt replied honestly.

"But why?" Blaine asked and Burt just knew.

"What did your dad do? Actually don't answer that, four in the morning is a bad time for me to get angry, We will meet for lunch tomorrow and talk okay?" Burt was already fuming, it wasn't a secret that Blaine's father was an ass hole.

"Okay," Blaine said sadly.

"I love you buddy, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I love you too Burt," Blaine said, his eyes staring straight ahead as he spoke.

"Look after yourself and call into the shop tomorrow and we will have lunch."

"Okay," Blaine replied again.

"Try and get some sleep okay?"

"You too."

"Okay I better go," Burt said as he patted Blaine on the shoulder, they both wondered when the crying stopped, Blaine preferred it this way but Burt would much more prefer a sobbing Blaine over one that just sat there like a broken doll. "Night," Blaine said.

"Night son," Burt said as he climbed out of the car.

************************************KLAINE****************************************

When Burt got home he headed straight up to Kurt's room, when he walked in Kurt was putting a new cover on his bed, "What are you doing?" Burt asked softly and Kurt looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Everything smelt like him," he said in a strangled sob and Burt was taking a few strides over and wrapping his son up in his arms, they collapsed to the floor and Kurt held him tight as he cried, loud thick sobs. Burt rocked him back an forth like he used to do when Kurt was younger, "I was stupid daddy," Kurt cried and Burt shook his head.

"No you weren't, there's more to it, there has to be more to it."

"He doesn't love me, what else is there?"

"He does love you."

"Then why would he make me hurt this much?"

************************************KLAINE****************************************

Blaine wasn't sure how long he sat there before he got out and climbed in the drivers seat, he drove the short distance to the storage shed, he unlocked it and switched on the light. He walked over to his box titled 'linen', he pulled out the duvet and a pillow, he pulled the roller down most of the way but didn't close it as to prevent locking.

He turned the light off and curled up in the duvet, sobs racked his body as everything came pouring out at once, he looked at his keys and in the dark light he could make out the picture he had of Kurt on them, this only made him sob harder.

After a while Blaine couldn't tell the difference between a shiver from the cold and a sob but eventually everything disintegrated into a dreamless oblivion.

A/N: Sorry?

I am, I really am, if it counts for anything I cried through ninety percent of this :(

But at least it is longer :D

See Desi I told you that you'd need kleenex :(

Please review

Hate is welcome :D

Love Shae xo