Location: Gryffindor Common Room and Hogsmeade
WEEK ELEVEN of 7th YEAR
Things went relativity back to normal after that. While he and I remained fine, his relationship with Haley seemed to be on thin ice. They were still technically together, but they spent more time in brooding silence than actual conversation. I tried to suppress my glee for his sake, but I couldn't always contain my smile. If he noticed, he never mentioned it. Sirius, however, did notice, and partook of my glee in James's absence. We spent most of our time together abusing Haley and pleading with the gods for James's singledom. Remus never was an active member of our conversations, but I could tell that he never disagreed. We were all curious to see how the next Saturday would go, as it was a Hogsmeade trip. It seemed like it might determine the fate of their relationship.
That week went by unexpectedly quickly, and soon the Hogsmeade date was upon me. I realized that Friday night that I never secured anyone to go with. Most of my friends had dates, but I managed to guilt my friend Alice into agreeing to let me third wheel her date with her long term boyfriend, Frank. When I came down to meet them, I was rather embarrassed to see how nice both of them looked. I had attempted to dress up a little (my motivation had absolutely nothing to do with the possibility of running into James at Hogsmeade. None.), but I felt woefully undesirable. This feeling was heightened by the lengthy kiss that Frank greeted Alice with. I pointedly looked away until they had finished.
"Hi, Lily." Frank finally greeted me, sounding a little breathless.
"Hey, Frank. Nice to see you." I wasn't sure if I was sincere or not.
"You as well. Sorry about that. I sort of forgot that you were coming. We'll keep the PDA down today."
"Don't do it on my behalf." He gave me a weird look, and I hurried to explain myself. "Not that I want to see it or anything, but I figure that the least I can do is put up with it. After all, I am the one who hijacked your date and am awkwardly third wheeling."
"Nonsense. It's always great to have you." I was about to thank him when a sight behind him stopped me. It was Haley, and she was hanging off the arm of some 6th year Gryffindor. My jaw actually dropped as I stared at her.
"What is it Lily?" Alice asked when she noticed my distraction.
"Haley's cheating on James." Alice gave me a strange look and turned to see. "See?" I said, pointing. After a quick glance, Frank turned back to me with a puzzled glance.
"She's not cheating. James and her broke up this morning. Surely he told you?" Frank said. This news was not unwelcome by any means, but surprising nonetheless.
"Um, no, he didn't mention it. But I haven't actually seen that much of him today. In fact," I said, frowning. "I don't think I've seen him at all today. I guess that could be why."
"That'd probably be why." Alice said. I was a little hurt that James didn't talk to me about his break up, but I decided to let it slide. I didn't want anything to destroy my now buoyant mood.
Lo and behold, not an hour later, my mood was completely destroyed. I had walked into the Hog's Head completely happy and enjoying my day, when I had happened to glance at the back of the room. Along with Remus and Sirius was James, who just so happened to be sitting closely with an attractive blonde (A 5th year Gryffindor, I believe?). My heart caught in my throat, and I stood unmoving for several seconds. A man bumped into my shoulder, breaking my reverie. I tried to calm myself. There was a good chance that they were just going as friends (doubtful. I had barely ever seen James talk to her before. Plus, if he wanted to go with a friend, why hadn't he just gone with Sirius or me?) Possibly they were there for something other than social interactions (like what, studying? They didn't have to do that on our only day off). She was possibly there with Sirius, and not James (actually, likely. It seemed improbable that James would want a date after just breaking up with his girlfriend. Sirius, while not exactly a casanova, did often bring a girl with him to the town). When I found myself sufficiently calm and normal, I ordered Alice, Frank, and I all some butterbeers. I sat there alone for a few minutes before Frank and Alice finally made their way over to me. They had wanted to go buy some new quills, and I volunteered to buy drinks in their absence. I had a sneaking suspicion that they had just wanted to ditch me to snog, which was heightened by their lack of shopping bags. I decided not to mention it, if only to not to hear their awkward excuses.
"Hi guys." I greeted them. "Find what you wanted?"
"Oh yes." said Frank. He and Alice shared a glance, which I chose to ignore.
"Here are your drinks." I handed them over, which they accepted with thanks. They both sat down next to me.
"What have you been doing for the past ten minutes?" Frank asked, sipping his butterbeer.
"People watching, for the most part. Sirius apparently has a new girlfriend." I said, pointing over to him with my bottle. Frank and Alice both looked around me.
"Oh, no, she's with James." I almost spit up my drink, which caused it to become lodged in my throat. After a few embarrassing coughs, I managed to say
"What? He and Haley just broke up!"
"I know; I think it's a rebound or something. I heard him agree to go with her. Whatever. I'm sure it won't last." I nodded, trying to look normal. Alice gave me a sympathizing look. She was always unnervingly perceptive. I was about to suggest leaving when I heard a voice call my name. I turned my head to see Sirius waving me over. My body went on edge; that table was about the last place I wanted to be at the moment. But I sucked it up, asked Alice to excuse me, and walked over to their table.
"Sirius, Remus." I quickly glanced at James, hoping that ignoring him would help me forget that he had a date.
"Hey, Lily. Do you want to join us?" Remus asked.
"Oh no," I quickly replied. "I'm with Alice and Frank."
"I think they can part ways with you for few minutes." Sirius said.
"No, I agreed to spend the day with them. They'd be upset if I didn't." I turn to point at them, but to my upmost disappointment, they decided that my absence was a good time to begin snogging. I turned back to the table in defeat.
"Yeah. Right. They look devastated." Sirius snickered at me. I rolled my eyes.
"Move over, airhead." I pushed myself in next to Sirius, which unfortunately had me facing exactly opposite James. I knew I couldn't ignore him any longer; it'd be rude. "James. How are you today?"
"I'm actually doing really well." His answer surprised me into finally meet his eyes. They looked full, happy, and most of all, at peace.
"I'm glad to hear it." I swallowed the golf ball sized lump in my throat and turned to the blonde. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I know your name?"
"I'm Lindsey. Pleasure to meet you, Lily. I've heard a lot about you." I smiled at her, refusing to let my jealously develop into rudeness.
"If your information is from Sirius, don't believe it. Remus and James are more reliable sources, though James has been known to embellish stories a bit."
"Not fair!" Sirius exclaimed. James laughed. "Why am I an untrustworthy source?"
"You told Melissa McConnor that I hexed you into a goat for pulling my hair, you prat! She wouldn't come near me for months!" All three Marauder's broke into grins, while Lindsey genuinely laughed.
"You sure are funny, Sirius." Lindsey said. I stared at her, a little confused. That seemed like an extremely awkward way of flirting, which was rude to James. James, for one, didn't seem altogether bothered. He seemed more amused, as did Remus. Sirius, for his part, looked a bit uncomfortable.
"Thanks." Before things could get more awkward, James looked over at me.
"Hey Lily, could I talk to you for a minute?" My stupid heart skipped a beat. I cursed my own inability to control my emotions.
"Of course." Sirius, unamused at being ditched, gave James a withering look as we left the table. I followed James as he left the bar and walked outside. It was lightly snowing.
"What's up, James? Did you just want a change of scenery?"
"That, and I wanted to give Lindsey a chance to pester Sirius. And I wanted to talk to you." This seemed a rather odd response to me. I was getting the feeling that I was missing something.
"Why would you want your date to bother Sirius?" James gave me a surprised look.
"She's not my date. Okay, well, I guess she sort of is." That didn't help my confusion. James hurried to explain. "She asked if she could come with me so she could try to get with Sirius. Who was I to deny her? It's not like Remus would have agreed if I hadn't. She was too shy to directly ask Sirius, which is what I advised her to do. I felt like it was my duty as a best friend to give every possible future marriage partner a chance." I laughed at this, which was partly due to relief.
"Well, I'm glad to hear it." I didn't specify what I was glad to hear, and James didn't ask.
"Anyway Lily. I also wanted to talk to you. You know, in the quiet."
"In the cold?" I jokingly asked, slightly shivering.
"In the private." He clarified further. I suddenly froze still, unsure of where this conversation was heading. He was silent for longer than I deemed appropriate, but I didn't know how to start him talking. Finally, he just blurted out
"Haley and I broke up."
"I know. Frank told me. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He said, looking straight at me. I couldn't quite meet his eyes.
"Why not?"
"Lily. I have something to ask you, and I want you to be honest." He sounded extremely serious, and more nervous than I usually heard from his voice.
"Okay." I said apprehensively, quite sure that I was not going to be completely honest.
"Have your feelings changed towards me since last year?" My throat caught, and I couldn't get any words out. While a simple question, it seemed loaded. I ended up silently staring at him, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He saw my expression and cursed, running a hand through his hair.
"Okay, bad question to start with." I quickly snapped out of it, and answered him quickly.
"Of course my feelings have changed. We were barely friends last year. We're much closer now." All true, all answering the surface of his question. There was no need to lie if I didn't have to.
"Right, stupid question. Okay, maybe I should start by apologizing for Haley." Of all the things he could have said, that surprised me more than anything else ever could have.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, completely taken aback.
"She was a bitch all the time. You had to put up with her, as did Sirius and Remus. And you never complained, at least not to me. Even Remus had a couple of comments lately. But you were always there, supporting me, even when it was obvious that we were the worst matched pair in Hogwart's history." I smiled up at him, feeling less on edge, though still a little anxious.
"I never thought it my place to lecture you about your love life." I said.
"Do you want it to be your place?" He again forced me into silence. I had no idea what he meant by that, but I was sure it was a dangerous question. "What I mean is...Well. I meant...It's... God damn it!" He suddenly cursed. "When did this get so hard?"
"Just say what you want to say, James." I said. I was starting to feel hopeful, which worried and excited me.
"I can't. I can't say what I want to, because if you don't like what I have to say, then I have to live with what I said and I can't take it back. You know?" I was fairly sure I understood what he meant, despite the awkward wording. I still optioned to remain silent. "Lily, have you..." He stopped once again.
"Look, James, just say it. Please. The anticipation is killing me."
"Killing you?" James muttered. I rolled my eyes.
"Look, James, if I don't give you the response you want or whatever, or if you regret what say whatever, or you know...whatever, I give you permission to obliviate my memory." He stopped his minor pacing to stare at me. "I trust you to do it correctly."
"I'm not going to do that, Lily."
"Then please get out with it. You're giving me too much hope, and I'm dizzy, and I am not sure I can stand this feeling in my stomach, so just say it." I didn't intentionally say any of that, but before I could completely regret my words, their meaning hit James. His face changed from irresolute and slightly panicked to calm and determined.
"Lily, is it possible that you may return, or could possibly someday return, my non platonic feelings towards you?" It took a moment for his words to sink in. My body understood before my brain did, as I felt my stomach flip several times, and felt rather woozy. In that moment, his face turned from confident to unsure again. Before he could take back his words, I regained bodily movement. I stepped towards him, and took his hand. I looked up into his eager eyes, and said the only words that came to mind.
"Entirely, completely, totally possible." I said. As his face broke into a smile, and as his lips finally met mine, only one thought was on my mind. I was finally where I belonged: with him.