Notes: All the fanarts for Iced Hope can be found in my tumblr which is posted in profile, please feel free to go and visit.

Settings: The Warren and Santa's Workshop

Rating: T (for future injuries and hurt and angst)

Genre: Friendship/Family, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Chapter IV

Nonexistent Living

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

Past…

Screaming didn't help, crying didn't help either.

Cursing made him feel better, making blizzards from his dark mood made him feel empty, hollow on the inside.

Days before Spring were always the hardest for him. Not much places left to ice, flowers bloomed everywhere, sometimes in the worst cases he'd hear the adults' sigh of relief, the children's exclamation at the approaching Spring and Summer seasons.

It left him a little hollow inside.

He didn't know when was the last time he talked to someone. It's probably been several decades- if the itchiness of his throat was anything to go by.

People went on with their lives of course, still as oblivious to his presence since two centuries ago. Jack was so tired of being walked through by them, he wondered why he still bothered waking up if everyday was still the same.

Two hundred fifty-six years… that's a long time to live without really existing.

"You don't need me." The voice was hoarse and painful to hear. Too soft and broken and flat but Jack didn't care what he sounded like. No one listened to him anyway.

"You don't need me. You don't talk to me. Clearly you don't want me." And if his blue eyes were a little dim, a little blank, no one cared enough to see them, no one cared enough to point it out. "So why am I still here? Why haven't I vanished like every other unwanted, unneeded spirits?"

He was talking to the moon again. He'd lost count the number of times he'd gazed up and just said things- begged for answers, for anything.

The moon never answered.

It was like he didn't exist in the moon's eyes too.

"Winter doesn't need me. No one needs me, no one sees me, I'm a nuisance. I only bring cold and death…" An old hurt made his voice rise a little, made the uncaring eyes water, and the pale, white, tired hands grip his staff closer. "So why haven't you erased me yet? Why haven't I vanished or- or died? Why- why-"

Why am I still here?

Why am I still suffering?

And he fell unto a kneel, his staff the only thing keeping him upright as he looked at the ground, watching as tears fell onto the ground, as a sad snowfall happened around him. "I-I can't take it anymore. I tried not to care. I tried focusing on being cold and uncaring and-"

"But it hurts." Jack gasped out loud as he curled unto his staff, his hood shadowing his face and the his tears shone from the moon's light. "It still hurts and it still aches and I feel hollow- I feel empty and everyday it gets worse. Everyday I'm reminded of being so, so alone. People walk through me and it's supposed to hurt physically but it hurts more in here…" And Jack raised a hand, clawing at his chest- the part where his heart supposedly was.

"It hurts and it aches – and- and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe because- Do I even exist?" He looked up, his blue eyes filled with tears that are tired of rolling down cold cheeks. "If no one can see me, if no one can hear me- do I even exist?"

There was no answer. Why was there no answer?

But then, why did he expect to get an answer?

After two hundred and fifty-six years, did he really expect the Man in the Moon to start talking now?

"Are you laughing up there?" Jack asked, his voice not full of contempt, rather it was just tired and flat- and he didn't even think he was capable of being angry anymore. "Do you find it funny that I'm suffering?"

Silence.

"Why did you even bother? Why am I here anyway?" Jack whispers as he curls unto himself, his staff clattering to the ground. "If this is what it means to be alive- to be here and yet not to exist-"

The winter sprite shivers as he pressed his forehead on his knees. "I think-"

I'd rather not be alive at all.

Present…

"Jack!" A high pitched female voice and the familiar buzzing of wings was what greeted the guardian of fun as he was dumped onto the floor.

"Ow!" No, Jack did not let out an undignified squawk as his bottom met the familiar floors of Santa's workshop. The youngest guardian did, however, glare at the yeti that brought him here before he turned and met the bright violet eyes of the tooth fairy.

Jack faltered as he took a step back, cautiously.

"Jack…" Tooth said, approaching the winter sprite that looked like he was seconds away from flying off, carefully. "About Memories, I-"

"No, Tooth." Jack shook his head. "My answer is still the same. You- you won't change my mind." He said with determination but then his expression faltered when Baby Tooth flew out from behind her mother, chirping in distress.

"Baby Tooth, I-" Jack began but then he was suddenly interrupted by a big brown yeti who came between the guardians, waving his furry arms in distress.

"Phil?" Jack said as surprised as Sandy and Tooth who exchanged looks. "Wait, where's North?"

"And Bunny?" Tooth asked in concern and Jack felt his heart drop to his stomach. He almost forgot about the guardian of Hope. He didn't know if he could meet him right now- maybe it would be better if he left and-

"What?" Tooth suddenly questioned and Jack's head snapped up, wondering what he missed. Sandy was making distressed figures from sand but it was too fast for Jack to follow. "What do you mean something happened? Where's Bunny and- and North? Was it Pitch?"

Jack felt himself freeze and he placed a hand against his heart, his expression confused. Sandy was the only one who noticed this strange reaction as Tooth continued to drill the poor yeti for answers.

"They're at the Warren? Then we have to go right now! Give me a snow globe!" The queen of fairies demanded, and Phil knew better than to argue as he reached behind him to grab one that was by the shelf and gave it to Toothiana.

"Sandy, Jack, are you coming?" Tooth asked, seemingly forgetting for the moment that she, Jack, and Sandy had something important to talk about. Her main focus was the safety of their two other companions who were not in sight.

Sandy turned away from the youngest guardian to nod seriously while Jack looked up.

"I-"

Tooth shook the globe, whispering 'the warren' and threw the globe against the wall, successfully opening a portal. "Let's go!" She stated as she charged and Sandy followed before turning at the last second to signal Jack to 'hurry up' before going through.

The guardian of Fun was torn.

On one hand he was very worried about North and Bunny too. He wasn't able to speak yetish so he didn't know what was going on or what happened- which spiked his worry-

But if he went through that portal, he was going to see Bunny again.

And he doubted the Pooka wanted to see him of all people.

"What do you think I should do, Phil?" Jack asked absently, his eyes reflecting his turmoil. Phil rolled his eyes and grabbed the other by his hoodie as the winter sprite struggled in surprise.

"Hey! What do you think you're-!" Jack protested as Phil ignored him and jumped through the portal, dragging the other with him.

It looks like Phil answered his question for him.

Again.

The moment Jack landed on the green grass of the Warren, he had felt something wrong immediately.

This place that always brought warmth and contentment to Jack whenever he visited, was too quiet and too foreign. No six-foot-one rabbit planting random Spring plants greeted his sight, and that alone made Jack turn about in worry.

"So North found Bunny collapsed?" Tooth's voice floated over to Jack and the winter incarnate just realized that Phil and Tooth were talking again. "And there was no sign of him being attacked or something?"

Phil shook his head as he spoke in yetish and Jack floated above them in worry. Sandy made a sand figure of Bunny and a question mark.

"North's watching over him." Tooth translated Phil's garbled up language. "We have to go and help immediately. Phil which way-"

"It's this way!" Jack suddenly said as he turned and flew towards the east direction of the Warren. Sandy and Tooth only exchanged a brief look before following.

Jack couldn't exactly say what it was that made him turn towards that direction. Never before had he gone to that part of the warren, having only seen and played by the dye river and the front gardens where Bunny planted rare herbs and flowers.

But Jack somehow knew-

No, he sensed that Bunny was in that direction. Unconscious and maybe in pain, Jack felt something pull towards the pooka. It was warm and bright and- it reminded Jack of Bunny in a way- all Spring and growth and life-

But that was sort of silly.

Jack was winter, there was no warmth or growth or Spring inside of him. Maybe he was delusional or he was getting a fever or maybe he wanted to make it up to Bunny so badly that he was thinking weird things.

"Is this- are we heading towards Bunny's burrow?" Tooth suddenly asked, rousing Jack out of his thoughts. They were heading towards the darker part of the warren, overcome by shadows since the trees were thicker in these parts, obscuring the landscape.

"I think so." Jack whispered and Sandy's eyebrows rose as he made sand figures over his head. The youngest guardian shook his head. "I've never been here before."

Tooth's eyebrows crinkled and behind her Baby Tooth made a sound of confusion. "Never been- but you said you knew where-?"

"Friends!" A familiar, loud booming voice resounded. Jack and the others stopped their advance as they watched North step out of cave-like structure to the other side. It seemed like either a very small mountain or a very tall hill with a blooming Prunus sargentii on top of it, its roots dug deep into the earth and forming intricately against the doorway. "You have made it faster than I expected. Come! Bunny is inside and has still to wake up."

Tooth and Sandy nodded as they followed the Cossack into Bunny's burrow. Phil was about to follow but he paused when he saw that Jack had situated himself outside, leaning against his staff nervously.

"Ajukaw nifugawa?" Phil spoke in his usual yeti language and Jack sighed.

"I don't think the Kangaroo would like me going inside his burrow." Jack frowned and Phil gave him a look that made the other sigh again. "I mean, if you hadn't noticed yet Phil, Cottontail and I aren't exactly in the best of terms. Inviting me into his 'humble abode' is like declaring World War III on the world."

Phil said something that sounded to Jack like, 'Don't be silly, you're overreacting. Hurry up and get your butt inside or I'll stuff you in a sack.'

"No, thanks really, but I think I'd rather stay here." Jack said firmly, giving the yeti a serious look. Phil gave him a look but the other wouldn't back down at all, so the old yeti sighed in defeat and entered in after the rest of the guardians.

Jack smiled in triumph, before his expression morphed to a miserable one as he turned towards a convenient boulder and sat on top of it.

This was going to be a long wait.

"-he would not wake up." North was explaining by the time Phil came in. "Clearly, there is no dream sand or nightmare sand and that is worrying. Is he in a coma?"

Sandy shook his head, his hands were on Bunny's forehead. He retracted them as he made figures on top of his head. Tooth was the first one to get what the guardian of Dreams was saying.

"You're saying, he is dreaming." The guardian of Memories translated. "But he's dreaming about the past? Is that why there's no dream sand showing us his dreams?"

Sandy nodded his head.

"Ah, dream sand is only for imaginations. Things brought up by a tired mind for rest. Memories, they are a different thing yes?" North turned to Tooth. "Cannot be manifested by dream sand, only sleeper can see their own memories in their dreams. These are events that have happened and are not imagination."

"Yes. Memories are a different matter. Bunny isn't sleeping, he fainted, he's unconscious, but not sleeping." Tooth stated as she hovered closely, trying to sense the other's dreams. "He isn't dreaming, he is reliving."

"But the question is, is he alright?" North asked.

Sandy and Tooth exchanged looks, as though they were exchanging information on their memories and dreams expertise.

"We'll have to wait and see." Tooth finally said. "I think that's all we can do at the moment."

"I thought so." North sighed. "But even if Bunny is like this, he still has a lot to answer to."

Sandy nodded vigorously as he made sand figures of all their cores and Jack.

"He must've had a reason. I mean, it's Bunny after all." Tooth said as she sat by a nearby available, handmade, wooden chair.

"Dah, but he is still in trouble with me." North said as the guardians fell into silence.

Author's note: The reason why Jack can sense Bunny's whereabouts is because of Hope.

So, we finally got to see Jack's part of his past before he found hop. I wonder if I did alright on that, it felt too- ah I can't describe it. Anyway, I'll just edit it if I'm unsatisfied.

Prunus sargentii is a spring tree. It looks somewhat similar to a cherryblossom tree found in Japan.

I wonder if I've covered all the points, I'm really too tired to see if all is well, and man *yawns*. My mom is also complaining in the background and I have to go before I'm somehow dragged or blamed for some random reason.

So anyway, thank you for all of your reviews. I'm sorry that I'm unable to review reply to you properly. But I would just like to say that I read and appreciate all of your reviews.

This is for Anonymous-san who posted an ask on my tumblr on when I was going to update this fic.

Thank you and please, review if it isn't too much trouble :D