Chapter 2

Amara Tam had never considered herself any kind of hero. Most of the time, she didn't even consider herself a decent person. What she was, what she had always been, was a survivor. Adaptation… That had been the first thing she had learned when she had been a child. To stay quiet, invisible, not to draw any attention to herself, those had been crucial skills for her to learn. Fighting for her survival by any means necessary. She didn't have many clear memories about her early life, but it had most definitely affected her a lot. She wasn't a trusting or outgoing person and she most likely never would be.

Gaining her trust required a lot of work, more than most people were willing to do. Luke Skywalker had been the first person who had ever gained her trust. He had been kind and patient with her, although she had been a filthy and pathetic runt who had tried to steal from him. Still he had seen something in her, something worth his time. He had offered her something she had never had, a home. For that he has had her unconditional loyalty and eventually affection, she had considered him her father.

The long walks in the forest, swimming in the lake, picking up flowers… Those were happy memories. She had wanted to do everything she could to help him in the school he had built in order to train a new generation of Jedi's. There had been a lot of students and some of them Amara had even called her friends. Everything had been fine until Luke's nephew had arrived. The way he had stared at her when they had been introduced… It had made her very uncomfortable.

She had caught him staring at her many times after that. He had never been in any way embarrassed by getting caught; he had simply smiled at her. She had always looked away and tried her best to understand her strange feelings. Eventually she had tried to avoid him, but when she had started to have very embarrassing dreams about him, she had been sure that he was using some Jedi trick on her. Naturally she had been angry and confronted him about it, demanding him to stop. To her embarrassment, he had been completely stunned, he have had no idea what she was talking about. Her face had been bright red and she had tried run away, but he hadn't let her go. Instead he had put his arms around her and kissed her.

She could still remember every second of that kiss. Their first kiss. Her life hadn't been the same after that. When she thought about all of it now, she hoped that they would have never shared that kiss. After that there had been no turning back, they had crossed the line they shouldn't have crossed. He had made it clear that he wanted her and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. That had probably been the first thing Amara had learned about Ben Solo, he was extremely persistent when he wanted something. She had wanted him too, she couldn't deny that.

The stolen moments they had spent together had been the happiest ones in her life, no matter how guilty she had felt for lying to Luke. She had lost her heart to Ben completely. Sadly her love had also made her blind for all the warning signs and that was something she would never be able to forgive herself. Ben had talked to her about his frustration, doubts and disagreements with Luke, he hadn't been sure if he even wanted to be a Jedi. He had felt that he was meant for something more. And what had she told him, to find a path that would make him happy. What a great advice had that been.

She had thought that maybe he wanted to travel, to experience new things before finishing his training. There hadn't been a doubt in her mind that he would eventually finish it, he was the most talented student Luke had. Of course he was, he was Luke's nephew. She should have seen how deep his doubts really were. The dark side… The massacre in the school… It had destroyed Luke. It had destroyed Amara too; she had lost everything she had held dear. And had she taken responsibility for her actions, no, instead of facing Luke and Ben's devastated parents, she had run and hide like a miserable coward she was. There certainly wasn't anything heroic about her.

When she had been captured and brought to him, the travesty of the man she had loved, she had been sure that she would finally be punished, tortured or something worse. She hadn't been. He, or anyone else, hadn't been violent toward her or kept her without food and water. Sure he had grabbed her wrists and kept her in place when she had attacked him, but he hadn't retaliated in any way when she had hit and kicked him. Why? She couldn't understand.

She had thought that she was too numb to feel anything, but she had certainly felt something when she had seen his face. Pain, anger, bitterness, joy… Yes, for a brief moment she had actually been happy for seeing him and felt the need to bury her face in his chest, just like she had used to do. Of course she had immediately hated herself for such thoughts, this man wasn't Ben Solo. He was Kylo Ren and she hated him. She had certainly made it clear to him with vicious and venomous words. To her annoyance, he hadn't reacted to her words. She wanted him to hurt her; she needed to prove to herself that he wasn't the man she had loved. She hated him…

"Love, hate…. Just two sides of the same coin."

Her mind could barely register his words; he was standing too close to her. An involuntary moan escaped her lips when his mouth found the sensitive spot under her ear. No, no, no… She felt nothing but disgusted with herself and a flush of shame was rising in her cheeks. He knew exactly where and how she liked to be touched and she hated him even more for that. She didn't want this, she didn't want him. He was a monster. She closed her eyes and pressed her hands against his chest. Why couldn't she push him away? His mouth kept sucking her neck and his hands were caressing her sides.

"Amara…" he murmured. "I've missed you…"

Tears were burning behind her eyes, all she wanted was to kiss him and… No.

"No!"she shouted and pushed him as hard as she could. His eyes looked even darker than normally, he was staring at her intently. She wrapped her arms around her, trying to hold on the shreds of her dignity.

"Stay away from me," she managed to say.

For a moment she was sure that she was going to get her wish, he would show her the monster he really was. He didn't. Instead he smiled at her, just like Ben had.

"I always loved your spirit," he hummed. "Shall we eat then?"