After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Merlin was more than thrilled to see Morgana's left arm linked with Arthur's right arm.
Morgana herself had changed a lot regarding her appearance; her hair looked more soft and welcoming as if it had also had a major mood swing. Merlin also noticed that Morgana was smiling a lot, with her gaze particularly aimed at Arthur.
When Gwen made her appearance Morgana rushed up to her and gave her a massive hug while thanking her endlessly for all of her help and support. Merlin knew that he wouldn't get the same treatment as he didn't need anyone endlessly thanking him to tell him that his support was valued, which he felt that Morgana knew all too well.
However when he was finally able to look past Morganas smiles he instantly noticed that Arthur's smile was nowhere to be seen, as if the muscles that are used to smile had been ripped out of him and replaced with metal. Although Arthur had suddenly faced the same direction as him, he could never tell if Arthur had actually caught his gaze.
But what Merlin didn't need a second thought on was that something was bothering Arthur and it was that moment when Merlin was determined to get to the bottom of Arthur's troubles no matter what the risk was .
Throughout the school day Merlin quickly discovered that Arthur hadn't spoken once, not even when a group of six students came up to him and said how pleased they were that he was back with us. Arthur had also ignored the praise from a couple teachers including Mr Agravaine. All Merlin did throughout all the praise was look at every single one of Arthur's movements and facial expressions, figuring out that his facial expression stayed blank throughout the whole day.
However when Arthur's strange and equally worrying behavior continued throughout the next couple days which soon turned into a whole week , Merlin was getting increasingly worried and not just to fill his own well-meaning curiosity but also for Arthur's mental health which to Merlin was disintegrating in front of his very eyes.
Throughout the week of Arthur's odd behavior, Arthur was becoming more frequently clumsy which attracted a lot of attention from other students, one teacher but mostly from Morgana who these days didn't trust anyone to help or even go near Arthur. However Arthur had automatically snapped at anyone who even tried to touch him with one finger which shocked most of the people who wanted to help him. But Arthur showed no emotion or even a slightest bit of guilt when hearing other people's hurt and disappointment.
Despite Arthur's sudden new behavior Morgana unusually always kept smiling no matter how loud or mouthy Arthur seemed to get. Gwen on the other hand tried to help Arthur once but unexpectedly received an earful, since then Gwen had stayed clear of him just in case he felt that everyone was crowding his personal space. But just by seeing the hurt in Gwen's eyes told Merlin that whatever is going on with Arthur was possibly more serious than he first thought; fortunately for him his opportunity to find out exactly what was going on was just round the corner.
"Merlin I've been given a detention for not handing in my stupid assignment, could you maybe just make sure that Arthur gets home alright", were Morgana's words that kept ringing in his ears.
"Yeah" was Merlin's blurted out answer before waving goodbye to Morgana and Gwen.
At first Merlin did his best to keep himself hidden from Arthur, even though he knew that Arthur could probably sense Merlin's presence throughout his walk home. However Arthur wasn't even half way home before he tripped over the edge of the path and cut his knee in the process. Merlin could hear Arthur's muttering and swearing, then without thinking of the consequences Merlin ran over to Arthur and tried to help him up, his hand was angrily shaken off Arthur's shoulder.
"Merlin", was the only word that Arthur needed in that particular sentence.
Merlin didn't seem to understand Arthur's hint, "just let me get you up and we can walk home together" Merlin tried kindly.
"Merlin don't" was Arthur's half snappy response, Merlin wasn't going to take no as an answer.
"It would be quicker if I just-", Merlin was cut off by Arthur's hand rising up as if he could control the volume of Merlin's voice. Merlin tried once more to get Arthur back on to his feet and to look at his blood soaked jeans from his cut knee before getting a look of pure evil from Arthur.
"Merlin just leave it"! Arthur spat viciously, Merlin now knew that he was treading on egg shells; however he couldn't stop his mouth from blurting out his next sentence.
"Can't you see I was trying to help you" Merlin called out which had finally pushed Arthur to his limit .
"What is it with you lot and thinking that I need help!" Arthur shouted which made Merlin almost jump out of his skin as a result of the unexpected outburst. Before Merlin could even make a squeaking sound Arthur had a whole rant in place for Merlin.
"Help is what got my family stuck like this, me, my mum, my dad and Morgana, we were all so happy until some bastard decided to set fire to our house and took away all our happiness and more importantly our amount of trust and our tolerance of help".
"I don't understand" Merlin replied his eyes looking straight at Arthur.
"Well you wouldn't" Arthur began viciously before calming down a little to carry on talking. "You have no idea of how much I am forced to depend on other people and their versions of help every single day of my life"!
Merlin stood in complete silence.
"Do you want to know what it's like being me"? Arthur paused for a split second before answering his own shouted out question leaving Merlin without time to think of a response.
"I have to go through life as if nothing that anyone says or does bothers me, I have to pretend that I am fine when in reality I feel like having a breakdown, I have to cope with the stares and whispers from people who know zilch about me and the truth about my condition that I have to hide away from the putrid public that we call society, I have to be polite and civil to total strangers who seem to think I appreciate the help they give who then get the impression that my life is a walk in the park as a result of their so called kindness."
At this point Merlin still hadn't said a word since the beginning of Arthur's rant. Stunned at how honest Arthur had been so far made him realise the impact of Merlin's earlier offer of help.
Arthur's eyes suddenly turned cold at saying the next part of his rant in a quieter tone.
"But what hurts me the most is that as a result of all the help I require I have cost nearly everyone I know their entire lives, especially my family".
There was a sudden pause.
Arthur sighed before speaking. "My family have risked everything they have ever had because of me, I am the burden of the family who just trails along like a vile curse, if I wasn't so dependent on my family's help and time then maybe things could have been different, my mum would still be alive therefor my father's happiness wouldn't have been ripped out from him and Morgana could have had a life away from responsibility and danger".
"Arthur don't think that it wasn't your fault" Merlin called, hoping that Arthur would listen and understand.
"Merlin if I hadn't taken up to five minutes of my fathers and Morganas time that day then that five minutes could have saved my mother's life, this would have meant that Morgana would have been able to do what girls her age do along with being treated as the younger sibling that she is instead of a care worker, my father would have continued to be the cheerful and positive man he once was without constantly worrying about when the remains of his family would be struck next by an evil tragedy".
Merlin took a deep breath; he could feel the tension between Arthur and his words at the highest he had ever known since the first day Merlin had met him.
Arthur just looked at Merlin with pure sorrow before squeezing out his final part of his rant, his voice almost silent.
"Do you know what the scary thing is"? Arthur asked, his voice breaking slightly.
"No" Merlin said in almost a whisper before taking a moment to study Arthur's face for a single second for any tears that had found their way to escape Arthur's eyes as well as his own.
Arthur let out a heavy sigh. "All people ever do is judge others for being beyond what is considered to be normal or flaming those who can't do what most people can, these sorts people have no idea what you go through every day, the amount of guilt, self-hatred and most of all self-pity that you have against yourself. In the end it doesn't matter how much you cry, scream, shout or feel sorry for yourself as nothing in the past changes despite what you're willing to say, do, prove or give to remove the bad things that happen in life"!
"Arthur I-"Merlin stammered before Arthur interrupted him.
"Look I have nothing more to say, please just leave me alone". With those last words Arthur got his cane and walked away from Merlin until he was no longer able to be seen from a distance.
The next hour was spent by Merlin looking out into the distance that Arthur had walked past as if he was hoping that Arthur would change his mind and return.
Merlin spent that very evening lying on his left side, in the dark with his face pressed against the pillow and looking up to the ceiling as if it held the cure to Merlin's guilt. His brain replaying Arthur's words over and over so much that Merlin could recite them in a play.
Curiosity killed the cat, an old quote that his mother often said when he was little sprung to mind. Not liking the fact that this time it was appropriate to take it and hurl it at himself in attempt to make himself feel responsible for Arthur's rant taking place along with the nasty feeling of regret from being one of many people who had been to consistent when wanting to help Arthur.
A single tear gently rolled down Merlin's cheek before it got wiped away by Merlin's hand. Merlin sighed heavily before shutting his eyes and hoping that Arthur would see the error of his ways when thinking that there was nothing that could change his situation.
However the following morning couldn't have come any faster for Merlin. Although he was afraid of what may be thrown at him verbally, in his mind he was determined to put things right.