Author's Note: Standard Disclaimers apply.
Again, thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I'm so touched by them. Truly. I hope you enjoy today's chapter. I know part of it is heavy on dialogue, but with two people trying not to stay in their own heads, heavy descriptions seemed out of place.
It had been a week since Michiru had seen Usagi. She'd managed to catch glimpses of the princess in her mirror, though generally those were visions of the past or the future. However, that she could even see the future still brought her comfort. Part of her worried on some level that Venus's demand would find some purchase somewhere in her oaths. It hadn't, but the confrontation ate at her. She didn't particularly care what Venus thought of her, but it was Venus's statements regarding Uranus's opinions that clawed deep trenches in her soul. Even the Princess herself could think her a traitor but not Uranus, never Uranus. No matter how badly she wanted to know the truth, she hadn't managed to steel herself enough to try to reach out to Haruka, even through her Talisman. The nagging doubt that the line between refusing to condone and considering her an enemy to be kept from the Princess had been blurred beyond recognition kept her silent. There had always been trust between the soldiers of flight and embrace, but now she was a team into herself. She wished she could be sure, somehow convince Uranus of her loyalty. Likely not to the Guardian Senshi, but she didn't expect much else from them.
The thought led naturally to her roommate. Venus knew her mundane identity, but even if Mercury was awake, Michiru doubted the information had been shared. So here she sat, getting ready for a benefit gala and wondering what was to become of her quiet friend. The rift between she and Ami hadn't really mended after the younger woman had heard she'd accepted a date with Katashi nearly two weeks ago. In the grand scheme of their friendship, two weeks wasn't forever, but she needed her friend. She frowned. In her entire life, both lives really, she'd never needed anyone but Uranus, and even that, they'd lied to each other and themselves enough to pretend otherwise when they accepted isolation a second time.
Stashing her transformation pen in her clutch, she took one last look in the mirror. Tonight, she looked every inch the internet sensation she was, respectable at first glance, but edgy all the same. She'd opted for a floor-length gown in navy blue with delicate cap sleeves and two slits up to mid-thigh. She had opera length gloves and a clutch to match. Her jewelry, however, was all aquamarines, pearls and crystals. She wore a lavaliere with a Swarovski crystal sea shell and two tear drop aquamarine earrings. The set was something she'd found online along with the hair comb she was sporting. Trails of seashells alternated with crystals and pearls strung on invisible thread and cascading down among her intentionally messy curls. There might be an argument made that she was a little over adorned, but there would be pictures and her internet following would be thrilled to see her embrace her own, and at least the president of the children's charity was a long-time family friend who knew she had more than a few eccentricities to her.
"Ami-chan?" she asked softly, knowing she would be interrupting.
The blue-haired woman didn't twitch a muscle in acknowledgment. "Yes?"
Michiru winced but sat down at the table and looked at her clutch for a moment. "I think I made a big mistake, but I don't know how to fix it."
Now, Ami looked at her, but the usual warmth was lacking. In its place wasn't judgment like there had been with Venus, but a cold analysis at work. "What kind of mistake?"
Blue eyes closed tightly. "You were right about Maeda-san not being who or what I wanted. He was a means to an end, but I'm beginning to wonder if that end is worth the cost." She was slightly amazed at herself that she could dance around the truth that effectively without lying outright. There might have also been the shock of admitting her own doubts. Doubting her missions had never been an option. Why was it now? What had changed?
"All right." Michiru could hear a bit of warmth enter her friend's voice. "So what needs to be fixed? You're not dating him anymore, right?"
Michiru shook her head, blinking away tears she hadn't realized she was ready to shed. "No. No more dates." That was another surprise. Not that she needed to pretend she was dating him. Now if she met with him, there would be only the pretense that they weren't discussing the fate of the Moon Princess and her court on Earth. He knew what she was. The admission itself was no surprise, what surprised her was the vehemence of the declaration.
"Michiru-san, what happened?" A gentle hand touched hers.
She looked up at the ceiling. "I'm in love, Ami-chan. I'm in love and I think I screwed it up, but if I go after it, even if I can fix it, I could lose everything I've ever worked for." For once, she was grateful for being a lesbian in Japan, the perfect smokescreen in this case. If people knew, it could destroy her career; certainly it would likely considerably dampen her teaching career.
"Does she love you?"
It was a tricky thing to acknowledge. She didn't want to betray Uranus's confidence, but it wasn't as if the secret wasn't already on its way to being pseudo-public among the Senshi. She nodded. "Yes, but I hurt her. Badly, and I don't know that she'll forgive me."
"Michiru-san." She turned to look at Ami whose blue eyes showed nothing but compassion. "You need to let her know. You've been miserable for weeks now. Months, if we're both honest."
She chuckled slightly, a weak sound, but welcome. "Definitely months."
"So, do I know her?"
Oh, the irony. "Sort of. You know, you have pretty good intuition when it comes to things."
Blue hair bounced as Ami shook her head, "Not really, but I know you, and you never get excited about anyone or anything outside of music and swimming. When someone catches your fancy like that?" She laughed and shrugged, "Well, I guess you'll get your chance tonight, because she'll be at the gala."
Michiru's eyes widened, "She's going to be there?"
Ami squeezed her hand. "You didn't look at the sponsor list for the gala did you? At least two of her sponsors are on that list. It would be bad publicity if she didn't at least make an appearance."
Michiru swallowed hard. She never paid attention to those things. She just accepted the invitations, showed up, offered a donation, and left. They were always the same and by about half-way through the evening, most of the men would get a bit free with their hands so she was happier not being within reach. Haruka would be there. Her mind got caught in a loop repeating her name and countering in a call and answer session of Haruka and Treason.
##
The tuxedo was a perfect fit. Not that Haruka owned anything that wasn't. However, the black and white ensemble seemed only to accent what she wanted people to see. Everything she needed to hide was hidden, along with her transformation pen. She was every woman's ideal man, an image she'd lied continually and without remorse to create. So why was she suddenly nervous? She'd been to these events before. Hell, she'd had girls hanging all over her and they'd thought she just had some really nice pecs. She smirked, yeah, there was a reason for that. Not that most of them ever found out what that reason was. So she knew the likelihood of her illusion being discovered was practically a non-possibility. No, the source of her nerves was that it would be the first time she'd see Michiru since their fight. Setsuna was still furious with her, but Haruka had stood firm. There had been no contact from her end to the aqua-haired woman, mundanely or Senshi related. Even after finding out that Michiru had done precisely what she should have, sacrifice herself to protect the head of the princess's guard, woman's pride would not allow Haruka to bend enough to apologize, to reach out.
"Why am I even going?"
The empty room didn't offer any ready answers. She knew in the end that if she didn't go, she'd be letting down her sponsors, and while racing seemed less important these days, she wasn't ready to throw away her career. The future was too uncertain. Never mind that she knew Pluto had been right. So long as she acted like the scorned lover, she had no right to call herself leader of the Outer Senshi. The only way to redeem herself in her own eyes, more than even in Pluto's was to stop running from the ghosts of her past. She had to give up on the past. She was a soldier of war; she could do this. She had to.
Her resolve lasted an hour into the gala. It had been relatively easy, focusing on her sponsors, their wives, a few businessmen who were fans. She preferred the more casual affairs of the fan parties, but she was no stranger to high society. Then the well-meaning host had decided that two prodigies should meet. Haruka wanted to refuse the invitation, but no matter how uncomfortable it made her, she would not insult him. Takashi Ito was a well-respected businessman and no one stayed on top long if they lost his favor. So she'd accepted his lead, pretending for the sake of her host that she'd only met Michiru once in passing. That it served the dual purpose of keeping their less than mundane lives private was bonus. Michiru, for her part, had of course soothed his ruffled feathers and by the time he'd left them, insisting they dance, she had made him feel like the most intuitive person on the planet. The girl's manipulation skills were off the chart.
Skills she'd never used against Haruka.
"You look lovely. Though I'm surprised at the color. You don't usually choose dark colors." The words came out with more of an edge than she'd intended. "Where's your date?"
She found momentary pleasure in the shorter woman's visible discomfort. It was a brief flash across a perfectly painted face that hardened. Good. If they remained angry at each other, then she could focus on Michiru's irrationality instead of how well their bodies fit together, how well they moved in perfect sync.
"I don't have one. And here I thought you'd enjoy the color." The ice in her voice contrasted sharply with the smile on her face. Haruka narrowed her green eyes in response and pulled the shorter woman closer angrily.
"Don't flirt with me. I'm not one of your conquests."
"I think you have us confused. You are the one with conquests."
"So what does that make you?" The music was going strong, Haruka could tell that much, but she was only distantly aware of camera flashes and other couples on the floor.
"Certainly not a conquest. A fan, maybe?"
"Is that so? I don't take kindly to fans," she stressed the word for Michiru's benefit, not that her dance partner needed the overt display, "dragging me along while giving their loyalty to someone else."
She wanted to be proud of herself as the pain flashed across blue eyes that closed shortly after, but the fingers that dug ever so slightly into her shoulder testified that she nearly had destroyed Michiru's composure. Emotion welled up inside her despite all attempts to the contrary. Haruka slowed their pace slightly, holding Michiru more securely.
"You chose that role, Michiru." The name was a whispered caress, the only offering she could make to the love they once shared.
"You're wrong." Haruka pulled away just enough to stare into eyes that shone with tears. "I thought I could, but I'm glad it won't be necessary."
"You're lying. I know you offered yourself to him." She didn't expect the hollow laughter that followed her accusation. It was her turn to nearly stumble.
"Not in that way, and if he thinks it's that way, he's mistaken. I put myself in his path so that Venus wasn't. The conversation was most definitely not romantic, on either side. It's a business arrangement."
"Is that what they're calling it these days?" The way Michiru was talking continued to eat at her resolve. She needed to regain control.
"Haruka." Green eyes widened at the scolding tone before narrowing. She was not accustomed to being lectured to. She was the head of the team. "Haruka, listen to me. There was nothing sexual about that agreement. Please, believe me."
"Why should I?"
"Because I've never betrayed you and I'm not about to start now." She felt Michiru pull away and was about to pull her back in, unwilling to allow the aqua haired woman the last word but the music was dying down. They attracted enough attention without making a proper scene.
She watched Michiru walk away, heading to the bar. For a moment, she considered charging after her and even took a few steps in that direction, but she needed to think. Her head was spinning. What was she to believe? Neptune had never betrayed her; it was true. When they swore the oath a lifetime ago, it had been a reaction to the innocence of the princess, of someone who in this life wasn't awake and might never wake up. It hadn't felt like a betrayal then. Why did it feel that way now? Uranus wanted to pace Miranda Castle but settled for an internal diatribe regarding the weakness of having spent an entire childhood not understanding the duty of isolation, of growing up thinking she had even half a right to find companionship. Haruka countered that even Uranus had been willing to commit treason for Neptune's love.
She joined Michiru at the bar, standing quietly shoulder to shoulder with the silent siren. Once the bartender moved toward the far end of the bar, she felt more than saw Michiru turn toward her. She didn't want to look inside herself enough to determine if she was avoiding looking at her to snub the woman or if it was to protect her heart. The largest part of her said the reason didn't matter. She wasn't sure she believed it.
"I don't care what you tell them. I don't care if everyone around us believes you hate me, but I can't. I can't have you actually thinking I would betray you or her."
The words etched themselves into her heart. Now she knew she was avoiding looking at Michiru to keep from giving into anything the other woman would ask of her. Swirling her drink, she focused on the liquid moving in the glass. She spoke slowly, thinking through her words with a thoroughness she rarely bothered with. "I'm not sure what to say. I want to believe you, but it hurts. You were willing to," she stopped, unable to continue as she shook her head, "I know I should think more about the mission, but in the end, all I can do is be the woman you left behind."
"We left each other. I've been thinking about it, why we agreed to do it."
Haruka motioned for the bartender to bring another drink. It was going to be one of those nights. She'd have to spend the rest of the evening far away from the aqua haired beauty if she was going to be sober enough to drive. "Yeah? And what did you come up with?"
"We'd forgotten how painful it was to be apart."
And that was it. Haruka was done. She couldn't do it anymore. She'd committed treason once for this beauty already. She didn't need to do so again, not for someone who broke her heart, especially with the current threats to the princess. "It doesn't matter, Michiru-san. None of it matters anymore."
She watched the shorter woman nod out of the corner of her eye. Perhaps the movement was a bit colder, a bit more measured, but distance between them was good. Right?
"You're right, of course. Which is why I'm going to honor my agreement to keep Venus safe. As I said, I just needed to you to know I wasn't a traitor. I needed to know you believed me."
Haruka refused to even glance in the direction of the woman she loved, despite the fact that she could hear both of their hearts breaking. She waited until after she was completely sure Michiru had left to turn toward the retreating back. "I believe you," she whispered, secure in the knowledge the intended target couldn't hear.