A/N: A thousand apologies for not updating sooner. Don't shoot me! *dodges rotten fruit* The first story here is based on two suggestions about Phil getting everyone ice cream and Loki with chocolate. Phil lives on! (I had to cut this down to two drabbles)
17. Getting ice cream for the Avengers is stressful.
Agent Coulson decided that the Avengers deserved to have some ice cream - mainly because they wouldn't shut up complaining that they're "boiling". It was only the second day of the year that could be considered hot, as a consequence Tony had gone on strike about the lack of fans in the Helicarrier and everybody else had followed in his example.
Because they were so high up in the air they couldn't go outside to sunbathe so all the Avengers crowded into the coldest room which happened to be Steve's - possibly because after years in ice he was used to the arctic conditions - in swimwear of various neon colours.
Once being allowed entry, Phil walked in to see Nat and Steve sunbathing by the window, Bruce reading on a deck chair, Clint and Thor paddling around in an inflatable paddling pool and Tony dancing to some weird electro music with Loki. "I'm gonna get you all ice cream, what do you all want?"
Bruce glanced up from his book, "Banana! And a flake please." Leisurely, Natasha lifted her head from by the floor and spoke before Clint could, "Chocolate, cinnamon and do they do chilli? Ooooh popping candy!" The archer could hardly contain his excitement at being offered ice cream and was jumping around like a little kid at Christmas. "Yeah, I want popping candy too! And jelly babies, and sprinkles, and syrup, and cherries, and strawberries," he paused to breathe, "and chocolate, and cream, lots of cream, and peanut butter, and chocolate buttons, and jam!" Phil was grateful that he had an outstanding memory as Barton listed almost every sweet topping on Earth. The thunder-god next to him laughed a bit too much at the request before replying in his usual booming voice, "Bubblegum ice cream!"
Coulson guessed that one of the troublesome three - Stark, Barton, Loki - had introduced the Asguardian to gum and didn't want to be responsible for getting the foul stuff out of Thor's hair if it got stuck in there.
Actually, how the hell did they get a paddling pool in here without Fury knowing?
"I want chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce and chocolate chips and a flake! But I do not like cones.." Loki had momentarily stopped his weird dancing to make his request while Tony remained freaking out to the peculiar music. The billionaire snapped out of his crazy trance when he noticed that his now-best-mate had made his demand and turned to Phil with a smug grin, "Well... Finest frozen yoghurt imported from England with premier sprinkles forged from the lost Aztec jewels and perhaps some of your finest Asgardian whipped cream. (Hey Thor, are there cows where you live?!) And served in a cursed golden goblet, salvaged from the ruins of an old pirate crew, doomed to an eternity of starvation, and a flake please! And a sparkler!"
The trickster laughed at Tony's response before starting to dance with him again to a song that Coulson recognised. "I could make a better sparkler with my magic you know.." "I don't trust your voodoo, let science do the work!" Almost every day at one point they would have a friendly argument about what is better: magic or science. Although one time it got a bit less friendly and resulted in half of the billionaire's mansion on fire, but that's a different story for another time.
Steve looked up at the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with slight remorse at his team mate's actions, "Just vanilla please." "Sure thing Cap, I mean Steve!" Phil beamed at his hero even though he was slightly miffed at being expected to get such random orders for seven people.
Half an hour later, Coulson re-entered the room to find that nothing had changed since his first visit and all the heroes (and the sort of part-time super villain who was good as long as he was provided with coffee) hadn't changed what they were doing one bit. Their faces all spun in unison to face the door and, with the same perfect timing, they all looked shocked at what the agent brought them. "I got you all vanilla. Get over it."
One by one the ice creams were handed out to the thankful-only-because-it's-too-hot-to-complain heroes scattered around the room who ate the food far too quickly to be normal. He gave Steve his last; with a huge grin across his face when he accepted the frozen treat. "Thanks Phil." Them two words made the agent's day.
18. Going shopping with the Avengers is a bad idea.
It was Tuesday afternoon so the shopping centre wasn't busy, the perfect time to send the Earth's mightiest heroes on a shopping trip. They all arrived in a S.H.I.E.L.D. transportation veichle except for Tony who insisted that he should take his own car while muttering some nonsense about 'street cred'. Even though his car was a top of the range sports convertible, the billionaire still managed to turn up ten minutes after everyone else - not that the other Avengers (and Loki) minded, they took longer than that to get out of the minibus.
Everybody had been provided with over-large sunglasses and a hoodie so that they didn't draw attention to themselves because they would never leave if someone recognised them as the Avengers. Phil rolled down the window from the driver's seat and told them that he expected them back in an hour or they had to walk home - and they were a long way away from the tower; the resident trickster god had complained at this, "I am a god and I shall not follow your orders," but was quickly shut up when reminded that S.H.I.E.L.D. were providing his spending money.
Steve thought it was best if they all split up into groups so that they could get their shopping done quicker. The second he stopped speaking, Natasha declared that she will go with Barton to keep him out of trouble and half-dragged him into the mall with Tony and Loki laughing their farewells behind the couple. The thunder-god looked hurt when his brother refused to be with him but Bruce hurriedly told the Asguardian that he could join himself and Steve instead. "Do we really trust them two," the super soldier pointed a finger at the trickster giggling with Stark, "to stay out of trouble for an entire hour without supervision?" Bruce shook his head, "I doubt it but what other choice do we have?" They glanced once again at the two best mates before convincing themselves that they could be trusted and walking off into the huge store.
Tony waited until the doors closed behind the other Avengers before speaking, "Now they're out the way, I suggest we play a game." A mischievous grin spread across the god's face at the mention of having some fun then he realised that there was actually stuff he wanted to buy and the smile disappeared slightly. "I have my car so we can spend as much time as we want shopping once the game's over," the billionaire quickly added, his smug smile still in place. "I knew there was a reason I became such close friends with you, Stark." The trickster said as they wandered into the mall discussing their 'game'.
The super soldier strolled silently through the large hall connecting all the different shops together as he listened to Bruce explaining to Thor why 'mortals' enjoyed shopping so much - being a prince meant that he never had to buy anything from a shop personally. Looking for a nice-looking clothes store Steve observed the master archer holding masses of girly dresses as Natasha held one up to herself in front of a full-length mirror, looking very pissed off. Bruce noticed this aswell and gave Clint a friendly thumbs up while trying to suppress his laughter.
Agent Barton had never been more bored in his entire life - and he had been locked in a wardrobe for a week with nothing to do but play hangman with himself. His female friend/sort of girlfriend had dragged him against his will away from his fellow mischief makers so that he could hold tonnes of outfits that she wasn't even planning to buy. "How does this one look?" Natasha asked him while holding up an absolutely horrid blue skirt. "You look beautiful. Now can I-" He was cut off as she threw the skirt onto the towers of clothes in his arms, "Nah I don't like it. What about this one?"
Clint started looking around the various garments in a desperate hope for entertainment when he saw the nearby rail of clothes swaying as though they've just been moved. He stared closer at the items when Tony suddenly ran out from behind them yelling, "You'll never take me alive!" The billionaire ran past the archer laughing before turning to poke what looked like a store mannequin, "Tag, you're It!" Barton nearly commented on Stark's madness when the display came to life, turned into Loki and ran after the genius. Surprised, Clint watched as his two closest friends ran around the store unnoticed by any of the workers, who were too busy reading magazines, playing tag like little kids. He was even more shocked when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. "I am truly sorry that you cannot join us. Well, not that sorry," Loki laughed behind the archer before sprinting off to avoid Tony attempting to tag him again.
Before they left the shop, they made sure to make their mark by throwing around ladies underwear while the billionaire attempted to explain to the god what the different pieces of lingerie did - which earned a laugh from Clint. The staff only looked up irritated at the pair because they must have thought that magazines were more important than two hyperactive men. Although Natasha tried her hardest to ignore her team mates, she did smile a bit when Loki pulled a large white shirt over his head and ran around giggling, "Wooooo I'm a ghooost! Be afraaaaaaiid!"
The 'sensible three' were getting something to eat in a nearby fast food store and Thor had discovered the cheese burger; Bruce had taught him some manners after he had yelled "ANOTHER!" at an unsuspecting young waiter. Steve was thankful for the silence even if it was a little awkward but it didn't last for long when Loki and Tony sauntered in looking a little out of breath, laughing enough to make the soldier suspicious of what they had done.
They pulled up chairs to the small table the others were crowded around the second that they noticed the other Avengers - although it wasn't hard to notice them in an empty restaurant. Before Steve could say anything, the man of iron placed a large water melon on the small table that creaked under the excessive weight of the fruit. The questioning glares made the trickster start laughing hysterically again, grabbing his ribs as if he was about to explode. "This. Is. My friend," Tony gasped between his endless giggles, "Walter. Walter Melon."
Bruce sighed and shook his head, "Did you carry that melon all the way here just to make that pun?" Both the tricksters laughed even harder - which didn't seem possible but it was - as they nodded, shaking with laughter.
Once they had calmed down enough to breathe kind of normally, Loki looked up at the three men that hadn't stopped staring at them in disbelief, "I think our work here is done. Enjoy the melon!" Tony nodded in agreement with his friend before standing up in sync and leaving as quickly as they got there. "Now, you said something about a trolley race?" The trickster asked Tony just as the door closed behind them.
"I nominate Thor to carry the melon!" "Agreed."
Late that night, Tony and Loki crept into the tower covered in feathers, fruit and God-knows-what giggling something about being kicked out at closing time.
A/N: To clear up any confusion; Loki isn't an Avenger, he just lives with them. Hope you enjoyed the longest chapter I've ever written!