…
Something is scratching its way out,
Something you want to forget about.
..

Ben speaks

I tried my best to keep the smile from my face.
Yes it was horrible that another person fell victim to this spirit but none of those people didn't deserve it.

Claire agreed to stay behind, getting picked up by passing officers to take her to the site. I on the other hand was more than happy to go and retrieve Coby.
That poor child.

The street lights were brighter than usual as I drove to the police station in town, passing over slowly and in their steady patterns. A soft fog was starting to settle over the street, damp and heavy like the mood I was feeling. Why was it always the good people that had to be hurt? No Coby wasn't injured, at least he didn't say anything over the phone, but the horror in his voice was something that made my hands shake and my blood boil.

I only wished there was someone there for me.
I guess it was a good thing that I didn't, otherwise I wouldn't be who I was now, someone who would look after others, but every time I looked back at my life, at all the hard times I ever had… did no one ever care for me? Not even a stranger that passed me on the street as I wept? I don't know, maybe that was what made me the better person. Either way, the past was the past and it didn't matter if I wanted to remember it or not, I couldn't.

That wall that was built up in my mind, the one that kept me separated from whatever it was, I had put it there for a reason and it scared me to think what was on the other side. It could only be bad.
It didn't matter, it wasn't about me anymore, I am a man now. I have been through and seen so much, there was no point in me dwelling anymore.
I can still change one life for something better.
Hopefully.

Coby couldn't see much.
Every now and then he could see a light out of the corner of his eye, but then he would make sure his eyes were closed tight.
'Keep them shut.' His mother snapped, shoving his head down again as she drove along the rough track. Coby flinched, tucking his legs up as he tried to minimize his mass as much as possible; the less there was, the less would get hurt.

Not that long ago he had been picked up by his mother and dropped in the passenger seat. The whole time she was mumbling and cursing about his father being a screw up, chickening out not even a year through.
'All I told him to do was check that the body wasn't on a track! How fucking thick can he get? Just like you, you know. You got your stupid brains from him, not me!'

He really didn't like it when she was like this, not knowing if he was the one in trouble or if he would end up in hospital again. He tried his best; kept quiet and too himself when they were home, made sure his room was clean and homework done. He even got his own breakfast and sent himself off to school every day. Coby did try to be good but it was his fault most of the time. He was too needy, he did ask too many questions and not do enough around the home. He swore to his mother that one day he would get a good job and look after her, but she would just laugh at him.
'A little dumbass like yourself? How would you ever get anywhere?'

'Get out of the car, come on.'
It was softer, like it was someone else, but Coby knew it was only because his mouth now had a cigarette between her fingers. Leaping out of the car, Coby shivered at the cold air that twisted around his body.
He hated the dark.
He knew that there was nothing there, that they were just ghost stories that his parents told him so he didn't try to run away, and he was sure they got a laugh out of it. Coby did to, but he wasn't going to let them know it did scare him.

'Stay close you,' she snarled and Coby obeyed, running from the car and jogging beside his mother as she marched down the track. The trees towered over them, creaking as they swayed gently, as if they were turning their faces and watching. Something whistled through them, moving and whispering between themselves. It made Coby nervous; there was something there.
'Not that close you runt.'
She shoved him forcefully away from her, Coby stumbling on the rough, uneven ground. His mother, annoyed at his clumsiness, slapped his hard and Coby, who was well practised with the art of hiding his whimper, took it like a man and kept his eyes cast down.

They didn't have to walk much further, which was good because Coby was tired. Why he had to come out as well he didn't know, he was only slow and was trouble for his mother, he didn't want that.

'Hold this.' She held the torch up to him and Coby took it gently, holding it where his mother pointed. As she shuffled through the bushes, Coby couldn't help but let the torch light drift over between the trees.
'Mum,'
'Hold it so I can see!' Coby snapped from it and held the torch, watching as she pulled out a shovel.
'Asshole!'
She was still fumbling around the pile of dirt, Coby holding the torch but he was getting so cold.

'What's wrong?' she asked, not caring for the answer, 'Can't even hold the torch steady… scared of the dark like a baby?' she cackled and Coby sniffed as his nose began to run. It was getting colder. Again something moved and Coby jumped, shinning the torch over where he heard the noise.
A slap on the back of his legs made him cry out and the angry face of his mother made him nervous as she gripped his shoulder painfully tight.
'What is wrong with you? Why did I have to have such a weak, stupid child like you Coby? Why was I burdened with a horrid little-'

She never finished her sentence.
Warmth splattered all over his face and he gasped as his mother's eyes rolled to the back of her head before her body was heaved away from him. Unable to hold the torch any longer, Coby dropped it and it rolled on the ground, flickering in and out.
Whatever it was it was attacking his mother, and he couldn't do anything. The sickening crunches made him flinch each time and the roar that he heard was not like the one the trees had been making.
Coby tried not to cry, tried not to move but when eyes turned and looked at him in the dark, there was little else he could do.

He screamed.

Ben Speaks

The police station was no warmer inside than what it had been in the car. Tying the belt up on my trench coat, I pushed open the doors with as much authority as I could, flipping open my badge to the young lady behind the counter, who lazily looked up at me. I tried my best smile, scanning for a name tag before I tucked my badge away. She wasn't that bad to look at, only older than me by a few years with brown locks around her shoulders.
Any other night and I would have been pouring out the lines, but I had something more important to do.

'Agent Conner was it? Yeah, Coby is through that way.'
She jabbed the air with her pen and I nodded my thanks, marching down the hall to a small sick bay room. I hesitated before entering, what if this was the wrong thing to do? He really needed to be in the care of those who could help him. I was just doing this because… why was I doing this?

Coby was sitting up on the bed, pale as a sheet compared to the itchy brown one draped over his shoulders. There was another woman in the room with him, seated in a chair but too bust fussing over her nails to notice I was here. I was ready to turn and leave when Coby sprung from the bed, dropping the blanket and giving the lady a fright before he smacked into me.

I dropped my arms and patted his back; not missing that he was shivering like there was no tomorrow.
'Hey, Coby, how are you going?'
I squatted down to be at his height, holding his gently back from me so I could look at him properly. There was the tell-tale signs of blood on his cheek, wiped away hastily. I checked him over with a quick gaze. No injuries save for the one that was in his eyes. They were focused on me, only me and he coward when the lady reached to pat him on the shoulder.
'He wouldn't speak to any of us. He kept saying your name.'
'Thank you ma'am. I'll look after him for now.'

The lady nodded and moved from the room swiftly, like watching over a stunned child was too much of a burden for her. Rubbing his back, I slipped off my coat and wrapped it around Coby who was blinking away tears.
'Come on, none of that. You hungry? Yeah, well let's get out of this dump before they ask you questions.' I groaned as I lifted him, Coby wrapping his arms around my torso. I had never been so close to a child before, never had anyone be so dependent on me, not since my mother.

We got out to the car, the first droplets of rain falling lightly.
'Can you buckle yourself up? Good, right, what's your favourite place to eat?' all I wanted was to get Coby to talk, it didn't have to be about what happened, not yet anyway. In all my experience, it was never good to sit on your own in silence, it was damaging.

'Burger King.'
'Burger King? No, it has to be something else…really?' Coby smiled slightly and I shut the door, 'I need a liquor store,' running round to get into my seat. Shaking the damp from my hair, I smiled as Coby yawned and rest his head on the door, shifting into the coat more but every time his eyes drooped, he would wake with like he had been zapped. It hurt to watch him do that but once he had a happy meal, large, in his lap he seemed grateful for the warmth and the distraction.

I did my best to get some chatter, asking him why it was his favourite and he was more than happy to talk about all the time he had been there with his friends when they had parties.
'It was the only time I could get it.'
I bit my lower lip, it was unbelievable that he was still more than happy to chew away at him chips and slurp his milkshake and talk about his friends rather than the fact he had probably never had a birthday party in his life.

When we got to the motel, he was so tired I don't think he had a clue what was going on. I remained still for a while, watching him. I wish I didn't have to interrogate him, make him relive the horror of what happened not even an hour ago. He was strong; I could see it and hear it in his voice. My first monster and I couldn't do anything for a week.

Very carefully I picked him up, bringing him inside just as the rain began to thunder down on my car and the pavement, the hot smell of it strong. Coby was co-horrent enough to let me take his shoes off and tuck him into the bed. He refused however to let go of my coat. With another big yawn, Coby nestled his head and his eyes finally closed an remain still.
'Thanks Mr Conner.'

I rubbed a hand over my face, keeping the one lamp on so I could still see my way around to find my whiskey bottle and a clean glass.
I sat like that for a while, not even bothering about the glass as I watched Coby sleep, just thinking, remembering different things I had done before in my time. All I could think of was the bloody war… the hot sand and the stench of dry blood, gun powder and gas…

It was hard to keep your eyes open when you hadn't slept for more than three days and Ben was fighting with the urge to just lean on the wall for a moment, just to stop his eyes from burning…
'Ben.' His shoulder was shoved hard and he gripped the gun in his hands tighter, ready to fight but he recognised the green military uniform and the bright eyes behind those goggles.
'Let's go, only two kilometres and we're there, then you can sleep all you want.'

Ben kept his scoff quiet as he crept alongside his friend, keeping lower than the wall. It was dark all around them, barely able to see a foot in front of themselves. The enemy could have been anywhere, behind them, beside them, in front of them…
'Sure, how long do you think it's going to take control of this town? They'll see us and just surrender?'
'I'd surrender if I saw you.'
Ben shook his head, smiling before there was a sharp whistle behind them. Their commander moved between them.

'It'd be nice if you ladies kept your chatter to a minimum. Save it for you cup of tea tomorrow, right?'
'Aye sir.'
They both grinned before following their bulky commander, moving ever closer to the unsuspecting village. In front of them the commander held up his fist, Ben and the six others with him twisting their goggles around for night vision. It had taken Ben forever to get used to these things. It made it difficult when fighting to see who you were driving the knife into or whose head it was you were actually aiming at.

From where they were they could hear laughter, chattering and the crackle of a fire. There was a lot of movement and Ben hesitated when he heard a group of children race past them.
'Sir,'
'Quiet Sargent.' The commander pressed on his ear piece, adjusting the mouth piece so control could hear him better.
'One K from target seven three by four nine over.'

Ben became wrestles, his buddy holding his shoulder to stop him from doing something he would regret.
'Copy that Commander, the Thunder Bird is swooping in ten.'
Ben could feel his blood rise… what made this people deserve this? He wasn't told of this, he was told they were going to attack a terrorist camp! This was more like a school camp.

A rumble not far away was all too familiar for Ben and he leant forward.
'Sir, we've made a mistake!'
He didn't even twitch as Ben felt his legs cramp from crouching, aching with the need to run far away from here.
Before he could do anything, everyone was fitting their masks over their faces and Ben had no choice but to do the same as the jet flew down low, dropping the cylinders.

Screaming was the only thing he could hear other than his own blood pumping as he ran alongside his team, guns ready and dropping to the ground quickly as men ran from the poorly made homes, machine guns firing all over.

It didn't take long for the gas to render them useless, collapsing to the ground almost in piles. They scanned the area, shooting anyone who was still able to hold a gun, including children. The team ran around Ben, who could not take another step. Gun had already been aimed, it had been simple for him to pull the trigger but even through the gas and the confusing lights of fire, torches and gun fire, he could still make out a glimmer on the child's neck.

The boy twitched, eyes wide with fear and with a splutter of blood, he fell back. Ben tried to reach to catch him, but his joints were grinding like sand and his lungs full of it. He couldn't take his mask off and his suit made it awkward to bend down, but he did anyway. With unsteady hands, Ben reached out over the boys naked chest, his dark skin a strong contrast to the glimmering silver around his neck. The cross was simple, probably melted down from something and shaped, but Ben knew what this meant.

Snapping if from his neck, Ben closed the young boys eye lids, unable to stand the staring of those eyes and tried desperately not to fire his gun in anger.
They had converted, they were innocent people who simply lived and appeared to be like that of the enemy. It made Ben sick.

Seeing that the gas had started to subside, his team already taking their masks off and making one last survey of the area, gun shots still sounding a good distance away, Ben ripped his off and tossed it angrily away from him, his goggles dangling from him numb fingers as he watched his friend jog over to him.
No survivors.

'Ben what are-' his hand was shoved forcefully away as Ben snarled at him, dropping his goggles and looking at the silver cross in his gloved hands.
'Mate…'
'Don't "mate" me.' Ben growled, pointing down at the boy. Ben didn't know what to do, did he just forget about this, did he just drop this cross on the dead body and carry on with this war that suddenly lost all purpose?

Gripping the cross tightly in his hand, Ben glared up at his friend as they were illuminated in the red light of a flare gun.
'Did you know they had converted Ricky?' he shook his head, trying to get Ben to calm down.
'Relax buddy, it was just a mistake.'
'One that lead to innocent people dying!'
'What's all this commotion?'

Ben shoved past Ricky to get to their commander, shoving the cross into his face.
'Why are we here, why did we do this?'
'What now Braeden? Shot something and feeling sad about it?' Ben tried desperately hard to control himself but Ben couldn't help but try and hit him in the face. It didn't work, his commander was a commander for a reason.
'Oh come off it soldier.' He bellowed, hitting Ben firmly in the ribs.
'They had converted!' Ben spat, gasping in the humid air. The commander laughed, Ricky standing behind him as he watched.
'So what? When you've been born into a religion it is in your blood; that never changes. Plus they all look the same to me.' He knelt down and grabbed Bens helmet, lifting his young face to his with a hideous snarl.
'You do as your told boy. Now you get over there and execute those terrorists or you better start watching you back.' He pushed Ben away from him and stood, signalling for any of the survivors to be lined up on their knees.

Ben got to his feet steadily, looking up to Ricky, begging him to stay with him but Ricky fixed up his gun and took his position over with the squad.
Looking back down into his hand, blood mingled with sand over the cross. All he wanted to do was scream, to get it through everyone's thick head that this war was pointless. There would be no one left to fight for if they kept killing the innocent.

Slowly, Ben turned away, walking away from the screams and gun shots. Every fibre of his being was telling him to go back, to stop them.
He was just one man; he could not change the world.

A loud creak made me snap from my dream, heart pounding as I tightened my grip on the gun in in hand.
Claire dropped down beside me suddenly, leaning on the arm of the chair.
'How is he holding up?'

I waved my hand at Coby, who was still asleep.
'Could be better. Have you had anything to eat?'
She shook her head but she didn't look around for anything so I let it pass. I would shove food down her throat tomorrow.
'What did you find out?'

'Well,' she started, sighing as she stepped out of her boots and jacket, 'Coby here was found by some hikers doing a night walk. They heard him screaming and found him a few kilometres from the car.'
'Julie…?'
Claire shook her head. 'Same as the others. I guess this throws our theory up in the air.'
'Not if she was also responsible for Stacey's disappearance.'
She nodded her head, bowing slightly as she wrapped her lips around a bottle of beer, gulping it down before she untied her hair.

I tried desperately not to stare, instead standing up to slide my gun back onto the table.
'First thing in the morning I'll be off to the morgue. There wasn't a lot we could do tonight. The morgue guy was sick and the rain started.'
I yawned and rubbed my neck, my mind racing to figure this out.
'What's going to happen to Coby?' she asked softly, stripping off her pants. I turned sharply away and tried to bury my face in my hands.
'I don't know. I guess, I'll take him back in tomorrow after I talk to him.'

Claire rubbed my shoulder gently, surprising me and I looked at her.
'It'll be alright Ben. Just get some rest.'
I nodded and looked back at Coby as Claire tucked herself into the bed, bottle hanging from her hand. Her eyes drearily watched me and I smiled, taking the bottle from her hand before she rolled over.

Looked like I was in the chair tonight.
Not to matter, I had slept worse.

Rubbing my eyes again, I pulled my duffle bag out quietly and unzipped a pocket. Carefully I pulled out a necklace, the fine broken chain still perfectly clean like the day I got it.
Sitting back in the chair, I covered myself with my jacket as I stared at the dangling cross in front of me.
Nothing had changed since that night. Yes the war had stopped but I had nothing to do with it. I deserted the army and fought here in our own backyard against something far more evil than people.
Clutching the cross tightly in my hand, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could still taste the sand; still smell the humidity and the poisons.
I could still see those young brown eyes and the hatred in the commander's face.
Yeah go ahead; say it. Get over it Ben, it was so long ago Ben, it wasn't your fault, how were you to know?

I can never let it go, it will always be there in my memory, just hovering in the background waiting to be brought forward by a simple smell or face or sound. The wall that I fought with constantly was still there, and I tried to reason with it that it could keep all it was trying to hide from me as long as it took all these memories and buried them also. There were still so many things that left a hole in my life, still made no sense and gave me nightmares.
One day, perhaps, I would be free from all of this guilt.
One day I would be free.

Thanks for reading! :)

Silver-Kirin
xXx