Dear Santa,

I know that you are pretty much expecting everything that I'm about to tell you. And for that, I'm sorry beforehand. For Christmas this year, I just need a lot of gloves. A LOT OF GLOVES. I am telling you, get as many gloves as you possibly can. Oh, here I go into THAT story…. So, I was born with a terrible genetic mutation that gave me 100 arms. Don't ask where they all go. They just… do….. I guess? And don't even get me started about how everyone thinks I'm bad luck, a curse even, and that I might have brought forth the Great Prophecy. I didn't okay? I'm kind of treating you like a diary. All Mommy told me to do was write a letter to Santa Claus.

Thanks so much,

XOXOXOXO,

Love you,

No just kidding,

I can't figure out how to sign this without being socially awkward or embarrassed,

Sincerely,

No, too formal,

Bye,

Ugh,

Yours truly,

The Hundred Handed One