Dear Santa,
No, I am not writing this letter out of revenge. Yes, I realize that you took my spot as reigning winter idol for children, but we can discuss that on further notice. Anyways, there is a certain mortal boy that I wish to rid of: Leo Valdez, son of Hephaestus, black scraggly hair, of Hispanic ancestry. I figured you could gather up your army of midgets and destroy him for me, because I just got a manicure, and I'd rather just not deal with it. In return, I can give you some extra helping hands around your workshop. (hope you don't mind hockey or pizza)
If you agree to these terms, say nothing. If you don't send back a piece of paper with your a single pencil mark on it.
Sincerely,
Khione