Athrana (Wandering Shadow)
Chapter 16- Cirdan
TA3019, January
Lord Cirdan sat as his desk catching up on some correspondence. In all his long years he had found that no matter what he did, he never had enough time to keep up with his paperwork. As lord of the Grey Havens it was his job to make sure those who came to him were ready to sail. He would council them as best he could, make sure they knew the choice they had made and were prepared for the journey. Sometimes it was a very difficult responsibility he held. He saw many who had been gravely injured; both physically and mentally and on days like that he often longed to be elsewhere. Often he would come back to his rooms exhausted, emotionally drained and in no mood for paperwork.
There was a knock on the door. Well, he thought, he would obviously not get any more done today. A servant popped his head around the door. "My Lord, there is someone here to see you." The old lord nodded putting away his quill. His duty came first. The young elleth who was ushered in sat down without removing the hood of her cloak. Then Cirdan knew this would be another difficult case. "Come now child you can remove your hood, you are safe here." She took a deep breath and sighed removing the cloak entirely and laying it over the chair. "I don't expect you to recognise me my lord. I have changed much in the long years since we have seen one another." Cirdan stood and walked slowly around his desk. "On the contrary Athriel, I see both your parents clearly in you."
The elleth deflated slightly as if she had hoped she would remain unknown. "I have still changed much my lord." He nodded. "That I can see. Will you tell me what happened?" For a long time he listened as she told her tale. Finally he sat back down and leant back. "Well I can see why you wish to sail." She smiled slightly at the idea. "No my lord, I do not wish to sail. I just need some advice." Cirdan grinned. "Good. From what you have told me I do not think that you would be ready to sail."
A best as she could Athrana tried to explain her dilemma. She knew she probably wasn't making much sense but once she started talking about her worries it was difficult to stop. "I don't know what to do." She ended finally her gaze straying to the window behind the older elf's desk. It was dark outside. "Are you not worried that I will write to Rivendell informing them that you still live?" she shook her head. "Lord Elrond I suspect already knows. And I have seen Glorfindel" He nodded. "What about your brother?" Her gaze snapped back to his. "You would not do that would you my lord?" He raised an eyebrow. "And why not? Does he not deserve to know?" She flinched. "It would hurt him Cirdan. I cannot do that to Erestor."
Cirdan grinned at her use of his name. Her guard was down; she had stopped hiding behind formality and might actually listen. "I am not as concerned over your brother Athriel. He is stronger than you think. I am worried about you. The longer you live apart from other elves, the more this darkness inside you will grow." He could see the fear clearly on her face and knew it was not only her fear of the darkness but also a fear of rejection. "I am not saying that you have to make yourself known to them right away. But you shouldn't keep yourself away from the Valley."
Athrana sat alone now in her room. Cirdan had insisted she stay for a few days to consider her options. She sat on her bed looking out of the window towards the sea. She could hear the waves crashing against the shore and the sound calmed her. Some elves were afraid of the sea, fearing they would not be able to resist its call, but Athrana was not worried. Sailing had never been an option. Not while those she cared about still lived in Arda. Yes her parents dwelled in Valinor, but she barely knew them. Her mother she could not remember at all and her father she remembered very little. Her family were in Rivendell, her real family.