"Newkirk, have you been teaching Lizzy to pick pockets?"
"My day was lovely, thanks for asking," replied Newkirk as he came through the front door.
"I'm serious," said Hogan, ignoring Newkirk's sarcastic remark.
The Englishman waited to respond until after he finally had a chance to hang up his uniform jacket and hat.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, let's see, I was playing with Lizzy today, and she showed me a magic trick that has your name written all over it," replied Hogan, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He noticed he had been drinking a lot of the stuff lately.
"She did, did she?" asked Newkirk with a smile, getting a mug for himself.
"Yes. Next thing you know she'll be holding up banks."
"Oh, come off it. She knows not to do it to other people. I only showed 'er some sleight of hand because it was driving her nuts that she couldn't figure out why I could pull so many quarters out from behind 'er ears," said Newkirk, sitting down at the table.
"Are you sure?" asked Hogan, still hesitant.
"Yes. If I'm wrong, you're the Sheriff, not me."
x
x
x
With so much going on in life, it didn't take long for Hogan to quickly forget about Lizzy's new found skill. One of the most pressing concerns that had come up recently was the fact that Lizzy had brought home a two-headed turkey from school.
Alright, so it was a smudged hand-print turkey, but the fact that Lizzy had made one came with much larger implications: Thanksgiving was coming up, and Lizzy was learning about how it was celebrated in school.
What that really meant to Hogan was that this year he couldn't get away with giving her a turkey sandwich as Thanksgiving dinner. He also knew he couldn't count on any help from Newkirk, who was completely ambivalent about the American holiday.
It was in the middle of horrifying thoughts of the oven exploding and sending turkey parts into the stratosphere that the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hello?" the voice on the other end of the line answered.
"Who is this?" Hogan asked.
"It's me," answered the voice. Hogan immediately recognized that it belonged to Carter, who always assumed that everyone always knew it was him calling.
"What's going on?" Hogan asked.
"Not much. Hey, do you guys have any plans for Thanksgiving yet?"
"No," answered Hogan truthfully, not willing to disclose his thoughts of flaming poultry.
"Oh, good. 'Cause Lucy thinks it would be nice to have everyone over at our place. Whaddya think?"
"I think she's nuts. Who's 'everyone?'"
"Lemme see. She wanted me to invite you and Newkirk and Lizzy, Kinch is gonna be there, and Angela is going to help with the food, then there's Louis and Violet, the Stephensons, the Baxters, my parents, and everyone's kids. Oh, and she wanted me to make sure Klink and Schultz had someplace to be, too. If not, add them in," replied Carter.
"Huh. Sounds like it's going to be quite the shindig."
"So can we count you in?"
"Of course," replied Hogan, shifting the telephone receiver so he could have both hands free. "What time is this gonna start?"
"Probably around three in the morning," was Carter's response.
"What?"
"That's when I imagine all the cooking is gonna start."
Hogan sighed. "I meant, what time do you want us over by?"
"Oh. Whenever, I guess."
"I'm glad you clarified that for me, Andrew. Tell Lucy I said hi," replied Hogan, hanging up the receiver.
Hogan had never really been one for big social gatherings, but it looked like this was going to be his best option for the holiday. He hadn't celebrated anything really in a long time, now that he thought about it.
He wondered if Lizzy remembered anything about how her family celebrated the holidays, but she had likely been too young. He wanted her to have a memorable Thanksgiving, in a good way, not in a turkey-imploding way.
And anything with Carter's family was certain to be memorable.
x
x
x
Americans were crazy.
Newkirk had come to this conclusion long ago, but it was days like this when he was once again proven correct.
He knew Americans loved gorging themselves on their "Thanksgiving" holiday thing, and that people usually got together and visited and ate and chatted and ate some more. What he had never previously considered was the sheer level of madness that accompanied the celebration.
Of course, he probably should have expected it, especially when Hogan had informed him of Lucy Carter's ever growing guest list, which had expanded to include almost every citizen of the town that didn't have a place to be with friends or family that evening.
When they arrived at the already buzzing residence, he quickly lost track of Lizzy, who had immediately found other little children to play with.
Newkirk was glad that he recognized almost everyone there. He saw Kinch talking to Carter, with neither man's wives in sight. He would occasionally see one of them scurry out of the kitchen and then back in, but his sense of self-preservation told him not to interfere with whatever they were doing.
He was also pretty proud of himself for the fact that he remembered the names of everyone's extremely fast offspring.
There was Ida Stephenson and Lizzy, sitting at a smaller table that was off to the side of the room. He saw that Ida's older sister Inez was also there, looking rather like she hoped this would be her last year being relegated to the kid's table.
Around the house ran Felix Carter, who, thankfully, had just gotten past the "nudist" stage and had consented to keep his clothing on for the evening. He was joined by his younger siblings Andy and Flora, as well as Josie and Emil LeBeau, who were only a little younger.
There were only three kids that were too young to join in. The first was little Tony Kinchloe, who was being watched by his father while his mother did things in the kitchen. Newkirk had overheard words like "basting" and knew he was wise to stay away.
The other two were the newest additions to the Carter brood - twins. Newkirk fondly remembered visiting his old friend a few days after the little bundles of joy had arrived. Lucy was as unruffled as ever, up and about, simultaneously cooking and writing a newspaper article that was due the next day as if she hadn't just spent fourteen hours in labor.
What he remembered most distinctly was when Carter had told him that they had decided to name their newest additions after his great-grandparents, and introduced him to Red Arrow That Flies Swiftly Through Forest Elizabeth Carter and Running Deer That Outwits Many Hunters George Carter.
Americans were crazy.
Newkirk was immediately jolted back to the present by something crashing into his leg. He looked down to see that it was Lizzy, who had been gleefully running around with her comrades, and had suddenly been struck with the urge to give him a hug from her low vantage point.
"Having fun, love?" he asked, fondly looking down at her wrapped around his legs.
"Yeah," she answered, with her usual sweet little smile. "Guess who's here!"
"Who?"
"Miss Wilson! And also a bald guy," said Lizzy, disengaging from her father's legs and sprinting off once more.
Lizzy's brief explanation was all Newkirk needed to know who had arrived, since only one person that had been on Carter's crazy wife's guest list matched that description.
His intuition proved to be correct when he saw Mina Wilson and Wilhelm Klink come through the door. They had obviously not come together, but had nonetheless ended up arriving at the same time.
Newkirk noticed that Klink was being his usual overly polite self, and was helping Miss Wilson with her hat and coat. However, unlike all the other women he had seen him with, Miss Wilson actually seemed flattered by the attention.
Before he had a chance to worry about having to be awkward with saying hello to the newest arrivals, he felt someone whizz past him. He recognized the blur as Lucy, who was quick to embrace both of her newest guests.
"I'm so glad you could make it," said Lucy, taking both their coats from Klink and putting them in the closet. "Now that everyone's here, we can set the table and start dinner."
At Lucy's statement, everyone began to make their way into the dining room, the table in which was already heaped with all sorts of food.
Newkirk ended up sitting next to Hogan and, to his surprise, Klink and Miss Wilson when it came time to eat. He chose an advantageous spot at the table from which he could keep an eye on Lizzy and the other children who were sitting at a smaller table that was set with much less breakable dining ware than the heirloom china the adults were eating off of. However, he didn't rule out the possibility that something would end up getting broken just from having that many kids within five feet of something delicate.
Dinner wasn't as awkward as he had imagined. Everyone's kids were surprisingly well behaved, and he imagined it was because they had all worked up quite an appetite from all the running around they had been doing.
The sheer amount of people present made it so he wasn't stuck with one conversation partner for very long, which was good, because he had nothing in common with Klink, Mina Wilson, or Mr. Stephenson, who was the next closest person to him. He noticed that Hogan seemed equally relieved, content to watch the world go by from the table.
There was Lizzy, who was giggling about something with Ida at their little table, Klink attempting to appear worldly and Miss Wilson actually seeming to believe it, Lucy and Angela running back and forth to the kitchen, Carter carrying one of his offspring out every half hour for a diaper change, and Kinch and LeBeau attempting to help their significant others with the alarming amount of dishes that was beginning to pile up.
Despite the noise of clattering dishes and the buzz of innumerable conversations, it was very peaceful to watch everyone enjoying life and one another's company.
Perhaps Americans weren't so crazy after all.
x
x
x
Newkirk was glad he wasn't the one driving home that night. He (as well as everyone else) had eaten more food than he thought existed in the entire world, and all he wanted to do was curl up for the next hundred years and digest.
Despite the short amount of time it took to get from Carter's house to back home, Newkirk had already began to doze off.
He was jolted out of his approaching slumber by the sound of Hogan's voice.
"Did you have a nice night, Lizzy?"
"Yeah. That was great!" came the response from the back seat.
"Glad to hear it," Newkirk heard Hogan respond.
Lizzy was quiet for a few moments before she spoke again.
"I think Miss Wilson's gonna get married to that bald guy," she stated.
"What makes you think that?" asked Newkirk, feeling more awake.
"Well, she's not married," answered Lizzy.
"And?" prompted Hogan.
"And he isn't either," she added, as if this made her point perfectly clear and they were complete morons for not seeing it too.
"But why do you think they'd get married?" asked Newkirk, curious as to why Lizzy was so adamant.
"He made Miss Wilson smile. She doesn't do that very often," was the little girl's' response.
Newkirk was always surprised by how insightful Lizzy could be sometimes. Suddenly, a thought struck him.
"Lizzy, how did you know that Klink's not married?"
"He didn't have any pictures of a lady or kids in his wallet."