Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 19- Arwen

TA3019, February

Arwen opened the wardrobe and closed it again. She had already packed anything she needed from in there. It was hard to believe that she was really doing this, leaving. She had spent her whole life in this house, here and in Lothlorien with her grandparents. She had been born in this house, her and her brothers. She had met Aragorn here down by the river. She sighed. This couldn't be happening. She was such a coward, running off so that she wouldn't have to suffer his death. She consoled herself with the thought that he had sent her away, encouraged her to go. But she was still a coward.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard a knock at the door. Wait, that wasn't from the door. The noise was coming from the balcony. Slowly she walked towards the glass panelled door. There was someone out there. They were wearing a long dark cloak with the hood pulled up hiding they're face. There was a small dagger lying on the dressing table. Arwen picked it up and held it in her hand as she opened the door.

Suddenly the dagger was on the floor and the figure stood in front of her with the hood pulled back. She knew that face, and what's more there weren't many people who could knock a dagger out of Lady Arwen's hands. She had been trained by the best, they both had. "Athriel?" she couldn't believe it. "Athriel!"

Athrana ran forward and covered Arwen's mouth before she shouted any louder. "Shh! Arwen please!" She couldn't risk them being overheard. Not yet. She dropped her hand but Arwen grabbed it. She traced the dark blue lines. "What happened"? Athrana pulled her hand away and took a big step back. "Believe me, you don't want to know"

TA 2933

The laughter rang through her head in the darkness. It was piercing sharp in her ears. She scrunched her eyes shut in a vain attempt to block out the noise. They laughed louder. They waited until she opened her eyes again before they brought out the knife again. She could see it clearly despite the darkness. Its blade was dull and edged with poison. Once again they slowly dragged it across her skin. She screamed through her tears and wished for death yet again.

"They told me you were dead." Athrana shook herself. She couldn't do this, not now. She had kept those memories at bay for so long, refusing to think of that time. She took a deep breath. "They think I am" She sat heavily on the bed. She had to keep herself together.

Arwen sat next to her confusion, written across her face. "But they saw you die." Athrana's head snapped up. Was that what they had told everyone? Of course they had. Maybe they even believed it now; it was so much easier to believe that. She had wished it enough times, but it wasn't the truth. "No they didn't, they were protecting Gilrean and Estel, they couldn't wait around, and they had to get back here, to safety"

Athrana watched the realisation spread across Arwen's face and wished she hadn't said anything. "They chose Aragorn over you?" the usually calm and serene Lady Arwen stood outraged. But Athrana pulled her back down beside her. "No, they didn't. I did. I was shot Arwen, the arrow was poisoned. I didn't expect to survive. I told them to go; I didn't give them any choice."

For a long time they sat in silence, each in their own thoughts. Eventually Athrana decided it was time to bring up why she was here. Time to play big sister once again, like she used to. "Your father told me you are leaving." Arwen nodded before the words penetrated. Seeing the look that crossed her face Athrana cursed her own stupidity. She had obviously been away too long and needed to learn to keep her mouth shut. "My father knows your here?" she asked. Athrana actually grinned. "You're father knows anything. He always has." He always knew what was going on, he always had. Arwen however wasn't caught up in memories. "Why didn't he say anything?" She had said it almost to herself, but Athrana answered anyway. "How could he?"

Arwen stopped. That she could understand. She knew her father, how protective he could be. That's why he had been so adamant that she sail. How could he tell his sons the truth? How could he tell them that they're oldest friend hadn't died that day? How could he tell them that she had survived long enough to be tortured? Athriel hadn't said as much but Arwen had seen her mother when they had brought her back. She had seen the scars. Celebrian had only been a captive for a few days, judging by the marks Arwen could see it had been a lot longer than that for Athriel.

TA 2509

Arwen sat by her mother's side with her brothers waiting for their father. It had been weeks and the look on her mother's face hadn't changed. That's why she had to sail. It would be better that way, and then she could heal. When Elrond came in Arwen stood to leave, to give her parents the privacy they needed, but the twins didn't budge. They had been sitting there for hours with their eyes empty.

Suddenly Athriel stormed into the room and pulled them both up. Without a word she shoved them out of the room and down the corridor. It always amazed Arwen to see her brothers man-handled by their smaller friend, even when they needed it.

Arwen knew that her father was wrong. They needed her, the always had. She kept them sane, kept them focused. She had seen it her entire life. It had seemed wrong all these years, the two of them without her. They weren't her brothers anymore. They weren't living, they were surviving. "You have to tell them." Panic flashed through Athrana and Arwen could see it on her face. "I can't"

It pained Arwen to see her like this. She was broken, a pale shadow of the Athriel she remembered. And she knew that it would be much worse for her brothers, but she also knew she was right about this. "If you don't tell them, I will."

Athrana's brain stuttered. "What?" Unfortunately Arwen was just as stubborn as she was. "They are coming with me to the Grey Havens and I will tell them before they come back here" No! She wasn't ready! She couldn't! "Arwen, no please" She pleaded which only made Arwen more determined. Athriel didn't plead. "They have never gotten over it you know. Your death. And neither has Erestor" She did anything to get her own way, but she didn't plead. "Please don't" She wasn't going to let this go. With every second that passed Arwen was convinced she was doing the right thing. Elladan and Elrohir needed her back, as did Erestor and Athriel needed them. "You know what I think. I think there's a small part of them that knows you survived. That's why they haven't been able to move on." Athriel looked up at her with tears in her eyes one last time. "I can't" Arwen shook her head. "You have to. Go and see Erestor at least."

Athrana tried to control her emotions. She knew she had to do this. She knew that Arwen was right. Wasn't that why she had come back again? Wasn't that why she had agreed to Elrond's request in the first place? Why she had agreed to see Arwen. There was just something she had to know. "Why are you leaving Arwen?" Athrana could see the doubt on her face. "Because of Aragorn" Somehow Athrana knew she wouldn't really sail "Because you love him?" Arwen nodded. "Because I can't watch him die" Even if she made it all the way the Grey Havens, Cirdan wouldn't let her sail. Not with that doubt. Instead of saying anything Athrana just nodded and left via the balcony.

Watching her leave Arwen sat thinking to herself. She couldn't watch him die. Not after what Athriel's death had done to her brothers.