…
Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need, always ends up leaving me alone
Another lesson learned and I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
..

Claire speaks

Lance was so weak and I could feel warm tears cloud my vision as I held him tighter, staring at his perfect porcelain face. His head lolled and I shook him gently, trying to keep him awake as I searched his body for a wound, but there was so many.
'Come on Lance, where does it hurt the most, I need to know.'
He gurgled a moment, words lost amongst a mouthful of blood that spilled over his lips. I wiped it away on my sleeve, looking up at Jesse who had his back turned.

'Stomach, chest…' he took a deep breath and the rattle that I heard was not a comforting thing. I laid him back down gently, my hands tearing his shirt open and I gasped at the gaping wound that was vivid red, pulsing with every beat of his heart.
'I always, wanted you to do that.' Lance chuckled and I tried to laugh back but I had to keep my mouth shut, my sob was not what Lance need to hear right now.
'Your fine, Lancelot. This is Jesse,' I waved my bloodied hand for him to come over and he did, kneeling beside Lance, 'he can help you, can't you?'

Jesse rubbed his hands together, not giving me a confident look but still placed them over Lance, hovering over his wounds in an attempt to heal them.
'Hey Lance, stay with me.' I patted his cheek firmly, waking him up and he smiled at me.
'How did they get in?'
Lance opened his eyes, staring at me but I wasn't sure that he could see much.
'Front door, I was coming in…'
'What did I always tell you about going outside?'
'I think I, I was the one that said that.' He chuckled and I held his hand firmly in mine, smiling down at him but I turned to Jesse, who lowered his head; blonde hair covering his eyes and I felt my whole soul drop, my eyes stinging and stomach a wreck of butterflies and gravel. All that power and he couldn't even save one person?

I lifted his head off the ground again, cradling it in my lap as I gently pushed hair from his eyes. Jesse took his jacket off, draping it gently over Lance who was starting to shiver.
'Claire,'
'Shhh Lance, you're going to be fine.'
'I'm sorry.' I wanted to slap him but I just stared at him instead, shaking my head.
'Shut up, you know I'm the one that always needs to say it.' Jesse moved away, whispering that he wouldn't be able to do his teleport thing with Lance in this condition; he would be dead on arrival and I felt more of my mask crack as I gently stroked his cheek, trying to wipe away the blood.
'Dammit Lance.' I felt my voice crack and Lance grabbed my hand, his fingers freezing and weak. Steadily he brought them to his lips and kissed gently, that goofy grin on his face.

I smiled, bending to kiss his forehead.
His eyes stared up at me, no glasses hiding him and they were cheerful.
'Claire…'
His grip weakened even more and I grabbed it with one of my own, willing all of my being to hang onto him, trying to hold him from slipping away from me.
'Lance, come on, stay… here with me, Lance?'
With a smile, Lance winced and stilled, eyes staring up at my face but there wasn't that small spark of hope in them anymore. The stupid grin he did relaxed away from his face and I shook him, pulling his closer to my chest as I sobbed.

'Lance!'
Closing my eyes, I prayed to anything and anyone out there to help him, but if Jesse could do nothing then my chances of ever being able to see Lance, watch him work away in his pyjamas or push his glasses up his nose as he frowned at me like a concerned adult were at a pile of nothing. I needed to cry, the tears and sorrow clogging my throat but I couldn't, I just couldn't. My head fell back and I felt tears stick to my cheeks, sniffing as I looked at Jesse, who looked back with sad eyes but didn't say anything and for that I was grateful; I probably would have shot him.

Jesse knelt down in front of me, a hand on my cheek before we disappeared from Lance's apartment and arrived at the foot of the stairs of the place I now called home. I still clung to Lance; I couldn't bring myself to look away from his peaceful face.
Adam stumbled in, dropping his glass as he began to shout at Adam to collect some towels and his kit but Jesse shook his head as I stared up at them.
'Why couldn't you heal him?'
For a sick moment I thought that maybe Jesse didn't want to, maybe it was Jesse that told them where Lance was, what he was doing to help us but I hissed at myself, knowing I should never think like that.
'I- I'm sorry Claire.'

Pulling on my sleeve I wiped some more blood from his face, staring at it for a long time, committing it to memory, but those eyes and strikingly high cheek bones would never be forgotten. I remembered the first time a saw him, a scrawny boy in half a soldiers uniform and in half his mind. I guess I did want something more than a friendship from this, and Lance felt the same, but I suppose I was just afraid, was just grateful that he was there for me when I needed him; a sewing kit and hot shower when I came in bloody and a partner full of information and laughs when I needed company. I left it too late, was clouded to much by the job and I cried, pressing my lips to his before I hugged him tighter to me.

Adam stood over me, a hand holding my shoulder firmly and I was grateful for some warmth other than the cold body in my arms.
'Come on love,' he squatted beside me, pulling hair from my eyes and brought me tighter into his chest. I gently put Lance on the ground, standing up on my own. The guys didn't need to see me cry, I wasn't weak, I wasn't. Jesse gently lowered a white sheet over him and I wiped at my eyes, trying to hide red eyes.
'I'm sorry Claire.'
'Me to.' I growled, feeling suddenly angry.
'I don't suppose he had any preferences on burials?'
I frowned at Adam, not wanting to think about it now but in this line of work, time was essential and I looked back down at Lance, knowing that even as picky and fussy he was, he would be happy to go in the hunters way.
'He lived and died a hunter, may as well send him off that way.' I tried to sound light hearted, I just hoped it didn't make me sound cold.

The front door opened and the three of us looked up, Ben stepping through the threshold before pausing. There were no words spoken and I felt my rage bubble under my flesh. He was holding a brown bag and the smell of bacon stirred the air and he dropped his duffle bag, closing the door as he scanned over us, his eyes sitting on Lances body last.
'What happened?'
'What happened?' I snarled, marching up to him. I shoved him hard in the chest, enough so he was back against the door and the bacon burgers dropped to the floor. 'What happened? I thought you had left for good! I didn't think you were ever coming back by the way you were bloody carrying on!'
'Claire, calm down!'
He looked over my shoulder to the guys, but neither of them were going to be coming to his rescue, I was too enraged.
'Now you're telling me to calm down you son of a bitch!' I struggled with him and he grabbed my wrists tightly, one hand reaching to my face an swiping at the blood with his thumb.
'Jesus, are you alright?'

I forced myself away from him, not knowing why I was taking it out on him and I felt my voice growl deep in my chest as I marched up the stairs, ripping my clothes off as I went before locking myself in the shower. I turned the water onto hot and curled up on the shower floor, no longer able to cry, just angry as I watched Lances blood wash away with the water.

Heavy black clouds were hanging over us as we stood in the empty clearing, nothing around us except trees and dirt. In front of us was a large stack of wood, mainly just trees the guys had pulled up from around the area, Lance nestled on top of them, wrapped in the white sheet.

I shivered at the cold air, huddling deeper into my jacket as I watched them finish splashing some petrol over the wood. I had tried to help, but the more I tried to help the more I just seemed to get in the way. My eyes were locked on Lance, distracted sometimes as Ben and Jesse passed in front, Ben trying to lock eyes with me but like a stubborn child I looked away.

Adam stood beside me, handing me a cheap lighter and I accepted it with a weak grin.
'How you holding up?'
I just nodded, forcing him a nice smile but I knew he could see right through it; as long as the other two couldn't that was fine. Ben and Jesse stood back, all four of us standing in silence for a minute, I not knowing what to say other than sending a prayer to whoever was listening as I threw the lighting onto the wood, watching as it took instantly. Smoke took to the sky rising with the ashes to the dark night and I stood back, watching as they caught hold of Lance.

Adam sighed gently, twirling car keys in his hands.
'I'll be in the shit bucket.' He murmured softly to me, the shit bucket being an old van he managed to get working while I prepared Lance. It was done quickly, but we didn't want to risk Lance returning or Zeno taking advantage of it or whatever. I just wished that I knew if he had any family left, he never spoke of them, but it didn't mean he had none right?

Ben stood beside me next and I sighed, not looking at him.
'I'm sorry Claire, for leaving and for Lance, he was a nice guy.' I took a deep breath, knowing that the last time Lance and Ben saw each other, it was the day I chose a stranger over my friend. I didn't curse the day, but I don't approve of it now at all.
'At least you came back.' I said, turning to look at him. Ben smiled softly, rubbing my back gently.
'I found a reason to stay.'
He opened his mouth to say something more but Jesse stepped out from wherever he was hiding and gave me a reassuring grin.
'Alright?'
'The next person to ask me that will get a punch on the mouth.'

Ben lingered for a moment, but when Jesse didn't falter, Ben dropped his hand to mine, giving it a squeeze before moving to his own car, allowing Jesse to stand in front of me.
'I'm not a widow, you know. I don't need you men checking up on me every five minutes.'
'We only care about you.' He smiled and I looked past him to the fire, the orange flames burning brighter now.
Jesse took a step closer, pulling something out from his pocket and I held out my hand, accepting the glasses. I held them tight in my hand and dropped my eyes.
'Thanks.'

When Jesse didn't move, I looked back up at him, unsure if there was something else I should have said.
'I'm so sorry Claire, I'm sorry I couldn't save Lance.'
I shook my head, Jesse standing beside me now as we watching the fire together.
'It wasn't your fault, it was my fault more than anything. I got him into hunting, I got him involved in this.'
Jesses hand took mine and I looked up at him, his eyes focussing on the fire before they dropped to me.
'It is Zenos fault, Claire. Do not ever blame yourself.'
'I can't help but think that everyone I ever get close to is going to be hurt or perish this way. My father, my mother, Lance…'
'So you're going to do a Ben, only more permanent?' Jesse said with a slight chuckle and I couldn't help but grin myself.
'No, I don't think so.'

Jesse turned suddenly, facing me with an intense focus and I turned to face him also.
'I just want you to know Claire, that as long as you are here, I will do everything I can from now on to protect you, and I will never leave.'
I had no idea what my mind was doing, why was I feeling so comfortable with this? I just lost my best friend and I thought my feelings were for Ben only but as Jesse gently pulled my face closer to his, covered my lips with his own, I surrendered to the warmth, to the kindness and wrapped my arm around his shoulders, holding him closer as he pressed more firmly against me, his hands gripping my waist.
Everything was screaming at me to move, to pull away from him but there was something there driving me to stay, to pull him closer. I just didn't know what to do, at least for a moment I felt my guilt and sorrow melt away under his lips, my anger drift away under his hands as ashes flew away into the night.

..
So here I am again, in the middle of the end
and the choice I wish I made, I always make too late

Why kill Lance? And has Lances death encourage something between Jesse and Claire? What will Ben think of this…?
Silver-Kirin
xXx