Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 26- Explanations

TA3019, February

Athrana closed the door and started off down the corridor. She knew exactly where they would be. She hadn't been away long enough to forget their habits. She turned down the hall towards the library. Opening the door she moved through to a room at the back, a room they used to store the old archives and the seldom read books. Sitting at one of the desks was Elrohir.

"I knew you'd be here" She said as she walked towards him. He had his back to her and didn't move. "You always preferred to do your thinking here" Elrohir smiled despite himself. Of course she would know. Wasn't that part of why they always ran when they argued with her, so she would chase them? Or rather she would chase Elrohir. He at least would listen to her. Elladan was still sulking curled up on their bed keeping his anger close as long as possible so that he wouldn't have to deal with the real issues. She knew them too well, just as they knew her. The years apart couldn't change that.

Elrohir didn't bother to ask her why she was here. He knew. He was her only hope to get through to them. Elladan wouldn't listen, not yet. That's how he coped with things, locked away in their room away from the rest of the world. Elrohir preferred to talk things out, to explain and have things explained. And she needed to explain, they had a lot to work out. "We thought we would fade over you Athriel." He said finally as she sat next to him. They didn't look at each other; they just sat side by side. "You didn't though" she said "Isn't that a good thing."

Elrohir shook his head. "What happened?" He had to know, he had to know everything. Athrana took a deep breath. This was it, she had to explain. And she wouldn't be able to get away with vague explanations and hints. Elrohir would want the whole story and he wouldn't settle for anything less. She owed them that much didn't she? Even if they didn't like it they would have to hear it all.

TA2933

Athriel pulled the arrow from her body and dismounted quickly before they could argue with her. They had to get back home; they had to get to safety, no matter what. She was already dead. She drew her knives as they disappeared into the distance. The orcs swarmed around her. They easily out numbered her, but that didn't matter. She would slow them down and before she died she would take a few with her.

With the adrenaline pumping through her body Athriel swung her knives around over and over again. The others were safe. She had made sure of that. Whatever happened next didn't matter. They were safe. Just then they overwhelmed her. Their numbers were much too great. She didn't care. She was an elven warrior. She would face her death head on without fear. She waited in vain for the death blow that didn't come; instead something hit her hard on the head.

When Athriel regained consciousness, the first thing she realised was that she wasn't outdoors anymore. She was somewhere cold and dark. Her arms were tied above her head. And she was suspended above the ground. The bindings pulled uncomfortably on her injuries, but what was a little pain. She would be dead before she let them see fear or pain on her face. She wondered briefly how long she had been unconscious and how long they would wait before they made their move.

That's when the laughter started. Obviously they were trying to intimidate her, but it wasn't going to work. She concentrated on the pain in her shoulder to block out the noise. Underneath the laughter she could hear them moving closer. It seemed to take forever, listening to their footsteps as they approached. In the darkness she couldn't see much, there was a pile of weapons over in the corner, and a small fire. As her eyes adjusted to the gloom she saw the metal sticking out of the hot coals. Brands or something similar. You are an elven warrior, she thought. You can withstand anything. They are trying their best to scare you. Are you going to let that happen? No, you're not. You are Athriel of Imladris. You can face them.

As they entered she stared at their leader defiantly. She wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of hearing her scream. Not a single sound was going to pass her lips, not one single sound.

It had been days now but it felt like years. It was so hard to tell the passage of time down here in the dark. There wasn't a single part of her body that didn't burn with the poison they had inflicted upon her. There wasn't a single part of her body that they hadn't scorched cauterising her wounds to stop her from bleeding out. That wouldn't be any fun. They weren't going to let her get away that easily. Every now and then she would pass out making it even harder to tell the passage of time. Maybe one day she would forget about time all together.

Time had no meaning now. She couldn't even guess how long it had been since she had seen the sky or breathed the forest air. There was no time before now, and there wouldn't be ever again. There was no past or future. There was only the present here in this hell. She had been here forever and she would remain here forever. She was in limbo, this place between life and death. Barely surviving and yet unable to die. She didn't know how many times she had begged for death only to hear their laughter. Please Mandos take me, she pleaded again to the Valar of the dead. Please let me die. But still she lived on.

Elladan tried to force the images out of his head. He didn't want to see that, he didn't want to know what had happened. He wanted to stay just one more minute in his ignorance, but it was useless. Elrohir was listening to Athriel tell her tale and unconsciously he send the images to his brother. His anger had now completely gone as he knew it would. They couldn't stay angry at her forever. But it was a cloak. Protection against their own guilt. All these years they had blamed themselves, wished they had done something more to save her. Seeing her today had put yet another nail into their hearts. Seeing her standing there with those marks all over her body had been worse than they ever could have imagined.

Elladan stood and made his way to the door. There was no point in staying here, there never was. It was just his way, his first defence to come back to this room and block everything out, while Elrohir tried to find a way through their problems. Now though he knew Elrohir wished he had done what his brother had. It was one thing to learn about what happened to her, but Elrohir was sitting in the library listening to it firsthand.

Once he reached the library Elladan crept quietly towards the back room. Elrohir would know he was there by now but Athriel wouldn't. They were sitting with their backs to him while Athriel continued with her story. "Why didn't you sail?" He asked moving forward to sit on her other side.

TA2510

Athriel watched as they loaded the ship with the few things Celebrian wanted to take with her. It was obvious to everyone that she couldn't stay here any longer. She had to sail. If there was ever a chance that she would heal it was in Valinor. Athriel was relieved. It felt selfish, but with her gone and safely over the sea maybe the twins would be able to heal themselves. For too many months they had sat by her bedside refusing to leave. Too many times she had forced them out of the room to eat bathe and rest. Maybe now they could get on with their lives safe in the knowledge that their mother would heal.

Everyone cried as Celebrian was led towards the ship. It would be a long time before any of them saw her again. After her family had said goodbye the lady called Athriel over. Just before she boarded the ship she leant over and whispered into the younger elf's ear. "Look after them for me Ree, until I see them again. Look after my sons."

Athrana sighed. She couldn't sail. She couldn't leave them alone while she had a choice. She couldn't say that though. "I couldn't" she said instead before she stood and left them to themselves.