...
Sometimes I wonder why I'm here at all
A thousand faces yet I'm feeling so alone
..

Claire Speaks

What the hell was I thinking?
I had just lost my friend, my brother who died in a horrible way probably because I got him involved in this whole mess and I was only thinking of myself, thinking of Jesse and Ben.

I leant back against the door, fighting the need to go back out there, to pull Ben into my arms and forgive him. I would have done the same thing if I had my motorbike, just jumped on it and road off but Ben came back… why? Some small selfish piece of me wanted it to be because of me but Ben was better than that, he was probably too proud to run away.

Throwing myself away from the door, I stripped off my damp clothes and slipped on my pyjamas, well my baggy clothes anyway and sighed, gripping my hair tight in my hands. I needed more female friends and less gorgeous men in my life; my emotions were running everywhere. I wanted to mourn Lance, wanted to do whatever I could to bring him back but I could hear him now, telling me to get on with it and not to bring him back to a damned life. At least wherever he was now he could forget about the war, forget about the pain and just be at peace. I just wished that he was here to kick my ass into gear about this triangle that seemed to be forming between Jesse, Ben and myself. Of course I didn't approve, there was already enough drama in our lives, and something like this could tear this fragile team apart.

Gently brushing my fingertips over my lips, I could remember Jesse power making my hair stand on ends and I wanted to surrender myself to him, but it was wrong. I loved him, of course I did but it just didn't feel right. How could I choose one over the other? At any normal workplace, something like this wouldn't be tolerated, but I suppose this wasn't a normal work place environment.
Yet I still wanted to go back out there, grab Bens hand and invite him into my room.

I had denied myself things like this for years, not ever wanting to get personal with anyone in the fear that one day they would be used against me, or they might make me change my mind about hunting down Castiel. But this was different, this didn't feel like a raw lust that needed to be satisfied, and I was terrified of what was growing between Ben and myself.

Gathering up my courage, I move back to the door opening it slowly as I sighed to steady myself. I peered around, not seeing Ben standing there but I caught his bedroom door closing and I smiled. He had waited; I didn't feel the sting of rejection knowing that he had waited a while for me, hoping that I would open my door. If only I could make up my mind quicker but I sighed, stepping back into my room. Maybe this was for the best, and I flicked the light off.

Crawling under the covers, I got myself comfortable before I felt myself sink; without any distractions, all I could think of was Lance and I wiped my eyes, rolling onto my back to keep myself from crying. Letting my head drop to the side, I stared at the old glasses on the dressing table, sad that I would never see Lances eyes behind them ever again.

'Claire.'
I twisted around, standing suddenly on nothing, surrounded by nothing. I shook my head, willing myself to wake up but it was futile, something was keeping me here.
'Claire, come here.'
'Lance?' I tried to follow his voice but it was resounding strangely around me. I ran, unsure if I was even moving but it was better than standing there in the dark. A faint light appeared up ahead and a ran fast, my bare feet slapping the ground as it suddenly became damp.
'Claire!'
'Where are you?' I screamed, a sick feeling grinding in my stomach. The light became stronger and Lance stood there smiling at me with humour in his eyes.
'Am I dreaming?' I asked, Lance shaking his head and tightening his face.
'Claire they need your help…'
'Who does?' I asked, stopping in my tracks when he began to fade out, the light behind him becoming stronger.

I ran forward, needing him to stay but I dropped suddenly, the ground beneath me becoming like water as it rose to my thighs, not even cold. I tried to wade through it but the more I moved the thicker it seemed to become. In front of me, a figure appeared, but I couldn't make out what it was. I mean it was human looking only, it was on fire.

Panicking I tried to move back, tried to call for Lance but as the body finally stopped its advance, the fire began to spread, igniting the fluid around me. I struggled to move, to try and escape the fire but it caught me and I screamed.
'We need you to listen, Claire Novak, we need your help.'

..
Your whispers calling me you speak my name
How can I save you when I couldn't save myself?
…

Apologies for the short chapter, but trust me when I say that all of this will be explained in a much larger chapter.

Let me know what you think!
Silver-Kirin
xXx