Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 31- They Were Elves Once

TA3019, February

Athrana stood outside of the heavy wooden door trying to calm her nerves. She couldn't do this, she really couldn't do this. No good would come of it, reliving it all, trying to find a reason for the urges she felt. How could any of that be good? How could it help? She felt a hand take her own as Erestor stood beside her. "You can do this." She closed her eyes. She couldn't. "Please Athriel, if you won't do it for yourself, then for me." That was it, she had to. She couldn't cause Erestor anymore pain, she had caused so much already. Lifting her free hand she knocked on the door.

In a dark corner of the library Elladan and Elrohir searched the shelves. They had to do something. The disturbing dream had stayed with them for the rest of the night. And being not only the sons of Elrond but also the grandsons of Galadriel they knew not dismiss it as simply a bad dream. So they searched for all that they could on the history and habits of the orc. Maybe their search was in vain but they had to find something. They had to find some way to help their dearest friend.

Lord Elrond opened the door and without a word indicated for the siblings to enter. It was about time they came to him. He had been waiting for them to ask for help. Indicating towards the two chairs opposite his desk he took his own seat behind it. Maybe if he helped Athriel through this it would dispel some of the guilt he felt. It would not be easy for any of them, but it would be worth it.

"What can I do for you both" Elrond asked. Athrana looked down at the hand that her brother still held, trying to will the words into existence. Where should she start? How could she begin to explain what was happening to her? What she feared was happening to her? As it turned out Erestor beat her to it. "Elrond. Last night Athriel snuck out of her room to go hunting as she calls it" The lord nodded. "Is this true?" At her shamed nod he continued "And what do these hunts involve?"

She looked up sharply. Surely he knew already. Or was that the point? Was this how he was going to help, by making her talk about what she did? And so she did, regardless of her brother's presence she talked in detail about her hunts. Every gory detail she could remember. Every so often she felt her hand squeezed harder. She talked about the overwhelming anger that surged through her. The way she attacked the creatures with no regard for herself. The feel of them as she ripped them apart with her bare hands and with her throat. For hours it seemed she went on and on letting it all out while Elrond sat on the other side of his desk listening intently. She didn't stop there. She talked about her fears out in the wild, the fears that kept her away. And then finally at Elrond's prompting she described her time with the orcs.

Erestor sat there listening to his little sister with tears in his eyes. It was difficult to listen to, but he knew that she needed to get it out. It hurt him so much to hear what she had been through. The hints that Glorfindel had given him her first morning home had grieved him but not to this extent. But through it all he remembered that as difficult as this was for her to tell, it was much harder on Athriel. He wondered how often she would have to relive those days before she could finally heal.

After what seemed like an eternity to all of them Athriel stopped talking and slumped back into her chair exhausted. Elrond looked at them both and took a deep breath. He wasn't surprised at their distressed faces, but what he was about to say would upset them more. "Athriel. I think I know why you you've been feeling this way..."

Elladan sat staring at the parchment in front of him tapping it with his fingers. He had never been very good at this. Studying had never been his strong point. Elrohir had ever been the scholar. It didn't help that the reading material was less than pleasant. Orcs were hardly the nicest creatures in all of Arda.

Elrohir read over the passage for a second time torn between happiness and dismay. Finally they had found something. He glanced at his brother; OK finally he had found something. But what he read disturbed him greatly. "Dan, I think I found something" He said finally sighing when Elladan moved to read over his shoulder.

The origins of the orc have widely been debated throughout the ages. Some legends state that Morgoth with his sorcery created them from stone and slime. The true origins however are believed to be through torture. The prolonged and brutal torture of Elves is thought to have produced the orcs of the first age and beyond. It is unknown how long one would have to endure such treatment before the transformation begins to take place or when the subject will forget their former life.

"Roh, you can't be serious." Although it answered a lot of questions, the news was hard to take.

"So I am a monster" Athrana said quietly as she slumped further in her chair. Elrond leant towards her. "No, you are not. The process was begun, but you are still the elf you once were. You can reverse what was done to you if you remember who you were before and who you will be again. You have to stop being Athrana and become Athriel again."

The twins sat in silence for a while as they searched for more information. Although they had found references to the creation of orcs they had found no literature on reversing the process. Suddenly Elladan's face split with a grin. "I found it" Elrohir grabbed the book and scanned the page frantically.

After Morgoth's defeat when the darkness left Arda the orcs became weakened, leaderless and defeated. With the rise of Sauron their strength was returned. After the Last alliance their power dwindled yet again.

"What?" Elrohir asked not really seeing the relevance. Elladan rolled his eyes at his usually intelligent brother's stupidity. "When Sauron is finally defeated the darkness will have less of a hold on her. The transformation was never completed Roh. She is still our Athriel; she still remembers us and her life here. When the darkness goes she will no longer feel its pull.

Elrond closed behind them as they left. There was hope yet. She was on her way to recovery. He had advised Athriel to try and get back into her old routines. To try and live life as she had before she left. It would be a long hard road, but she was on her way. He only hoped Erestor would be able to cope with everything that was happening. To his credit, the Advisor had taken it all in his stride. At no point did he let go of his sister's hand. He was determined to see her through this, which was an encouraging thought.