...

Wear the grudge like a crown
desperate to control
unable to forgive
and sinking deeper
..

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.

There was no time here, no hunger or thirst, no weariness or pain, only gentle warmth that assured all of God's creatures that His presence was constant and sustaining. There was no need for something more and there could never be anything less whilst serving for the Lord for he provided all that was needed, and there was nothing truly needed.

'My child.'
The voice filled every creature around the throne, but one knew who is was meant for and leaving its place from hovering by the throne, it knelt before it, six wings shielding its face and feet. Pure glory bathed over it, igniting its flames as God spoke to it, firing its humility.

Sometimes, it was God that needed more.

Claire Speaks

I screamed myself awake, pushing myself back against the headboard of the bed. I scanned the room for anything out of place, kicking the sheets from me as I felt tears swell in my eyes, my throat caught in a scream which render me useless to do nothing more but hold the pillow to my chest and sit in silence. With a trembling hand I covered my face, eyes closed as I tried to make sure that I was no longer trapped inside my own head.

Once I was sure it wasn't another memory, just another trick they tried to pull on me, I relaxed and released the sob I had tried to cling on to. It felt like I had been asleep for years, but my mind was exhausted. Their voices echoed in my skull and my flesh still crawled from their touch.

There was a knock at my door and I jumped, managing to hold onto my yelp and braced myself for the worst.
'Claire? Are you alright?'
I sighed heavily; at least my sobs could be counted as weeping for Lance. At that I did, covering my mouth as the door opened, Adam stepping in and carefully walking into the room, nothing but concern in his eyes.
I glanced up at him, wondering why he cared so much but no words could come to my mouth and Adam sat beside me, opening his arms and I fell into them, clinging to his dog scented shirt and his whiskey breath. Even Pearl came in, up on the bed in a heartbeat and laying there, waiting for me.

'It's alright honey, he is in a better place now.'
I wanted to tell him that it may actually be true, but if it was better, why couldn't I join him?
Wiping my eyes I gave Adam my best smile and patted Pearl, Adam rubbing my shoulder soothingly.
'Come down when you're ready, I'll have some breakfast ready for you.'
With a final squeeze he let me go, calling Pearl who ran after him and shut my door gently.
If only I had the guts to tell him what really happened. Of course I missed Lance, but at the moment I was more upset about the weight that had just been dropped onto my shoulders.
Ignoring it, or doing my damned best to try, I got dressed casually and took my time braiding my hair. With it messily but still holding together down my back, I took a deep breath; pushing everything into the box I kept buried deep inside myself, slamming the lid shut as I put a small smile on my face for Adam.

Walking into the kitchen all I could smell was bacon and burning toast, but looking at the time it was more suitable to have lettuce and tomato with it. Adam was quiet, wether lost in thought or just hung over from the hour before I couldn't tell, but he still managed a smile for me to. If mine was anything like his, he could see straight through to the pain I tried to hide behind my eyes.
He slid the plate in front of me, a cup of coffee following it and told me to enjoy.
'Where's Ben and Jesse?' I asked as I hacked into my late morning meal, starving.
'They headed out on a quick hunt, thought it best to leave you be.'
I nodded, understanding but it still stung that they would leave me there, or was I just mad that I didn't get the chance to kill something?

'Oh.' Adams quick word forced me to look up and watch him as he pulled a bit of paper from behind the kettle, my name clearly written on it.
'I think one of the boys left this for you, looks like Jesses hand writing.' He passed it over, and I dreaded opening it; I hoped it wasn't some sort of apology note or worse from him.
'If you need me, I'll be in there.' He pointed to the study and sauntered in, shutting the door behind him.

Gulping down the coffee, I knew that there was no way that I would be sleeping easy for as many nights I would sleep, I didn't want to be trapped and hunted down by angels in my sleep. I gripped my head as it began to burn, and I closed my eyes to make it go away and sure enough it did. I couldn't even remember what happened last night; I know I dreamed, I know that the angels sent me a message through it, but it was teasing me at the tips of my minds fingertips. Not bothering about wasting my time thinking about it, I finished my food, giving half of it to Pearl and sighed at the letter.

'Should I? Hmm?' I asked Pearl, who seemed more interested in the left over egg on my plate than the letter on the table. I didn't want to read it, what if Jesse was trying to convince me that what happened was right, or what if I was going to read a novel about how he felt guilty and was sorry? I put it off for a while, doing the dishes before I picked it up, sitting comfortably on the lounge as I stared at it. Surrendering, I knew it was better to read it and get it out of the way before I wasted a day dreading about it. I unfolded the paper quietly, surprised that there were not many words on it but then I actually focused on the words, read the message that was for me alone.

Claire
I know where He will be tomorrow. Meet me outside at midday.
T xx

For a moment I didn't know what to make of it; He could be either Zeno or… I dropped the note, practically running up the stairs to my room, it was midday. Changing into my well-worn jeans and nearest hunting shirt, which simply means a dark olive green singlet, I laced my boots to my feet and with a quick check of my weapons bag, slung it over my shoulder and headed back down the stairs.

I poked my head into the study, seeing Adam leaning forward with his head in his hands. I wanted to go to him, comfort him and ask what was wrong but I had been waiting for this most of my life.
'I'm heading out Adam, won't be long.'
I didn't wait for an answer, only scooped my black jacket off the back of a chair and raced out the front door. Sure enough there was Tatiana, casually leaning back on the hood of her dark blue mustang.

'How did you know where to find me?'
Tatiana brushed creases from her white shirt and blew hair from her eyes, smiling at me as she got into the car.
'Jesse isn't really good at keeping his tracks hidden.'
Again every inch of my being was telling me to kill the bitch, to just ignore her; it could be a trap on her behalf. Not needing my jacket as the sun beat down on us; I pulled out my silver dagger, making sure she saw it as I took my seat as the passenger.
'Still don't trust me?'
'Doesn't look like it does it?'
Tatiana grinned, starting the engine and pulling away from the curb and making it impossible to change my mind.

The silence was awkward, more so for Tatiana as she tried a few times to start a conversation but my grip tightening on the dagger shut her up. Eventually she sighed heavily, a forceful noise from her throat and she focused on the road as we went through town after town. Soon it was my turn, nervous that I was being stupid, that if Ben and Jesse found out I went with the shifter alone, without even knowing where I was going or really knowing what the situation was that I was being driven into.

'How did you know?'
Tatiana didn't respond for a minute then looked at me with wide eyes.
'Oh, I'm sorry, we do feel like talking?'
I tried to keep myself calm, but my nerves were suddenly beginning to eat away at me and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself.
'I have been wanting to find him for years, all of my life and you show up and know where he will be?'
Grinning, Tatiana shrugged; 'I guess having an evil friend is a good thing.'
'We are not friends.'
Tatiana didn't seem bothered and neither was I, sitting next to a shifter with silver in my lap was a twisted feeling and my skin crawled like insects were forcing their way out from under my flesh; but I refused to scratch.
'Why?'

'Why what? Are we even sure we are talking about the same he?'
I looked at her, and she looked at me and instantly I knew that it was the same guy; any creature less than an angel had that fear when speaking of them.
Castiel, at long last I was closer to him than I had been for a long time and even though I would have liked to thank the shifter, it still poked at me that I didn't know how she knew.

'I don't know what your history is with them, but you shouldn't get mixed up in that sort of crowd.' Tatiana warned and I gave her a disbelieving look.
'So hanging out with shifters is a safer thing to do?'
'Look I'm just saying that Angels can be pricks; they don't care about humans, only when they can do something for them.'
I relaxed, noticing we were slowing down in a small town called St Josephs.
'Don't worry, I'm not here on a coffee date with them.'

The mustang pulled up in front of an empty school; looking like it had been abandoned for years. Graffiti covered its walls all the way up to the fourth floor and I dreaded to see what it looked like on the inside.
'Here we are, safe and sound.'
I got out of the car, the shifter also and she leant on the roof, eyes watching me as I put my jacket on and searched through my bag, arming myself.
'No thank you?'
'You'll get it when I walk back out alive. Coming?' I asked as I started to make my way to the entrance. Terror filled Tatiana's face and I hesitated; 'Sorry, this is where I stop, I'm just the messenger and a shifter. In an angels eye that makes me less than a molecule in a piece of dog shit.'
'You have a way with poetry.'
The shifter forced a laugh, pulling a face but shook her head, looking up at the building and shivering.
'I'll be here. Scream if you need me.'

Giving her a glare, I turned and made my way to the un-barricaded door, tentatively taking a step inside. The building seemed stable enough and I strapped my large dagger to my back and made sure I had plenty of clips in my pocket; I knew it couldn't take down an angel, but it could slow it down. As I walked further into the building, a strange sense of unease washed over me and as I turned, everything began to shimmer, and the strip of the outside world I could see through the door was blocked unexpectedly by a wall.

Everything was elegant, it looked as though I had just stepped into a palace and I braced myself.
They knew I was here.
The shimmer continued down the hall, lights flickering to life above me and gold trimming formed patterns along the walls and the hard tiled floor became white carpet. For some reason I couldn't help myself and knelt down, running my hand over the carpet. It was soft against her hand, meaning it was actually there. Jumping back to my feet, I continued down the hall, glancing in each room as I passed by.

I felt like I had been wondering for hours, I hadn't though, but in those few minutes I had not been able to shake off this sensation and I turned around but there was no way I could get back out, I couldn't even look back in any of the rooms. The wall had closed in; the hall was no longer there and I felt my stomach curl; what was I getting into? But there was absolutely no way in hell that I would be backing down now.
'Are you too afraid of me?' I yelled, my voice being carried by the long empty halls, 'afraid of a girl you have to play games?'

I carried on, following my gut instincts and turning down long corridors; each time the wall not allowing me to return and my gun becoming heavy in my hands as I kept it constantly braced. Every now and then I could hear something but it was so faint I couldn't even pin point it, was it because it was so quiet in here or was it something else.
I came to a T, only two options left to go and as I stared down each one, they were not very long, ending only a few strides down. I was going to just wait there, wait for them to come to me; I was tired of chasing after him!

'Claire…'
My head flicked to the side; at least now I knew it wasn't in my head.
My breath frosted in front of me and I honestly felt ice grow in my soul, gripping my heart tightly.
As I stared down the corridor, waiting for the voice to speak again but instead of my name or words, the chill behind me became intense and I turned, aiming at whatever was there. There was nothing, of course, and angrily I spun back around but I lost my breath.

'Claire.'
I didn't know what to do for a moment, it sounded and looked like my father, I couldn't pull the trigger, and I felt a sob ready to break from my throat but I swallowed it down, frowning as my finger trembled over the trigger.
'Castiel.' I snarled and as those blue eyes watched me sadly, I felt my rage bubble and I pulled the trigger. The bullet lodged itself in the wall, and I caught a glance of his light brown trench coat vanishing into a room and without a second thought I ran after him, trying desperately to ignore the fact that I was freezing cold, terrified of finally being in the same room as the man who ruined my life.

The room was no larger than Adams lounge room; decorated in almost a palace theme; the gold patterned ceiling and elegant portraits of Saint Michael defeating the devil. If it had have been anyone's home I would have been incredibly uncomfortable, out of place but I knew this was all a damned show; as if the Angels of heaven would meet me in a half run down building.

A large oak table was in the centre of the room but I forgot it was there was I advanced forward; Castiel standing at the other end. I tensed as I lifted my arms again, the gun aimed squarely at his head, even though I knew it wouldn't do anything yet I still didn't pull the trigger, I couldn't. Why lead me here, why now? I guess I was just making mistakes for the fact that once upon a time I had been a daddy's little girl for the man standing before me, his face anyway; I couldn't shoot any part of my father who was left.

'It's good to finally see you.'
I bit my lips together, dropping my arms and trying to keep my anger hidden from my face but it wasn't working and I tried to think of all the things I had planned when I was a child to say to this… thing but it all slipped away from me and all that fear and confusion I had felt that night when he turned his back on me it all came rushing back.
He looked exactly the same, still the same appearance and blue eyes that I remembered, that I hated.

'Likewise.' I snarled. I backed up when he advanced and I felt ridiculous, but I wasn't expecting to be trapped like a mouse in a room with no doors.
Castiel smiled gently, his eyes softening to something that was almost sad as he still got closer. I pressed the gun to his chest, trying to keep him away from me as my heart beat became almost unbearable.
'How did you find us Claire?'

My heart stopped now and I cocked my gun threateningly but Castiel didn't seemed fazed, he seemed even more concerned and I could see it in his eyes.
'A hunter doesn't tell her secrets.'
I pulled the trigger, Castiel stumbling back as I unloaded my clip into his chest. It gave me enough time to turn around, to try and find a way out but something was there, in front of me, I couldn't see it but it was there. I could feel my face trying to figure out if I was about to cry out in fear or rage. Fire; there was fire in the shape of a person and I fell back, sprawled on the floor as I tried to crawl back. My gun spun from my hands and I did my best to unsheathe my blade but Castiel clicked his fingers and it was gone and the figure was still advancing.

What did I get myself into? The guys would kill me if I died, I wouldn't put it past them to find a way to. I had to get out of here, I realised now what so many people had tried to warn me about; vengeance and having a hard head was not a good combination and it would only lead me into trouble. Well here I was, stuck in a cube with beings that didn't understand humans.
But I couldn't give up, I had sacrificed so much to be here, to at least learn why all of this had happened to me, to know that my life hadn't been a complete waste. I snarled and sat myself up, holing my ground as the being stopped moving, the flames ding down ever so slowly and Castiel moved to stand beside it.
'You should not have come here Claire.'

Having seconds thoughts Claire? Why is Castiel worried?
Let me know what you think!

Silver-Kirin
xXx