Note: Sorry in the delay and sorry for the short chapter. With working and the holidays, I haven't been writing much. And the writing I have done has mostly been work on my original fiction short stories, as I would like to have them ready to publish on kindle soon. I have been having trouble writing recently, but luckily it looks like I have my darkness back now.

Anyway this chapter will have a corresponding chapter in Nariel, although both chapters together will not give you the entire conversation between the two as some aspects will be mentioned later on.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 54- Time to think

TA 3019 March 7th

Athriel sat staring into space. She had a lot to think about. Her conversation with Nariel had been unexpected, and strangely helpful. She felt calmer than she had in a long time. There was something comforting about Nariel's presence. And for once the words had penetrated. Her advice combined with everything else she had been told since her return and it was as if everything had clicked into place.

They had talked it all out, all of it, sitting under that tree away from the others after her nightmare. She had talked about the orcs, what they had done, how she felt now, and then Nariel had said something unexpected.

"You have an advantage over them"

Really it hadn't been that unexpected, she had thought it once herself when she had first felt their presence. But now it was a symptom of her disease, a sign of how much she had changed.

"You can feel them, you know how they think, how they move, better than anyone ever will"

Yes, she knew them, she knew them because she was one of them.

"No you're not, not if you don't let it take control"

Control, that was the problem. Every time she lost control she felt something slip inside her, she felt them win.

"If you don't use what you have, how will you ever learn to control it"

She didn't understand, how could she, she didn't have this thing living inside her.

"Don't I? I've lived with my animal side, everyday of my life"

But that was different. Nariel was supposed to be the way she was, she was born that way.

"Maybe you are as well. Did you ever think about that. I doubt anyone one else would have been able to last as long as you did. And yes it changed you, but every battle you've ever fought, and every event you have ever lived has shaped you, changed you in some way."

No, the only way she could beat this was to become Athriel again. Like Lord Elrond had said.

"Yes, but which Athriel. The Athriel you were in your childhood, or before you were taken, or Athriel now. You have to figure out how you can be yourself, with this as a part of you. It's not going to magically disappear. You've got to carry this with you until the end of time, like the scars they gave you. They may fade, but they will always be there."

And that had made sense. Somehow those words had penetrated into her mind far better than any others ever had. But in them she was reminded of another problem.

"It's not going to magically disappear"

If they ever got through this war, what was she going to do. If Sauron was defeated and the ring destroyed, and everything they hoped for came true. What then? Elladan and Elrohir would expect her to become normal again. They would expect her to go back to the way she had been before. They would expect the darkness to leave her completely, to leave a smiling happy Athriel were she once stood. But that wasn't going to happen. As she relived the conversation with Nariel, she sat watching them.

"They will have to learn that as well"

Yes they would. They would have to learn alongside her who Athriel was now. Not the Athriel from their childhood, or Athriel before she left, but Athriel now. The Athriel who had lived through the torture and the pain, The Athriel who had come back home after being lost, they would all have to learn who she was.