Words I Couldn't Say

By: Arnold's Love

Chapter Three: "Helga, à la Carte"

(Arnold's Point of View)

"Stop laughing," I exclaimed. "You have to finish it!"

Sandy giggled, trying to complete the telling of her joke. "And out from behind the pile of dirt—" she erupted into a fit of giggles, tears of mirth rolling down her cheeks. Gasping for breath, she said, "wait, I can't." She was laughing uncontrollably now and couldn't even breathe.

I couldn't help but laugh with her, she was hilarious. "This joke better be good after I've waited this long."

"Okay, okay," she gasped, then took two huge breaths and slowly let them out. "Okay, I can finish now…and out from behind the pile of dirt jumps the Chinese man, and says—" before she could finish she was laughing once more.

"Sandy! You have to finish! I am dying of suspense here!" I cried, chuckling to myself.

"Okay." She sat and breathed for a moment slowly. Then finally, "Out from behind the pile of dirt jumps the Chinese man and says, 'supplies!'" She erupted once more into giggles.

I laughed along with her, although it was because she was much more entertaining than her silly joke. Honestly I could hardly follow it through all the laughter.

Suddenly mid-giggle, she stopped and said, "Oh, and guess what happened while you were in the bathroom!"

I couldn't help but laugh. She was so adorable going from one silly story to the next. "I have no idea."

"I met a new girl who'll be going to school with us. She's over there," she said pointing across the room.

I turned to look and saw the back of her head. She wore pink and had blond wavy hair—blond hair that looked so strangely familiar. "What's her name?" I asked turning back to Sandy. I felt confused as to why I would recognize blond hair. Everyone was blond these days and they all looked the same…and yet…

"Her name? Oh, let me think…I'm so bad with names," her little, freckled nose wrinkled slightly as she tried to think. "Oh! That's right it's—"

"Hey, you two! I am going to be your waitress tonight," said the smiling young woman. "My name's Melissa, what can I get you to drink tonight?"

"I'll have water, no lemon, please," Sandy said. "Arnold?"

"Oh, uh…Yahoo soda," I said, still distracted.

"One Yahoo soda and one water—no lemon! Coming right up," she said as she walked away.

"Arnold, thank you so much for taking me to dinner tonight!" she smiled at me getting that dreamy look in her eye. "I love spending time with you."

I leaned forward and took her hand. "Me too." Now would be a great time, Arnold! Tell her how you feel…but what if she turns you down, or tells you how she only likes you as a friend and nothing else.

She stared dreamily into my eyes. "Spending time with you is my favorite thing in the world."

Come on, Arnold… "You know, Sandy," I began, squeezing her hand slightly.

Her smile deepened and she almost looked…what? Nervous? Expectant?

Okay, here goes… "There's something I've been meaning to tell you…for a long time actually…"

She leaned forward and stared into my eyes, the green of her eyes deepening suddenly, her dark lashes closing gently for a moment and then flickering open once more. "Yes?" she asked, her eyes widening.

I looked into those big green eyes—green eyes that held so much—kindness, innocence, beauty…love. Wait…love?

CRASH!

I jumped suddenly as I heard the crash behind me and we turned to look. A waiter stood with food all down his nice, white button-shirt and stared down at the blond girl who was now sitting haphazardly on the floor covered in lasagna. Her shirt was now a juicy red and her hair decorated with sauce and noodles. Her face flushed deep crimson and she was yelling something at the waiter. Then suddenly she looked over at me, our eyes meeting for just a second. I stared at her and could feel something tugging at my memory. It was right there and yet…She gasped and jumped up bolting out of the dining area.

"Oh, my!" Sandy was whispering, "how awful! I feel so bad for her."

But I wasn't listening. Who is she? She looks so familiar, there's no way I know her though. How could I? I've never seen her around school. I felt a hand on top of my hand.

"What were you going to say, Arnold?" Sandy asked quietly, looking back at me eagerly.

"Huh? Oh, I don't remember," I told her still staring behind me. I turned back around just as our waitress came back with our drinks.

"Ready to order?" she asked taking out her notepad.

"Are we ready, Arnold?" Sandy was frowning at me, a slightly frustrated expression on her face.

"Oh, um sure…go ahead," I told her, shaking my head and trying to get my thoughts back to the present.

"Chicken Alfredo, please," Sandy said handing Melissa her menu. "Thanks."

Frantically I tried to decide what to order…all I could think about was the familiar blond girl with the lasagna all over her shirt.

"Lasagna."

"Okay, soup or salad?" she asked looking at me.

My mind felt completely blank and I stared awkwardly.

"We'd like salad, please," Sandy stated, glaring at me slightly.

"Okay, salad and then chicken alfredo and lasagna coming right up."

I looked up to Sandy as the waitress walked away. She was frowning at me with her arms crossed across her chest. She had always been too good at reading me and she knew I was just a little distracted at the moment.

"I'm sorry," I apologized lamely. "What were you saying?"

She shook her head at me. "Nothing," she said staring out the window.

"Look, I'm sorry. That scene was just distracting," I shrugged. Who is she?

She mumbled something under her breath as her eyes slanted into a glare.

"What?" I asked.

Sandy was really sweet, but she had quite the temper, and the slightest and most random thing could sometimes set her off. She'd clam up, or what little she'd say would come from tight angry lips.

"I said," she said with irritation as she leaned forward and pointed at me accusingly, "more like the pretty blond was distracting. I can tell when you aren't listening to me Arnold-" a loud snort from the man behind her interrupted her continuation of my full name. "I'm not going to waste my time repeating myself a million times just because you are too inconsiderate to listen."

Boy, she looked mad! "No, it wasn't that. I'm sorry…she just looked really familiar, and I was trying to figure out why."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes with a huff.

"No really, I'm sorry, you have my full attention now," I said pleading with my eyes.

"Fine, whatever. Talk."

(Helga's Point of View)

I stood in the bathroom staring at my ruined shirt. Dolt! What were you doing, you lame-brain? I couldn't believe the scene that has just taken place. I had been trying to casually get a better view of Arnold when that stupid, numbskull of a waiter had come by with a tray full of food. Angrily I wiped at the stain. Arnold probably still hates your guts, Helga, if he even does recognizes you! And why do you even care?! Stupid, stupid!

I sighed as I remembered the way he had been holding Sandy's hand staring into her dreamy eyes looking completely…pathetic! Absolutely pathetic! How I hate him for that. And yet, how I wish—even now after how hard I've tried to forget him—that he would look at me that way! Stare at me with those heavenly emerald eyes with only desire to look at me…and no one else.

I sighed. Crap! It was all coming back, full force. All the feelings, desires, obsession-the poetry.

"Helga? Is everything okay?" a voice asked from behind me.

I looked up into the mirror to see Sandy standing behind me.

"What happened?" Her eyes showed sincere concern.

I tried to regain my composure and said, "oh, nothing really." I laughed nervously. "I was just trying to…uh…get up to go to the bathroom…and that dumb waiter ran right into me with a plate of lasagna. Helga, à la carte" I rolled my eyes, annoyed, but tried to fake a laugh..

"Oh, well, you're a mess," she teased as she looked at my shirt, shaking her head. "But tell you what. I know the most amazing secret to removing pretty much any stain! I can tell you about it tomorrow at school—since we do have class together."

I smiled. She was so sweet and thoughtful, how could I ever want to mess up her chance with Arnold? "That sounds great. But I should get back to my mom. See you." I left the room and walked back to my seat staring at Arnold's back as I did. His shoulders were hunched over and I wondered why. What had happened since I went to the bathroom? Before my clumsy collision with the waiter he had looked extremely happy…and dare I say it?—in love. And now that I thought about it, Sandy had looked a little less cheerful then before, probably for the same reason.

"Helga," my mom said, her voice sounded utterly disappointed. "What are you thinking?"

I shrugged. "I'm sorry. It was just the initial shock of seeing him here, that's all."

She looked at me with suspicion as I watched Sandy walk over to Arnold. He suddenly looked extremely nervous. I tried to focus on my mom and act nonchalant.

"No really, mom. Don't worry about it. I won't to anything stupid." At least I hope not, I thought to myself.

"Okay, Helga, I truly hope so. You need to let him live his life and you need to live yours. It's in the past and your new friend seems to really like him. Don't mess up her chances because you messed up your own." She frowned at me. "Okay?"

I nodded as the waiter brought us our food. How true and yet how terrible!

(Arnold's Point of View)

The night was a total disaster. Although Sandy regained most of her usual spunk, something was missing, and she still seemed irritated with me. And to tell you the truth, she probably should have been. I tried hard to give her my full attention, but failed. I spent most of the time trying to figure out why I felt like I knew the blond girl—sneaking peeks at her whenever I could. Her wavy blond hair…the little pink bow tied to it…who was she? I had to remember! I knew it would be a bad idea to try and ask Sandy her name again, so I avoided it. I'll just have to figure it out myself.

"I'm ready to go, Arnold," Sandy stated flatly as the waitress brought back my receipt and finished filling our take-home carriers.

"Okay," I said picking up the food. She looked so completely mad and almost devastated.

As we walked by the blonde's table, I didn't dare look. I had already completely ruined my chance to tell Sandy how I felt and I knew she was watching me. I had wanted everything to be so perfect and go so well, but it had turned into a disaster. Sandy walked on ahead as I followed her out the door to the car. When I got outside she was leaning against the car making a little sniffling noise. When I got closer I saw a tear trickle down her face from her big green eyes. She blinked as looked up when she realized I had reached the car.

"Can you unlock it, please," she said quietly, sniffing slightly, and wiping at her cheek.

"Are you okay?" I asked, knowing full well she probably wasn't if she was crying. "I really am sorry."

She didn't answer and instead turned away, her shoulders shaking slightly.

"I am so sorry. It's just that, well, I thought I recognized her is all. It had nothing to do with me checking her out or any such thing." I turned her to face me. She looked beautiful even with tears streaming down her face. "I was just trying to remember, okay? That's all." I put a soft hand on her shoulder.

She sniffed and looked up at me—her eyes glittering with moisture. "Okay, Arnold. If you say that's all it was, then I believe you."

I searched her eyes and saw the trust there. Now I really had to forget about the blond. Why had all this made her so upset anyhow? I'd talked about girls with her before and it never bothered her, but for some reason she was very upset by this all.

I stared down at her and my attention was suddenly drawn to her mouth. Her lips were strawberry pink and very moist. How I wished I had the guts just to lean down and kiss her!

I opened the door for her and she sat down. Once I was inside as well I started the engine and Sandy popped in a CD and I looked at her questioningly when I didn't recognize it.

"It's my sad music," was all she said and she turned and looked out the window.

(Helga's Point of View)

I watched as they drove away. They had looked so sweet talking softly next to the car. Actually I felt quite annoyed at myself too. How long had I tried to get over Arnold, and for the most part succeeded and yet it was this easy to fall head over hills for him again and back into all my bad habits. Crimeny!

"Helga, what are you doing out here?" my mom asked from behind me. I had told her I was going to the bathroom, and apparently I had taken too long. "Spying on your new friend! What in the world has come over you?" she gasped, clearly disappointed in me.

"Mom, I don't know," I whispered. "I think…I think I still have feelings for him."

"Helga, you cannot still love him. You don't even know him anymore. It's been five years! He could be completely different!" She looked at me trying to read my thoughts. Finally she shook her head. "Let's go okay?"

I didn't respond, and instead walked to the car, kicking at the pavement as I did so.

Once we were in the car and on our way home she started, "Helga, you have to let this go. And I suggest not talking to him tomorrow…you need to put yourself as far away from him as possible. This isn't healthy." She sounded so disappointed.

"Mom, as much as I know everything you have been telling me is true, and right, and exactly what I need to do, it's not that easy," I cried. "Criminey! I just don't know how to fix it…how to stop feeling…like this. I thought I was over him," I whispered softly. "Honestly, I did."

She looked at me once more as we came to a stop light. "You need to avoid him. I cannot let you mess up that sweet girl's chance because you acted so irrationally as a child." She smiled weakly at me. "I love you and I know that the best thing for you is to move on. You can't live in misery all your life over an obsession. You understand me, don't you?"

I nodded. She was right. This whole situation, all my feelings for Arnold were killing me. I was feeling so extremely sick at that point that I wanted to just fall asleep and hide. She was right I had to let him go. I had to move on. I had to find someone else. I had to grow up. I had to do all those things, but I knew it was going to be hard…if not impossible. Especially now that he lived in the same town and not miles away like before.

We had reached our house about then and Mom smiled down at me lovingly. "I am so sorry you have to go through this," she hugged me tightly. "What we put you through as a child. It was so terribly wrong," she whispered, as tears rolled down her face. "I should have been there to help you with your problems long before now. Maybe if I had been...well, maybe you wouldn't be so obsessed."

"It's okay, Mom. Let's go inside," I said, avoiding the subject and opening the door.

"Miriam? Helga? Is that you?" I heard my dad holler from the living room. I could hear the TV blaring. Some things never change.

"Sure is, Dad," I said setting down all the shopping bags.

"Baby Sister!"

I looked up to see my sister Olga beaming down at me

"Olga! What are you doing here?" I exclaimed as she hugged me tightly.

"We wanted to come for a surprise trip! I hope that's all right?"

"Alright?" I cried. "It's wonderful!"

"Olga, dear," my mom said as she hugged her eldest daughter. "If we had known we would have had you come with us to shop for new school clothes."

"Oh, it's fine, Mommy," she smiled. "Clay and I just barely got in a little bit ago."

I remembered Clay at that point and smiled at him. "Hey, big bro!"

"Hey, little sis," he said giving me a big bear hug. "Olga and I have missed our favorite sister."

"Right," I said slugging him playfully in the shoulder. "Only because I am your only sister!"

Olga had been married to Clay for about a year by that time. She'd met him while studying Arabic in Egypt. He was from southern Washington and had been doing exactly the same thing as Olga. They had met in one of their classes, and of course it was love at first sight. They dated only a year and were married in the Egyptian desert. It was all very romantic and theatrical. It would have to be for Olga.

"Oh, dear baby sister! I want to see your new clothes! Let's go up to your room and have a fashion show and you can tell me all about how excited you are for school! And I can play with your hair and decide how you should wear it tomorrow!" Olga clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Oh, Olga, I'd really rather poke both my eyes out with a stick," I said in a joking voiced, even though I was dead serious. "A sharp stick with thorns and briars."

"Oh, baby sister, you are such a silly-willy! Come on!" Olga grabbed my arm then and began pulling me along behind her.

Posted: November 2007

Updated: March 2016

-Arnold's Love