Words I Couldn't Say

Chapter Seven: "Repercussions"

(Helga's Point of View)

"He'll be fine Helga," the nurse said, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Besides it was an accident. You didn't purposely hit him in the nose with your locker door, now did you?" she laughed teasingly, but I cringed.

Hadn't I done something similar on purpose in the past…of course that weirdo Brainy did have the strange habit of always sneaking up behind me and breathing with that creepy, gasping noise…almost like a deranged Darth Vader. And I'd certainly smashed a locker door in his face, hadn't I? Brutal.

Taking me back to the present Cory Jackson added his own comforting words. "Yes, Helga, I'm totally fine and completely healthy. It was just a little nose bleed. Don't you worry your gorgeous little head one more minute." Cory smiled at me revealing unbelievably white teeth. He was very handsome, I couldn't deny that—handsome in a different way than Arnold, however. He was very, very tall—probably 6'3" at least—with light blonde hair and deep blue eyes. His skin had a healthy glow about it and he was built to kill! After being with him in the nurse's office I had also discovered he had quite the charismatic personality.

"Now, would the beautiful lady who rescued me allow me to repay her by escorting her back to class?" he grinned and gave a slight bow.

The nurse gave a little giggle at his comment as she quietly put her things back into a drawer.

"Nurse, are you sure he doesn't have a head injury?" I joked, a little unbelieving of the dramatic scene. Who even acts like this?

"Please, Helga?" he asked. He smiled and stood up offering me his arm. Seriously? Did I just walk into a Jane Austen play or something and not realize it?

I was still very upset from the incident with Arnold and the fact that this young man offering to walk me to class was even in the nurse's office because of me. This, however, looked to be a good distraction from any worries or guilt I was feeling so I took his arm. "O-okay," I replied rather reluctantly.

He began leading me down the hall as he smiled down at me. "Well, Helga, I've never seen you before, and trust me, if I had, I would definitely remember!" He winked and I felt a small blush creep into my cheeks.

"Well, I've lived here since kindergarten," I lied, matter-of-factly. "So explain that one, buster."

He looked slightly shocked. "Well, than you must have been hiding!" he finally stated.

"Nope, I usually keep to the open plains. No dark caves for me." I gave him my cheesiest smile.

"Well, than I guess I should apologize for being too stuck in my own world to notice such an amazing girl like you." He smiled once more and adjusted his backpack. "So, Helga Pataki, what kind of things do you like to do?"

"Oh, I like to write, I do a little dance on the side, and I love softball," I smiled, knowing exactly what he'd as next.

"Softball, eh? So I've seen you on the school's team then!" he stated.

"Nope," I laughed. "Never played on the school's team. Never tried out," I added, still hoping to stump him.

"Oh, well, you should! I play on the school baseball team! Maybe we could get together and play sometime." He gave my arm a little squeeze then. "Or maybe…we could do something else…" He smiled, the tan of his skin enhancing the white of his perfect teeth.

I was completely taken back. I had just met the guy and he was already fishing around for a date! And he had a strange way of constantly smiling that was almost getting on my nerves. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to think about this guy, but I was definitely getting a vibe from him that I really wasn't fond of.

"Okay, buddy, slow down a minute. I don't usually go out with a guy when I've only known him for…" I looked down at my watch. "For half an hour. Plus, you are over here trying to win me over with your charm and you claim you would have remembered seeing me if you had, but I've been here for my entire life. And you don't recognize me. That's all a little fishy." I tried to contain my laughter as he made an awkward face before answering.

"Oh, I meant after we've gotten to know each other a little more," he back-paddled, nervously. "Maybe we could start with lunch with a bunch of friends, or a game with some friends—"

"Well, this is my class, Cory. I better go so I can catch up. It was nice meeting you!" and with that I was through the door and in my seat, leaving a confused boy standing outside the window staring in at me.

Once I was in the class, and Cory had left and was no longer staring through the door's window like a creepy jaguar waiting to pounce, my mind went back to the previous incident with Arnold. I couldn't believe he had said those things! I had never heard Arnold be quite so cruel. Sure in the past he had gotten irritated with me and said mean things, but never had they been quite so harsh and so hateful. I was flabbergasted and deeply hurt. Hadn't I changed? Didn't I deserve a chance? Didn't everyone, no matter what they had done, deserve a second chance? Wasn't that what forgiveness was all about? Arnold had always been the first to forgive and reach out a hand of friendship to me, or to anyone else for that matter.

But maybe I had taken advantage of that for too long. Maybe he figured if I hadn't changed all those many time before—or even tried—then maybe I was a lost cause. Maybe he'd given up on me. Maybe while he'd been away he had stewed. Stewed over the mean things I'd said and done. Maybe that last night had been the final straw.

What else could be the reason for this change in Arnold? He was definitely not the Arnold I remembered. I guess we'd both changed. The years we'd been apart had been long and hard for me, I knew. Probably hard for him as well. Unlike me, he had many, many friends in Hillwood. How hard would it be to leave all the friends you'd had your entire life and go to a new town and a new school? Maybe for the first part of living here hadn't been so great. Maybe things had happened to make him so angry. But I didn't think he was an angry person. The few times I'd seen him since I moved here, he'd seemed happy, alive and still optimistic. But then maybe, he was that way for people who he felt deserved it. Like Sandy. I was certain Sandy had never said or done cruel things to him in the past. I didn't think she was capable.

So maybe it was me who needed to take the next step to mend the situation. Maybe I needed to seek him out and give him heartfelt apologies for all the cruel things I had done and said. Maybe then I could break through the wall that seemed to be between us since we were kids. I could make him understand, I was sure. Make him see that I was different. Maybe make him understand that I was sorry, that I had changed. That Helga G. Pataki was not the bully she once was. That I deserved one more chance and his forgiveness.

(Arnold's Point of View)

"Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.

Imagine me
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.

Recall those days,
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do -
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you!

"

The last high note rang out clearly and I was taken aback for a moment. I didn't even know someone Sandy's age could sing so beautiful, so perfectly clear! It was stunning! Every time I heard her it surprised and shocked me.

"Sandy, that was perfect!" I exclaimed, clapping. "There's no way you won't get the part of Christine."

She shook her head sadly. "Not necessarily. You know how nervous I get auditioning! I always make a bunch of terrible mistakes and hit a million bad notes!" She stared glumly at the sheet music. "Plus, that last part is so freakin' hard!"

I shrugged. "Whether or not that's the case, Mrs. Stahlberg knows you and she's seen you perform in Show Choir so she knows what you can do. I wouldn't worry too much."

"Well, that's all optimistic and nice, Arnold, but there are lots of equally talented girls in our class." She sighed, gently sitting down in one of the practice room's chairs. "There's Jessica Hopper, Madeline Green…" she said counting each one on her fingers. "And Kristi is a favorite of Mrs. Stahlberg, though she can't even sing as good as a dog. So, really it is going to be quite the battle. A battle of favoritism and politics, not of talent." She sighed angrily and leaned back in her chair. "Stupid Kristi—dang suck up—snotty faced priss," she mumbled.

"Whatever you say, Sandy," I interrupted, turning back to the piano. Just as I was about to begin playing however there was a knock on the door.

Sandy opened it with a little gasp. "Helga?"

Helga Pataki stepped nervously into the room again. She fumbled with the strings on her sweatshirt nervously as she looked at Sandy and then in my direction, but more at the wall than me. "Arnold, I…I…um…well, you see…I…I wanted—"

I watched her struggling painfully. I felt so terrible about all the things I had said. How could I treat someone so badly? I felt ashamed as I looked at her down-trodden expression. How could I have treated her so harshly.

"Helga, I'm sorry," I interrupted, giving her a comforting smile. "I shouldn't have said those things. And I honestly didn't mean them. I just…I just…well, actually I don't know what got into me. I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings. I would never want to do that."

She looked up then, meeting my eyes finally. "Well, actually I came to apologize." She quietly took the seat next to me, her eyes pleading with mine. "I am so sorry for the way I treated you back in elementary and middle school. You were the one nice person to me and I just treated you worse than anyone else. I've always felt so guilty about that. And when I saw you at school, well, it was just easy to fall into the same habit, I guess. I don't know." She gave a big sigh and stared down at the floor. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I probably deserve everything you said to me at lunch, but I want you to know that I am honestly sorry for everything." She looked up at me, her fists clenched nervously in her lap. "For real."

I stared at her sad, blue eyes. "Helga, it's okay. I know things were hard for you back then, and I suppose I could see why you were the way you were. I should have been more understanding—"

"More understanding?" she exclaimed. "More understanding? You were the most understanding and kind person I knew! How could you have been more understanding? I can see why you were angry with me at lunch. I don't blame you one bit."

I shook my head. "Well, that's very sweet, Helga, but I still didn't have reason to be so cruel. I hope you know that you are a wonderful person. I know that. Sandy knows that," I told her and Sandy nodded vigorously when Helga looked to her. "I can see now you have changed." I paused thoughtfully. "Well, I don't think changed is the right word. More like matured. I always knew there was someone kind and thoughtful inside you, hiding behind that mask of hate and anger. And now, I'm starting to see that that's who you are now. I'd like to be friends again." I leaned over and hugged her. She seemed to freeze for a moment and then hugged me in return.

Helga turned to look at Sandy then. "Sorry, to interrupt, Sandy, I just had to apologize."

Sandy let go of the strand of hair she was twisting around her finger and smiled happily. "I don't mind. It gave me a moment to rest." She grinned at Helga. "I'm so glad we got that worked out! I would have been so upset if I had to be friends with you two separately…if that makes any sense," she giggled at herself. "I'm glad you guys are friends again. Would you like to join us, Helga? You can help critique me!"

"Oh, well, I don't know much about singing or acting, but I'd love to hear you sing!" Helga smiled genuinely and I was so stunned to see the honesty in it I almost forgot how to play the song.

(Helga's Point of View)

"When I won't think of you!"

I stared at her. Could she be real? Could any person possess physical beauty, poise, humility, and the most amazing voice I'd ever heard? It couldn't be humanly possible. But here I was staring at the very embodiment of it all. I shook my head slightly. Crimeny!

"Oh, Helga! Was it that bad?" Sandy exclaimed drearily, her face completely sunken as she slumped down onto the piano bench next to Arnold.

"Oh, no! It was absolutely amazing!" I reassured her.

"She won't believe you," Arnold grinned, still staring at Sandy. "She only sees flaws." His eyes kind of started to glaze over annoyingly as he looked at her. I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Because there are so stinkin' many, you goose!" Sandy exclaimed dramatically. "Whether or not you tell me the truth, I know they are there." She looked down at the music and started humming and conducting rhythms with her hand.

"Whatever you say, Sandy," Arnold said quietly, a smitten look still all over her face. How these two didn't se that the other one was completely in love with each other I'd never know.

Sandy stopped humming and rolled her eyes. "You say that whenever you don't want to talk about things anymore. It's totally irritating!" She joked.

"Yah, I remember you saying that when we were kids," I added, with a chuckle. "I always knew you didn't believe me when you said it."

Sandy laughed and I joined her as Arnold just shook his head.

"Well, what do you expect me to do? I'm not gonna keep pushing an issue when I know you will keep disagreeing with me," he laughed along with us. "Better to let stubborn people keep being stubborn then try to change their minds."

Sandy laughed once more. Then with a big grin she waved her hand and said, "Whatever you say, Arnold."

She and I burst into giggles and Arnold groaned. It wasn't even that funny but suddenly she was draped over a chair gasping for breath between giggles. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen so I started laughing too, and then Arnold couldn't help but join in and before we knew it we were all laughing uncontrollably. Pretty soon there was a loudly obnoxious knock at the door.

"Come in," Sandy called between giggles in a mock-British accent.

A tan, dirty-blond haired girl dressed in sweats came in. "Could you guys please be quiet? I'm trying to practice," she said in an annoyed tone.

"Really, Kristi?" Sandy asked. "I thought you were too good for practice."

Kristi gave her a deathly glare. "I have to. It makes you look more like competition. That way when I get the part everyone will be even more impressed." With that she marched out the door.

"As if," Sandy stated. "Wanna know what she sounds like, Helga?" Sandy asked with a mischievous grin. "I'll show you. Arnold, play," she pointed a dainty finger in his direction.

He began playing and before I knew what had happened I heard the most terrible noise. It was Sandy, but it sounded like a dying cow…or something much worse. She didn't get past more than a few phrases before she was laughing too hard to continue and loud banging sounded against the wall from the other practice room.

"No joke, that is exactly how she sounds. Right, Arnold?" she stated, once she had stopped laughing.

He looked a little put on the spot and said, "well, maybe not that bad…"

And she and I were both giggling again. Goody-two-shoes Arnold always trying to be so kind, I thought.

Finally taking a deep, calming breath Sandy said, "Well, I need a drink and then one more time through the song and we can go home, okay?"

Arnold and I nodded and she skipped out the door. Nervously I looked over at Arnold as he began playing some jazzy tune on the piano. I was all alone with Arnold, for the first time in so many years! I had to make use of the short time I had.

"Arnold, thank you."

He stopped playing and turned to stare at me with a raised eyebrow. "For what?"

"For forgiving me," I said quietly.

"Everyone deserves a second change, Helga. I'm sorry I forgot that." He smiled whole-heartedly at me. "Everyone."

Posted: July 2008

Updated: March 2016